A Different Choice
by Alkeni
Summary: For fifteen years, Grant Ward's life has been John Garrett - the man he owes everything to. Just as he is about to free John from Hand's custody, Ward realizes something: whatever he owes John, he doesn't owe him Skye. Ward failed Skye once, when Quinn shot her on John's orders. Never again. There's one thing he's ever wanted for himself: Skye. For her, he makes a different choice.
1. The One Thing He Wanted

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't own any part of the extended Marvel Cinematic Universe. I'm honestly not sure who owns what when it comes to the complicated issues of copyright for various aspects of a comic books and comic-based media. Whoever it is that owns the copyrights to the various aspects of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Presumably Marvel, among other groups and People, including apparently Disney) and the extended MCU owns them. I don't.

 **Author's Note:** I am not what one would call an expert on Marvel. Indeed, I haven't read a single Marvel comic – however, I have done some reading on the Marvel Universe, and I am pretty familiar with the extended MCU. If I get something about the MCU wrong, feel free to correct me in a review or message. If I get something about the Marvel Universe (i.e. material not from the MCU) wrong, feel free to point it out to me, but I reserve the right to ignore non-MCU material.

Thanks to Energy Being for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 1: The One Thing He Wanted

 **S.H.I.E.L.D. Jump Jet En Route to the Fridge**

 **The Day That S.H.I.E.L.D. Fell**

S.H.I.E.L.D. had fallen.

The Hub had been retaken, the Insight Carriers had been destroyed and Alexander Pierce was dead. But he'd taken S.H.I.E.L.D with him. Captain America and Agent Romanov had seen to that when they'd dumped all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files onto the internet. An organization built on secrets, compartmentalization of information and keeping information from the public simply couldn't survive a blow like that. Especially when they missed a secret as massive as Hydra infiltrating them for seventy years.

Of course...Ward had been expecting the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. for...a long time. He hadn't expected to happen when it did, but he'd known it was coming. _And when Nick Fury picked up on what was going on, Hydra decided to overplay its hand_. And so, the other thing he'd been expecting hadn't happened. Because Hydra had failed.

Even if he hadn't known for a fact that Hydra was still out there, if he actually was the loyal S.H.I.E.L.D. agent he'd long pretended to be, Ward still wouldn't have been naive enough to think that Hydra's failed bid to 'come out of the shadows' and take over the entire world was the end of the organization's threat.

But Ward did know for a fact that Hydra wasn't dead. He knew that Hydra had assets outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. as well as inside them. It was still a going concern, and Ward knew the names of other leaders that would be stepping up to take over from Pierce and Sitwell and the rest who were dead or captured had been. Whitehall. Strucker. List. Those were the big names that Ward knew, even if he'd never met any of them. And there were others. _The Hydra motto didn't come from nowhere_. There were more heads ready to grow.

Hydra was still active.

And John, with his need for the dramatic, had decided to blow his cover when he hadn't needed to. Coulson had told him just how he'd realized John was the Clairvoyant. It was a deliberate move – John had made yet another of a line of questionable decisions.

Ward hadn't always found those decisions questionable – he'd only, in hindsight, begun to see them as questionable in the last half-year working with Coulson and his team on the Bus.

 _Like ordering Quinn to shoot Skye._ Even now, Ward's blood boiled and he felt a pain as though he'd been shot, not her, at that thought, at the memory of Skye laying there, bleeding out...and John's smug, glib explanations...and what hurt Ward even more was how he'd just stood there and taken them.

He'd failed Skye then.

And he was going to again. He was going to have to. Which was why Garrett was showing no signs of worry, as if he knew he was going to get out of this. Because he knew Ward would save him.

Ward owed John. After all that John had done for him...he couldn't just let John rot in the Fridge. He couldn't just let him die...

Ward closed his eyes and the image of Skye's face floated unbidden to the front of his mind. Of Skye dying...dying because of what John Garrett had ordered...

 _Skye._

He hadn't wanted it. Hadn't expected it. But somehow, someway...Sky had gotten to him. Gotten him to care. She'd been...color. Color in an otherwise dull and gray existence.

Over the last fifteen years, Ward had found that there were only two types of people. Those that wanted to use him – for their own twisted amusement or simply for a mission. Almost everyone fell into that category. And then there was John. The man who had built him up, who had saved his life more than a dozen times ways in more than a dozen ways.

For the last fifteen years only one thing had mattered to Ward, above even his own survival, Paying John back... for the debt he owed, for saving him, for putting him back together. Giving him purpose. And when John's cybernetic implants had started failing, when every other option had been exhausted, Ward had done what he needed to do for John and taken the position on Coulson's team. He'd given Coulson a project, someone to fix, and then manipulated everyone around him into trusting him. All to find out how Coulson had survived, how he'd come back to life.

He'd taken it as just a mission – he'd done countless missions, for Hydra and for S.H.I.E.L.D. His loyalty had never been to either. Just to John. Only to John.

And then, suddenly, there had been Skye. Just some little hacker that Coulson had picked up, another stray on a plane full of them, who shouldn't have meant anything to him… but now, what he was ready to turn his back on the only man who'd ever really cared about him. For her. All for her.

In just a few minutes now, there was something he was going to have to do. And when he did it...when Skye found out that he had done it, that he had lied to her, lied to everyone...betrayed them...betrayed _her_...she'd never forgive him. He'd lose her completely, as much as part of him entertained the fantasy he could convince her. Somehow.

Hydra was everything Skye hated. Yes, she'd hacked S.H.I.E.L.D. fought against while a member of the Rising Tide. But though S.H.I.E.L.D. had been built upon a foundation of secrets, it's purpose was protection. To save lives, simply put. Skye had grown to understand that, respect that...

Hydra though...Hydra was built on lies and betrayal for the purpose of control. A group of murderers. Evil.

Skye...Skye was the one thing in his life he'd ever wanted for himself, the one thing that made him feel like he wasn't just a rotating series of masks. And now he was going to destroy any chance of having it – any chance of her returning his feelings for the man he owed everything to. And even...

Even if Ward could have brought himself to abandon John...a choice that tempted him...even though he knew he couldn't do it, John would punish him. He'd reveal everything Ward had done for him – for Hydra. And that would damn him in Skye's eyes just as much as if he sided with John. Never mind that Ward's loyalty hadn't been to Hydra...he'd still end up dead, or in the Fridge right alongside John. What he'd done wouldn't be forgiven by S.H.I.E.L.D. And he couldn't say he regretted what he'd done. Not really. Not even now.

The only thing that he regretted was the fact that it forced his hand. He had to free John Garrett, if only because that was the only thing that would give him just a little more time as the wonderfully… good S.H.I.E.L.D agent that Skye saw him as.

He had to break cover and betray the team. Betray _Skye_ in such a way that he'd never be able to come back from it.

Agent Jacobson walked out of the cockpit and nodded to Agent Hand. "Course is locked ma'am."

The clock was ticking now.

"Good." Hand replied confidently. She looked at John Garrett, then to Ward. "He's not telling stories now, is he?" _No. Something to be grateful for._ One got tired of John Garrett's stories quickly. Ward was no exception. He said nothing, only half-listening to Hand talk, focusing on what he'd have to do soon. Hand turned her gaze back to John. "You know what I'm thinking, Agent Garrett?" Hand proceeded to answer her own question. "I'm thinking the Icebox of the Fridge is a little too comfortable for you." _Where is this going?_ Ward didn't visibly react, but Hand's words were sending his mind racing. "Maybe we should put you a little deeper underground." John finally turned to look at Hand, but his expression didn't change. Hand turned back to him. "What do you think, Agent Ward? You shot the wrong Clairvoyant before. Care to shoot the right one?"

Ward knew it was exactly the opening he needed to take. The opening John would expect him to take. But...he could barely believe the suggestion was coming from Victoria Hand. Straightlaced, by-the-book Hand. Then again, she had ordered her men to shoot up the Bus, without any attempt to find proof that Coulson was Hydra – her entire case had been speculation and suspicion. She had a ruthless streak – but this...

He really hadn't expected this.

Ward didn't need to make a show of thinking it over...because he was. He knew that this was the kind of window of opportunity John was expecting him to take. But a part of him screamed in Skye's voice for him to kill John now. To get rid of the Damocles Sword over his head. If he killed John now...he wouldn't have to betray Skye...wouldn't have to throw the one thing he'd wanted for himself away.

He couldn't let John free...because then John would come for Skye. Skye had been given the G.H. 325 serum that John wanted. That John _needed_. Ward couldn't let that happen.

He didn't owe John that much, the part of him that wanted him to kill John. He didn't owe him Skye.

Ward stood up, drew his gun, switched off the safety and met John's eyes. He saw the expectant glint in them – for a moment, he wondered if the others noticed it, but no. He only saw it because he knew John as well as he did...

If Ward had been a different man, his hand might have shook as he raised the gun, pointing it at John, as if about to shoot him. He had to do his job. He had to save John. He had to help him survive. He had to repay him.

Ward stood there, the gun still aimed at John, but he didn't move. He didn't pull the trigger. Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen seconds. Twenty seconds.

Apparently, twenty seconds was too long for both Agent Hand and John. But John spoke first.

"Come on son. We both know you're not going to pull that trigger. I know where your loyalties-" Before he could say anything else – before he could out him – Ward hit John across the face with the butt of his pistol.

 _I can't do this. I need more time._

Ward had always prided himself on his ability to make decisions – even 'hard' ones – quickly and effectively. He'd needed that skill working in the field as a specialist. But now he couldn't decide. He was torn between impossible choices, and it was John's fault. John had blown his own cover and forced Ward into this position.

"Agent Ward!" Hand was terse. "I suggested shooting the real Clairvoyant, not beating him. Either kill him or lower your weapon and sit back down."

"No." Ward replied, a decision forming in his mind as the image of Skye in that medical pod bleeding... _ **dying**_ came to the fore of his mind again. Ward wasn't going to fail Skye again...not...

Not completely. But, even now he couldn't kill John. He couldn't shoot him.

John started to smirk just as touch, thinking he knew what was coming, but his expression began to change has Ward continued to talk.

Ward's words came fast. He had to get them out now. Before it was too late. Before John said anything. Before he changed his mind.

"I agree he should die." Ward told Hand. "To pay for hurting," _Skye_ , "all the people he's hurt. All the deaths. But a bullet is too easy. Too clean." Ward lowered his gun and holstered it. He owed John too much – but he refused to throw away Skye. Throw away any chance he might have of Skye ever returning his feelings. Feelings he hadn't meant to develop, but that he had.

"You're gonna do this. You're really gonna do this?" John sounded utterly unconvinced. "After all I've done for you, you're gonna -" John seemed to read Ward's thoughts on his face. "This is about that hacker? Really? Sure, she's a looker, kid, but come on!" He laughed, "She has to be _really_ good in bed for you to-" Ward punched John in the stomach, twice and then pulled him close by the front of his shirt, kneeing the still handcuffed man in the gut. He murmured in John's ear, making sure the man grasped the picture of exactly what was happening.

"We both know that your Deathlok implants and the Centipede serum will let you survive a drop from this distance. Probably." They weren't, all things considered, actually that high up. A normal human wouldn't live through such a drop, but if anyone could, it was John Garrett. "All debts are paid – and this is more than you deserve." Before John could say anything else, Ward kneed him in the stomach again. If he had no breath, he couldn't talk.

"Agent Ward!" Agent Hand cut in, her hand going to his shoulder and pulling him off John, who, deprived of Ward to lean on, fell to the ground unceremoniously. "Beating a prisoner _merely_ for the satisfaction it would give you is not acceptable. Or else I'd be right there with you. But we're still Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and that means there are things we don't do."

 _S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't exist, Hand._ Ward didn't roll her eyes. It wouldn't do for her, for **anyone** to realize just how little respect he had for S.H.I.E.L.D. They'd been too blind to see what was happening right in their midst.

S.H.I.E.L.D. was dead. Ward hadn't chosen S.H.I.E.L.D.'s side – in so far as it was even a side. He'd taken Skye's side, and he knew where Skye would want to stay.

"You say a bullet is too easy, and I'm inclined to agree with you." Hand agreed. "So what would you propose?"

"Throw him out of the plane. Let him splatter all over the ground." John started to laugh, but Ward ignored him, and the rest probably thought he was just nuts. "I think that would be about what he deserves."

Hand looked at him carefully, "Doesn't really fit with your record, Agent Ward. You've always shown a preference for clean, efficient kills." The Level 8 Agent didn't really seem suspicious so much as curious.

"Those kills were just the job." Whoever he was really working for. "But Garrett was my S.O. He betrayed me, he betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D. After everything he's done – after nearly killing my team more than once..." Ward paused a moment, and then, "after ordering Quinn to put two bullets in Skye...the last thing 'the Clairvoyant' deserves is a clean death." Which was entirely true. Even if Ward knew John would survive. And even if Ward didn't especially care about his former S.O. betrayal of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Hand nodded. "I thought it was something like that." She nodded to Agents Jacobson and Chaimson, who each grabbed one of John Garrett's arms. "Would you like the honors then?"

Ward nodded and approached the back of the plane, the other two agents dragging the still chuckling Garrett right behind him. Ward found the release for the entry ramp and switched it. It started to lower, and Ward grabbed onto something with one hand, holding on as the wind started to pick up. Chaimson and Jacobson took Garrett up to the edge, then stepped back, moving quickly and wordlessly back to their seats. This was up to Ward now. No one but him.

Ward stood in front of John, making sure that his S.O. couldn't step away from the edge.

"You think this settles all debts?" John barely managed to get it out over the sound of the wind whipping all around the two of them. "I _own_ you, Grant." He laughed one more time. "See you on the other side, kid."

Silently, not trusting himself to say anything, Ward pushed the original Deathlok out of the plane, watching the man fall out of sight before stepping back and closing the plane. There was a chance he'd live. A chance he'd come back...a chance he'd try to hurt Skye again.

Ward could only hope he could bring himself to kill John next time they met. But one way or another, he wasn't going to let the man hurt Skye. Never.

Ward closed the ramp and walked back to his seat, sitting down without speaking.

Hand raised an eyebrow and looked at him, a wondering tone in her voice. "Garrett seemed fairly confident that you weren't going to kill him."

"He was my S.O. We went through a lot together. He saved my life – more than once." Ward told her entirely truthfully. "I guess he figured that meant I'd just ignore everything else he's done. He was wrong." He was only wrong because of Skye, though. If not for her...

Well, Ward would have stayed loyal. He owed John Garrett everything. But Skye was more important.

 **Command Center, The Fridge**

 **The Day After S.H.I.E.L.D. Fell**

They reached the Fridge without any significant incident, which was fortunate. Ward had spent the rest of the hours-long flight to the Fridge thinking about what exactly John would do next. Ward knew a lot about what John had planned, mid and long-term, but not everything. And projections would have changed, given that Hydra was out in the open.

Now, though, he was sitting in one of the chairs at the edge of the Command Center, absently watching Agent Hand and her people secure the Fridge against any coming attack. From Hydra, from the friends and allies of everyone else locked up in here, even from national governments. This was an illegal terrorist detention center now. Fortunately, not even the U.S. Government was supposed to know where the Fridge was. Ward did not find much comfort in that possibility.

 _John still got plenty of Centipede soldiers left, Deathlok and the rest of Cybertech. But as long as Quinn is locked up here, he's going to need a new face._ And of course, John had his own assets within Hydra proper – Kaminsky and his team, for example. Ward could handle Kaminsky and company easily, but that was hardly all John had to work with. And Deathlok...Ward didn't know where Mike Peterson's son was. But he did know where the people controlling the eye implants were. Most of them anyway – Cybertech.

What John really wanted was G.H. 325. And the only people who knew anything about it were the people on his team. Skye and Coulson – they'd have to be the people John would go after.

But with all those samples of everything else he could find taken from the Guest House, John was going to be able to try another angle.

 _Raina. He's going to free her._

Before Ward could stay on his thoughts, Agent Hand approached him. "I just received word from the Hub. The Cube has been retaken, but the United States Air Force is moving in to take control of the Hub."

"We really shouldn't be surprised." Ward replied, standing as he spoke. "I've never found anyone in the U.S. Military to be happy when S.H.I.E.L.D. claims jurisdiction." He paused, "or anyone, really."

"And now everyone feels like they can get their own back." Hand agreed. "Agent Coulson has enacted the Odyssey protocol. He and the rest of your team already took off."

That was one that Ward wasn't familiar with. "Odyssey Protocol?"

"Complete abandonment of the facility." Hand answered. "From the sound of it, most of our people left in the Hub are willing to take their chances with the United States Government." She didn't sound happy about that, but that hardly surprised Ward.

"What's the official story on Garrett?" For some reason, Ward doubted that she was going to simply log that he was summarily executed by being thrown out of a plane.

"He tried to escape, made a grab for a parachute, didn't manage it, but fell out of the plane in the fighting." Hand answered. "Congratulations, Agent Ward. You managed to make sure the Clairvoyant didn't escape with his life."

 _The exact opposite._ "Alright." Before he could say more, his phone started to ring. Ward looked. It was Coulson. "Looks like I'll get my chance to tell that to Coulson." He opened the phone and brought it to his ear. "Sir? Is everything alright? Hand told me you were evacuating the Hub."

"Hey. It's me." It was Skye on the other end of the line. "Yeah. Not fun, but apparently there's a Colonel Talbott coming for the Hub."

"Glen Talbott?" _The Air Force must be really pissed to send him._ Well, the Air Force and the entire U.S. Government.

"Yea. Sounded like Coulson knows him."

"He's got a reputation." Ward replied.

"Well, I called to let you know that Grant Ward no longer exists. Coulson's orders. Wipe the entire team from the information dumped onto the web. Scrubbing our I.D.s while Coulson figures out our next move."

That...that was something Ward hadn't expected. Of course, if not being Grant Ward anymore was as simple as wiping files... Still...

"Makes sense." He told her. He was about to elaborate on the 'fate' of John Garrett when Skye replied.

"So who are you going to be now?" She said it playfully, as though it was a joke, but the reply froze on Ward's lips.

Who _was_ he going to be now? S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, or John's man? He'd always been who he needed to be for whatever his circumstances, his mission...he wasn't always sure who or what he was, underneath everything.

After a pause that went on just slightly too long, Ward said "I'm not sure. I'll let you know when I figure it out. Where are you headed? I'll meet you there once I'm done here with Hand." He had to stay by Skye. Keep her safe. That was all that mattered.

"No idea. I'll keep you posted." Skye sounded...tired. No. Exhausted. Ward wasn't surprised the world that she'd just finally come to accept as her own had just come crashing down around her.

Even he was starting to feel fatigue, and he was used to...

No. No one was used to throwing the man they owed everything to out of a plane...and knowing the man was probably still alive, and with a very, _very_ good reason to go after him and the one person he cared about.

No. Not the one person – he did care about the rest of the team...more weakness. But it was Skye that he'd turned on John for. Skye that had been the catalyst. Skye that he...Skye that he wanted. After all this was done, if there was an after, and if Skye was done with the team, the bus, S.H.I.E.L.D...well, he had no reason to stick around either.

"Good. I'll catch up with you when I can then."

"Be careful." Ward had heard that so many times in the past – but until the Bus...he'd never really believed it, except from John. And now...the only person he wanted to hear it from was saying it.

"You too." Ward hung up and looked to Hand. "Skye wiped the team's records."

"I guess that makes you an 0-8-4 like Agent Skye. All of you." There wasn't any disdain in her voice as she referred to Skye as an Agent. Something else he hadn't expected from Hand.

 _Unknown origin._ "Technically, maybe." Ward agreed after a moment. "But only technically."

"From the sound of your conversation, you're not going to be sticking around. We could use a man of your skills to hold the Fridge."

Ward looked at her skeptically. "Do you really think you can hold the Fridge?"

"Until things start to get sorted out? Yes. Right now, its chaos. There's still fighting going on – the opening moves of Hydra's power grab are still playing out. If we can ride this out – S.H.I.E.L.D can regroup. The Fridge is a secure location. Not much else is secure, for the moment."

"Agent Hand, you're deluding yourself. S.H.I.E.L.D. is _dead_." Ward let a bit of true feeling out. "We're a terrorist organization. Our files have been dumped onto the internet and Director Fury is dead. We have no support infrastructure, no backup, and at least half our people – including the Secretary of the WSC – turned out to be Hydra. What exactly is it that we're going to do?"

"Our job, Agent Ward." Hand's stiff tone told him all he needed to know about what she thought about his words. "S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't just an institution. It is an idea, and I still believe in it. Do you?"

"No." Ward replied. "Not anymore." _Never_. "After everything that's happened? We're not the 'line between the world and the much weirder world' anymore. If we can't protect our own secrets, can't find secrets like Hydra in our own midst, then we can't protect people from secrets they're not ready to know yet." Ward's real disbelief in S.H.I.E.L.D. was more than enough to make his false reasons ring true.

"And yet you're going to go back to your team. You think they'd agree with that assessment?" Hand clasped her hands behind her back. "Or does some part of you still believe in the ideals of this organization?"

The question wasn't hard. Skye wouldn't – she was too...good. And S.H.I.E.L.D. had become a home for her. A family. She'd come to believe in the idea that was S.H.I.E.L.D. Not all of it, but the fundamentals. Coulson – god, Coulson would _never_ stop believing in that idea. Fitz and Simmons, even after everything, were too naive and idealistic. The only one who _might_ even come to that conclusion was May, and somehow, Ward doubted she actually would.

"No. Probably not. But they're still my team, and they're about the only thing I have left that I do believe in." And one of them more than the rest. "Besides, my marketable skills boil down to lying, theft and murder and being a former member of what is now a terrorist organization means I can't exactly join a legitimate agency. My other option is to go freelance. Becoming a mercenary doesn't sound especially appealing." Which was entirely true. It was an option he'd kept open for years though. And would continue to.

"So you're choosing S.H.I.E.L.D. as your option of last resort?" Hand's disapproval remained evident.

"My choice is my team – Skye, Coulson, the rest. They're going to choose to stay with S.H.I.E.L.D. and so that's where I'm staying, as long as they do." Ward gave a small shrug. "So we're on the same side. I don't see that changing."

Hand didn't say anything for a long moment, then nodded. "After everything that's happened, everyone needs a reason to stick around." She turned around. "Once you hear back from your team, you can take a jump jet to wherever they are. But I don't want you inside this facility again after that. If Coulson has someone or something to deliver here, he can send someone else to bring them."

"Fine." Ward was unbothered. "For what it's worth, good luck." He told Hand. "The Fridge needs to stay secure. The people here shouldn't be roaming free."

"I think we may have run out of luck." Hand replied. "Luck was the only reason Hydra's bid failed, in the end."

"I think Hydra overplayed their hand, myself." Ward countered. "They spent seventy-years rebuilding, and they botched their whole 'out of the shadows' plan. Its one of the first things I was taught as a specialist – use an enemy's confidence against them. This time, we didn't even need to know about it for it to screw them up."

Ward only knew a few details about what the Project Insight carriers had been about, all learned after the fact, but the whole plan struck him as far too elaborate. Too complex. They must have taken the new authority S.H.I.E.L.D. had been given after the Battle of New York and run with it. Let it go to their heads.

And in the process, they'd made Grant Ward's life far more complicated. No – no. He'd done that all himself, by falling for Skye...falling so hard that she was more important than John...and yet still being unable to just kill John and be done with it.

 _I'll have to be ready for him_.

He wouldn't fail Skye again. Never again.

 **Author's Note:** How was it? Think I got into Ward's head right?

If you ever think I've got a character's voice or characterization wrong, tell me – I'm just starting out in writing Agents of S.H.I. . Fanfiction, and so I'm not going to sit here and claim I have these characters down perfectly.


	2. That Drink

**Disclaimer:** I'm a Skyeward Shipper. Do I _look_ like I own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

 **Author's Note:** I crib dialogue from the show where appropriate, as some conversations are just going to go the same (or very similar) no matter what. So in this case, I'm cribbing (and altering as needed) lines of dialogue from episode 1x19 "The Only Light in the Darkness

 **Author's Note 2:** Well, let me just say to all the people who've read and reviewed and favorited, etc, this story, you are all absolutely awesome. I've had some fics get high responses in the early days of it being up but you guys have blown those numbers away. Thanks for reading, and thanks for letting me know you like the fic!

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 2: That Drink

 **Providence Base**

 **The Day After the Day After S.H.I.E.L.D. Fell (D Plus Two)**

"Grant Ward. Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." A lie on so many levels. You couldn't be an agent of something that didn't exist, and he'd never really been an agent – well, he had been, in the eyes of S.H.I.E.L.D. But it hadn't ever meant anything to him.

"Welcome Agent Ward. We've been expecting you." The computerized voice replied, the door in the cliff-side opening for him. If he hadn't been expecting it, it might have surprised him – the door was well hidden But then, he'd seen a number of very well hidden base entrances in his time, belonging to S.H.I.E.L.D. and its enemies.

He'd been expecting at least a few guards on the other side of the door, though, and their absence _did_ surprise him. No one. _On the other hand, the best defense for a secret base is secrecy._ More guards meant more people meant more exposure. He could do the math as well as anyone else.

Seeing Skye waiting for him on the other side though – that too was a surprise, but an entirely pleasant one. Seeing the smile on her face...it put all thoughts but her out of his mind for a long moment as he walked into the base.

"How are things at the Fridge?" She asked him, falling in step next to him.

"Locked up tight. Hand is planning on holding out there until things stabilize, or at least improve. Riding everything out." Ward looked over at her. "Somehow, I don't see Coulson making the same choice. He's not the type to play things safe when everything's going to hell."

"No. Now that the bus is fueled up, we'll probably be leaving again soon. Once AC figures out where we should head, anyway." Skye seemed to consider his words. "Well...maybe Hand has a point, given that she's got people like Quinn and Garrett in there..." Unconsciously, her hand went down to her stomach, and Ward felt hate flare through him a moment – hate for Quinn, for Garrett, for himself for being unable to bring himself to kill Garrett and make sure he could never hurt her again.

"Garrett's not in the fridge." Ward told her. Before he could finish, explain exactly what he meant, Skye pulled up short and Ward saw a flash of real panic in her eyes. He found himself wanting to hold her close and tell her that he would keep her safe, that everything was going to be alright. But he couldn't – not yet. He knew she felt something for him. Something. But he didn't know how much she felt...he couldn't risk moving too far, too fast... He didn't want to risk freaking her out.

"He escaped?" Skye's voice was raised, a small note of panic in her tone, despite her efforts to conceal it. "Why didn't you say-"

"No." Ward interrupted hurriedly. "Garret is dead." He took her hand in his and held it gently. "He tried to escape...he grabbed a parachute and tried to jump out. I got the chute away from him, but he was right at the edge – he fell out."

Breathing heavily for a moment, Skye nodded. She didn't take her hand away and took another breath. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I know he was your S.O. -"

"He ordered Quinn to shoot you." Ward let some of his fury seep into his voice. "He deserved worse. I didn't force him out of the plane." The lie came easily, of course. "But I'm not regretting that he fell out."

Skye looked at him a moment, and squeezed his hand a moment before dropping it. "Alright." She looked over at him, "Coulson will want to hear about that...afterwards...maybe you and I can get that drink?"

The tone in her voice, the smile on her face – the way it seemed to brighten everything around her for a moment. He'd made the right choice.

"I'd like that." Ward offered her a smile back.

 **Cafeteria, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

"Well, I would have preferred him in a tiny cell for the rest of his life, but under the circumstances, at least he's out of the picture." Coulson said with a nod to Ward. "If only we could say the same about Hydra."

"What's the latest on them?" Simmons asked after a moment, the worry in her voice evident.

"All the major governments are closing in on known S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities, now that we've been labeled a terrorist organization. And since all our files were put onto the internet, that means almost _all_ our facilities are known. Bad for us, but also bad for Hydra. They're pulling out of all sites they took control of – along with every item, file or person they can take with them. They're going to ground, and we have no idea where they're going, or even who's in charge of it now that Pierce is out of the picture." Coulson paused, looking at his team, plus Trip – who seemed to be part of the team for the moment – then added, "That's something we're going to need to fix."

"So that's our next move? Figure out where Hydra's at and go after them?" Trip asked from the back of the room, his arms crossed in front of him.

"I'm not saying the seven of us go charging into Hydra Headquarters." Coulson replied. "Even if we knew where that was, that wouldn't be a good idea. But we've been reacting to Hydra for the last seventy years. I think it's time we start taking the initiative."

"Hey, no complaint from me there." Trip said holding up his hands.

"Hydra was operating within S.H.I.E.L.D. right?" Skye piped up. The way her lips were pursed suggesting that she was coming up with whatever this was right from the top of her head – the way her brilliance just...spouted from her, sometimes without even meaning it... "That means they've been using S.H.I.E.L.D. resources."

"Not just – they had at least one Senator in their ranks, and that's just all we know about." Coulson pointed out. "But they would have been operating-" Coulson frowned, then almost looked like he was about to curse, but didn't. "Sitwell!"

"What about him?" Ward asked, wondering where Coulson was going with this. Ward hadn't interacted with Jasper Sitwell much – the latter was a Commops Agent through and through. Excellent in his work, by all reports, and a qualified field agent, but just not in the kind of circles he or Garrett were in. Garrett hadn't been fond of the guy – or his apparent actual loyalty to Hydra's ideas. _He was stupid like Kaminsky on that front._

"After the Battle of New York, he was put in charge of securing all the Chitauri technology – weapons, scrap, bodies, vehicles. We know Centipede bought its Chitauri metal from Vanchat, but we've never been able to completely eliminate Vanchat's suppliers." Coulson said. "He always seemed to get his hands on more."

"It would have taken some creative paperwork to cover that sort of thing up, even with Sitwell being level 7." Fitz said after a moment. "I tried to get some Chitauri metal to study after the Battle of New York – they held my request up in paperwork for _months._ The lock-down on that stuff was pretty thorough."

"That's what I was thinking." Skye said. "Obviously we're not going to find any files labeled 'Secret Hydra Projects for World Domination' but now that we know names – Sitwell, Pierce, the S.T.R.I.K.E. team at the Triskellion," Skye had spent as much time as she could on the plane catching up on what had happened in DC, trying to find out as much information as possible from the flood of information on the news and internet. "Can't we...look for that creative paperwork? Get an idea of at least some of the things they were up to, maybe give us, uhm, avenues to explore?"

It was a brilliand and sideways idea – the kind of out of the box, clever idea that was Skye's signature. It was those ideas, the earnestness with which she presented them...one more way she'd gotten to him... The way she'd had a mix of self-satisfaction at coming up with them, but a note of awkwardness, as if concerned the ideas of a former Rising Tide hacker weren't going to be interesting to the rest of the team. It had been oddly...endearing.

"Look at you thinking like an agent." Coulson told her with a smile. "I take it you're not proposing to try this alone."

Skye shook her head. "I can tell you that pretty much everyone in the Rising Tide is already combing through the S.H.I.E.L.D. files on the internet. If I can make contact with some of them – people I _know_ I can trust...maybe we can make a few connections."

"Pieces solving a puzzle?" Ward asked, calling back to that conversation they'd had right after Peru... back then she'd just been...another variable. An attractive one that he'd already found himself wanting to warm to, but...he still remembered the way she'd said that, talked about it. It meant something to her.

"Exactly." Skye said with a slight smile. "It's no guarantee, and it might take some time for anything useful to turn up, but-"

"It's more than we had an hour ago." Coulson concluded. "Alright. Get on that. Until we can get a hit or have a direction..." He let out a breath, "we could all use a little R&R."

"Not quite yet." An unfamiliar Agent said from the doorway. Ward could only assume that this was Eric Koenig. "Now that you're all here, its time for orientation."

Coulson was the one to vocalize the question, but for Ward, the term had a touch of the ominous to it – though that might have just been the way Koenig was delivering it. Probably because it also had a hint of the over-dramatic.

 **Orientation Room, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

The Chair looked like something out of a bad sci-fi movie.

That was Ward's first thought. His second was concern – it didn't take a genius to guess what it was for. The questions Koenig might ask...if he asked about...

 _I've beaten lie detectors before_. He'd done it hundreds of times. He could handle this one.

"Alright," Koenig said from next to the chair. "Just gonna need you guys to answer a few questions. A few psychoanalytic, non-sequitur questions."

"A lie detector." Coulson cut through Koenig's words to the heart.

" _The_ lie detector, Agent Coulson." Koenig corrected, the emphasis sharp and unsubtle. "This baby measures galvanic skin response, oxygen consumption, micro-expressions, biofeedback brain-waves, pupil dilation, voice biometrics. 96 variables in all." He patted the shoulder of the chair lightly. "Fury designed this himself. He wanted a lie detector Romanoff herself couldn't beat."

 _That_ could be a problem. Ward was already certain a fight between himself and Romanoff would end with him lying on the floor with a half-dozen broken bones. On who was the better liar, he really had no idea though – he'd been undercover as a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent for more than a decade, longer than any undercover operation of Romanoff's, as far as he knew, but her skills at deceit were still legendary. And of course, it was always easier to lie and get away with it when people hadn't the least idea there was anything to be suspicious of – exactly what Hydra had traded on to pull off its infiltration and takeover.

Ward had been trained – by Garrett and by S.H.I.E.L.D. to beat lie detectors. He'd picked up a few of his own tricks along the way. But he couldn't beat a metric he didn't understand, and he hadn't heard of some of those metrics, and he was certain he didn't know how to beat all 96.

"Did she?" Ward asked, his voice level and merely curious.

Koenig scoffed and laughed, "Like Fury would tell." _That sounds like the late Director we all remember_. Ward had only interacted with the man twice. Once, when he'd graduated S.H.I.E.L.D. Ops Academy – the Director had given his 'One Man' speech, and shaken hands with every graduating Agent. The second time had been three years ago, after an especially sensitive op – Fury had personally congratulated him. Positive interactions, but Fury's habit of playing cards close to the chest even by S.H.I.E.L.D. standards hadn't endeared him to everyone. Garrett especially had always been scornful of that.

 _Of course, Garrett would find any reason to be scornful of the biggest threat to Hydra._

"Okay." Coulson said after a moment. "The sooner we start, the sooner we get this done." He looked at the rest of them. "So who want's to go first?"

Ward, knowing he needed time, elected to go last, waiting outside the room as everyone else passed and got their 'lanyards'. The solution was fairly obvious – in theory. He still had some cuts and a fractured rib from the beat down he'd gotten clearing a path to the Hub's computers for Skye to blow them. It wasn't much, but they still hurt.

It wouldn't beat everything, but it would help. And when it combined with the pain of sticking the needle into his thumb, under the nail, he should be able to make it work. He had to be sure. He couldn't...he'd made his choice, and he wasn't going to let Eric Koenig and his lie detector make it all be for nothing. He wasn't Hydra now, not even indirectly. That was what mattered.

He'd put the needle in once Skye was inside, with no one else waiting around to watch him. Finally, Skye came back out, a lanyard in hand.

"Got my backstage pass." She extended the badge over to him, and he eyed at it for a moment.

"How bad?" He looked over at her, watching her put the lanyard on.

"Piece of cake, if you don't mind talking about yourself." She smiled just a touch, "so you'll hate it." Always, when undercover, the goal was to weave as much your real personality as possible into your cover. It made it easier to sustain. The problem was that over time, he'd had to share more and more of his real self… not Agent Ward, not Garret's protégé, but just plain Grant Ward. Skye knew Agent Ward, loyal S.H.I.E.L.D. Specialist. He hoped she'd never know the man who'd worked for Hydra for more than a decade. She even knew some of Grant Ward, the man who'd turned on John Garrett for her, and she would know more. If anything was going to happen between them, then he had to share. He couldn't just be a man in a crowd, faceless and anonymous. For her, he had to be a real person, with a past and feelings. Not just a hollow, loyal shell.

Even so he'd never liked talking about himself. He doubted he'd ever _like_ it.

"Have fun." She finished, heading down the hallway.

Breathing normally, Ward walked into the room. Once he was in the chair and fully hooked up to the machine, it began.

"We're going to start with easy questions to establish a baseline. What is your full name?"

"My name is Grant Douglas Ward."

"Please list your immediate family."

"Two parents, a sister and two brothers. I don't have contact with any of them." Three he didn't want to have contact with, and two who'd never wanted to have contact with him.

"Your baseline's getting some spikes. Are you in pain?" Eric Koenig's expression was much more serious than Ward would have expected out of the man.

"Some. Fractured rib from the fight at the Hub."

Koenig nodded. "Okay. Try not to move. It may affect the results." It was a helpful confirmation. How much it could affect the results though...

Ward nodded in turn. "I'll try my best."

"Alright." Eric turned the page the binder in front of him. "What is the difference between an egg and a rock?"

Ward had run up against these kinds of questions plenty of times, though more often in the psychological reviews specialists had to take every few months. Not as part of a lie-detector test to see if he was loyal. _Two for one._

"Egg's a food." He said, the first answer to mind, "Rock's a weapon." He was used to these questions. Still didn't like or understand them.

"Have you ever heard of Project Insight?"

"Only after the battle at the Hub." Which was entirely true. Garrett had never let him know about the master plan – if he'd even known about it, which wasn't guaranteed.

"Ever made contact with Alexander Pierce?"

"No." This one also had the benefit of being true.

"You wash up on a deserted island, alone. Sitting on the sand is a box. What is in that box?"

 _Another one_. The question had variables within variables. How had had he ended up on that island? "Depends on the island. Where it is, how big is it, what's the terrain? Is there fresh water?" Even as he asked the questions, he realized that wasn't the point – he couldn't know the variables.

After realizing that, he wasn't surprised that Koenig's response was to hold up a hand and say: "Just say the first thing that comes into your head."

"A pistol." Ward replied immediately.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. no longer exists. The Agency has been labeled a terrorist organization. So, why are _you_ here?"

This was the real question. The one that the rest were a buildup to. And it was a question with a surprisingly frank appreciation of reality. And he didn't even have to lie on this one either.

"Because my team is here. Because...Skye is here."

"Skye?" Koenig's tone was a question. Ward couldn't tell if the man was suspicious, or...

"I'm here because she's here. I care about her." Ward told the man, and after another long moment, Koenig nodded, stepping away from the readout device.

"Cool. Let's get you your lanyard then."

 **Cafeteria, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

Ward's first trip had been to the Bus, to collect what few things he owned.

It was on the way there that he'd run into Fitz – and been subjected to the Scottish man's sullen jealousy of Trip.

"Everything around us is falling apart." Ward had told him, wondering why he was giving Fitz advice on this - "If there's something you want to tell Simmons, tell her." Fitz's response had been to suggest that he'd had a head injury, since he was so uncharacteristic.

"Things aren't exactly the way they were just a few days ago, Fitz." Ward had replied. He searched his mind, looking for an answer that would satisfy Fitz and stop making the scientist look at him like he'd grown a second head or something. "And the last thing this team needs is you being hostile to Trip."

A look of recognition was on Fitz's face there – that was the Grant Ward he knew. "Good to have you back." The scientist had told him.

Retrieving his things and taking them to one of the rooms – which all looked more or less identical, save for differences in the window-pictures – hadn't taken all that long. Neither had finding Skye.

He hadn't expected the cafeteria to be nearly empty, given that there were eight people here and they didn't have anywhere else to go really. As it turned out, it was, but for Skye. He pulled out a chair and sat across from her. Only then did Skye seem to notice that he was there. She looked up from her laptop and pushed a stray hair behind one ear..

"All lanyard-ed up like the rest of us." She observed. "The talking about yourself thing. Did it hurt?" Her smile and the lightness in her tone took out the sting that could have been in her words.

"A little." Ward replied deadpan. "But I've been through plenty of lie-detector tests. This one wasn't a problem. I didn't even have to lie on this one." Which was the case. Which was just a little strange for him, in some ways.

Skye gave him a brief look of mock shock. "Agent Grant Ward, lie on a lie-detector test? Whatever happened to being the poster-boy good agent?"

 _He never really existed._ He coudn't tell her that, so instead he just smiled slightly and explained with a partial truth. "The kind of groups that I used to infiltrate aren't exactly the trusting types. The Russian Embassy in Warsaw put everyone on staff through one on a regular basis, for example. Beating lie-detectors is an important skill for any specialist. Which is one of the reasons S.H.I.E.L.D. had to have the best lie detectors in the world – and why Fury apparently went all out on the one here."

Skye frowned after a moment, "The best lie detectors in the world didn't find Hydra, or stop them."

"The best lie detector in the world doesn't matter when the person administering it is as guilty as the person taking it." Ward pointed out quietly.

"No, I guess not." Skye agreed, then she shook her head after a moment. "I tried so hard – I wanted to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent so much...I finally become one...and now it doesn't mean a thing."

"Hey." Ward told her, "It means something. You earned Agent status. The Agency being dead doesn't take that away from you. Besides, Coulson would be the first to tell you that S.H.I.E.L.D. is an idea as much as an institution."

"Is that what's keeping you here, or is it just your programing?"

She meant it to be funny. She was Skye, of course she did – the woman could find humor in everything. But he had been Hydra, and he knew what Hydra could do to people. He'd joined willingly, and his connection to Garrett meant he was trusted, but he'd heard what happened to those who… hadn't been quite so willing. Programming was just the start of it.

"What's keeping me here is you – the team." He added those last two words quickly. "It's not S.H.I.E.L.D. I devoted over a decade of my life to it...and now I find out it's all been for Hydra?" He shook his head, "How many of my missions were really for Hydra?" It was a question not even he had an absolutely certain answer for. He knew for sure on a number of missions that they'd been for Hydra, but others could have been Hydra missions without him knowing it. "Its hard for me to believe in the idea or the institution of S.H.I.E.L.D. when a decade of specialist work is in question." He rested a hand on the table. "I believe in the team though. And I believe we can do some good. And your plan to find a few leads – it's clever."

"You don't have a problem with me contacting all my old Rising Tide buddies?" Skye teased. "They're all pseudo-anarchist hacker types." The call back to their first conversation – if an interrogation can be called that - reminded Ward how far they'd come since. Back then, in that room, he hadn't had to fake anything. She'd annoyed Grant Ward, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. just as much as she'd annoyed Grant Ward, John Garrett's plant. And even for similar reasons – she was an unknown variable. She was flippant. Unserious. Irreverent.

"Well, I'm not exactly an evil faceless government toolbag anymore." Ward pointed out, watching Skye smile a little, brightening everything for a moment. "And pseudo-anarchists are a much better option than Hydra."

"Well, no, you're not evil or faceless anymore, and I guess you're not government either." Skye agreed. "You can still be kind of a toolbag." She laughed for a moment, "So three out of four isn't bad."

"No, I guess not." Ward nodded to her computer. "Have you made contact, then?"

"Started the ball rolling, yeah." Skye replied. "This is the only computer I work with the Rising Tide on. But it'll take a bit before we get anything useful." She looked at her computer. "Captain America and Agent Romanoff did the Rising Tide's job for us." Now there was a small frown on her face, though it passed after a moment.

"Maybe, but look at it this way – you were right." Ward said. He held up a hand to forstall the teasing he _knew_ was coming, "I mean not completely – the information S.H.I.E.L.D. kept secret should have been kept secret, most of the time, but you were right to be suspicious."

Skye nodded. "Yea. I guess so." She typed something into her computer quickly, then closed it, setting it aside for the time being. She seemed like she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words.

Ward wasn't familiar with this cafeteria, but it was a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. It had alcohol – good alcohol in small amounts and cheap alcohol in large amounts. And sure enough, Ward found a liquor cabinet and picked a bottle. Two glasses and a little bit of pouring later, and Ward was sitting perpendicular to Sky now. He set one glass in front of her, and Skye looked at him, then it.

She didn't look at him as she spoke "May?" She asked, voice soft. She didn't say anything else – she didn't really need to.

Ward knew he had to answer – trying to be evasive, not answering her questions...it wouldn't work. Skye wasn't in a very trusting place at the moment, which after all that happened, wasn't surprising. She might trust him as a person, to have her back, to even be a friend, but he wanted her to trust him with more – much more.

He'd slept with May because it was part of what he needed to do to make sure everyone on the bus trusted him. He and May – they'd never pretended there was an emotional angle, but it had put her out of play, and that was the point.

He'd taken the opening the events after the Berserker staff offered. It was just part of the mission. Garrett's mission.

But now, with Skye just sitting there like this – he could've abandoned the mission a long time ago. Turned his back on Garrett and Hydra and be watching this wonderful woman's smile, rather than seeing her stare at her drink, waiting for his answer. He could have had this months ago.

"No. The only comfort we took in each other was knowing we didn't have to." He had meant for his words to come out matter-of-factually, but instead, they come out far softer than he'd intended.

It was a strange thing, to go into a conversation that was this important to him without a specific plan. He'd always had plans before – plans, backup plans, second-run contigencies and exit strategies. And now, he was having what felt like the most important conversation in his life and he was navigating it without a map.

Well...that wasn't entirely true. He knew one thing, had one guiding principle to this conversation. Trust. It was obvious to anyone Skye had serious trust issues – and to make her trust him, he had to seem to – had to actually – trust her too. Trust her to see him vulnerable. He'd lied to almost everyone in his life for nearly a decade, but now he needed – _wanted_ – Skye to trust him.

He could only be so open...he'd always have to keep some of the truth back. He'd have to. But that didn't mean he couldn't be as open as he possibly could.

"You can't choose to feel." Skye replied, and Ward felt an almost ironic humor at her words – she was living proof that his ability to control what he felt wasn't perfect.

"Usually...usually I can." Ward replied – the truth. Not a boast. But this was the moment for more truth. "It's...it's different, with you. For us." He swirled his drink a moment, then took a sip.

Skye looked up at him, eyes wide, then she looked away. "Us is a strong word." Ward could hear the tension in her voice. For a moment...no. Not too far. Not yet. "I mean- I did kiss you, but to be fair, I thought there was a ninety-seven percent chance we were gonna...die." She chuckled awkwardly.

Even, some small part of Ward couldn't help but feel offended – _ninety-seven? That high?_ Did she really think so little of his abilities?

"But we didn't die." Skye continued, and it wasn't hard to tell she was starting to babble, filling the space between them with words.

"Which is good." Ward interrupted softly.

"Yes, that is very good." Skye agreed. "But – that doesn't mean that we have to – we don't have to rush into us being an us." That tension and hesitation in her voice...she was afraid. Not of him – he never wanted her to be afraid of him – but of...well, them. The idea of the two of them together, as a unit. Her last serious relationship had been Miles, and look how that had turned out. Ward didn't know Skye's entire life story, but he knew enough. Trust issues. Fear of being hurt.

Ward was scared too, of course, if he was willing to admit it to himself. This was new territory for him. The knowledge that he could ruin all of this with just a few words and no glib lying would be able to repair it… he felt as though he was dancing on eggshells, and it was only a matter of time before he put a foot wrong.

Ward had had relationships before. But the only ones that hadn't been...stress relief, like with May, had been undercover. Ones where he'd been even less true to his own personality than he had in the last months on the Bus, with the team. If Skye had been just a mark, an asset, a target – he could have played the part of tall, dark and mysterious, used just the right lines and that would have been that.

But not with Skye. She _mattered_. This couldn't be an act. He wanted Skye. Not for the mission, not just to have some meaningless fling, but to have...he wasn't sure. But he wanted her.

It scared him. He was compromised. He'd owed his life to John...putting John before his own life was...it was how it worked. But he didn't owe Skye his life. Not in the same way...and yet he couldn't imagine not taking a bullet for her – no scenario where he didn't put her before him.

He was compromised – he couldn't compartmentalize when it came to her. Not anymore. It scared him and the fact that he didn't care that hit scared him almost scared him more. He was going to go ahead with this, with what he felt for her – it was the only way. Not if wanted her to return his feelings.

"It's not like it's a good time to start anything." Skye pointed out, finally looking back at him.

"With Hydra on the loose – do you think there'll ever be a 'good' time _any_ time?" Ward didn't want to wait. He wanted her – not just her body. Trust issues aside, Ward was fairly confident he could seduce her into bed quickly – but it would destroy everything. Yes, he wanted her body. But he wanted all of her too. And he could choose to build on this groundwork slowly, brick by brick. They could move in slow circles around each other, neither of them quite sure what the other was thinking. Or they could start on this grand, glorious… thing.

What it boiled down to, he supposed, was that he was too selfish to wait.

He couldn't help it – and he was past caring if it was technically a weakness or not. John had taught him attachment was a weakness – but John didn't matter. Skye did.

He wanted things to start. With her. Now. Even if it was just...the small things. It would be a start.

"We have to start somewhere. Why not here?" He looked over at her, "Start small." He sipped his drink again and then set the glass down, looking at her. "You offered to talk. Let's...Let's talk."

Skye looked at him, searching his face, his gaze, then nodded. She took another drink from her glass. "Alright. Talking." There was a slight, very small smile on her face.

Ward looked at her, then looked down at the table a moment. "I've always been a Specialist. Not used to spending time around other people – and most of the people we do...we're all cut from the same cloth." He started after a moment.

"Black Kevlar?" For once, she wasn't mocking him or calling him 'robot' for his closed-off nature.

"More or less." He said after a moment, then shook his head. "We're trained to get the job done. To keep emotions in check. We're supposed to...compartmentalize. But with you..." Ward trailed off, then started again. "When you first joined the team, you were just – just another variable. An unpredictable one. And then...Like you said, I'm Kevlar. Things aren't supposed to...but you did. When its you...I can't compartmentalize. At first...I tried to – keep things at bay. I wanted to stay focused..."

He looked at her, "That's why I told you I was off the clock, after Hong Kong. Why I...didn't take you up on that talk, in Dublin. I wanted try to keep things under control. I didn't want to -" He let out a breath. "I didn't want to let you in any more than I had."

"What changed?" Skye asked, her voice even softer than it had been.

"You almost died – when I saw you there, bleeding out...fighting to stay alive." The image of her lying there in that medpod...hooked up to those machines, filtering her blood, breathing for her. "I couldn't pretend to myself anymore. I didn't want to. I didn't want to keep shutting you out."

"You kept it up for a while longer Ward." Skye pointed out, unconsciously leaning forward in her chair a little. "You don't have to shut people out."

"It makes things easier." Ward replied. He looked away for a moment, and swallowed. "Shutting people out – it means there's no risk of them...them finding out. There are things about me – you wouldn't like, if you knew."

"You think I don't have skeletons?" Skye asked, disbelieving.

"It's different. You're...you're a good person." That was beyond true. "I lied to you." He said softly, and he saw Skye stiffen a little, heard the sharp intake of breath. Ward took in his own breath. "My older brother...he didn't beat up my younger brother." He'd never wanted to tell Skye this – never wanted to tell anyone. But he would now – he'd tell Skye. Because it wouldn't drive her away...he hoped. If he shared this, if he opened up

 _She might -_

Ward spoke before he had a chance to stop himself. "He was crueler than that." Ward continued. "He made me do it. And I let him." The memory of the well, unbidden, rose to the top of his mind. Ward clamped down on it, trying to shove it back into the box it had always been in, before he'd touched that staff. Skye closed her eyes for a moment, starting to look away. "I was afraid of him."

Skye looked – horrified. Shocked. _I shouldn't have-_ "What about your parents?" She asked.

"They were worse." His mother, for beating Christian and him, his father, for watching, laughing, not caring one whit. He looked down a moment. "I am not a good man, Skye." He didn't say it because it was true, though it was. He said it – because he _hoped_ that Skye wouldn't agree... he _needed_ her to not agree.

Skye wasn't _easy_ to manipulate, but he was starting to learn how. He didn't care if anyone saw him as a good man – as long as Skye did. He didn't care if he _was_ a good man. Only that she thought he was.

Skye moved closer to him, reaching a hand for him – going under his chin and tilting his head back up so their eyes met. "Yes, you are."

She was so close. Barely inches from him now – her closeness, the look of acceptance and trust on her face – he didn't want to – couldn't – move too fast, couldn't force her...but as she sat there, her hand still resting under his chin – before he could stop himself, a hand went up to the back of her neck, tangling in her hair a little as he pulled her in towards him and brought himself closer to her – his lips were on hers, and then she was _kissing him back_ and her hands were going up to either side of his face and-

They'd kissed ever so briefly in that closet – it had felt...that she felt something for him, that she could... the feeling had been wonderful, however short it had been. But this – this kiss, longer, deeper, more powerful -

It was beyond description.

His thoughts were a blank as they kissed – he had her. He finally had her. He was never letting her go. Nothing else mattered but her and his lips on hers and -

After almost a minute of passionate kissing, Skye pulled back and stood from her chair. She looked...freaked, scared -

 _God, I shouldn't have-_

"I can't-" Skye started,

"Skye, I'm sorry." Ward started hurriedly, standing as well. "I said start small and then – I didn't mean to push-"

"No – no, I just – I need a moment." Skye almost scurried out of the cafeteria, and Ward was on his feet, starting to go after her before pulling up short – if she was going away...

 _No._ She couldn't be – she was his. That kiss – she returned his feelings. She had to. He'd gone too fast...but he could fix it. He couldn't – couldn't go after her yet. Not yet.

The feeling of her lips on his, her fingers on his cheeks and neck lingered with him as he stared at the cafeteria doors after her.

She was his. She would come back. She was his.


	3. I Want There to be an 'us'

**Disclaimer:** Its not mine. Really. Honest.

 **Note 1:** There is a Skyeward Fanfic I read recently that I cannot find (I cannot remember the title) and its bothering me a great deal. The premise was that Hydra never fell completely after WW2, and remained an enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the aftermath, in similar to the way that Hydra was an enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the comics verse (as a criminal/terrorist organization) – but that the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier still happened, sort of. (Alexander Pierce made a separate, secret deal with Hydra to sell out Project Insight to them, so the carriers attack the Triskellion and destroy it before being brought down). Anyway, Ward's a Hydra Agent who goes into the Triskellion to get various S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists that Hydra wants control of, and runs into Skye there. Then they meet up again later on opposite sides of a mission. I believe the fic only had like two or three chapters done.

If any of this rings a bell for someone, I'd appreciate someone shooting me the name and author of the fic in a review/comment so I can read it again. Thank you. ^^ And now, on with the fic.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 3: I Want There to be an 'us'

 **Cafeteria, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

It took Ward perhaps a minute to sit back down after Skye left. He looked down at the rest of his drink, then finished it in one go, setting the empty glass back onto the table – and then looking at the bottle.

He'd said too much. Baring that much that fast – Skye shouldn't have to deal with that, not with S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsing and everything. He shouldn't have said that much. He'd scared her away.

Ward started to reach for the bottle, then pulled back, shaking his head though no one could see him. He didn't need to drown his sorrows. There was nothing to drown. He pushed the bottle an extra few inches away from himself as he thought about what had just happened.

 _Skye is coming back. I didn't scare her off – I didn't...she didn't just...she just needs a moment, like she said._

He'd said too little. He'd concentrated on the grim, on his own past. He should have talked more about… them, as a unit. He hadn't said what she wanted to here, hadn't said anything comforting. She would need that, what with everything that was going on. She needed to know that that he'd always be there for her. Always protect her.

But no. he hadn't gone too far – he couldn't have. Yes, he'd pushed a little too far, but if any of it had been enough to actually upset her, she'd have slapped him or hit him or something. Skye was never one to be shy about expressing her displeasure.

 _But – it's been more than a moment._

Of course it had. It was just a figure of speech anyway. Still...

Ward didn't actually need to start taking deep breaths to keep himself and his racing thoughts and worries under control. He _didn't_.

He'd kissed her too, on top of everything he'd said. He'd said too much of the wrong thing, too little of the right.

Maybe if he hadn't kissed her – maybe if he hadn't told her what he'd told her...maybe she'd still be here, sitting across from him. Maybe if he'd been a little slower, he wouldn't have driven her away.

He hadn't driven her away. He couldn't have.

Some deep, buried part of himself wondered if she had just said that he was a good man, not actually -

 _Skye doesn't just 'say' things._ Whatever else was running through his mind, he could know that with certainty. She spoke her mind. She could be reserved, yes, but she didn't...just say things.

Ward stood up and started to pace, a lot nervous energy to burn. He didn't like feeling like this – nervous...unsure, worried. He _hated_ feeling like this.

He was compromised. He couldn't compartmentalize with her – not completely. He couldn't just stuff her into a mental box and forget about her – she wasn't like that. He couldn't stuff her into a box, only to open when it was the right time and place. She exploded through his thoughts like a supernova.

Ward closed his eyes and focused on putting everything in separate boxes, imagining his thoughts as papers and files that needed to be sorted. It was one of the techniques John had taught him. Taught him as his S.O. and not just the guy who'd dropped him in the woods for three years. The Academy had taught him the same sort of thing. Agents – but especially specialists – always had to compartmentalize. Everyone developed a technique.

He was compromised. She could make him lose control, get nervous, get unsure... He wanted to hide that away, compartmentalize it, like he had to so much over the years. But if he did, if he could somehow manage it, he could lose her. And he couldn't risk that. He'd never risk that. She meant too much-

"Ward." Skye's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he saw her there, in the cafeteria – she didn't look angry with him, upset with him – not disgusted, or afraid or-

But he couldn't – he didn't want to risk hearing her rejection, hearing her say what he was terrified she would say.

"I- I'm sorry." Ward started, trying to find the words, trying to get them out quickly, "I didn't mean to push...you were right there and what you'd said and I just-" He wanted to step closer to her, wanted to hold her against him and never let her go. He didn't.

He couldn't risk pushing too much a second time.

"No – Ward." She said, interrupting him. "You didn't do anything wrong – I just..." She paused and then continued a moment later. "I just – I just freaked a little. I don't exactly over-analyze things beforehand. I just do thing impulsively and freak out after the fact." Despite himself, Ward let himself smile a little at that. Not just because he didn't seem to be getting shot down, which made him feel as though his chest was suddenly full of helium. She'd freaked out too. He wasn't alone here. He'd said the right things, hadn't driven her away. She was right there in the same boat as him – and one more thing that had drawn him to her – her spontaneity. "And...all that opening up and the kiss – which was a very nice kiss, I admit – I just..." She reached over and took his hand, holding it tightly in hers.

The happiness spreading through him at Skye's words – was this what euphoria felt like?

"I want there to be an us." She said after a moment. For a moment, Ward really did feel like he would burst, like an overfilled balloon – had been happy moments before? This was – there were no words. It took all his efforts to keep himself grounded even a little as Skye held his hand and told him what she had...

Ward looked at her, words catching in his throat for a moment. Then: "I..." He wasn't sure what to say, but before he could even think of anything, Skye leaned in on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his very lightly, and only for a second.

"I want to see where this – us – goes." She told him softly. "And no, this really isn't the best time to start anything, but you're right, we have to start somewhere. And if we wait for things to get better -" She shook her head, standing close to him, her hand still in his. "I don't want to wait that long. Do you?"

Ward shook his head, "No. I don't want to wait." He ran his thumb over her palm lightly.

"But..." Skye started, and Ward felt his throat clench a little again, a pain in his chest, "we're going to have to try to avoid kissing like we did earlier. If we can." She added with a small smile. "You're right – we should start small. At least start slow." She looked at him, as if searching his gaze, as if trying to search his mind.

The truth was, though...Ward didn't _want_ to go slow. He wanted all of her, right now. He wanted her to feel for him as intensely as he did for her. But that would take time. If he rushed things, if he rushed her, he'd never get there. He could play the long game. He could win her over eventually.

He'd made his choice, and he had the rest of his life to make sure she felt for him as he did for her.

"Alright." He said softly. "We'll go slow." With his free hand, he reached up and ran his fingers through her hair gently, repeatedly. Skye made a small, happy and contented noise and leaned in towards him, resting her head against his chest lightly as he kept stroking her hair.

They stood like that for what felt like a few minutes, though it couldn't have been more than one. But soon enough – all too soon – he heard the sound of footsteps coming down the hall towards the cafeteria. By this point, Ward knew everyone's walk – the only person who could sneak up on him was May, and that was only when she really tried. This wasn't May. It was Coulson, and he wasn't trying to not be heard.

Skye heard the footsteps a few moments after he did, and she slowly pulled away from him, then took a few hurried steps away from him. Part of Ward felt a stab of pain that she was jumping away from him, that she didn't want Coulson to see them together, but another part of him was relieved. He knew how much Coulson cared about Skye – like the daughter he'd never had. Coulson was the kind of man who'd probably threaten every potential boyfriend while cleaning a shotgun.

"Skye," Coulson said as he walked in through the door, "have you seen Ward any-" He cut himself off when he saw Ward there. "Well, I guess I don't need to ask you where he is."

"Guess not." Skye agreed, laughing a little. It didn't feel or sound forced at all.

"What is it sir?" Ward asked the man.

"Trip is in the armory going over everything we have here. I want you with him – I want to know what we have to work with and what we can do with it." He looked over at Skye. "You've started going through the dumped files?"

"I made contact with people in the Rising Tide. That's why I used my laptop – its got all the programs for that set up." Skye explained. She walked over to her closed laptop. "I was about to see if I could find Agent Koenig and connect to the base's computers. This kind of work is going to need more computing power than my laptop has."

"Alright. Get started on that." Coulson nodded. "Last I saw Koenig, he was in his office." He gave her a few quick directions on how to get there. Skye nodded, then looked over at Ward.

"Talk to you again in a bit then." She told him, a light smile on her face, before she went for the door and left.

"How are you holding up, Ward?" Coulson asked, his voice concerned. It wasn't false concern, he knew. Coulson cared about his people, his team.

"What do you mean?"

"Garrett was your S.O. You were on his team for years. And it turns out he's a traitor, and has been for..a long time? Can't be easy." Coulson explained.

"He was your friend too." Ward pointed out. Then he let out a breath. "It's not exactly the simplest thing in the world to come to terms with."A lie, but a small one.

It was Skye that he had turned on John for, but Coulson – Coulson was a man worth respecting. He cared about his people – he cared about **people** , full stop. S.H.I.E.L.D. was supposed to be about protection, about helping people. As a lone operative, taking on the kind of missions specialists always got assigned, he'd never really seen that side of S.H.I.E.L.D.

He respected Coulson – though he had little respect for Coulson's idealism, or his dedication to a dead agency...an agency that was never what Coulson had believed it to be even when active, corrupted from the start. But Skye was Coulson's biggest fan, and Skye would never hear a truly bad word against the man. He could live with dealing with Coulson if he meant he stayed with Skye. And Coulson wasn't all bad – none of the team was, not really.

He liked being around the team, even FitzSimmons at their most incoherent. Still...for John, he'd have turned on all of them.

But for Skye...Ward realized he'd been silent for nearly a minute and forced himself back to the conversation at hand.

"But the fact that he crossed as many lines as he did – planting those bombs in former agents' eyes, turning Mike Peterson into a killing machine, torturing you with that...thing, whatever it was. Having Quinn shoot Skye..." Ward shook his head. "It makes it easier to move away from my past loyalties to him." He continued. "He may have been by S.O., but he was also a murder and a traitor." All of which was true.

"Alright." Coulson said, then his tone was back to all business. "You know where the armory is?"

Ward shook his head. "No. I assume it's labeled 'Armory' on the door though?" Coulson nodded. "Then I'll manage to find it. Anything else sir?"

"Can you fly the Bus solo?" Ward did a double take, but it didn't show on his face.

"I can. From point A to point B. Not much more than that. Flying something as big as the Bus was never really part of my training." A helicopter or a jump-jet, and he'd have a much smoother time of it. Still wasn't going to want to fly either into an active war-zone unless he had no other choice. "Are you taking May off the stick? I know she lied to you about-"

"Agent May has decided to leave." Coulson interrupted, his voice flat. "With Fury dead, her mission's done."

 _She left?_ That-

He'd thought he had a handle on May, but finding out that she'd been put on the team – been reporting on Coulson's condition back to Director Fury – had been a shock. Still, he'd wrapped his brain around it – she had her orders, and while Ward wasn't familiar with all the details, he knew that May and Coulson went back a long ways together.

Ward didn't ask the questions Coulson's words and flat emotionless tone raised. May being gone meant the team had lost a member, was more vulnerable without The Calvary's skills, but he wasn't going to try to convince Coulson to forgive May. From a practical perspective – May was always the one who'd had the greatest chance of finding out the truth. With her gone – it would be easier.

"She had her orders." He said after a moment, then: "Trip might actually be the better choice for flying the Bus." Ward added. "I looked into his file, when he took my slot on Garrett's team after I joined up with you." He explained. "Wanted to make sure my old team had it all covered. He's got better flying certification than me, and has actually flown something bigger than a jump-jet or a helicopter before." Actually, he'd wanted to see if he could figure out if Trip was Hydra as well. John had said Trip wasn't, but...

Ward had been worried Trip would take his place as John's right hand within the organization. That he'd be let go of, that the man he'd owed everything to would no longer need him.

Looking over the file had made it clear to him Agent Antoine Tripplet was _not_ Hydra material and even more importantly to him at the time, wasn't better than him. The man could give him a run for his money, as their fight on the Bus over Quinn's fate had proven, and Ward would never feel cocky in a fight with the other specialist...but...

What was important now, though, was that Ward could trust that Trip wasn't going to turn on the team.

"Good to know." Coulson said, in answer to Ward's suggestion. "I'll talk to him about it after you're done with the weapons inventory.

 **Armory, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

It had taken him a bit of walking – and a number of wrong turns – to find the armory, but eventually he made it. That the door really was labeled 'Armory' helped. It even had a scanner for his lanyard. Ward held the card up to the device and the door opened without him even needing to turn a knob.

Trip was inside, smoothly disassembling a rifle. Ward walked inside and let the door close behind him.

"Going to personally check every weapon?" He asked the other specialist, arms crossed in front of him.

Trip looked up and over at him, "I might. Helps me focus." Ward understood that. It wasn't the act itself that the man was focusing on – that was an easy, almost entirely muscle-memory action for any specialist after a few years on the job. But it had a way of clearing the mind.

"What are you focusing on?" Ward grabbed another one of the weapons and started to disassemble it, even as Trip started to put his back together.

"Garrett." Trip answered.

"He lied to everyone around him for -" Ward shrugged, as if he didn't know how long John had been a member of Hydra. "God only knows. Maybe the entire time. He had to be pretty good at it. He even fooled Coulson."

"Yea, he fooled Coulson – but we were both on his team. Old friends that go back isn't the same thing as being on the same team, seeing the guy day in and day out." Trip pointed out, grabbing three pistols, started to disassemble the first. Ward could tell where this was going. "I just keep going over it, in my head. Trying to see if there's a little thing I missed – a hint. I had no clue he was..."

"No one had any clue Hydra was in S.H.I.E.L.D." Ward pointed out. "Even Fury didn't pick up on it until right before the end, and they still managed to take him out." Talking about how he could have been at John's side for years and not even gotten a hint was not where he wanted this conversation to go.

"He set up this secret base, designed that magic lie-detector chair and found a way to have Koenig send those co-ordinates to Coulson." Trip pointed out. "That's not something you put together when you haven't figured out something's going wrong."

Ward didn't doubt that. Fury hadn't become – and stayed – Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. without a frightening skillset. But that skillset came with a level of paranoia that no one in the world could match. It was all too justified, but it was that paranoia, more than anything specific, that probably had more to do with the existence of Providence Base than anything else.

"If Fury didn't start setting up secret bases and contingencies to go with them the second he took over S.H.I.E.L.D. I'd be very surprised." He replied. "Who knows how long he's had this base in reserve?"

"It's pretty damn well stocked and up to date." Trip replied, holding up one of the guns he'd already disassembled and reassembled. "This one just came off the production lines three months ago." Not sure what to say to that, Ward just returned to the weapon he was on.

"You and Garrett went way back." It wasn't a question, but he took it as one.

"Yeah." Ward agreed. He let out a small sigh and turned to look at Trip, knowing the best option was to 'talk' about this with him and get on with things – move the subject aside. "I've been running through everything in my head too." Which was true, though not in the same way or for the same reasons as Trip thought. "I can't help but think I should have picked something up. But I didn't – and he's gone now. No point in lingering on it."

Trip looked at him a moment, then shook his head, "Garret was right about one thing. You really are stone cold. The guy trained you, was your S.O. and you were by his side for years, and it doesn't bother you that he was a traitor the entire time? You're just gonna say 'let's not linger on it'?"

Ward looked Trip in the eye, drawing on his anger for Garret. It was easy to bring that back to the surface – it was something else he couldn't easily compartmentalize. "You think it doesn't bother me? I spent years with that bastard, trusted him, with my _life_. Hell, he saved my life more than once. I saved his life a few times too – and it turns out that not only was he lying to us all, that he was a traitor to S.H.I.E.L.D. but he's the also Clairvoyant, the same Clairvoyant that ordered Quinn to shoot Skye in the stomach and leave her for dead, all so we could lead him to the drug that brought Coulson back. He nearly killed Skye so he could create the perfect super-soldier army. You want to know what's running through my head when I think back on him?" Ward took a little step towards him.

"I'm thinking about all the times I put myself on the line for him. All the times I did everything I could to make sure he came out of an op alive, unscathed." _Every time I followed his orders. Every time I was more than prepared to take a bullet for him._ "I'm thinking about how if I had just been...a little slower, a little bit less determined, a little bit-"

Ward took a breath, "Then Skye wouldn't have been shot and Garrett wouldn't have been in a position to betray us." _And he'd never be in a position to hurt Skye again_. "But thinking about it and beating myself up over that isn't going to be me or anyone else anywhere."

He'd wasn't sure what kind of response that would get from Trip, but after a moment, the other man nodded, "The same thought's crossed my mind once or twice." He laughed, half-hollowly. "Maybe you're right. Not lingering seems like a good plan."

 **Ward's Bedroom, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Two**

The team didn't sit down to dinner that evening. FitzSimmons had essentially plundered their way through the meager lab and medical facilities in the base, taking most things back to their lab on the plane. At least May had made sure the fuel line was repaired before just walking out of the base, so they weren't going to have to deal with that problem.

Coulson had been holed up with Koenig in his office most of the day, doubtless making plans, trying to figure out what to do next. Skye had been connected to the base computers, still combing through all the dumped files with her Rising Tide buddies.

For a while, Ward had gone to the training room – practiced against the punching bag, then sparred with Trip. There wasn't much else to do yet, once the Armory was inventoried.

He'd just finished getting back into clothes after taking a shower when he'd heard a knock on his door. Like with his team's footsteps, he'd come to be familiar with the way each member of the team knocked – it wasn't quite as distinct as the sound and pacing of them walking, but it was enough to almost always be right about who was on the other side of the door.

In this case, he could tell that it was Skye on the other side of the door. The door to his bedroom.

He hadn't expected her to come to his bedroom – especially not now...not after she'd made it clear she wanted to start slow.

Ward shook his head. That was jumping to conclusions. If she wanted to talk to him, she'd have to come here, since this was where he was. He opened the door, and Skye was standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" She asked, her voice quiet.

 _Of course. Always._ "You don't need to ask, Skye." Ward said after a moment, stepping aside to let her in. Skye came into the room – larger than their bunks on the Bus, complete with bathrooms, but still, not an especially large room.

Skye sat down on his bed, and looked up at him. "Sit." She told him, "Please?" She added, after a moment. She took a breath. "You trusted me with something earlier. There's something I want to trust you with too."

"Skye, you don't have to-" He started. He hadn't told her that so she'd open up in turn...he'd done it for her to trust him, to accept him...

But he wanted her to trust him, and she did – with...whatever...but he didn't want to sound like he'd been expecting some sort of tit for tat. He hadn't been...

"I didn't say I have to trust you with it." She told him, interrupting him before he could get any farther. "I want to." She gestured next to herself on the bed. "Sit?"

Ward looked at her a moment, taking in the careful, cautious and yes, trusting look in her eyes, and then sat down on the bed next to her. Maybe bringing his anger at Garrett to the surface earlier hadn't been a good idea, because he could feel it welling up inside him again, unbidden, as he sat there looking into her trusting face. John had put him into the situation where he'd had to deceive them all for so long, where a single misstep could remove that expression from her face and replace it with unmitigated loathing. And he hated John for that. Had put him onto a mission where he'd had to deny for so long aht he felt.

A mission that had nearly cost Skye her life – and nearly cost him any chance with her.

"I've told you that I...that I joined the team, originally, to try and find my parents. About the redacted S.H.I.E.L.D file." She'd told him about that after she'd been freed of the electronic monitoring bracelet, once they'd rescued Coulson. She'd even told him about the discovery that an unknown female S.H.I.E.L.D. agent had been the one to drop her off at St. Agnes.

"You did." He'd already come to forgive her for lying to them, to him, for warning Miles Lydon. He couldn't not forgive her, really. But learning that she'd just been trying to find out who she was – where she came from...

On one level, Ward didn't understand. He knew where he came from, and if he could have forgotten it, he would have done so in a heartbeat. But Skye – she'd never been a good fit anywhere, had been rejected her whole life. He knew something about that. He'd been rejected from his family, but John had given him a place. Skye had found a place on this team, but she'd been looking for that place well before joining them.

"What I never told you was that Coulson managed to find out something else." She continued softly, and she placed a finger on his lips a moment, silently telling him to let her finish. "The Agent who dropped me off, at St. Agnes – her name was Avery. Linda Avery." Ward didn't recognize the name, "She was part of a team, sent to a village in the Hunan Province of China to secure an 0-8-4."

 _An 0-8-4._ Hand had mentioned how Skye was technically 0-8-4 because of how S.H.I.E.L.D. knew nothing of her origins. But it hadn't been a genuine label, from her. But she was saying – she was an 0-8-4. _**Really**_ an 0-8-4.

"The entire village – most of the team. They were dead. Massacred." Skye's voice broke a little. "An entire village slaughtered because they were trying to protect me." She swallowed a little and Ward reached out to her, taking her hand in his, running his thumb over the back of her hand lightly. "The survivors of the team took me back here...and then they started dying. One by one. That's why I kept being taken away from every foster family, even the ones that I thought...that I thought I was doing well with...Agent Avery hacked an order into the system, to have them transfer me every few months...to keep me safe." She looked up at him now, "I spent years fighting against S.H.I.E.L.D. while with the Rising Tide. And it turns out that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents gave their lives to keep me safe, were keeping me safe for years, the family I always had but didn't know about."

Skye looked at him, as if thinking this might change his opinion of her – that she was an 0-8-4, a classification reserved for dangerous, scary objects, things that had to be contained or destroyed. As if knowing that she'd been the cause of death for so many should horrify him.

 _I've killed more._ Ward didn't know how many exactly he'd killed – he'd never felt a need to keep score - but there was blood on his hands. He'd killed for S.H.I.E.L.D., killed for Hydra...assuming that village was typically sized for a small rural village in China, the deaths on his head were still far greater in number – and in terms of guilt he so far outstripped her that she was as innocent as a newbon. He'd actually been responsible for those deaths, had caused them and watched the victims die in many cases. Skye hadn't even known what was happening when it was happening, still didn't understand why. She hadn't killed those people, hadn't even asked them to die for her.

The deaths had happened. Ward had little regret for them, on their own.

This couldn't change how he saw Skye. It only brought into sharper relief how strong a person, how good a person she was.

She hadn't killed a single person, and she was broken up about those deaths. He'd killed...so very many, and it didn't bother him.

But that wasn't the point. It didn't matter if he cared - Skye couldn't be with murderer. She was too good of a person for that.

He remembered what he'd told her, when she'd asked if he'd ever killed anyone before: _Yes, a few - high risk targets. But they were terrible people – who were planning to murder_ _ **nice**_ _people. And I didn't feel good afterwards._

That's what he'd told her under 'the influence' of the fake truth drug, that first meeting. He'd thought That kind of answer would have been true for Grant Ward, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. So it was the one that he had given.

He didn't care about being good. But he did care about Skye returning his feelings and that meant being the man Skye thought he was – the 'good man'. It was a mask, of course, but that's all he was – masks, in endless succession. He'd worn – almost become – one for John. Now he'd wear and become this one for Skye.

Ward didn't say anything – the right words...he wasn't sure what they were. But he did reach over and embrace Skye, holding her close, though he hesitated to hold her too tightly. Skye put her arms around him in turn and they sat there, silently.

 **Note:** For the time being, you can keep expecting the updates to be this once a week schedule. But we're fast approaching the end of my buffer of material here, so after that point, updates will _probably_ end up more in the rate of once every two weeks.


	4. A Promise That Mattered

**Disclaimer:** If you watched the Finale of Season 2, then you can know for _sure_ that I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

And now, after two chapters that were basically _just_ Skyeward relationship screentime, we pick up with the story again. Not that I have any regrets about the last two chapters, and we'll see plenty of screentime for just their relationship, don't worry.

This fic, though Ward-Centric, will, from time to time, as the needs of the story require it, feature the POV of Skye. I contemplated expanding the POV options more, but at the end of the day, this is far more a story of Skye and Ward than of the events around them (even though they can't just imagine the outside world doesn't exist, unfortunately.).

Some dialogue is cribbed from Episode 1x20 "Nothing Personal"

Thanks to EnergyBeing for being my beta-reader

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 4: A Promise That Mattered

 **Koenig's Office, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Three**

Last night, Ward hadn't _wanted_ to let Skye go. But eventually, he'd had to. Even if they weren't... at that point, he'd wanted to be able to hold her, be there for her, have her there with him while the slept. He hadn't asked her to stay, hadn't even suggested it. Her running off after that second kiss had proven to him he had to take every effort to go as slow as he had to. No faster than she was ready for.

Which meant he had to go at her pace. He had to wait for her to prompt something – at least for the moment. She wanted to take it slow, and as much as it agonized him to finally have her and yet not _have_ her, he could take it slow, if that was what it took. He would be as patient as a stone.

And...even what little he had – light kisses, caresses, embraces... after wanting her for so long, they were still...so much.

Being able to hold her last night, after she'd told him about being an 0-8-4, about the people that had died to protect her... he'd reassured her, after a few minutes of silent embrace, that it didn't change a thing. He still had feelings for her. Still wanted a relationship with her. It didn't change that she was a good person – the best person.

And that was truth. Nothing but truth. If he hadn't known how much abandonment terrified Skye, she'd said last night, from bits and pieces even before that, he could never have understood how Skye would have ever thought something that happened when she was an infant could have changed how he felt about her.

Even now, he didn't really get it. But she didn't know the lines he had crossed for her. She didn't know that he'd wanted her so much, felt for her so much...she didn't know that he had turned on John for her. She didn't know that John was the first person to give a damn to – that John was the man he owed everything to.

And that he'd turned on him for _her._ She didn't know all that. She didn't know how important she was to him, because of that.

Eventually, Skye had left, to her room, to sleep. They'd parted with a light, but lingering kiss.

That kiss hadn't been enough to drive off the nightmares. He didn't have nightmares often, but he had them enough to be familiar with them – for years, they'd centered on his family and on John. That he'd fail John and be back to that same helpless, _weak_ child he'd been with his family.

He hadn't had dreams about his family for some time, at least not before the Staff. They'd come back with a vengeance afterwards.

But last night...

He'd had a few nightmares of Skye dying, after she'd been shot. He'd had nightmares of John killing Skye to find whatever it was had healed her, so he could use it for himself. But only a few, and he'd repressed them as best he could, because at that point he had still been loyal to John. If John had wanted to kill Skye so he could heal himself, back then he wouldn't have stopped him.

It made him sick to think that he'd once felt like that. That he could ever have let Skye get hurt.

But last night...

Last night, _he'd_ been the one hurting Skye.

 _Skye was strapped to a chair, bruises across her arms, her lip split and one eye black. A bloody knife was in Ward's hand as he approached her. He saw an open cut on her cheek, shallow and oozing and he realized he'd given it to her..._

" _Where is Coulson hiding? Where is the rest of the team?" He demanded in a cruel tone – the very thought of speaking to her like that, of hurting her made him sick._

" _No." She spat in his face as he drew close. "Go ahead and kill me, because I'm never going to tell a monster like you anything." Her words dripped venom, her eyes blazed hate..._

The hate in her eyes – that's what he'd woken up to. That was what he still saw, when he closed his eyes. Because it had been him that had spoken, no one else. He was Hydra through and through, so of course she'd hate him. Behind this facade there was simply nothing there, nothing but emptiness and a remarkable capability to betray and kill everyone he met. So when he woke up and went about his day, he couldn't help but think that at any second he'd see eyes filled with hatred and betrayal. So he avoided people as best he could, all the while chiding himself because it had just been a dream, of course it wasn't real… but he still couldn't bring himself to face anyone.

That was, until he almost knocked over Skye when she was heading into Koenig's office after Coulson had called them together on the intercom. He'd been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that their main object was right there and front of him. It was only then that he truly grasped that it had only been a dream.

Because there had been no hate in her eyes. She'd looked worried, wondered what Coulson was calling them together for – right up until the moment she'd realized that he was there, and then there was nothing but happiness.

Ward licked his lips ever so slightly as Koenig finished typing something on his computer, remembering the quick kiss Skye had given him before they'd walked into the room. Fortunately, they hadn't been the last to arrive – Coulson himself had. The team, minus May and plus Trip.

"We're all here. Good. Agent Koenig has some bad news for us, unfortunately, though I suppose we could have seen it coming." Coulson nodded to Koenig, but before the man could start on whatever it was that he had to say, Simmons spoke:

"We're not all here though – where's May?" She asked, looking around, "She's not here, but obviously you know that sir so-"

"May left." Coulson said, his tone less rigid than it had been yesterday. Obviously, the man's anger had faded some since. "I wouldn't get past her keeping secrets from me about T.A.H.I.T.I. About my recovery – I was mad, and I was mean. I told her to leave, and she did." He shook his head. "We'll have to do without her for the time being. I don't have any way to make contact with her at the moment."

"Then who's going to fly the Bus?" Fitz asked, confused. "I mean-"

"Agents Trip and Ward can handle it." Coulson said, nodding to the two specialists.

"But she's a member of the team – she can't have just left." Simmons protested.

"Apparently she can." Trip pointed out. "Ask me, we don't need her sorry ass."

"Excuse me?" Simmons turned to look at the man, sounding appalled, "How can you-"

"With all the crap we're facing, this isn't the time to pull the ripcord and bail out." Trip explained. From the looks on their faces, Fitz and Simmons weren't having any of it. Skye though – it was harder to tell what she was thinking about it. Skye didn't seem happy to hear that May had just up and left, but she also didn't look very happy with Coulson.

Of course, right now, Coulson didn't look very happy with himself.

"We can have this discussion later. Right now we have a different problem." Coulson cut in. He nodded to Koenig. "Go."

Eric Koenig brought something up on the screens. "This is footage from the prison where Raina was put – she was deemed a low security risk and _not_ taken to the Fridge, apparently, and now we can regret that." He zoomed in on footage of two people walking out of the front gate, dead guards by their at the main doors.

One of the two people was very clearly Raina. _Where oh where did John find her?_ Everything he'd heard about this woman suggested she'd actually fallen for John's 'I'm Clairvoyant' line. and she was the brains behind the Centipede program. Of course John would want her. And now he'd broken her out. Already. He'd survived his fall and hit the ground running.

"I recognize that guy." Trip said, pointing to the man walking Raina of the prison – and Ward realized he did too. Not that he was as surprised to see him as Trip was.

"So do I." Ward agreed. "That's Kaminsky." He looked to Coulson and the others. "One of Garrett's go to guys for simple muscle – Kaminsky and his people would come in after I'd broken a place open to take out the main force of whoever we were after."

"Makes sense he'd be Hydra." Trip said after a moment. "Guy always did like his job too much. Enthusiastic to get the chance to kill someone."

"So, what, this guy is taking over Centipede, and he's breaking Raina out to help with it?" Skye asked, and Ward could already see the gears turning in her head. She was going to add Kaminsky to her list of people to check through S.H.I.E.L.D.'s dumped files for, and Ward made a mental note to give her a list of the other people in Kamnisky's team – people he _knew_ were Hydra, but only names he could suggest as potential suspects.

"Or they could be using her for some other project. Centipede was Garrett's, without him, they might not continue it. Raina's a clever and resourceful woman." Coulson reasoned. "There's all kinds of work they could be using her for."

"Centipede may have been Garrett's, but do you really think that Hydra would turn down an active and semi-successful super-soldier project?" Ward pointed out. "People have been trying to crack Dr. Erskine's formula and recreate Captain America for decades." And Coulson, being the Captain America fanboy that he was, knew about a lot of those failed projects, and had even told Ward about a few – ones that weren't classified above level 7, anyway.

"Either way, it gives us a solid lead. Skye, do you think you can track these two?" Coulson looked over at the hacker, who gave a half-shrug and nod.

"I can run their faces by street cameras and every other camera I can access, sure, but that's going to take time and its a long shot to be able to tell where they're going." She looked to Koenig, "Send me all the footage you have of the breakout and I'll see if I can't make a go of it." Ward didn't want to say she didn't sound confident, because that wasn't it, but she did seem -

"Something you want to add?" Coulson asked.

"I don't think we actually need to do that." Skye said. "Who is someone that Centipede, Raina and Garrett all have in common? Someone that _isn't_ in prison or dead, yet?"

Skye had made the connection. It wasn't a hard one to make, exactly, it just needed someone to be thinking about it, bu Ward hadn't expected that anyone would make it so soon. Everyone was busy with everything else – even if he hadn't known the lead was there to take, he had the training to think in the ways to get to that point. Trip did as well, but he didn't have as much experience with Raina or Project Centipede as the rest of the team.

Of course, as a hacktivist, she was used to tying disparate information together to form a coherent picture.

"Raina recruited Mike Peterson for the Centipede project. She was also there when he got captured – had to be part of their plan. And Mike – he's Deathlok, who we knew worked for the Clairvoyant, thanks to one of those sick eye-cameras, even before we knew the Clairvoyant was Garrett." She ticked the items off on her fingers. "And all that tech in Mike – it comes from one place. The same place that made the package..." She trailed off a moment, then took a breath.

 _She's strong._

"The package that was delivered to Quinn's villa. The robotic leg that they gave Mike. It came from Cybertek. And unless something's changed, Mike is still out there." She finished.

"But now that Garrett is dead, he's not under the Clairvoyant's control. He's free, right?" Fitz started, then he trailed off, as if something occurred to him.

It seemed to have occurred to Trip and Coulson as well. The lead agent got it out first though.

"Garrett may have been the Clairvoyant and the guy ultimately in charge of what Deathlok did, but he couldn't have been the one actually giving the orders from the other side of that camera in his eye." Coulson was just coming out with the words as they came to mind, more or less thinking out loud. "And as far as we know, that person is still free."

"And still giving him orders." Trip nodded. "And if Cybertek made all that stuff that's in him, that's the best place to try and get a lead on him."

"Not just that." Skye finished with a smile. "I checked through the dumped files for info on Cybertek last night, on this thought. One of the things S.H.I.E.L.D. does is keep track of people who make weapons that are especially high tech. Its why you guys were so interested in the Ironman suit."

"A lot of people are interested in the Ironman suit." Coulson countered, "But yea. A company making the kind of implants and weaponry we saw on Deathlok would be something S.H.I.E.L.D. looked into. But the company was too well connected for us to get an investigation going without creating more problems when they sold that leg to Quinn. If we'd had more time before the agency fell, we probably could have used what they did to Peterson as a way in...but things moved kind of quickly after Nash."

"They weren't just connected." Skye added. "I looked at the data S.H.I.E.L.D. had on the company. It wasn't much, but over three-quarters of the reports and inspections on Cybertek were submitted or written by people we _know_ were Hydra. Including a lot by Garrett, though not in the last decade."

 _That_ Ward hadn't known. He'd always figured Hydra had manipulated things to make sure that S.H.I.E.L.D. stayed off of Cybertek's trail, but he hadn't known how.

 _John probably was the guy 'inspecting' them after they gave him his first implants. Each visit was probably for an adjustment or something..._ Ward knew that the Deathlok implants that had made John the first subject of Project Deathlok had taken a while for all the kinks to be worked out.

 _But not enough. They were failing – and John is dying because of it._ If Cybertek had just been better, actually done what they were supposed to – then he wouldn't have needed the G.H. 325. He wouldn't have needed Quinn to shoot Skye.

 _I wouldn't have been on the team._

 _I wouldn't have met Skye._

The very thought made his chest tighten. If he hadn't – he couldn't imagine not meeting her. Not having known her – not now. Not after she'd come to-

 _I would have met her. Eventually. Somehow._ He couldn't bear to accept a different possibility. A world where he had to go on without meeting her, without color coming into a gray world...

Ward was drawn out of his thoughts by Trip's words.

"That son of a bitch. Must've been laughing all the way too and from, saying everything was fine when the company was Hydra from the start."

"That's hardly the worst thing Garrett did." Simmons pointed out reasonably, rationally. "But it does make Cybertek the most logical place to go, right?"

"Its a lead on what else Garrett might have been up to, and if Raina was broken out by Garrett's people, its a lead on where she might be." Coulson agreed. "We put her into that prison, its our responsibility to find her and put her into the Fridge this time."

"That's a bit of good news." Koenig interjected. "From what chatter that we can pick up from the US government, they seem content to leave the Fridge alone for now. They don't want to touch all the prisoners there with a ten foot pole. Its a legal minefield."

"And as long as Agent Hand keeps the place locked down tight, we shouldn't have to worry about Hydra getting their hands on the place, or everything and everyone there." Coulson finished. He looked over to Skye, "Nice thinking, Skye." She smiled, Coulson's praise always something she valued. "You're right, trying to track Raina and Kaminsky probably wouldn't work. We'll keep that idea in reserve, but for now, do you think you can hack into Cybertek?"

"If I could crack S.H.I.E.L.D. RSA implementation, I can hack Cybertek." Skye said, apparently not as interested in downplaying her previous hacking of the agency as she had before S.H.I.E.L.D.'s fall.

"That's what I was hoping you'd say." Coulson looked to everyone else. "Everyone else, let's get ready for departure. I want us to be ready to leave as soon as we have a lead on Raina or something else actionable."

 **Skye's Bedroom, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Three**

As it turned out, she couldn't hack Cybertek.

"Damnit!" Skye resisted the urge to hit her laptop. She was getting nowhere. Cybertek's website was a front – there was nothing there behind it. It was just the company's face, and despite her best efforts, she couldn't find any way into their systems.

Hell, she couldn't even _find_ their systems.

Which could only mean that Cybertek had closed systems, nothing connected to outside networks. It made sense to do that during a lockdown, like that Centipede Lab in Hong Kong had done, but otherwise?

 _How would they manage?_ There were reasons why even S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't have a completely closed off system, though she knew they had had kill switches for just that if need be at their various bases. If nothing else, S.H.I.E.L.D. needed to be able to communicate between its bases and its agents in the field. And it wasn't like Cybertek had one building or something. They had more than a dozen offices across the globe – so they proudly said on their website, anyway.

But she couldn't find any way into their systems. Under normal circumstances, this would be where she set the project aside and come back to it in a little bit – back during her hacktivist days-

 _Is it really a 'back during'?_ It was an odd thing to think about – she hadn't really done much of anything hacktivist-y since joining the Team, and especially not now that Hydra had come out of the shadows, but she still believed the same things she did before. She was still interested in the truth, in the same things that had inspired her to join the Rising Tide. Her search for her parents had been the initial impetus, but the organization's ideals mattered a lot to her as well.

But at the same time, she wasn't really a hacktivist now...and as she'd told Coulson in the aftermath of the battle at the Hub...the information S.H.I.E.L.D. had kept hidden, the alien artifacts and extreme technologies that had been kept hidden away or destroyed by S.H.I.E.L.D... all that...it really shouldn't be out in the open.

 _And now it all is._

But putting this to the side and work on another project, like she had when she ran into problems before - which really, _really_ didn't happen that often... it wasn't really an option here.

The only idea she could come up with to get into Cybertek's systems was to actually be on location, connected to their closed off network and hacking in from there. Which would mean that they'd have to get her inside.

 _It's not like Ward can't manage it._ Despite the context, just thinking of Ward made her smile a little. She'd freaked out, yesterday, with the kiss and – but...

She'd told him the truth, once she'd calmed down. She did want an 'us' with Ward. With Grant.

 _We're – we're dating. I should probably call him by his first name._ She'd called him Grant a few times, but...he was Ward. That's what she knew him by, and it felt more natural than calling him Grant. But...really. No one called him Grant, really. Everyone called him Ward.

"Grant." She tested the name out. She looked away from her computer, thinking back to the kisses she'd shared with Ward – with Grant – and how they'd felt. And how the way he'd held her, after she'd told him the full truth, about being an 0-8-4, about all those people that had died to protect her – it had made her feel...safe. Like everything would be alright.

She'd felt safe with Grant around, from basically the start – as she'd told Miles, he _was_ Seal Team 6 – but she'd only felt that in a basic, intellectual sense. But last night, when Ward had had his arms around her -

She hadn't wanted to leave. After everything that had happened in the last few weeks – getting shot, Lorelei, the 'search' for the Clairvoyant...Ward killing Nash – Hydra, the Hub... being the FBI's freaking most wanted...

S.H.I.E.L.D. being gone,

Feeling safe – really, truly feeling like everything would work out...would be alright.

That meant a lot. And she hadn't wanted to leave that. She'd have been happy to just stay there, his arms around her, the entire night. Even sleeping like that, together.

Not actually _sleeping_ together mind you -

 _Though I wouldn't object to-_

Skye shut down that train of thought. She'd said slow start, and she meant it. Yes, she wanted to have crazy naked (or crazy half-naked, she wasn't picky) sex with Grant, but she didn't want to rush-

Before she could think anything else, about Grant, about the 'us', about anything – she heard an obviously recorded voice over the intercom as an alarm blared, presumably throughout the base. "Perimeter Defenses Activated." The voice repeated itself twice, and then Koenig's voice came over the intercom:

"Multiple hostile targets on the ground – the gun turrets have been activated." A pause, "Its the Air Force. Holy crap we're under attack by the Air Force." Koenig sounded like he was on the verge of freaking out.

 _He's an agent. Isn't he supposed to be-?_

Well, no, because she was freaking out too, and she was as much an agent as he was. She reached for the ICER on the bedside table, standing up and going to the door. Before she got there, it opened -

"Ah!" Skye jumped and nearly fired the gun before realizing it was Grant on the other side of the door. "Oh god, Grant-" She let out a breath. "What the hell is-"

"I know about as much as you do." Grant replied, his own ICER in hand. "But If I know Coulson, he's going to cover the entrance. Lock yourself in, don't-"

"I'm not staying back!" Skye protested. "Especially not while you go risk your life again against too many people. It was bad enough at the Hub." She took a breath.

Grant's face was a blank – they were under attack, of course it would be – and she had no idea what was going through his head. After a moment, he nodded. "Fine. But you stay _behind_ me, and if I tell you to run, you run, no protests, no questions." His voice was all business, all 'Agent Ward'.

He'd given up quickly, but he also knew her, like she knew him. He had to know she wasn't going to give up the point – because she wasn't going to let Ward go alone. She didn't want to risk – she didn't want to risk losing him. And she wasn't going to stay back and cower. She was an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. She'd earned that, and she was going to act like it, damnit!

 **Cafeteria, Providence Base**

 **D Plus Three**

 _Hill?_

What the hell was _Hill_ doing surrendering the location of Fury's secret base, for God's sake!

Ward had never been the woman's biggest fan, but she was a capable agent, and she was loyal to Fury. Loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. Like Coulson, she believed in the idea of the agency, the mission. At least, as far as he knew.

And now they were all prisoners of the US Air Force. Because Coulson wanted to talk. They could have held them at the hallway – and they wouldn't have had to kill any U.S. Military personnel. Coulson wouldn't have wanted to that except as a last resort.

 _I think a second or third to last resort is a better place for that option._ Ward was contemplating it now. His eyes were on Skye, but he was just as aware of the soldier not ten feet from him, weapon ready, but not _quite_ pointed at anyone.

 _I could have him on the ground and his gun in my hands inside of six seconds._ Then he'd be able to take out the other soldiers in the room – all three of them – and grab Colonel Talbott.

But there was every chance -

On his own, Ward would have risked it. If it was just Trip in the room, or just Trip and Koenig, he would have. Trip would be able to act off his play, and besides, he was a specialist too. And Koenig – Ward didn't really care if the man got hit in the crossfire.

But if Fitz, or Simmons or _Skye_ -

It was still an option, as his mind ran through scenarios. If there was even a chance that this idiot Colonel would hurt Skye -

It went against almost every instinct he had to just sit there, silently while Talbott got ready for whatever grand posturing he'd come here to do.

 _Why the hell would Agent Hill hand over the base?_

He'd give Coulson his time to talk to Hill, but he wasn't going to let this stand forever. The longer they waited here dancing to the tune of this Colonel who was letting his hatred of S.H.I.E.L.D. override his logic -

 _There have got to be better things for you to do than chase down seven S.H.I.E.L.D. agents_ , Coulson had told Talbott, and that was the truth. But the man was going for the easy, the simple play, rather than trying to root out Hydra, which was vanishing so far underground you'd need a laser drill to find them.

 _He wants a win. Something that will look good and make the politicians and the brass think he's doing something about this problem._

Simmons broke first – well, not broke, but she was the first one to talk. He'd figured it would have been her or Fitz. Neither of them were used to this sort of thing. Skye – well, she'd been on the end of a couple of police interrogations when she was younger, and – well, she'd born up better under him and Coulson than many might have – _though Coulson was already planning to recruit her from the start, so he was lax from the word go._

Simmons just didn't have the training or the experience to fall back on. And she wasn't spilling vital secrets. Just...saying something that had absolutely no bearing on the issue at hand – that Talbott wanted a win. That Talbott didn't like S.H.I.E.L.D. and didn't care about the distinction.

 _A distinction that in my case, really doesn't exist._

"We're not criminals." Simmons told the Colonel, as if he cared, or would believe her.

"Great." Talbott replied, sounding almost sincere in his earnestness. "Then we'll take you in and you can tell us all about it."

"If you take us in, we're vanishing into a deep dark hole somewhere that some faction or another of the US intelligence community is convinced S.H.I.E.L.D. never knew about." Ward told Talbott calmly. "They did."

"Hardly matters now, does it?" Talbott replied, turning his attention towards him. Right now, he was 'Agent Ward', the guy who protected his team. And that meant drawing Talbott's attention away from Simmons, or Fitz or Skye or even Koenig, and towards him and Trip.

"And whatever your British friend might think, at the very least you're fugitives. And running away puts a bit of a guilty stink on it." This was pointless, but Ward had known that already.

"If we're going to start talking like that, maybe I should call my lawyer." Skye muttered.

"You really think you're going to be getting trials?" Talbott scoffed. "You're all traitors and terrorists. The rest of the world won't even know you're in custody."

"We're not Hydra." Trip told Talbott evenly. "We're Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." Ward kept his expression under control. _That is not the case, Trip._ They couldn't be agents of an agency that didn't exist. If something was ever rebuilt from the ashes, then they could be agents of that. Until then, they were going to be vigilantes at best.

"Well, right now, to the rest of the world, that's the same thing." Talbott pointed out, making the first truly reasonable statement since he'd arrived.

"Hydra had a U.S. Senator in their pocket." Ward couldn't help but point out. "You really think they don't have people in the Air Force?" Ward's words had the intended effect and Talbott clenched one hand for a moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Skye shoot him a small smirk.

"I'm gonna tell you how its gonna be." Talbott told them, his eyes still on Ward. "You give me actionable inteligence, and I'll allow you to serve time awarded." He looked to each and every one of them, and to their credit, Fitz and Simmons and even Koenig didn't flinch. They were agents. _S.H.I.E.L.D. knew how to pick capable, if nothing else._ They did have trouble on picking loyal, but that was another thing entirely.

"Do your worst." Fitz told Talbott flatly, and Ward remembered a very different man just a few months ago. None of the others seemed willing to tell him anything, which was good.

 _Talbott is used to a world where things made sense. Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. don't operate in that world._ In the world Talbott lived in, Cybernetics and things like the Centipede devices were the kind of thing in the works, that might come out in a decade or two.

For S.H.I.E.L.D. that kind of thing already existed and in some cases, had for decades. For Hydra, they were _making_ the things in the first place.

"Right now, I'm your only friend." Talbott told them. "It's not such a good idea for you to _piss_ me off – and the word Agent," He looked at Trip, "implies that your corrupt organization still exists."

 _And now he makes my point for me._ Though S.H.I.E.L.D. itself hadn't been so much 'corrupt' as 'corrupted'.

"Your leadership abandoned you for the private sector." Talbott continued. "And we're going to allow that in exchange for valuable assets like yourselves. So right now," his tone got a little harsher, "I'd be thinking hard and fast about exactly what it is that makes you valuable."

 _Touch Skye and you'll find out._

Apparently interested in letting that note stew for a bit, Talbott turned and left the cafeteria.

 **Briefing Room, The Bus, En Route to Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Three**

Ward wasn't sure what Coulson had said to Hill in private, but it was enough to convince her to help them neutralize the Special Forces Talbott had brought with them – ICERs only, though Ward wasn't surprised.

They'd gotten to the Bus and out of the base, but only with what Ward knew was a healthy amount of Luck. And as Hand had said, they'd used up a lot of luck already. Apparently though, their team wasn't out of it completely. Fitz and Simmons were freaking out just a little at the whole 'the Air Force coming after them thing' and Koenig was _far_ from happy about having to abandon the base.

"Coulson, this isn't the time to be going after a major tech corporation, Hydra ties or not." Hill said, all of them gathered in the briefing room. Skye had just finished telling them – to her obvious and visible annoyance – of her difficulty in getting at Cybertek's systems. Coulson had immediately leaped onto the 'get inside' idea.

"Mike Peterson is a good man, and S.H.I.E.L.D. failed him, and now Hydra has a nearly unstoppable cyborg ready and willing to obey their every command. Not to mention whatever they broke Raina out for." Coulson countered.

"If Hydra is still interested in the G.H. 325," Simmons added carefully, "Then they're not going to stop coming after us. Even if we deleted the information from the harddrive – which Skye hasn't unlocked yet, since they didn't need it right now - , there's still Skye herself – and you sir." She added, nodding to Coulson.

"You're one team." Hill countered, "There's no backup. There are no more hidden bunkers. There's no more S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I know Fury has other bunkers." Coulson countered, and there was such simple certainty in the man's voice that Ward wondered if there was a basis. Coulson had to have a reason to believe that Fury wasn't dead. _The man is famously hard to kill sure, but still._ Was it just desperate hope, or did he have a good reason to believe it.

"There is no more Fury." Hill countered. "There's no getting the band back together. There is no band _to_ get back together."

"Well, not officially." Coulson agreed.

Hill let out a small sigh, "Look, I get it, okay. You want to go after Cybtertek because of your team's history with Peterson and Garrett. But this won't be some officially sanctioned mission. It's personal. And when its done, you should walk."

 _Fat chance of Coulson agreeing to that._ If Coulson didn't, it was unlikely Skye would. And so neither would he. Fitz, Simmons and Trip – he wasn't sure. Where Simmons stayed, Fitz almost certainly would, though. Likely vice-versa.

"Let your people go their separate ways." Hill finished.

"And then what are we supposed to do? Turn ourselves in and cut a deal?" Fitz asked, "Work in the private sector? I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. so that I could help people, not make some corporation or billionaire money."

"The two aren't exclusive." Hill countered, "Stark manages both. He'd take any and all of you in a heartbeat."

 _Yea, but then Coulson would have to tell him that he's still alive._

Before anyone could say anything else, the room's main view-screen changed from the previous information on Cybertek to the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo for a moment, a flashing indicator saying a message was coming in.

"What the-" It had to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. frequency of some kind-

The screen changed to show John Garret. A John Garrett sitting in a wheelchair looking much worse for the wear. But a living John Garrett. _You knew he was almost certain to survive. That's why-_

Ward's throat clenched and one hand tightened. He looked to the off switch – he could get there. He could turn it off -

If he did that, they'd only have more questions. But if he waited until the last moment-

"Garret?!" Coulson didn't believe it, his confusion and surprise written across his face and stance, more than obvious in his tone. "You're supposed to be dead."

"Sorry to disappoint, Coulson." John replied with a hearty laugh. "I'm a lot harder to kill than that." He laughed again, "You should see the look on your face." Everyone was looking at the screen in shock, but he saw that Skye was already working on a tablet out of the corner of his eye, presumably trying to track him.

From what little he could spot through the camera, it was probably the Havana Barbershop. John would know Skye was-

"And I'm sure your little hacker is trying to trace this call. There won't be anything of value here by the time you get here." John added. "But feel free to drop by." He waved a hand. "Just had to see the look on your face for myself. But I don't have much time to chitchat right now. I've got things to do, places to be."

"The only place you're going to be is a box, Garrett." Coulson told him confidently. "A tiny, little box that will never see the light of day."

"I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree on that." John replied, chuckling. "I'll be seeing you all soon though. Skye's got something I want, after all." He turned his head, looking at Ward.

Ward tensed, ready to spring at the off button -

 _I need to stop him now..._

Why hadn't John sold him out?

He hadn't expected John to call them like this – but he should have known.

 _Of course he'd want to see the look on our faces._

 _On my face._

"Enjoy her while you can, kid. Raina's gonna take her apart. Slowly." He laughed and the connection ended.

 _Why didn't he-_

Why didn't John tell them-

 _He wants to be there. He wants to be there physically. If he tells them now – I'm dead, I'm in the Fridge..._

John would want his revenge to be personal, right there, immediate.

Coulson and Hill turned to him, and Ward felt Skye move closer to him.

"You said he fell out of the plane. Without a parachute." Coulson said carefully, and Ward could see the suspicion in his eyes – not much, but a small amount.

"He did." Ward replied carefully, his heart pounding – John was going to come for Skye. If he even tried, even _tried_ to hurt her, lay a hand on her...

 _I should have killed him then. I will kill him next time I see him._

Coulson looked at him, "Then how is he alive?"

"Garrett's always been good at surviving." Trip pointed out. "I've heard about that bomb in Bosnia. Should've killed him. He lived through that."

Trip was right, though he didn't know how right – and that conversation in the Armory must have paid off if Trip wasn't even remotely suspicious. Coulson didn't really seem that suspicious either – he just didn't have any other explanation.

 _And if Hand mentions it was_ _ **my**_ _idea to throw him out-_

He had to tell Coulson – everyone - about it now. He had to deflect any suspicion away from himself.

 _I owed him so much – I should have shot him. I should have killed him – I was too weak-_

"Sir-" Ward started. "If you contact Agent Hand, she'll tell you the truth. Garrett fell out of that plane without a parachute, yes. He just had..." He took a breath, "he had a little help with the falling out part."

That got _everyone's_ attention. Skye looked at him, the expression on her face – his throat tightened. It was...fear, shock, _horror_.

 _No- she can't- I did it for her...I chose her! She can't do this-_

"Are you saying you pushed him out, Agent Ward?" Hill asked, looking at him dead on.

"With Agent Hand's blessing." Ward replied. "On the way to the Fridge...she said he didn't deserve prison, that it was too good for him after all that he did. She offered me the opportunity to shoot him – to shoot the real Clairvoyant, she said, after I shot Nash..." He took a breath, playing the part of the man coming to terms with a terrible mistake. _But I did make a mistake. I gave him a chance to survive._ "I had the gun on him – I just...He was my S.O. For years. I couldn't bring myself to just shoot him like that. But after what he did – he deserved to die...and the Fridge..." He looked at Couslon, "Hydra penetrated every level of our organization. I didn't trust the Fridge...so I-"

"You pushed him out instead." Coulson said softly. "You killed an unarmed man. Or tried to." He looked back to the view-screen.

"And if I had known he'd survive, I'd have shot him instead." Ward said coldly.

"I'd have shot him the first time." Trip said, "Emptied the whole damn mag." Evidently, Ward had underestimated just how much hardness Trip had in him – he'd have never expected those words of support, not expected Trip to say he'd have killed Garret then too. But...

Trip was a specialist, not just an agent, like Coulson or Hill. Specialists killed. Unarmed or not, civilian or not, if a threat needed to be eliminated, the threat was eliminated.

"Agent Ward, you're dismissed." Coulson said carefully. "I'm confining you to your quarters for the moment."

"What?!" Fitz exclaimed, "You can't just -"

"A full review board is impossible, under the circumstances." Coulson ignore Fitz. "But I will be contacting Agent Hand – S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't about killing prisoners in cold blood. I thought she understood that."

Ward took a breath and nodded, "Yes sir." He managed a level, almost completely emotionless tone.

 _Coulson's just upset – he doesn't suspect me._ He looked back at Skye, who still had that look of horror on her face – horror and concern.

 _No. Skye please- you need to..._

"Now, Agent Ward." Coulson said softly.

Ward surveyed the room. Trip and Hill didn't seem especially bothered by what he did, and Fitz – Fitz was supportive. Simmons...it was hard to say. She didn't have the condemnation of Coulson, the almost absurdly mild disapproval of Koenig or the horror on Skye's expression. She seemed – visibly torn.

"Yes Sir." Ward said carefully. He looked to Skye, trying with just that glance to get her to understand. _I did it for you!_

He'd made a promise to himself, to never fail her again. To keep her safe. To protect her from John. From anyone.

Unlike most of the promises in his life, this one actually mattered to him.


	5. Anything to Keep You Safe

**Disclaimer:** I really, really don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. It would be nice if I did. I've actually got this whole elaborate plan involving an army of cloned gerbils and ninjas to steal it.

From now on, more or less, Skye is going to – in her own thoughts, at least – pretty much always think of Ward as 'Grant'. By contrast, Ward is going to continue to think of himself as 'Ward'. The former is because, well, you're dating someone you usually start calling them by their first name (unless they're like Tonks or Fitz and don't like their first name). The latter is because Ward has simply internalized being called 'Ward' by pretty much everyone around him that he identifies almost more as 'Ward' than as 'Grant'.

And also because 'Ward' is what we're all used to calling him. Let's face it. He's always going to 'Ward' to most of us before he's 'Grant'. The same way Snape is 'Snape' in our heads and not 'Severus', or Giles is 'Giles' and not 'Rupert' in our heads, etc. (I'm sure you can think of similar examples if you aren't a HP or Buffy Fan, those are just the two that came to my head first) Its what the show acculturates us to.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 5: Anything to Keep You Safe

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Three**

Skye swallowed as she approached the closed door to Ward's bunk.

When Ward had killed Nash, the fake Clairvoyant when he'd just shot him in the middle of 'his' speech about hunting her down, hurting her, she'd -

Even once she found out that the Truth Serum wasn't real – _well, I'm mostly sure –_ she knew Ward had killed people. She wasn't an idiot. She knew what being a specialist meant. And she had no illusions, much as she wanted to have them, that Ward had only ever killed people in a straight up fight. She'd read his file – as much of it as she could, anyway – when she was looking at the team's psych profiles. He was as skilled with a sniper rifle as with any other gun – and it was pretty clear he'd used them in the field.

But still – she'd never seen it. Never like that.

 _I killed an innocent man Skye_

 _You didn't know. You thought you were doing the right thing. You thought he was going -_

 _To hurt_ _ **you**_ _._

Garret was hardly innocent – not by a long shot, even if she only counted what he'd done with Project Centipede. But...to just...be so willing to throw him out of the plane. It was -

But as soon as Ward had left, she'd realized something – that look on his face. That pained, almost lost look as he gave her one last glance back before leaving the briefing room.

She'd seen that look on Ward's face once before. Well, a look almost like it, anyway. In Dublin, when he he'd held two pieces of the Berserker staff, after all those crazy cultists had been taken out...

 _But I don't regret what I've done._

 _You don't?_

 _No. Not if it means you're safe. You – and the rest of the team._

He'd told her, in Providence, that he wasn't a good man – just after coming back from that flight. The flight where he'd almost shot Garrett in the head. The flight where he _had_ thrown his former S.O. out of the plane to what he'd thought was the man's death.

 _But it wasn't his death._ There was a small, mean part of herself was telling her Ward should have just shot him, rather than throw him overboard. Garrett deserved it, after all – guys like him were why the Death Penalty existed, for God's sake! And -

 _If he'd shot him, Garrett wouldn't be alive now._

And now that he was alive, he was going to go after them.

Go after _her._

But she couldn't listen to that part of her – Garrett belonged in a cell, _not_ dead, and not free.

But that look-

It wasn't Coulson's anger that had made Ward look so lost. He hadn't looked anything like that when Coulson had been berating him for killing Nash. It was _her._ Her gut reaction -

 _Ward had tried to murder Garrett. In cold blood._ It was horrifying – and that must have been all over her face. She hadn't tried to hide it, hadn't had the spare mind to, the revelation that Garrett was alive – and _after her –_ too distracting. And Ward had seen it -

 _God...he must thing – he must think I-_

He'd told her he wasn't a good man, right after throwing Garrett out. That – that had to have been what was on his mind. Not just the truth about his brothers.

But he was a good man. That was as true now as it had been when she'd told him in Providence as before he'd tried to kill Garrett as before he'd killed Nash.

Ward – no, Grant – was a good man. But...

Did he think she didn't think that now?

She couldn't let that stand, let him think that.

Skye knocked on the door, lightly for a second, then, at no reply: "Ward?"

Nothing.

Skye grabbed the handle and pulled the unlocked door open. Ward – _Grant_ \- was inside, sitting on his bunk, staring more or less blankly at the floor. He looked up as she entered sliding the door closed behind her. He looked up at the click of the door shutting,

"Skye-" He started, but she didn't let him finish. She closed the distance between them and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, one hand going around his shoulders lightly. She wasn't horrified _by_ him. She still thought he was a good man. He'd tried to protect the world from a dangerous man. Sure, the way he'd done it had been… reprehensible, but the intention was good. Before anything else, she had to make sure he knew that.

Grant responded to the kiss, but not kissing back with any more force than she kissed him. After a long moment, she pulled back, her other hand going to his shoulder as she sat down on the bed next to him. "You _are_ a good man, Grant." She told him softly.

Grant swallowed, then exhaled slowly. "Skye – I'm sorry...I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have lied to you...about what happened with Garrett." But he wasn't sorry he'd tried to kill him. That was the implication.

"It's -" She was about to say that it was alright, but it wasn't. He'd lied to her. But...he'd lied to her about his older brother beating up his younger brother. She'd quickly forgiven him that – and this -

"I – I'm not happy about that." Skye admitted, voice still soft. "But I understand – and...Garrett wasn't an innocent man. After what he did-" She took in a breath herself. "I won't say he deserved it – but I understand." And she did. She understood – sort of – people who believed in the Death Penalty. She didn't, not in 'normal' life, and not even with S.H.I.E.L.D., but she understood that. And what he'd said, his concern then that the Fridge wouldn't, _couldn't_ hold him -

Hydra had been everywhere in S.H.I.E.L.D. It made sense to worry that the Fridge had been or would be compromised.

It didn't make it right, but he'd done it to protect the team. It hadn't played out like he'd intended, but that wasn't the point.

"He didn't believe I'd do it." Grant said softly. "He thought that I wouldn't kill him. That I couldn't kill him, after all he'd done for me." He shook his head, "He saved my life, more than once, when we were on the same team. He thought that meant I owed him too much to-" He trailed off for a moment, then continued:

"But after what he did, to Coulson, to you – he wanted the drug that saved your life. If he got out of the Fridge..." He put his arms around her, holding her close, "I couldn't risk that. I couldn't risk him hurting you..." He pulled back a little, looking her in the eyes, "I would do _anything_ to keep you safe."

There was something about the way he said anything – like he really meant anything. She'd heard people say they'd do anything to get X or achieve Y or whatever. She'd said the same thing – but it was always an exaggeration. No one really meant they'd do literally anything.

There was something...intense, about the way Grant said it, though. It almost made her believe that he really would do _anything_. He'd already shown he was willing to kill Nash, kill Garrett to protect her.

It was an overwhelming thought – they'd just started exploring the possibilities of a relationship and here he was saying -

 _I need to get out of here – get some air._

Her initial reaction was as it had been in Providence – to run out of the room. But she couldn't do that. Not now. Leaving aside the fact that getting 'some air' was even harder on a plane than it was at Providence Base, she couldn't just run away. Not a second time. She forced herself to take a deep breath.

"I promise, I won't let him hurt you." Grant told her. He kissed her on the lips, as lightly as she had just a short time before, but Skye didn't let it stay that light. Not really paying attention to what she was doing, Skye put her arms around his torso, pulling him against her in turn, returning the kiss, harder and more passionately. Grant's response was to match her, one hand going up to tangle in her hair. All thoughts of taking it slow flew from her mind as they kissed, and when Grant pulled away after – well, she wasn't sure how long – she actually tried to pull him back.

"I- I didn't mean to-" Grant started, an apology obviously coming, but Skye wasn't having any of it. _That_ he didn't need to apologize for at all. She put a hand on his lips.

"I'm the one who turned it into that." She said after a moment, still freaking, still overwhelmed – but she was going to deal with it. Running away from her problems had never really worked before, as it turned out, and it wasn't going to work here. And this wasn't even a problem. Just – too much. "If anything, I should be apologizing."

He'd said he was willing to do anything to keep her safe, and he meant it. It...

It scared her, that he was willing to _kill_ for her. She didn't want that. She didn't need that. She'd already got the impression that Ward's feelings were...intense.

 _Well, more than an impression._ She'd all but had proof before, and now she had even that. But that wasn't the issue here. This wasn't about Ward and his feelings. The question at hand was; did Garrett deserve to die?

 _Well – yes._

But that didn't mean that killing him like that, just...throwing him out of the plane like that was something he should have done... specialist or not, regardless of whether killing people was a regular part of his job-

He hadn't killed Garrett because of what he'd done. Not entirely. No, he'd killed his former S.O. because of what Garrett had done, and still might do to her. He'd killed for her.

 _Will he – is he going to – again?_ That thought was even more wasn't as though this was the first time either.

She couldn't think about this. Not right now. She couldn't and she didn't _want_ to think about this. She shoved it all to the back of her mind, trying to ignore the screaming freakout in her head, and rested her head on Grant's chest.

Right now, even as Grant's intensity scared her, he made her feel safe. And with everything had happened – with Garrett being alive, and what he'd said about Raina – what they might do. She needed to feel.

Everything else didn't matter at that moment. It would again soon, but the feeling of safety she felt being here, her arms around Grant, Grant's arms around her – for this moment, that was all that mattered.

She felt his fingers running through her hair and unconsciously, she burrowed into his chest a little more. They stayed there for a few minutes, but eventually, she pulled back. They couldn't stay in here together forever, much as the idea appealed at this moment. She wasn't ready to leave just yet, though.

She slid back on the bed for a bit, but stayed close, taking on of his hands in hers.

"What do you think Coulson is going to do?" She asked after a brief silence.

"First, he's probably going to berate Agent Hand, after that, I'm not sure." Grant replied. "There's no way to have a review board – and I think his problem is that I didn't tell him the truth up front, rather than that I tried to kill Garrett." Which would be what she took the most issue with herself, once the initial shock and horror had passed.

"Why didn't you just tell him? Tell us?"

"Because he would have still been upset about it – and Hand came up with the cover story." Grant ran his thumb over the back of her hand a moment, "Coulson's always been an idealist. We need that now more than ever, maybe. But," he shook his head, "it means that he doesn't like to think about the uglier side of what S.H.I.E.L.D. did. About what being a specialist actually means."

 _Killing people?_ Coulson wasn't squeamish – she didn't agree with the way Grant said the word 'idealist', as if Coulson was almost naive to think that trying to avoid killing people wherever possible, even if they 'deserved' it was preferable.

 _You and I see the world differently is all._

 _I was trained to be the whole solution – to eliminate variables._

Skye wasn't an idiot. Sometimes people just couldn't be brought in alive, even if there was a serious effort made. And without FitzSimmons's ICERs/'Night-Night' Guns...

Well, more people would have had to die. People died in this work, especially when they were shooting back...

Grant had been trained to be the person who eliminated the variables – and that meant killing an opponent if that's what needed to be done. As much as Skye didn't want to think it of him, she also knew Coulson was willing to kill if it needed to be done. The thing was, Ward would reach the point where 'what had to be done' involved killing someone a lot earlier than Coulson would. It wasn't Ward's first reaction, but it was what he'd always been sent in to do, if it had to be done, before joining the team.

"You didn't need to kill him to protect me." Skye told him softly.

"It didn't work anyway." Grant replied, his voice nearly as low as hers. "I just gave him an out, and now he's going to come after you. After the team. All because of that drug."

"Why does he want it so much? I saw him on that view-screen. He was in a wheelchair and...I mean, he fell out of a plane. He can't be in anything resembling a good shape. Why is he trying so hard to get it now?" She looked away for a moment, "shouldn't he be... recovering?"

"Garrett's always been...determined. He hates to lose. And – there's no easy recovering from falling out of a plane. Before, he wanted it for his super-soldiers, for Project Centipede, right?" Grant took in a slow breath. "And now he probably wants it to make sure he can heal the damage he suffered from the fall." He hadn't stilled his fingers running through her hair and Skye didn't mind. She liked the feeling.

"So he's not going to give up then?"

Grant shook his head, "Probably not. Not that his own life is on the line now." For a moment, Skye thought she saw something in his expression, something else, but it wasn't there for more than a second. She opened her mouth, starting to ask, then thought better of it. Grant had been more open with her in the last few days than he'd been in the last few months before.

She didn't want to push her luck, make him close up. If there was one surefire way to risk this, on her part, apart from doing something absolutely stupid like rejoining the Rising Tide – which was _never_ going to happen – it was to push him to open up to her too much, too fast. She wanted him to – but she knew he couldn't. He wouldn't be the Grant Ward she knew if he suddenly spilled everything all at once.

"What's he going to do then?"

"Send people to capture you, if he can." Grant replied. "I won't let them succeed. The entire Team won't."

"I don't want to just hide if they come for me." Skye told him firmly. "I want to keep training." She'd wanted to step up her training since recovering from Quinn's bullets, but there really hadn't been a chance.

 _When Simmons gives the all-clear, we'll start training?_

 _We'll ease you back into it._

 _No. I want to train harder. Next time, I don't want to depend on some miracle drug to save me._

Grant nodded, "Alright. It'll be tough, if you want to train harder, you said. If you ever need me to slow-"

"I don't care how tough it'll be." Skye replied with more confidence than she really felt. She did want to get better. She _needed_ to get better. She didn't want Grant to feel like he had to kill to protect her. If she could protect herself –

 _And if he gets hurt...or worse trying to protect me..._

Skye banished the thought before she could finish it. She didn't want to think about that possibility.

But- Skye knew she wouldn't enjoy it. She hadn't 'enjoyed' training before, and she wouldn't again. But she needed to do it. So yes, she'd care when her muscles were screaming and she was exhausted, but fundamentally – however hard it was, however tired and sore and bruised she got, she was _not_ going to let it stop her.

"I need to get better, Grant." She told him.

"You will." He told her, squeezing her hand. "We can start as soon as Coulson lets me out of here."

"How long do you think it will take?" At least he wasn't parking Grant in the Cage, but still...Coulson couldn't confine Grant to his bunk for too long. They were going to need him. _She_ needed him.

"Long enough for him to yell at Hand, calm down some and talk to me." Grant guessed. Which, Skye had to admit, sounded pretty accurate.

"Do you want me here when he comes to talk?" She asked softly. She wasn't going to do what he'd done in Hong Kong – not that she thought he'd do that to her again, if she got in trouble with Coulson again.

"Only if you don't mind him finding out that we're...together. That there's an us." Grant replied. "If you want to keep it-"

 _Does he think I'm trying to keep it secret?_

Well...

He might have a point there. Part of her wanted to crow from the rooftops, but another part of her, a more sensible, practical part, knew that starting a relationship now was a bad idea. They'd both said as much. Broadcasting it for all the world to hear really wasn't a good idea.

Neither of them had wanted to wait, though. Neither of them had wanted to put _this_ , whatever _this_ was, on hold and hope that one day things would get better.

But not waiting didn't mean they should bring up with the rest of the team right now. There was too much going on for this to be important, in terms of the Team knowing things. Especially now that Garrett was...still around.

"I'm not trying to keep this secret." Skye said. "I'm not ashamed of -," she couldn't call it 'dating', yet, since they hadn't actually had a chance for a date, not really. She wanted to correct that too, but again, not the time, "I'm not ashamed of us, or anything. I just – this isn't the time to bring it up with the rest of the team, and..." she squeezed his hand, "I like keeping this between us for now. Just something we share."

Grant actually gave her a small smile at that – which from him, was actually quite a lot of smile. "Alright." He leaned in and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. "As much as I want you to stay-"

"I should probably go." Skye finished for him. "You're probably right." She squeezed his hand again, then let go. "I'll be in my bunk if you want to talk after Coulson's done."

 **Coulson's Office, The Bus, En Route to Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Three**

As it turned out, it took about an hour, all said and done, for Coulson to berate Hand, calm down, and then come to talk to Ward.

Well, knock on the closed door of Ward's bunk and tell him 'my office, five minutes'.

And so here Ward was, where he'd been plenty of times before, in Coulson's office.

"Sit." Coulson gestured at the chair across from him as he sat down behind his desk. Silently, his face more or less expressionless, Ward sat, hands crossed over his chest. "So, Agent Ward, that's twice now you've effectively helped Garret out while engaging in murder."

Ward's throat tightened just a touch. _If he knew – if he even seriously_ _ **thought**_ _that I was working for John, he would be reacting very differently. May would be here, for one._ Not a very comforting thought, but a true one. Ward masked his very real concerns easily, instead, putting up the front of a person who wasn't sure what Coulson was talking about:

"Sir?"

"You killed Nash in cold blood, which very easily could have ended the entire investigation into the Clairvoyant. If Hydra hadn't come out of the shadows, Garrett might have been able to stay under cover, not getting revealed as the Clairvoyant." Coulson started his explanation, though it sounded more like a rant, albeit a fairly calmly delivered one.

At Coulson's words, Ward felt a spike of anger. _You were supposed to be the one that killed him, you sanctimonious bastard!_ That had been John's plan. Coulson would've passed the review in the end, but it could tie him down for a week or even months, keeping him and his team grounded while John completed the 'destruction' of Project Centipede to leave behind no tracks leading back to him.

 _I stopped you from doing it, from leaving you to deal with a review._ Not that had been why he'd done it. He'd shot and killed Nash because he couldn't kill John. Not then. The thought had only faintly occurred to him then...and he wouldn't have been able to do it then. As much as he wished now that he had.

He'd shot Nash because it was the next best thing. Nash had just sat there, 'his' voice droning on and on, a litany of threats against the team, against Skye. He knew that they were Garrett's words, Garrett's script, but he couldn't kill Garrett. So Nash had done as a substitute.

"Sir-" Ward started, about to argue the point with Coulson, but the man didn't let him get more than that in.

"And then, rather than letting Garrett rot in the Icebox, you _threw_ him out of a plane. And he's still alive – and _free._ " Coulson finished.

"Would you rather I have _shot_ him? What are you getting at? It was Hand who proposed killing him. If I hadn't, odds are that she would have-" Did Coulson suspect him of- _No, he can't. Not if he's going like this-_

"That's not really the point." Coulson replied. "I spoke to Hand. After I was done making it _very_ clear to her that if we're ever to rebuild the agency we can't go around _murdering_ our prisoners, she told me about what you did. Like you said, you didn't shoot him – you had your gun on him for a bit though. You got close."

Ward nodded. _Where is he going with this?_ "After everything he did – but...I couldn't. Both...because a bullet was too clean for him...but even more because, Hydra or not, Garrett saved my life more than once."

"But you didn't have a problem with throwing him out of the plane?" Coulson asked, hands flat on the desk as he spoke.

"It seemed...less personal. Less direct. Falling doesn't kill a person. It's the landing that does it." Ward replied. "It wouldn't be _me_ killing him. It was...enough for me to bring myself to do it."

"Well, you didn't kill him." Coulson pointed out, almost harshly. "If you were going to repeat the mistake you made with Nash, we'd have been better off if you'd shot him."

"You don't think I know that sir?" Ward replied, letting his fists clench. He wasn't faking anger, here. The first thing in this conversation that was entirely genuine. "I should have killed him right then and there when I had the chance. I didn't take it, and now there's every chance he's going to come after Skye and have Raina take her apart just so he can figure out everything he needs to learn about that drug."

"Next time I see him, I'm going to shoot him." Ward finished, "I don't care if he's a prisoner, if he's unconscious or -"

"At this point, I'm of the impression that taking him alive won't be much of an option." Coulson interrupted. "But that's also not the point. There's a commonality here, Agent Ward, and its a dangerous one. Your judgment is compromised."

Ward knew that. He'd thought the same often enough. If it wasn't for Skye, he'd be there with Garrett right now, well on their way to fixing him and getting an army of super soldiers into the bargain. Instead, here he was, and the only thing that mattered to him was Skye. Not Garrett, not loyalty to the man who had made him what he was, but Skye. Protecting her, being the man she knew, being the man she deserved. Making sure she returned his feelings. Everything else was secondary, and more or less entirely in service to that overriding goal. If that wasn't compromised, he didn't know what was.

And yet, in some ways his judgment had never been clearer. Skye was what mattered. The only thing that mattered. The only priority. It drew the whole world into sharp relief.

"You've let your feelings for Skye get in the way of your duty as an agent." Coulson dropped that bombshell and let it sit there for a moment.

"My feelings-?" Skye wanted to keep that under wraps for now, and he was planning on respecting that – and Coulson...given how he regarded Skye, this wasn't a conversation to be desired...

"I'm a trained field agent of the most sophisticated intelligence organization in the world. And we've all been living on the same plane for months now. I know you have feelings for Skye, and I'm fairly confident she returns those feelings." Coulson offered Ward a genuine smile – a small one, but a real one. "Under other circumstances, we'd be having a discussion about protocol regarding relationships between agents, but given that the agency has more or less collapsed, I'm not going to stand on that particular protocol."

 _He doesn't_ _ **know**_ _._ Ward wasn't happy to hear that Coulson had had a read on him regarding that – but... he hadn't worked very hard to hide it, especially after Skye had gotten shot.

"Then what discussion are we having, sir?"

"The one where I tell you that this isn't the time for either of you to start anything." Coulson answered. "And the one where I tell you to keep yourself under control. I don't want you shooting Raina if we capture her – or anyone else we take, just because you think they'll be a threat to Skye. A trail of bodies isn't the way to protect her. For the time being, I don't want you carrying any regular guns. Only ICERs." As if they could actually stop him from killing, if he needed to.

 _A trail of bodies – Hydra bodies – is exactly the way to make sure she stays safe._ Ward disagreed. John had been fond of a quote he'd said came from Stalin, though Ward was pretty sure it was apocryphal. Not that it made it any less accurate:

'Death solves all problems. No man, no problem.'

It was a mentality no one on the Team would agree with. And Skye...

She didn't hate him, didn't think he was a monster for what he did to Nash, and Garrett. But if he kept it up – there was no guarantee that she'd keep thinking he was a good man.

But what was the point in her thinking he was a good man, if it meant he couldn't keep her safe?

"Yes sir." Ward nodded, the very picture of a good little S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, chastised suitably. Nothing would stop him from keeping Skye safe. No matter what, if someone needed to die for that to happen, that someone would die.

But if he didn't _have_ to kill...

Death would solve all problems. But sometimes, the problems were worth it.

Skye was worth it.


	6. As Long As He Had Her

**Disclaimer:** Well, since my cloned gerbil/Ninja army failed to steal Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for me, I've had to go back to the drawing board. So for the time being, I still don't own it.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 6: As Long As He Had Her

 **Skye's Bunk, The Bus, Empty Field Near Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Four**

Skye couldn't sleep.

She'd tried. She'd tried for hours now. It was well past midnight, and they were going to be going into Palo Alto tomorrow to get a better look at the Cybertek Corporate Headquarters. Once they had an idea of what it was that they were up against...well, then they could formulate a plan.

Hill had left once they landed. Congress was dragging her to stand before hearing after hearing – they couldn't touch her behind Stark's lawyers manning the paperwork battlements of her defense, but they could make her answer every inane question they could dream up about S.H.I.E.L.D., Hydra and the collapse of the agency.

The departure of Hill wasn't what was keeping her up, of course. Nor was it the whole 'casing Cybertek' thing either. The latter was why she needed to fall asleep so she wouldn't be a zombie tomorrow, but it wasn't what was keeping her up.

What was keeping her up was Grant.

Well, not Grant in person. Grant wasn't physically there. It was Grant the idea – thinking about Grant. About what he'd said earlier...yesterday. After Coulson had banished him to his bunk for throwing Garrett out of the plane on the way to the Fridge and lying about it to them.

 _Though,_ a small part of her brain couldn't help but add, _there are a lot of ways Grant in person could keep me awake..._

The rest of her mind, the part that was freaking out, now that she wasn't shoving everything to the back of her mind, swatted that thought down with a very firm _down girl!_

Because not only was she freaking out. But she was scared.

Of Grant. Of what he might do. Of the 'anything' he'd do to keep her safe.

She wasn't scared he'd hurt her. Part of her wondered if she should be – anyone who was willing to _kill_ for the other person in their relationship...

But she didn't think he would. Maybe that was naive of her, stupid of her but – she couldn't imagine him hurting her. He wasn't killing people who looked at her the wrong way. He wasn't killing people who just bothered her, or upset her or something small. He wasn't killing people because she didn't like them and would rather have them out of her life or something. He wasn't killing people because he was jealous or because she was paying them too much attention or something, like those creepy psycho-murdering stalker controlling boyfriends in the crime shows.

He'd killed two people for her. Well...killed one and made a concerted effort to kill the other. That he hadn't succeeded didn't change the intent...

Both times, the person he killed/tried to kill was someone who he had had very good reason to believe wanted to kill her. Kill her to get information about drug that had saved her life. A drug she had only needed in the first place because the person he'd killed/tried to kill had ordered her shot specifically so that the drug could be used to save her... The fact Nash had been a decoy was irrelevant. Grant couldn't have known that.

It was still...frightening, the intensity and the fact that he was willing to kill for her – kill a man who had been his S.O. Who had saved his life before... _for her_. To protect _**her**_.

Under other circumstances, it might almost have been romantic – the specialist in shining armor – well, black Kevlar - riding in to save her...

If Garrett had been about to kill her, or if Raina had had her strapped to some lab table, ready to dissect her...

If Grant shot Garrett then, shot Raina then... she wouldn't have been frightened. Not really. Not of what Grant would do, could do. Because it wouldn't have been killing in cold blood, killing people who couldn't defend themselves, who were no immediate threat right then to anyone...

Okay, so technically it wasn't in cold blood. He hadn't just walked up to them and murdered them where they'd sat. It hadn't been cold like that. Nash had talked first (oh, how he'd talked) and then Grant had killed him. He'd been made so angry that he couldn't not kill him. And Garrett… Grant had said he'd had his gun out and pointed at Garrett. He could've blown him away right then and there, but couldn't bring himself to do it. No, it wasn't cold blood. He'd been provoked, provoked beyond endurance. But that didn't change the fact that neither of them had been armed, that neither of them had a chance to fight back.

No. She wasn't scared he'd hurt her. She was scared he'd hurt – _kill -_ more people. More people who threatened her. Or _might_ threaten her...

Skye didn't like death.

 _Well, no shit. I'd have to be some crazy sicko like Garrett to_ _ **like**_ _death! I'm not saying Grant likes killing – I've never seen any sign of that -_

Grant – he just...

He was made from Black Kevlar. He was a 'robot'. He could kill, could do what 'needed to be done.' Death clearly didn't bother him the way it did her, even when he was responsible for a death and she wasn't...

 _I don't regret what I've done._ He'd said, after killing Nash.

 _I'm sorry...I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have lied to you...about what happened with Garrett._ That was what he'd said just earlier...

He wasn't sorry for having killed those people. He wasn't sorry – but then...

 _But it's suicide._

 _Not if I don't die. And if I do..._

 _Wha-? Slow down..._

 _...maybe I deserve to. I killed an innocent man, Skye_.

Once he'd realized that Nash wasn't the Clairvoyant... he _had_ regretted his action.

But wasn't that the problem? If he _thought_ someone was going to hurt her, without real proof...

 _I can't let him – I need to make sure he doesn't do it again._ She'd told him that he didn't need to kill Garrett to protect her. She needed to make sure he understood it. That he didn't _need_ to kill anyone to protect her, unless they – unless they had her at gunpoint or something equally immediate. People would die, in this fight against Hydra. She wasn't an idiot. Which was exactly why she needed to make sure Grant didn't kill people on her behalf, to keep her safe.

There was going to be enough death that she couldn't have the deaths of people Grant killed to protect her, unarmed, not dangerous – at that moment – people, on her conscience.

It _wasn't_ her fault that Nash was dead...but she couldn't help but feel like some of the blame was on her, somehow. Intellectually, she knew that made absolutely no sense. But emotionally...emotionally she blamed herself. That she had somehow _made_ Grant shoot Nash.

It was the same with Agent Avery, the rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D. team... all those villagers in the Hunan Province who had died to protect her...

She'd never asked them to die for her – She couldn't have, she hadn't even known they existed until recently. She held _no_ responsibility for it... Coulson had told her that, Grant had told her that... She knew it anyway...

But she couldn't help but believe it... on a very basic, emotional level, she couldn't help but feel guilty for their deaths... all those deaths...

All those deaths that were caused by her. An indirect cause, anyway.

Back before she'd dropped out of high school, she'd had to read the Illiad for English class. She hadn't especially enjoyed it, but one thing she'd remembered wondering was what Helen actually thought about being the reason so many people were dying on the plains in front of Troy. Did she care? Did it bother her? Did she see it as some sort of ego boost?

It bothered Skye. It _scared_ her.

She didn't like the idea of Grant scaring her. That he could simultaneously make her feel safe and frightened at the same time... scare her about what he could do, but make her feel like everything would work out, like everything would be alright...

She hadn't planned on developing any attachments to the Team, when she'd let S.H.I.E.L.D. track her down. Dead end after dead end on trying to find a way to learn more about the redacted S.H.I. . Document she'd found in her search for her parents had finally led to one conclusion: she needed to get inside a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility and get at their files. If she could do that -

If she could do that, she'd known she'd have been able to figure it out. She'd known she'd be able to finally find the answers she was searching for.

Her plan hadn't actually been to _join_ S.H.I.E.L.D. even as a consultant, let alone try for being an Agent. Getting arrested and getting inside a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, then getting them to let her out for a while because they needed her to figure out who the 'hooded hero' was and what Project Centipede was, then being able to hack their files... that had been the plan.

She hadn't counted on Mike, messed up by the crap Centipede had filled him with, kidnapping her. She hadn't counted on S.H.I.E.L.D., the epitome of 'evil faceless government toolbags' risking their lives to save her. Hadn't counted on Coulson to risk his own life trying to talk Mike down. On Grant – he'd just been the 'T-1000' then, of course – not taking the shot until he'd had that first generation 'night-night rifle' FitzSimmons brought at the last minute.

She hadn't counted on liking any of them. On making fast friends with FitzSimmons. On coming to see Coulson as a father-figure after a life that had never had anything remotely resembling one.

And she definitely hadn't counted on Grant.

Initially, all 'Agent Ward' had been to her was an admittedly _very_ good looking guy who she had _really_ liked messing with. Between her nicknames and her constant jabbing at his hard exterior, she'd realized there was more to him than the 'evil faceless government toolbag'. More to him than just a robot. He wasn't some bland, boring, emotionally-dead, by-the-book agent. He wasn't a walking stereotype. He was...

He was a good person. Who cared about the team, who cared about saving lives as much as Coulson did, who cared about doing the right thing.

He was a man who came from a background as messed up and as bad as hers, in its own way. She'd been unwanted by foster family after foster family. Lost and alone in a world that not only didn't care about her, but also seemed to go out of its way to screw with her. Grant had been unwanted by his own family. Abused by his older brother. Forced into beating up his younger brother. Forced to deal with parents who were 'worse'...

She still didn't know what it was that he had seen, what he had remembered, when he held the staff. But she'd seen the effect the memory had on him. How much it hurt him, how much it took out of him, how much it left him broken inside and lost and alone on the outside.

She wasn't sure _when_ it had started. When she'd first gone from enjoying needling him for its own sake, to needling him because it was a way to get a rise out of him just so she could see emotions on him, not just for her own amusement, but because she wanted to...something. Wanted to see emotions on his face, perhaps.

 _Did you just give me a compliment?_

 _I – no, I made a comment._

 _A kind one. Did it physically hurt to do that? Do you need an icepack? Wow! A compliment and a smile._

She wasn't sure when she'd just gone from thinking he was...well, sexy, to...

She wasn't sure _when_ she'd developed a crush on Grant Ward.

She hadn't really realized it until- until she'd realized he was sleeping with May. It had taken her a while to realize why it had. Now, looking back, she realized that she hadn't wanted to know why it bothered her. She hadn't wanted that, hadn't even been looking for it – it had just snuck up on her.

Somewhere along the way, despite her own plans, without realizing it or wanting to, Skye had developed first a crush, and then genuine feelings for Grant. And somewhere along the way, Grant had developed feelings for her. Similarly, without realizing it. Similarly without wanting to.

It had just happened.

And now...and now they were, more or less, dating. Well... in a relationship. There was an 'us' that was made up of her and Grant, and the very thought had the capacity to make her almost giddy.

But she was also scared. Scared of the intensity that obviously came with Ward's feelings for her. He felt strongly enough for her that he would _kill_ for her.

After a life of rejection, abandonment and disappointment, after Miles, _freaking_ Miles!, a guy she'd known for years had turned out to not be the guy she'd thought he was...

Commitment scared her. And it was pretty clear that Grant was committed. Really. Really committed.

He had freaked her with that kiss, with how open he'd been at Providence Base. And it freaked her even more when she'd come to realize just how committed he was to protecting her, at any cost. And what 'any cost' meant for him, apparently.

And she didn't know what to do about it. All she could think to do was...

All she could think to do was to tell Grant to not kill people.

 _And get better. Train harder._

If she could protect herself better, could fight better, then Grant wouldn't feel like he had to kill to protect her, right?

She'd tried to think about it from Grant's position, from where Grant stood. It was hard, because they really did – and probably always would – see the world differently - but...

She'd _nearly died_. He'd seen her, bleeding out, hooked up to breathing tubes and IVs and life support. From his perspective, he'd nearly lost her before he'd had a chance to tell her how he felt about her.

That had to have an impact. Especially since...

As much as she believed, worried, _feared_ that his 'anything' really meant 'anything', the only people he actually had...'killed', in this 'cold-blooded' way were Thomas Nash, who he'd believed was the man who had ordered her shot, and then Garrett, who really had.

 _So maybe I'm just – maybe I'm just overreacting?_

Skye wasn't sure if that was actually a reasonable conclusion or not. Which was another problem she needed to work on. Maybe this was all just an overreaction. After everything that had happened, everything that _was_ happening, maybe she was reading all his signs wrong.

But she didn't think she was.

Letting out a long breath and opening her eyes, Skye looked to the small battery-powered digital clock she'd brought with her from her van, all those months ago.

2:32. A.M.

She'd gone to her bunk at 11:30 P.M.

She'd been up for over three hours freaking out about this, panicking about this, thinking about this, second-guessing herself about this and she was no closer to any answer. Part of her wanted to bolt. Run off the plane, run away from Grant and keep running until there were hundreds of miles between them. Or at least...break things off with him. Or something.

But was that her fear of commitment? Her fear of what Grant would do? Some sort of sick determination to sabotage the relationship on her own terms rather than let Grant abandon her to, somehow.

 _But he wouldn't – he won't._

If only every part of her could be convinced of that.

Skye had no idea how to handle all this. She had no idea of the solution, and unlike... unlike a computer problem, or any literally _any_ problem _other_ than this one, she couldn't go to other people to get part of the solution. There weren't going to be a hundred people each with one percent of the solution here.

She couldn't even really talk about this with Simmons, or Fitz, or Coulson. _Definitely_ not Coulson, given his reaction to the news of Grant throwing Garrett out of the plane. She didn't know Koenig well enough to talk about this with him. And even if May had been on the plane, she wasn't sure how she'd feel talking about her relationship with Grant and everything that went along with it with the woman Grant had been, for a while, sleeping with. Not so soon, anyway.

 _But what about Trip?_ She didn't know the man well, not even close, but he was a pretty open guy, so it almost seemed like she did. Or at least better than the few days they'd interacted would otherwise indicate.

He was a specialist. He'd been just as trained to kill as Grant had been. And from what he'd said...he wouldn't have had any problem with killing Garrett either.

That...

That actually sounded almost like a solution...

 _Well. No. But is maybe a way to get one. I hope._

Skye closed her eyes and shifted in her bunk.

She needed to get some sleep.

 **Cargo Hold, The Bus, Empty Field Near Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Four**

Once again, Ward had had a nightmare.

 _Bodies. Dead bodies everywhere – Garrett, Raina, Nash – Kaminsky... hundreds of dead Hydra agents. Somehow, he knew he'd killed them all. They were in a room, large, bare walls. Him, the bodies – and Skye._

 _Skye was looking at him with disgust, revulsion._

" _Skye!" He was moving towards her, but Skye pulled back as he drew close, the revulsion only growing in her eyes._

" _You're a monster, Ward. Sick." She gestured at the bodies, bloody, broken, stacked like cordwood. "A murderer." She stepped back again as he tried to reach for her. "Don't touch me. Stay away." She looked at him now with hate in her eyes. "I could_ _ **never**_ _love you."_

" _Skye!" He reached for her again, but she pulled away again. "I killed them to protect you! I was trying to keep you safe!" He was desperate, desperate to make her understand._

" _You're a psychopath. A serial-_ "

Ward had woken before the Skye in his nightmare could say more. The abortive nightmare was even worse than a completed one would have been -

If it had ended, maybe he wouldn't have spent every waking moment he'd been trying, _desperately trying_ to exorcise the nightmare out on the punching bag. When Skye came down into the cargo hold, and he'd just stood there, expected her to finish the aborted sentence. To pick up where the one in his nightmare had left off. Maybe if the dream had ended, he wouldn't have been consumed by that dread.

Or maybe it wouldn't have been any better.

 **The Bus, Empty Field Near Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Four**

AC, his anger at Grant apparently sated, had let her S.O. out of his quarters the next day. Which was why Grant was already in the cargo hold, working on the punching bag, by the time she'd woken up. True to his word – not that she'd expected otherwise – they started training. It was almost as if they were back to before she'd been shot, because he'd even made her do a hundred pushups for being late.

Which, on the one hand, pissed her off, because they hadn't agreed on any sort of schedule – he hadn't even told her what time he was supposed to be there for training this time, what with the whole being confined to his quarters thing.

But on the other hand, she appreciated that at least he wasn't trying to coddle her, or make her take it easy. So yes, her arms weren't happy about it, but she had told him she didn't care how hard it was. Because she _needed_ to get better.

The rest of training had a similar feel – apparently, Grant was going to have an 'S.O. training his Rookie' mode when they did training, because while he wasn't anywhere near as stiff as he'd been at the start, he was just as focused on the training her as always. Here in the cargo hold, while they trained on the punching back or the mats (she didn't even manage to knock Grant off his feet _once_ ), he was all 'Agent Ward', not 'Grant'. Like he'd flipped a switch or something.

Well, not completely. There was a certain... well, almost tenderness in the way he'd helped her wrap her hands before starting on the bag. And in the way he'd checked her hands after they were done with the bag. It was...

Well, it was nice.

All that freakout she'd spent the wee hours of the morning dealing with was still there, in the back of her mind. She'd shoved them there, but at least they were staying there without much trouble. Probably because she'd come up with a way that might actually help her deal with them.

It was maybe a few minutes after they were done training that Coulson had told them that Grant was going with him to get a look at the Cybertek headquarters building.

Skye didn't want Grant to just go, but for the purposes of her having a chance to talk to Trip about Grant, it was a good thing that Coulson had decided not to take Trip with him instead.

FitzSimmons were working on something in the lab – admittedly, Skye had no clue what it was, despite trying to parse their science babble, and Koenig was in the Briefing Room looking into surviving S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and assets, trying to figure just what it was that the agency had left to work with.

Trip was up in the kitchen when she went looking for him. Unsurprisingly, he heard her coming before she got to him.

"Hey." Trip said, turning around, sandwich on a plate in one hand. "Am I in your way?" He started to step away from the counter, but Skye shook her head.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you." She took a short breath. "About Gra- Ward." _Have I already gotten so used to calling him Grant?_

"Not that surprising." Trip nodded. He started to walk towards the lounge, sitting down in one of the chairs and gesturing to one of the other ones for her to sit in. "You're wondering why he just threw Garrett out of the plane like that, and since I'm the only other one who agreed with the whole thing, you want to talk to me about it. That about right?"

Skye shook her head. "Not...Not exactly. I...I already talked to him about it. I just – you're a specialist. Like him. Ward and I... we don't see the world the same way. I just want to understand _him_. The way he thinks. I figured..."

"Figured I'd have some insight?" Skye nodded in answer to Trip's question. "Ward's always been... well, he's always been an intense guy. Always been about the mission. It's one of the reasons Garrett always liked him so much." He frowned at that, then continued. "There's a reason there aren't that many Specialists. Ops Academy washes a lot of people out, and most who make it out just become standard field agents."

Ward had mentioned something like that, when they went to the SciTech Academy for that ice-machine thing.

"Not everyone's cut out to be -" Trip laughed, half darkly, half not, "well, an assassin. Take the sugar-coating, take away terms like 'cross-off' and all that, and being a specialist is basically being an assassin. Not everyone's cut out to kill for a living." He frowned a moment. "At least, not without also having the judgment you need to know when _not_ to kill. And to not like it."

He looked at her carefully, "Which would be what you're coming to talk to me about. I know you didn't go to the Academy, but I'm sure you've heard about the ideals. What S.H.I.E.L.D.'s about."

"Protection. Keeping people safe from things and information they're not ready for. And containment when they can't do that." Coulson and Grant had told her that often enough. And overtime, she'd come to understand just how right they were, about keeping some of the secrets they kept. Not always...but...

 _People keep secrets for a reason,_ _ **Skye**_ _._

"Problem with Specialist work is that we don't do a whole lot of that." Trip told her. "Field Agents like Coulson – they're the ones that go in and protect people. We don't. Changes how you look at it."

"But – but killing an unarmed prisoner?" She still – she got that it was to keep her safe, but – that he was _willing_ to do it.

"Sometimes, yeah. Threat assessment." Trip frowned a moment again, then, "There's something Garrett said a lot, when it came time to kill someone on a mission, if it did: 'Death solves all problems. No man, no problem.'" Trip's face looked more than a little disgusted. "Its the little things like that, now that I think back on everything... why didn't I see that he was dirty? That he was a psychopath." He shook his head, bringing it back to the point. "And its an evil thing to say, but its got a point. When someone poses a threat to a member of your team, or more – our first instinct is to solve the problem."

"To kill." Skye said flatly.

"Pretty much." Trip agreed. "Never thought I'd see the day when Ward actually did that – actually did the first instinct when he wasn't supposed to. But it's not hard to figure out why." Skye looked at him, wondering for only a second what the hell it was he meant, but... well, Trip-

"I would've emptied the mag into Garrett because that lying son of a bitch killed my partner, and two others on my team, while pretending to be bothered by it. My partner – he had a kid." He looked at her, "You ever had to tell a six year old kid his dad isn't coming home?"

The answer of course, was no. Ace hadn't been six, and she hadn't had to be the one to tell him that his dad was dead. That's what they'd thought had happened, during the events surrounding Coulson's kidnapping.

 _How do you tell someone that?_

"I've got a lot of unresolved anger when it comes to Garrett. And I know Ward does. We aren't supposed to let things get personal, but... it's gonna happen."

This conversation... it wasn't helping. Not really.

 _I mean, its confirming what I already thought, its helping a little, maybe? I'm starting to get...maybe? Starting to get how he sees the world, but..._

Still not really.

"He didn't just kill Garrett... he didn't just kill Thomas Nash because of what they'd done." Skye said softly.

"No, I wouldn't say so." Trip agreed. "I never thought I'd see the day Grant Ward ever let things get personal." Skye looked at him, then blinked. Obviously, confusion was written across her face, because Trip continued. "Ward's always been about the job. Famous for it – every specialist is trained to be focused, to get the job done, but Ward's – he's always taken it to a new level. But the way he was acting when you were in that medpod, still out from being shot?" Trip shook his head.

Before Skye could respond to that with – she had no idea what she was going to say about that – Trip held up a hand for a moment, then put it down.

"Garrett and Ward were always close. He was Garrett's golden boy – Ward met him while he was still at the Academy and they ran a lot of missions together. They saved each others lives a lot, back and forth. An agent tends to get close to their S.O. I was with Garrett for about year, Ward – they ran together for a hell of a lot longer. And he finds out the guy's been lying to him for years? That he was responsible for you almost dying?"

"Like I said, I've got unresolved anger towards Garrett. Ward? He's got some next-level rage, unless I miss my guess."

The word rage – Skye grabbed onto it, and suddenly...

 _The staff._ She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but she'd heard the exchange between Elliot Randolph and Grant before they went to that monastery.

 _The effects of the staff... are they permanent?_

 _The strength wears off. You will feel exhausted afterwards. You'll need sleep._

 _What about... the other effects?_

 _Oh, that dark, nasty ache in the pit of your stomach, the rage in your chest that makes you feel as if your heart's about to explode? It's worse on humans. But give it a few decades, and it'll wear off, too._

She hadn't really believed it, afterwards – Grant was also so...controlled. So locked down. It had never seemed like he was any angrier than he could usually get. He certainly didn't blow up at them the way he did in the lab, right after he'd touched the staff for the first time.

But...

Maybe the Asgardian hadn't been wrong? What if – she knew how good Grant was at controlling his emotions – she'd called him a robot so much because for the longest time, she hadn't really been sure he actually felt them.

So what if – what if it had still been there?

 _Why'd you do it?_

 _I lost it. I got angry. He pushed all the right buttons.  
_

Maybe she was grasping at straws...

But it fit.

But still – he was still willing to _kill_ to protect her...

But it wasn't just that Garrett, or Nash, had threatened her. They _had_ hurt her. She'd thought she was going to die, alone, in that basement. And – according to her medical file that she wasn't supposed to have read, she'd gotten a hell of a lot closer to actually dying than she really wanted to think about.

 _Which was probably why Simmons didn't tell me how close I got._

Trip hadn't really _told_ her anything new. Anything she didn't know. Maybe – she known Grant had to have been close to Garrett, but from what Trip told her, it was a lot more than _just_ 'close', it sounded like..

And her... 'theory' about the staff. It was just that. It fit. It made sense. But it was just a theory.

Still...she felt...

Well, better about it. Less scared. Less scared of what Grant might do. Less...freaked out. She wasn't really sure why? Just someone to talk it over with? She didn't know. She probably should still be freaking out. After all she was… she was in a relationship with someone who might just have some well of bottomless rage that might just spill out at any moment. That was something to freak out about, right? 

Well, she **was** freaked. Still freaking, in fact. But...

It wasn't -

Skye didn't pretend to understand her own head sometimes.

She looked over at Trip. "Thanks." she told him softly.

"Anytime girl." He told her as she stood up.

 **The Lounge, the Bus, Empty Field Near Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Four**

Of all the things or people Ward had expected to encounter while they were scouting out Cybtertek, Agent May was not one of them. He'd been surprised that she'd been willing to abandon Coulson, even if he'd more or less told her to, and it would seem that surprise was well placed. Because May hadn't abandoned the man, so much as left to get, as May called it, 'the information you wanted'.

Ward could only assume the flash-drive she'd handed Coulson had information about T.A.H.I.T.I. He was curious, but not enough to waste any time asking him. Coulson wasn't his biggest fan at the moment, still. It was nothing the man said, but...

Well, Ward didn't need Coulson to _say_ anything to know that the Level 8 agent was still upset with him.

The days work had proved somewhat fruitful. Getting into Cybertek would be difficult, but not impossible, and Ward had already mapped out several potential ways in. The issue was...once in...then what?

Somehow, Ward doubted the blueprints on file with the city planner's office would be anything resembling accurate.

So they needed some kind of eyes inside, to get a look at the layout.

If was just him, Ward would have gone in alone, blind. He'd gone into worse, after all.

But he'd _have_ to take Skye with him. Once they'd gotten access to the computers in the building, Skye was the one on the team with the best chance of cracking into their systems. And given how pissed she'd been she couldn't hack into them on the outside, Ward figured she was pretty motivated to get into their files from the inside.

But that meant increased risk. To Skye. And he was _not_ willing to go in blind, when her safety was concerned.

Ward looked up at the sound of Skye's footsteps approaching the table he was sitting at. There was a small smile on her face. He'd been worried he wouldn't see one on her face anytime soon...especially after yesterday. Like all her smiles, this one, small or not, brightened everything around her, a sole source of color in a gray world.

"I'm gonna guess that things went well at Cybertek?" She sat down across from him, resting her hands atop the table lightly.

"Why are you guessing that?"

"You're not at the punching bag working out your frustrations." Skye answered. "I'm starting to figure out your tells, Grant." She smiled a little more broadly.

She was using his first name. Had been since yesterday. Almost no one called him by his first name. He'd been 'Ward' for so long... Garrett had always preferred 'kid' or 'son'. It was almost alien to him, to be called 'Grant'. But every time Skye did it -

Ward smiled slightly back at her. "That's not really a hard tell to pick up on." He pointed out. "If you really want to learn my tells, you'll have to play poker with me sometime." Of course, the kind of poker he'd _really_ want to play with her wouldn't involve money or chips or anything along those lines -

Skye laughed a little, "Play poker with you? I've seen you play Fitz. You're like a statue when you play." But then she sat back a bit in the chair, her face going pensive. "Although..." She laughed, "maybe I'll take you up on that." She was silent for a moment, then gave Ward whiplash with a change of topic.

"So I saw May came back."

"She did." Ward nodded. "Gave Coulson a flash-drive. I can only guess it was about T.A.H.I.T.I. A peace offering, probably."

Skye bit her lip, "Maybe we were more than just a mission to her then." She sounded... relieved? "She didn't just...abandon us because her cover was gone."

"She didn't." Ward agreed. "I think we all moved past just 'the mission' a while ago, Skye. We're not just a team. We're-"

"Family?" Skye finished.

"I was going to say friends." Ward replied. He frowned. "Family isn't a term that I have very positive associations with."

Which was true, but wasn't the real issue. He knew Skye had a father-daughter relationship with Coulson, and sometimes seemed like she had a sibling dynamic with FitzSimmons, but...

Ward liked the rest of the team, even May. But hardly enough to call them 'family'. Not even close. He preferred a world where the rest of the team was alive, to one where they weren't, all things being equal, but...

Set against Skye, none of them mattered, really. If not for her...

He'd probably be somewhere in Havana right now.

Skye frowned, and Ward cursed himself. He hadn't meant to -

"I didn't mean to bring up..." she started, but Ward interrupted, shaking his head.

"It's fine. All your life, you wanted a family, a place to belong." He reached across the table and took her hand for a moment, squeezing it lightly. "You have a place here, with the team. You want to call us your family? I don't see the problem."

Skye looked over at him. "Do I just have a place with the team?"

Ward wasn't sure what she meant for a moment, then he realized. "Not just with the team." He told her softly. He wanted to lean in, to kiss her. He wanted to hold her – but Skye wanted to keep this quiet for now... and as long as she did, that was fine. As long as he had her – as long as he had her, it was enough.


	7. Into Cybertek

**Disclaimer:** insert witty comment about how I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. here

 **Note 1:** While I've contemplated carrying this fic through all the way into an alternate S2, for thematic, structural and literary reasons, I've decided instead to break it up into two, possibly three fics. This one will follow through to the end of Season 1's events (though events obviously go very differently than in the show) and some of the inter-season hiatus. The next fic will either cover all of Season 2, or more likely, 2a. And if that's the case, then a third one will cover 2b. Obviously, as drift continues, things will continue to get more and more different than the show, eventually reaching a 'critical mass' of change where things will start veering of radically rather than just being altered. When exactly that will be, of course, is something I can't tell you. Spoilers, after all.

 **Note 2:** I've been re-watching parts of Season 2 recently, and I've decided that the show-writers are officially banned from using the plot twist as a literary device for the whole of season 3. Also, red herrings are banned. Their twist in season 3, whatever the initial plot is, has to be that there is no plot twist. That is officially the new rule. Because what they did to Ward aside, the _rest_ of the season still falls apart because they abuse the concept of the plot twist to death. I agree that Ward deserved better, but for logic's sake, the viewers deserved better too. Or at least something that stayed coherent for more than two and change episodes at a time.

 **Note 3:** I've not mentioned it in this fic, but I do have a tumblr, alkenifanfiction . tumblr . com. Its updated infrequently, but occasionally hosts writing samples and meta-discussion about fandoms I write in (and the fics themselves), as well as occasional updates on what I'm working on (or why I'm not putting out chapters quickly right now, or what have you.) If you ever have questions about my fics, always feel free to ask me there if you'd rather not in a review/comment.

Thanks to EnergyBeing, for beta-reading.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 7: Into Cybertek

 **Roof, Cybertek's Palo Alto Offices, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Six**

If Ward was one thing, it was _not_ confident of Coulson's plan.

Leaving aside the fact that he wasn't especially thrilled about using old tech from the 40s and 50s, even if it still 'worked', there was a reason S.H.I.E.L.D. stopped using the stuff decades ago. Unlike Trip and Coulson, he had no warm and fuzzy feelings about old-style tech. What was it Coulson had said, the day he first joined the bus?

 _People tend to confuse 'new' and 'improved'_.

From Ward's perspective, new meant improved a hell of a lot more often than old did. As much as he wasn't happy about being forced to only carry an ICER, Ward had to admit that the weapon was useful. If an objective didn't require death, there was no reason to give death.

It was one of the few things he'd really disagreed with John on before he'd joined the Team, met Skye, Coulson – the rest.

For John, you didn't go out of your way to kill someone on an op, sure, but you didn't make an effort to not either.

For Ward -

Killing someone when you didn't need to lacked _finesse._ It was disordered and untidy. It was a sign that you lacked the skill to get the job down _without_ those complications. Even if, strictly speaking, killing people often had the end result of making things _less_ complicated.

Not that such aesthetic considerations stopped him from killing. Nor would they _ever_ stop him from killing, especially not if it was the only way to protect Skye. Finesse be damned, untidiness be damned. When the objective required it, death was perfectly acceptable. And the objective that mattered always, more than anything else ever could, was protecting Skye.

Against whatever Cybertek was likely to have defending the building, though? Ward wouldn't _need_ to kill anyone. And so, from where he sat, the ICER was both 'new' and 'improved'. When it came to the tools he used in the field, he'd prefer something made by FitzSimmons than something else. At the end of the day, he could trust their genius firsthand. It had, after all, saved his life more than once.

 _Even if Fitz had to go and light the hotel room's curtains on fire._ Simmon's 'oh Fitz' after that happened pretty much captured the mood of the entire team at that little blunder.

Which, really, explained why Coulson and May were going into Cybertek pretending to be S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists instead of Fitz and Simmons. Because neither of them were good at lying. Especially Simmons.

"I'm Ott, Senior VP of R&D. This is Diaz." The conversation down in the conference room came into Ward's reciever.

"I'm Theo Tittle, this is Dr. Roum." Coulson replied in turn. Ward looked over to Skye and gave her a look as she opened her laptop.

"Those were the best names you could come up with?"

"Manufacturing an identity that can hold up to the kind of scrutiny Cybertek can bring to bear isn't easy, Robot." Skye muttered, falling into old nicknaming patterns, clearly distracted by whatever it was she was doing on the computer. "Especially an identity for former S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists. And I've seen some of your aliases so don't even _think_ about complaining about those two."

 _Yes, but I didn't come up with the names._ Ward didn't say anything back to her though, just shaking his head and doing a quick check in all directions, staying low by the external vent they'd taken cover behind.

As he and Skye had talked, the conversation had continued, and Simmons was trying to cover for one of her flubs about people's ages.

"And we're in business." Skye murmured, bringing something up on the screen. "Trip's grandfather's pin should be able to capture a single, give me an in."

"You really think something invented _before_ the internet is going to get you onto a modern computer system? I think they upgraded information security since the 40s." Ward muttered back. That was the next part he didn't like about this plan, and why he'd insisted he and Skye be on the roof. Because as much as he _didn't_ want to take her into Cybertek, he was fairly confident that he would have to.

John was too smart to have his systems be something Skye could get at from a remove.

"They have. But no one is going to think to defend against something that uses UHF. You'd be surprised how often people forget to defend against something they think is obsolete. No one ever expects anyone to use it." Skye replied softly. "No one's ever attacked you with like, a sword or an axe or something on one of your super-spy missions?"

"Its happened a couple of times." Ward admitted. "But swords and axes didn't go out of style because armor got too good for them. They went out of style because -" Ward cut himself off. "Let me put it this way: just because I don't expect someone to shoot me with a blunderbuss doesn't mean I'm going to treat someone carrying one as if they're unarmed."

"A blunder-what?" Skye started. Before she could say anything more, and before Ward could answer her question, her computer beeped. "What the – that's weird."

"It's not finding any digital data. Nothing. It's like there's nothing there." Skye looked over at him. "That's not possible. Even if they were protecting the UHF band, there'd be something to pick up."

"They could be protecting it somehow." Ward pointed out. "Wouldn't it be possible to insulate a computer system? If we can insulate computers from EMP, can't they-"

"It's possible, yeah. And if it's insulated, there's nothing I can do from out here."

That's what he'd been afraid of. "Then we'll need to get inside. We'll cut our way in through the roof with this," Ward reached into the bag he'd brought and took out Fitz's Mouse Hole. It had taken a bit of work to talk the engineer into parting with it, but in the end, he'd agreed to let him have it. After all, in situations like this, how could an incredibly powerful laser cutter not come in handy? But still, it was still one of Fitz' (many) prized inventions, especially now that it was the only one in existence, and replicating it wasn't a viable option, given the circumstances. Ward had to promise (repeatedly) not to damage it. "But the problem is where exactly do they keep the computers? There's only so long we can look, and you're going to need _some_ time to upload your Trojan." He frowned. Really, he had no idea. "At least, I'm assuming you will.

"Yeah, I'll need some time. Hold on. I might be able to see if I can't find..." Skye murmured. She went back to her computer, typing away furiously. Ward kept his eyes around them. There was no sign of any guards on the rooftop, which struck Ward as a grossly idiotic move on Cybertek's part.

 _If I was still working with John, I'd make sure they corrected that oversight._ The company wanted to stay inconspicuous, he got that. But there was inconspicuous and then there was inexcusably negligent. But he wasn't going to object now, given that it was working in their favor. And, if he was lucky, they'd be this bad inside the building as well.

"It's a shame it didn't work out." The Cybertek researcher told 'Tittle' and 'Roum'. Ward had only been paying half attention to the whole discussion, but he'd heard the whole thing. Unsurprisingly, Cybertek wasn't impressed, but that hadn't been the point.

Ward looked back over to Skye and saw her pulling up the schematics that Cybertek had filed with the city. "I thought we all decided we couldn't trust those, hence the whole mission on the inside in the first place."

"I was hoping we wouldn't have to break in at all." Skye replied softly, sounding upset about more than just her idea not working. "You were the only one who didn't think the pin would work."

"Coulson obviously agreed that the risk of it not working was enough for us to come up here." Ward pointed out. He reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You know I'm not going to let anything happen in there, right?"

"That's not-" Skye started, reaching one hand up to rest on top of his a moment. She was silent for a moment, then, "I know you'll do everything you can. But-" She let her voice trail off and said nothing.

"Ward, Skye, you're up." Coulson's voice came through to them. "We're out. No sign of any room where they might be keeping their computers – they had someone taking notes during our interview on a typewriter."

"I think I've got something. There's a room on the fourth floor. Extra-reinforced steel door." Skye looked over to Ward, "I didn't think we could trust them either, but everything May and Coulson saw fit with these blueprints. I think they're actually legitimate."

"It would fit with their lazy security." Ward agreed, looking around the roof. Still no one. He started to turn on the Mouse Hole before Skye spoke again.

"Only problem is that the only way onto the fourth floor, without mouse-holing our way there is going to be by the elevator. And if they get wind that we're -"

"Then we'll make sure no one realizes we're in." Ward said, as if it was that simple, which really, it was. Less so than if it was just him going in, but still, simple. Not that it meant it was going to be easy, of course. "How close are we to the elevator from here?" He would rather not go roaming around the roof looking for the best spot to get into the building, though if they had to...

"Not very. I think. I really don't know." Skye said. She closed her computer and shoved it into her bag, lifting it onto her back. "Ready?" He could see the distraction in her eyes, hear it in her voice. Something was bothering her.

"Skye- What's the issue that- what were you about to say before Coulson interrupted?" Ward asked her softly.

Skye shook her head, taking a breath. "Not right now. It's not – it doesn't have anything to do with this mission." Ward looked at her, carefully, trying to get a read on what was bothering her, what had her distracted, but she must have used the breathing techniques he'd taught her her as a way to focus, because she didn't look or sound distracted now. "It doesn't. We can talk about it after we get the information on Deathlok, and whatever else Cybertek has on Garrett."

 _Probably not much._ John kept things compartmentalized. Ward was probably the only person apart from John who had a clear picture of the whole cell and its appendages, but even he had only known so much. John played everything close to the chest. Very fond of 'need to know'.

 _Well, John, now I need to know._

Ward nodded and turned on the Mouse Hole.

 **Fifth Floor, Cybertek's Palo Alto Offices, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Six**

The Mouse Hole had landed them in the ceiling ducts, but that worked just fine for getting them into the main part of the building unnoticed.

It was times like this that Ward wished he was shorter.

Not an especially creative thought, he knew, but his height, which had a number of advantages in his line of work, was _not_ an advantage when it came to crawling through air ducts. But he at least managed to fit himself into the enclosed space. He kept his breaths deep and even, keeping everything compartmentalized, controlled. He gestured to Skye who was behind him. His hand was probably only barely visible in the light coming into the ducts from various open vents.

He heard Skye stop moving behind him, and Ward looked through the vent carefully, getting as clear a picture of the room as possible. Empty. Some kind of office, but there was no one in it. That was the most important detail. The Mouse Hole was a little bit too powerful for this. Contorting himself to get at them, Ward grabbed one of the cigarette lasers in his tactical vest and aimed it at one corner of the vent. Then another. With two down, the vent was starting to pull against the screws keeping it in place, letting gravity too the work. Ward aimed the laser at where the screw would be, letting it burn through. One side down, but it wasn't quite enough. A few more well-aimed shots and the vent started to fall out of place completely.

It would have crashed into the ground if Ward didn't already have his other hand on it. Carefuly, he lifted it into the duct and set it on the far end of the hole.

Getting down into the office without landing with a heavy thump took a little work, but he managed it quickly enough. He gesture for Skye to come down after him, his arms ready to catch her.

He got a faceful of her hair for the effort, but catch her he did. And given that he had a moment to inhale the scent of shampoo, he didn't especially mind. He would have been happy to just stand there holding her like this for quite a while, if he had a choice. Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, they didn't have a choice. Though he held onto her a moment longer than he really needed to, he set her back onto her feet gently. He pressed a finger to his lips and slowly, carefully, opened the door into the hallway. It wasn't clear. Two guards were in the hall. Neither of them noticed the door being open. Or the ICER firing a round right into each one's chest, a perfect center mass shot. The shots weren't silent, but they were a lot quieter than a pistol's shots would be, without a silencer. Still. More noise than he'd have liked.

Ward made a mental note to get Fitz to design a silencer that worked with an ICER. Though he'd have to try the guns with a regular silencer. Maybe it would work.

The hallway clear, Ward opened the door slowly, checking both sides. One of the office doors 'behind' him opened, and Ward spun around, seeing a middle-aged woman in business-wear stepping out. Another ICER took care of her.

"Let's go. The second someone notices the unconscious people hanging around, we'll have a problem." Proving once more than Cybertek really had no notion of how to protect themselves against a serious attack, none of the offices had windows into the hallway, which only made it easier for the two of them to get one of the security guards, who had been standing by the elevator. A quick search of his inside jacket pockets found an ID card – though it didn't look it would scan anything – and a key.

 **Fourth Floor, Cybertek's Palo Alto Offices, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Six**

The second they were out of the elevator, there was another security guard. This one, at least, noticed them. It didn't count for much though. Ward had the ICER raised one more and downed the man well before he could reach the red phone on the wall.

Skye looked from the guard to him to the ICER. "Do you ever miss?"

"I did once." Ward replied, looking back at her. He let himself smile for a second, "I don't like to talk about it." Actually, he _had_ missed more than once. Given all the things at play when it came to shooting a target, especially a moving one, no one was a perfect shot all the time, but in a wide-open hallway with no cover and against a guard that was only a handful of steps up from rent-a-cop? Well, he couldn't really miss one of those.

"Just the one time?" Skye said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. He wanted to look back and actually see it… but now wasn't the time for that

"Like I said. I don't like to talk about it." He looked both ways down the hall. "Which way to the steel door?"

Skye thought for a moment, presumably calling up the blueprints in her head, then pointed, past the red phone. "That way."

They didn't run into any more guards on the way, but it was only a matter of time before someone saw the knocked out guards. They didn't have much time before people figured out they were here and started coming for them – when they found the computer room, he'd have to hold it long enough for Skye to get what they needed. Still, in place like this, the computer room would be easily defensible, even if the security was lax everywhere else.

The cigarette laser made short work of the reinforced steel door. _Okay, I'm not going to tell_ _T_ _rip, but this particular toy is pretty usefu_ _l._ The Mouse Hole was hell of a lot more powerful, but using it could be one of those 'sledgehammer to get at a walnut' problems. For most things, this was more than enough.

John, on the other hand, would have had no problem using a sledgehammer to break past a walnut's shell. It was the sort of logic that had led to him giving Quinn that order. The order to shoot Skye, just so he could force Coulson's hand into finding the way he'd been brought back.

Ward breathed in sharply, feeling rage once again at what John had done, at his smug excuses.

" _Its just part of the mission, son. We'll get what brought Coulson back and your little rookie will be just fine. And we'll get what we've been after. You don't have a problem with that, right, son?"_

Skye followed him into the room and he caught her muttering a curse. If Ward had been alone he'd be right there with her, but one of them had to be professional. Even if he had brought a hacker – brought Skye into a dangerous situation for absolutely no reason.

Because who needed a hacker when there was nothing to hack, when there was nothing but filing cabinets?

"Well... welcome to the Dark Ages." She muttered after another moment. "I guess that's one way to be hacker-proof."

"We don't have much time. We'll just have to settle for the Deathlok files, if we can find them in all this." Ward replied. He held up his walkie-talkie. "Sir, there's no computers. Just hard copies." He looked around the room, eying the filing cabinets. "Lots and lots of hard copies."

"Find anything you can on the Deathlok Program." Coulson replied. "Trip will fire the zip-line when you're done."

"Got it." Ward followed Skye into the forest of cabinets, eying the labels on each drawer. He didn't recognize most of the project names, but a few sounded familiar – designs or ideas that Garrett had mentioned, in passing or in detail.

"Found it. Project Deathlok." Skye hissed from two rows away. Ward made his way next to her and saw just what she was referring to. A whole cabinet, each of the three drawers labeled 'Deathlok'. Ward wasn't very surprised. He knew how far back the project went. Skye opened one of the drawers, "How can all this be just Deathlok?" She looked at the dates on some of the folders. "1990?" She pulled out a file, opening it.

 _And now Skye knows._ Ward saw her eyes widen, and she looked over to him, a combination of fear and surprise in her expression. Along with what seemed like a moment of clarity.

"This is Garrett's file... Model 1, version 1.01. He wasn't here to just _cover up_ Cybertek's work. He was here to _be_ Cybertek's work. He's the original Deathlok." Skye let out a long breath. "We can't carry all these files out-"

"No, we can't." Ward agreed, grabbing the cabinet and pulling it out of place. He could carry it to the window if he had to, maybe, but he would rather not. He saw Skye grimace a little at the sound of the heavy metal construction scraping across the floor, but she stayed by him, checking behind the two of them. They were to the window just as they heard the sound of footsteps. Ward spoke into the handset again. "Sir. Have Trip be ready with the zipline." He turned to Skye. "Help me with this." He pointed. "Grab that end."

"We're just going to toss this out the window?" Skye grabbed the indicated end even as she spoke.

"Yeah." Ward replied. He lifted, Skye lifted, and then a moment later it was out the window – and a bullet whizzed by his head. "Down!" Ward pushed Skye to the ground, pulling out his ICER and firing. He wasn't so much trying to hit as keep the Cybertek security's heads down. Which he succeeded in doing. He handed the empty gun to Skye as the zipline's hook connected with the ceiling above them, just inside the smashed window.

"Give me yours." Ward gestured to her ICER. "There's a hook in that bag. Grab it and get down there."

"Grant-" She started, but Ward interrupted her.

"I'll be right behind you. _Go!_ "

 **Motel Pool Area, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Six**

Grant really had been right behind her. She'd knew that it was a stupid worry, but that didn't stop her from worrying anyway. And for once, he actually managed to avoid getting winged by a bullet or something, like the stupid idiot had a habit of doing.

 _And then saying 'It's nothing.'_

The files they'd stolen from Cybertek were either laid out on the table by the pool, or still inside the filing cabinet. Skye still had trouble wrapping her head around that. Not just that they'd just up and taken the whole cabinet, which was just plain weird, but that Cybertek was really going to just have hardcopies for everything.

 _Seriously. It's 2014. How can you even function without computers?_ Skye wondered if they even had calculators, or if they were still using, like abacuses and slide-rules or whatever they used in the days before technology.

"Garrett started Project Deathlok way back in 1990." Coulson said, opening the file for all of them. "Look at this. He was patient zero." Was being a cyborg-killing machine a virus?

"More than that." Grant replied, pointing to date. "Look at this. It's just after that IED in Sarajevo. He wasn't just given these implants to become some kind of cybernetic super-soldier. He was given them so that he could survive that. He used to make this joke about how he'd duct-taped himself back together to get back to a S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital."

"I remember that story." Trip nodded. "Looks like that wasn't where he went."

"No, I'm think that's just where he went." Coulson disagreed. "Think about it –" He looked over at Simmons, "Assuming I'm reading his initial injuries here right, there's no way Garrett should have been able to survive for more than an agonizing week or two, right?"

Simmons looked at the file over his shoulder and nodded. "Not even that long. I can hardly believe he'd have survived long enough to get to a hospital."

"I'd bet the Bus against a moped that that's when Garrett joined Hydra." Coulson added. _Of course he'd bet the Bus, rather than Lola._ "They probably came to him, offered the chance to survive if he signed up. And he not only survived, but he got to be whole lot more than what he was before. Pretty sweet deal for him."

"Yea, if you're willing to be a murdering traitorous bastard." Trip agreed viciously.

"Clearly, Garrett doesn't have a problem with being any of those things." Fitz pointed out. He looked at one of the other files, "From a purely scientific perspective – some of the stuff that Cybertek had back the was... _ **decades**_ ahead of the times. The complexity in engineering some of these parts -"

"-and the difficulty in integrating them into an organic system, making them work together without rejection. I'm having trouble believing they managed it at all." Simmons finished.

Under normal circumstances, the one-brain thing Fitz and Simmons had going was cute. And it still was. But the fact that they were science-geeking out about the technology that had allowed a psychopath survive long enough to hunt for her blood– literally – was more than a little disturbing

Skye looked at the file, "We've been looking at all this backwards then, right?" Skye pointed to the file. "We thought he wanted the GH-325 so he could have his Centipede soldiers come back from the dead, survive whatever injuries they get and be as close to super-soldiers as possible. But he just wants it so he can become a real live boy again. Creating an army of programmed death machines for Hydra along the way? That's just triple bonus points."

"But he _is_ making an army of death machines." Coulson commented. "And that's a problem. They've burned through...who knows how many generations to get to the version of the technology that have in Mike Peterson? It seems pretty clear to me they've got it down. Just going up against one of him was hard. How about dozens?"

"Not a pleasant thought, sir." Grant agreed. "We still don't have any good way to take down Peterson. If it comes to that, I mean. Bullets don't exactly seem to work."

"Mike isn't the bad guy here!" Skye insisted. Grant was – he was talking about taking Mike down. "He's being controlled."

"And if we can find a way to stop him without hurting him, I'm all for it." Coulson replied. "Unfortunately, ICERs don't work against him either. So we can't just knock him out and take the bomb out of his skull."

Skye let out a sigh. Coulson was right. She grabbed Mike's file, desperately searching through it. "Maybe...maybe I can hack his feed, intercept any orders to terminate him. If we can do that -"

"What about his son?" Grant interrupted. "Do you really think Garrett would just leave him under the protection of a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent? He probably has him already. Somewhere secure."

Skye's throat tightened and her heart plummeted as she realized Grant was right. She couldn't think of what to say to that. Nothing would make Mike stop if Hydra had his son. He'd do anything to keep Ace safe.

Fitz looked up from Garrett's file, apparently on an entirely different mental wavelength than everyone else at this point in the conversation. "That EMP joy-buzzer."

Trip blinked and looked at Fitz. "What about it?"

"If one of use gets near Garrett and uses it – he's relying on these mechanical parts to keep him alive. If they get shut down." Fitz gestured wildly to the file, "he wouldn't be able to survive. Not for long anyway. Maybe someone could reboot or repair the parts if they got to him in time, but he'd be – he'd be incapacitated until they could."

Out of the corner of her eye, Skye saw Grant tighten up and pale just a little at Fitz's words, but the whole thing only happened for a few moments, then he was normal again.

"There's only the one." Trip pointed out. "There's no guarantee whichever of us has it would be the one to find Garrett, whenever the hell we figure what hole he's crawled into."

"No." Skye agreed, "But what about Mike. Would the EMP knock out the camera in his eye? Make it so no one could trigger it to blow?" There had to be a way to stop him without killing him. Mike was a good guy – but everything he'd been subjected too over the last few months... it had been one body blow after another, literally and metaphorically. He just... he just needed a break.

"It would." Fitz confirmed.

"But it would also know out every other part of cybernetics in his body – including his leg. And there's a lot more that they've done to him than just his eye and his leg." Simmons pointed out. "We have no idea what kind of damage it could do to him – it could kill him!"

"But it is an idea." Coulson pointed out. "And a good one." He nodded to the file in Skye's hands. "Look over Mike Peterson's file, find out the full extent of what was done to him. If it's possible to shut down his cybernetics without killing him or putting him in serious risk of dying, I want to know."

"That still doesn't answer the question of what we do next. We have the Deathlok files, but where is Garrett? Where is Deathlok?" May spoke for the first time. "We can't just wait around for 'The Clairvoyant' to come after Skye." If you'd told Skye a few months ago that May would say that with a note of concern in her voice – would _ever_ be concerned about her, she wouldn't have believed them. But...

Maybe she was something of an Ice Queen, but May wasn't unfeeling, cold-hearted emotionless 'zen warrior' that Skye had first thought she was. And May didn't hate her – maybe she never had, but at the very least, there had been a time when May didn't like or trust her. Now...now that wasn't the case.

When Coulson had told them May had left – that another person she'd cared about, and thought cared about her, at least a little, had left – she'd... well, you would think she'd be used to the pain by now. You'd have thought that the part of her heart that still ached every time someone walked away would have scarred over by now. But it hadn't, and she wasn't.

Still, this time, the pain had been tempered by anger at Coulson. She understood why he was upset, of course she did – she was upset that May had been there, reporting on them too . But that didn't mean that she thought that May had to leave. Of course, wasn't as personal for her, she didn't have the long history with May that AC did. And she hadn't died and come back, the way Coulson had because of the T.A.H.I.T.I. project. She hadn't been confused and troubled and there hadn't been someone she thought she could trust standing right there with her, withholding things she needed to know. So she understood, intellectually, why Coulson had driven her away, but she was still angry with him, and she was still hurt that May had just upped and gone.

Emotions didn't have to bow to intellect.

But...she was back now. Having 'The Cavalry' with them... their chances of making it through all this – they only increased. And having this team... it was the family she'd never had. Together – together they could make it through this.

"You traced the call Garrett made to Havana, right?" Coulson said, pulling Skye from her reverie. . Skye pulled herself from her thoughts and nodded.

"Yeah, down to a couple-block radius. Couldn't get any closer than that to wherever it was he was calling from. But like he said – he's not going to be there anymore. He wouldn't have left any clues." She answered. _Maybe_ it was possible, if the hard-drives were themselves intact, that she could successfully cobble-together fragments of deleted files and get _something_ , but if he was Hydra, she'd just go ahead and smash up the hard-drives completely. There was no better way to keep your information secure when you were done with the computer than that. She'd had to do that to her first laptop early in her hacking career, when she'd tripped a little trap the NSA had left for unwelcome visitors to their cyberspace.

"No. _He_ won't be there. But he'll have left people behind." Coulson replied. "I knew him for years, even if I didn't know the most important detail. I know how he thinks. He'll leave some people behind because he'll expect us to go there. And that's why we need to go there – the people there will have the information we need."

She saw Grant clench his teeth, "You're proposing sir, that we walk right into a trap on the off chance that we capture one of his people alive and that we can make them talk. What if they all have those things in their eyes? It's too much of a risk."

"A trap isn't much of trap if you know it's coming." Coulson pointed out. "And do you have a better idea other than waiting around and doing nothing until he comes after Skye?"

"At least that way we can pick the ground." Grant replied carefully. "You're proposing we all but take Skye right to him!"

"That is _**not**_ what I'm proposing Agent Ward. I'm proposing we take the fight to him, to Hydra, rather than sitting around. Right now Hydra has the initiative. They have more numbers and more resources. If we stay on the defensive, we're doomed."

"Coulson's right." May added. "Skye can stay on the plane when we move in-" Ward started to interrupt her, but Skye interrupted him first.

"I'm _right_ here guys." Skye said, waving her hand as she interrupted. "Since I'm the one who Garrett's after, shouldn't I have a vote on if we walk right into a trap meant for me?"

Coulson nodded after a moment. "You should."

Of course, Skye wasn't entirely sure _what_ she wanted her vote to be. Walking into a trap was exactly the kind of stupid thing that got people killed in movies and stuff. But – AC and May were right. Waiting around had its own problems and if they could get one of the Hydra guys talking...

 _Which would be easier if we **actually had** a truth serum. _ Skye wondered if Simmons could make one. Given everything that had happened, some kind of truth serum would _really_ , _really_ be a good idea.

But – Skye was never one to just sit and wait for something to happen. She wanted to jump headfirst into things. It had gotten her into trouble more than once...

It had gotten her shot -

But it was who she was. If she just sat there, waiting for Hydra to come after her – she'd only feel worse. Get tense and nervous and just – it wasn't the way to do anything. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent now, for whatever that meant, and she did not want to just sit around and do nothing. She wanted to take the fight to Hydra. She wanted to work to protect people, not hide out in some bunker, or some base, or even on the Bus.

"We should go to Havana." She looked over at Grant, then May and Trip. "I think three specialists will be enough to handle whatever Garrett throws at us." She smiled, sounding a touch more confident than she actually felt. "We're a Team. We'll get through this like we got through everything else we've been through." As much as she was concerned – Skye remained optimistic. She believed in the team. She believed in what they could do together.

Before she could say anything else, before the momentary mood of solidarity could break with someone raising any objections, they heard a voice behind them.

"Pizza delivery for Pablo Jimenez?"

Coulson looked up and Skye turned to see a guy holding several pizzas. "That's me." Coulson said, taking out his wallet and walking over to the Pizza guy.

 _I never really took you for a Pablo, AC._

 **Motel Pool Area, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Seven**

When she'd walked out into the pool area – careful not to wake the sleeping Simmons or May, though Skye was willing to bet the older woman was a pretty damn light sleeper – Skye hadn't expected to see anyone out there.

But Grant was out there. His ICER was sitting on a table in front of him and he was looking at it – well, glowering at it, really. And Grant could glower pretty well, when he had a mind to.

"Couldn't sleep?" Skye asked, walking towards him.

Grant turned around and saw her. The glower vanished, replaced by a look of... well, genuine exhaustion. Not so much physical exhaustion – mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. She knew the feeling well. Better than she wanted to "Not so much."

"And you blame that ICER?" She gestured to the weapon in front of him.

"No -" He looked away then back at her. "It's just that FitzSimmons designed it too well, as it turns out."

"How can a gun be designed _too_ well?" Sometimes, she didn't understand Grant. Well, not sometimes. A lot of times.

"It doesn't need to be cleaned. It doesn't jam. It doesn't catch. The barrel is never in any danger of clogging. Its designed so well that it would never need to be disassembled to clean or fix it – and it _can't_ be disassembled, because why design it so it can be?"

"And this is a problem?"

Grant let out a breath, "Disassembling a pistol – it's all muscle memory for me. It's a mindless task I don't need to think about. Has a way of clearing my mind." He gestured at the ICER, "But this doesn't disassemble, so..." He shrugged.

On the surface, it was – just a thing. But it was something about Grant. She knew a lot about him, but there was a whole lot more to him that she didn't know. Big things – she still didn't know what it was that he'd seen when he'd held the Berserker Staff, though given what he'd told her at Providence Base, she could guess at the general idea. But also little things – things like this. She'd never actually wondered or thought about if disassembling a pistol was a mind-clearing thing for him or not, but it made sense. It felt like him.

"Grant, you know why I said I thought we should go to Havana." She said carefully, looking at him. She'd realized he wasn't happy about the decision being made, but she hadn't thought it would bother him this much. Grant usually wasn't up past midnight like this. He was more of an early to bed, early to rise sort of guy.

"No." Grant shook his head. "That's not – I hadn't realized you were still awake, or I would have asked you. Back on the roof, at Cybertek-"

That was what was bothering him? She- she'd – amidst everything else, the revelation that Garrett was the first Deathlok, figuring out what to do and where to go... She hadn't had an opportunity to bring it up like she'd said-

"That." Skye said softly.

"That. Whatever 'that' is." Grant agreed. "Skye – If I've done something – you have to tell me- please."

It was the please – he sounded...worried. Concerned. About whatever it is she'd wanted to say to him. She couldn't know what he thought she'd been meaning to say, but whatever he thought, it was a lot worse than -

A lot worse than what she wanted to say.

"Grant – it..." She took a breath. "I know – I know you're a specialist. That your training – you were trained to eliminate threats. To kill the enemy. I know that you want to- you want to keep me safe." And on many levels, she liked that. She didn't need to be protected like some delicate china doll but still – she liked that Grant... that Grant cared enough to want so much to keep her safe. She took another breath. It was now or never. "I – I don't want you to become a murderer."

"Skye -" Grant started, then continued after a pause. "I was a murderer before Nash, for all intents and purposes. I came to terms with that a long time ago. It's what comes with being what I am."

"Grant! No you weren't. You're _not._ It matters who you kill – it matters why. It matters how and the circumstances -" Skye didn't like to think about the complexities of these kinds of issues. It was the kind of knot you could never untangle. She liked her good and evil straightforward and simple. But it never was – hacking could be bad, if you did it for money, like Miles had. But it was good, if you did to release information that the public had a right to know. Or to find information on your long lost parents.

Stealing was wrong, but when she'd done it from time to time because she couldn't afford food, living on the edge in her van as she had, she'd justified it – she'd needed the food, the people she took the money from didn't need it as much as her, they could take the hit after all.

Killing people was bad, but – If you killed someone who - and it sounded terrible to say this - 'deserved' it, was it as bad? If you killed someone to protect someone else, to save a life? Was it as bad? Killed an armed dangerous person versus an unarmed harmless one-

Once you started diving into these questions – there was no end in sight to the crazy rabbit hole.

Skye preferred to trust her gut. And right now, her gut was telling her that Grant was a good person. She just -

She just wanted to make sure he stayed that way.

Grant didn't say anything. He reached across the table and took her hand. After a minute of silence, Skye spoke again, looking him in the eye.

"You don't have to kill to protect me, Grant." She licked suddenly dry lips. "You can't kill people just because they're a threat to me. Not – not when they're unarmed...when they're prisoners."

Grant closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. "I -" He cut himself off again, then started, "I'm not – I'm not planning to...I won't." He squeezed her hand. "If Garrett – or anyone - has a gun on you or anything like that... I will kill them, if I can." Grant told her with sincerity. It -

She couldn't object to that. She was bothered, still, by the easy way she said that, but -

"I told you that I'm not a good man. I'm not. You – you're a good person, Skye. More than that... you – you make me _want_ to be a good man." He squeezed her hand again. "Somehow, you see good man when you look at me. You make me want to – to be that good man you see."

Skye bit her lip – this -

Grant was a good person, whatever he thought. But that was – how could he really believe that he wasn't a good person? This was Grant Ward, baring his soul to her. Had his older brother, his parents, his work as a specialist really made him – she could barely believe he thought he wasn't – He'd jumped out of a plane to save Simmons, for God's sake!

 _I can only keep telling him that he is a good man until he believes it._

Skye stood up and walked around the table towards him. "I see a good man when I look at you because you _are_ a good man." She looked him in the eye. "You're a good man." She told him again. She leaned in and kissed him, closing the distance, such as it was, between the two of them. She pressed his lips to hers, trying to _show_ him what she'd just told him. She felt his hands on her hips and an involuntary shiver ran down her spine as he all but pulled her into his lap – she'd done part of the work herself, hardly objecting to his intent. She put his arms around her neck as he put his arms around her torso.

The rest of the world fell away as she kissed him, as he kissed her. For a few moments, nothing else mattered. For a few moments, the world outside the two of them didn't exist.


	8. Caught

**Disclaimer:** Look at this fic. Look at the website. Then look back to the fic. Do you think I own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

 **Note:** Shortest chapter yet, yes, but it's just what happens sometimes.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 8: Caught

 **Motel Pool Area, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Seven**

The world outside the two of them may have seemed to not exist, but that didn't stop it from crashing back into them a few minutes later at the sound of a throat clearing.

Immediately, Skye pulled her lips away from Grant's and looked to the source of the sound. She felt heat in her cheeks and the rest of her face, and could only guess just how flustered she looked. She felt like the teenager caught making out with her boyfriend on the couch by the parents as they walked into the living room. The first part – making out with her boyfriend – was the case, too.

Fortunately, it wasn't AC standing not that far away, arms crossed in front of him and an amused look on his face. It was Trip.

"Well." He chuckled. "I knew there was something that was gonna happen between you soon enough, but I didn't know you'd actually had it start already."

Skye flushed even more at his words and stood up, getting off Grant's lap. Grant didn't stop her, letting her go, but he held onto her arm, letting his hand slowly and gently slide down it until it was holding hers.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about girl." Trip added, obviously seeing how red her cheeks were. "Not like I caught you two out doing more than kissing."

That _really_ make Skye's cheeks burn. She looked at her hands, wondering if the flush had spread that far – she felt embarrassed enough to be red all over. Not at being caught with Grant. Just the being caught part. She'd been in his lap – that was a little more than _just_ kissing. Not that she hadn't liked being in his lap, kissing him with his arms around her. She had. A lot. But still.

 _Its easy for you to say its nothing to be embarrassed about. You're not the one who got caught._ She looked over to Grant. Unsurprisingly, he did not look embarrassed at all. No flushing, no anything. Despite the moment, Skye wondered what exactly _would_ fluster or embarrass Grant, and made a mental note to figure that out.

"Did you want something?" Grant asked Trip, holding her hand tightly, though not tight enough to hurt. There wasn't any hostility in his tone, just the question.

"Didn't realize anyone would be out this late." Trip answered. "Just came out to get some air, saw you two." He looked at her, then at Grant, then at the two of them. "So how long since the two of you stopped dancing around each other?"

Skye's first thought to that was _were we really that obvious?_ Her second thought was _well, kind of._ Well, maybe not initially. For the longest time, she hadn't been sure if he was interested in her at all – he'd almost seem like he was, then he'd do something that would make her think he wasn't. Once she'd really realized that she felt something for him – had a crush on him – she'd tried to keep her feelings hidden from him, but after the whole, y'know, being shot thing, she'd slowly started to stop pretending because – because at that point, she really _was_ starting to feel the impression that he felt something for her in turn. Even then, they'd just moved around each other in a slow, cautious dance, neither of them sure, not entirely sure, what the other one felt...and then there had been that janitor's closet in the Hub.

Because up until then, while she'd been starting to believe he might be interested in her, she hadn't had confirmation. She'd wondered if her belief was just wishful thinking, reading too much into his actions, his words, his expressions. (Yes, she'd read into his expressions too. You had to when you were dealing with a guy like Grant who wasn't exactly emotionally expressive. Though he was a hell of a lot more of that in the last few days...)

In the Hub, when he'd asked her about that drink. That's when she'd actually been certain that he was interested, that it wasn't all just supposition and wishful thinking and her having some silly crush on her S.O. Which had been one of the reasons she'd kept it hidden. Well, it had been before she'd actually had proof that her feelings were returned. _I'm sure there's some stupid protocol or rule about having a crush on your S.O. Or something_. Now, she didn't care about that, not know that she knew, that she 100%, positively knew...

No matter how badass or Seal Team 6-y Grant was, he wasn't invincible. Even he'd sounded like there was a chance he couldn't make it past those twelve 'level 5 foot-soldiers' alive. She'd been... genuinely afraid that he wouldn't come back. She'd tried to mask it with bravado in her tone.

 _You said you might die, so...what the hell?_

She'd accepted his offer for a drink – not just because she wanted it, even though the thought of going from a crush and dancing around and what may or may not be mutual interest to...trying something, actually trying _something_ kind of terrified her. She took the offer because he could die. And she'd never live with herself if he died without him realizing that yes, she was -

That his feelings were returned. And so she'd accepted the offer of a drink, she'd kissed him.

At that point, there'd been no point in trying to hide from the other the feelings they each had for the other, and so they hadn't.

And been less careful about hiding that they had feelings for each other from everyone else.

Maybe they _had_ been that obvious. Maybe it had just been the two of them lying to themselves and each other for a few months, with everyone else noticing? Eventually, anyway, maybe?

Skye couldn't know for sure.

"Since Providence Base." Skye said in answer to Trip's question. She took a breath. She – there was no real reason to keep her and Grant secret, but she... she just felt like now wasn't the time. Like she'd told him, with everything going on – there was no reason for them to make anything complicated, or whatever. Once Garrett was dealt with, there'd be breathing space – not a lot, with S.H.I.E.L.D. dead and Hydra still roaming free, but at least a little. Enough space for them to sit down, take stock of their situation and figure out a long term strategy. She'd kept running the information from the dumped files against names known to be Hydra along with those in the Rising Tide she could trust, and that had turned up some other potential leads, but really, once Garrett was out of the picture...

God, they all would need a fucking break. After everything they'd gone through in the last week and some? Hell, the last few months? They'd need a breather. Just a period when they could... well, maybe not drop their guard, but at least not have it up so high and strong. Relax a little. Unwind. Pretend to be a tiny bit normal for a while.

When she'd first joined the Bus, she hadn't thought she'd miss 'normal'. She'd figured she'd miss some of the advantages to living alone (she had), she'd figured she'd miss her van (she had) and she'd figured she'd miss all the things that had been part of her life beforehand (she had). What she hadn't figured on was missing... normal. Her life had never been 'normal' by most people's standards, but the last few months – she'd been all over the world, came into contact with alien technology, an actual alien, people with powers, a guy who came back from the dead, technology that while not alien was advanced enough it may as well have been, people stuck between worlds, evil science projects, and cybernetic death-machines. She'd been shot _twice_ in the stomach, nearly died and had alien DNA injected into her to save her life. Generally anything even remotely resembling normal had been tossed out the window. And now here she was, along with the team, up against a Nazi death cult that was supposed to have been destroyed seventy years ago.

 _Oh, and a crazy sick psychopath wants to drain me of my blood and hand me over to a crazy scientist to be 'taken apart' all so he can be a real boy again._

Yea, she was missing normal at this point. She was missing _boring_ , even. Despite herself, her mind went back to an episode of Babylon 5 where one character, Garibaldi had a line that at the moment, was kind of resonating with her, even though it had been quite a few years since she'd watched the show online. Technically it had been illegal, but really. It was a good show.

 _Every day I get up, and I hope nothing will happen. I'd love to be just bored out of my skull for 24 hours._

She'd rather have maybe a week of boredom at least, but still, the point stood.

But the point was until they had that time to _be_ bored, it was better to keep her relationship with Grant quiet. Besides, she really liked having something secret, something between just the two of them. Something no one else knew about. It was sort of like the old days, when she was off the grid and living in a van.

Well, except for the fact that Trip knew now.

"Look, Trip." She started, "Grant and I – can you not tell anyone? We're – with everything going on..."

Trip held up his hands, palms out. "Hey, no need. Not my thing to tell anyone, after all." He laughed, "I'll leave it up to you two to tell Coulson. Though I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he threatens you." Trip looked at Grant as he said that.

"Threatens-" she looked over at Grant, confused for a moment. Why would Coulson threaten Grant?

"Girl, you're like a daughter to him." Trip told her. Skye blinked a moment, then -

 _Well...its not like I haven't...haven't seen him as a father-figure..._ Because she had. She'd gotten the impression that Coulson felt – felt like with her as well, but -

Well, it was impossible to be sure. She'd called Mrs. Brody 'Mom' and look how that had turned out.

But the Team – they were her family. And Coulson really was in many ways father she'd never had, the father she'd wanted.

None of her foster parents had ever really taken the time to threaten any guys, not that they'd had many opportunities. Bouncing between foster homes as often as she did meant that she usually didn't have enough time in any given school to get anywhere with any guy... and once she ran away from St. Agnes, there wasn't even a foster dad that could threaten any guy she got involved with.

Grant was never going to hurt her. She believed that with iron certitude, but it would be...nice, almost, to have someone care enough to threaten him.

If someone else saw it – then maybe she wasn't imagining that connection with Coulson. She hadn't thought she was, but confirmation was nice.

"I'm expecting it to happen sooner or later." Grant said after a moment. He smiled a little bit, "I imagine him cleaning shotgun while he does it, but I don't think he actually owns one."

"Not really standard S.H.I.E.L.D.-issue weaponry." Trip agreed. He looked to the two of them again, "I didn't know you two were having some time together. I'll leave you guys be." Then with a smirk he added: "But you might want to be more careful about where you do things. If it _had_ been Coulson coming out here-" He laughed. "Well, then we'd find out if he owns a shotgun or not."

Skye flushed just a touch at the thought of Coulson walking out and seeing them like that like Trip had – without any warning. It was a mortifying thought. And what if it like, gave him a heart attack or something?

Okay, it probably wouldn't, but she could guess that AC wouldn't have been very pleased to see them like that.

"It wasn't – it wasn't exactly planned. But yeah, we'll be more careful." Skye said afte a moment.

 **Ward and Fitz's Room, Motel, Palo Alto, California**

 **D Plus Seven**

After Trip had gone back inside, Ward had stayed outside with Skye for maybe a half hour. Talking. And some kissing. But eventually, Skye had yawned, and Ward needed sleep to as well. They were leaving for Havana in a few hours. Leaving for John's base under the barbershop. Not that anyone else knew it was under the barbershop.

Ward had wanted to ask Skye to come with him, so he could hold her as she slept, as he slept. He wanted her near him – wanted to be near her. Wanted to be able to reassure himself that she was still his, that she wasn't disgusted by him, by the _real_ him.

Grant wanted to be a good man for her, because that was who she'd developed feelings for. For Agent Grant Ward, poster-boy for S.H.I.E.L.D. as much as he could, he wanted to be that man. Much of it was true to his personality, what personality he could truly be sure was his, and not just part of one his many masks and covers, part of _him_ and not just something he'd been for John, or as a cover for S.H.I.E.L.D.

 _How_ to be a good man for her – that wasn't an easy answer. She was the first person who'd ever seen him as a good person, a good man. Others had seen him as 'good' at a given task, at being a specialist, but never as a 'good' man.

The obvious first step was on killing, killing to protect her, killing to get the job done. It was just another mission – one where the parameters had changed. Protecting Skye was still the most important thing – nothing mattered if she died. Nothing.

But – there had to be a line. Eliminating the threat wasn't the point anymore. He had to unlearn the habits drilled into him by his training as a specialist, years of experience in the field. Go in, get the job done, eliminate any threat that stood in the way. Incapacitation if possible, death if necessary. But the objective was always the objective – kill this person, recover this item, gather this intelligence. Twice he'd been sent in to rescue a S.H.I.E.L.D. scientist that had been kidnapped – two separate scientists, that is, each on different occasions – and that was was the closest his missions as a specialist, before the Bus, had been to the 'protection' that Coulson constantly spoke about, the so-called mission of S.H.I.E.L.D.

But the mission now – the mission now was Skye. Protecting her, yes, but making sure she never saw him as the monster and murderer, the 'serial killer' that she told him he was in his nightmares. Being a good man for her. Being the man she knew – not just pretending to be that man, but _being_ that man.

But...how? How was he supposed to be a good man? What did good people do? He understood, intellectually, academically, the concepts. Good, evil, right, wrong. He knew there were things that almost everyone (especially civilians) conceived of as evil – murder, theft, torture, lying, for example – but they were always terribly inconsistent about it. The law's definition was useless. Juries were a terrible method for ruling on what was and wasn't fact, and the law had protected his parents and Christian, had left him and Thomas and his sister behind. The law was imprecise, though even that was generally more precise than the fuzzy morality of most people.

Ask ten people if theft was wrong, odds were, all ten would say yes. Ask the exact same ten to then define theft, why it was wrong, and if there were times when it was acceptable or not, and you'd get ten – or more – different answers, many of them fuzzy, ill-defined and mealy-mouthed. Ask them the same questions about killing and you were going to end up with a similar result. The same with lying and torture.

For Ward, lying was the job. He was a spy – he'd lied for S.H.I.E.L.D. He'd lied for Hydra. He'd lied to protect Thomas as a child, he'd lied to the police when they'd asked him if he knew if his brother was in that house to protect himself. Just as with killing, Ward told as few lies as he needed to get a job done. With the Team, the number of lies was comparatively small. No one had _asked_ him if he was Hydra. Or anything close. And he hadn't lied to Coulson when he'd said that he hadn't been following someone's orders when he killed Nash.

Of course, he'd more or less lied when he took the oath as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and he'd deceived the entire team by not telling them what he knew about Project Centipede, the Clairvoyant, Hydra...

He'd come so close to telling Coulson everything after Skye was shot. But there – there hadn't been a moment. They were rushing her to Zurich, then Bethesda, then the Guest House. There was never a free moment, and then John had been there.

And...

He'd owed – he _still_ owed – John everything. His life, his sanity. John had taught him how to be a man. John had made him the specialist he was.

John had taught him attachment was a weakness.

 _But I'm attached to Skye. And I don't care._ He'd almost said as much to John, but he hadn't... he'd said nothing. He'd taken John's smug explanations, how it was all according to plan and he'd get his 'little candy crush' back soon enough, as long as Coulson really had dug up what happened to him after New York. And if he hadn't, couldn't for his pet project, then Coulson really didn't know and they'd just cross the team off, crash the plane and move on. No point in leaving a guy like Coulson or someone like the Cavalry alive, right?

Ward had argued with that premise – it was unnecessary death, and he didn't _want_ to cross Coulson off, cross FitzSimmons off. And they didn't need to kill them. It was risky, and at the time, there'd been no reason to think that Hydra was going to rise any time soon.

John had just sneered at his 'weakness' and played him. Played what Ward owed him.

But he didn't owe him her.

He should have killed John then. Should have turned him in then.

But – he couldn't let the team, couldn't let Skye know what he'd done. What he was. He couldn't have her see him as a monster.

He still couldn't.

He was a survivor.

And up until that last moment – everything he owed John had still riddled his thoughts...dominated him. It had been his entire reason for being.

But Skye... and that kiss, in the closet...that she really did feel something or him.

She was his reason now. He didn't want John to die, didn't want to have to work against the man who had done so much for him, but he had to. As long as John lived, as long as he was determined to get G.H. 325 and use it to save his life as his cybernetic and organic systems failed him, then he was a threat to Skye. An active threat, not just some potential one.

John had to die. For Skye. And he had to be a good man. For Skye.

It was for her. Everything was for her.

All for her.

 **Cargo Hold, The Bus**

 **D Plus Seven**

This time, Skye was on time for their training. They were walking into what was probably a trap, _knowing_ it was a trap. If there was ever a time to be on-top of her game, this was it. Plus, she didn't want to have to do another hundred pushups.

Like in their last few training sessions, there was a moment of - well, again, tenderness seemed to be the only word she could think of – as Grant helped her wrap her hands, checking the wrappings to make sure they were on properly. She offered him a slight smile, and proving that he wasn't entirely in 'S.O. mode' yet, he smiled back. Then they were in front of the bag.

"You've got the form on the punching down well. Now it's just about muscle memory and keeping yourself on point with them. But punching isn't an entire fight." Grant said, holding the bag for her. "You've seen May fight. You've seen me fight."

"I've _felt_ you fight." Skye pointed out, remembering just their most recent sparing, let alone the other times they'd sparred. "And I know you've been pulling your punches. And kicks." She started in on the bag, practicing the moves they'd always been working on from the start. And she kept her hands up. It wasn't an easy thing to remember to do, but by now she was much more used to it.

"Less now than when we first started." Grant pointed out. "You've been picking things up fast."

At this point, the idea of a compliment from Grant, even when it came during training, wasn't a total shock, the way it had – the way it had before Hong Kong. That first real compliment he'd given her.

"Well, I might not have without an S.O. willing to put up with me." Skye told him. "I wasn't exactly the best student at first." Which was kind of an understatement. After Malta, she'd started to get _more_ focused, more determined, but it had taken time for her to really start focusing on doing the best she could during training.

"As long as you really wanted it, you'd have gotten it one way or another." Grant replied softly. "Like I said when Coulson gave you your badge. Some things are meant to be." He shifted a little, holding the bag at a slightly different angle. "The point I was making, though, was that in a fight, you need to use your entire body as the weapon. People aren't just going to punch you – and you can't just punch them. You need to be able to keep your hands up, hit your opponents, dodge their attack and, if need be, keep your balance while you're kicking them." He firmed his grip on the bag, holding it still. "Start adding in kicks. Keep your hands up when you kick, You can't rely on them being something you can use for balance when one foot is off the ground."

Nodding, Skye pulled back from the bag for a moment, taking a quick, momentary breather and then standing back in front of the bag. He'd had her practice kicks before, but not both at once. Couldn't be too hard, right?

It really wasn't. At least not with the punching bag. She varied which leg she used in the kicks, but it was easier to stay standing on her right leg and kick with her left – though she was only on one foot for a few seconds, she quickly found she felt less stable on the left foot with the right in the air.

After a couple of minutes, and a few pointers from Grant, her S.O. pulled away from the bag and she stopped short, wondering why he wasn't holding the bag still for her. She kept her hands up, one foot in front of the other as Grant came around from behind the bag and stood behind her. He put his hands on her arms, lowering the right one a little.

"You're overcompensating up here a little. Keeping your hands too up is going to lead to problems just like keeping them down will."

 _You've told me this before._ She wasn't going to snark at him about it though. He wasn't doing it to be pedantic or annoying. He was trying to help. And she didn't mind having his hands on her, even if it was just to adjust her stance. Which he did again, this time with his hands on her hips. Despite herself, Skye felt a slight shiver go down her spine, but she forced herself to concentrate.

 _You're doing this on purpose you bastard._ He didn't _have_ to put his hands on her to get her stance adjusted the way it needed to be. He was doing this _just_ to mess with her.

"Ten more minutes of this, then we'll spar." Grant told her, going back around to hold the bag.

"Only ten minutes?" Skye blinked as she started punching and kicking the bag again. "Who are you what have you done with Mr. Fun Machine?"

Grant just looked over at her for a moment, then shook his head, "We could be in a fight as soon as we land in Cuba. You need to be on top of your game, yes, but not worn out."

Of course, Skye could remember a time when just twenty minutes on the bag and a few rounds on the mats _did_ wear her out. She had a long way to go before she really felt confident in her ability to protect herself – getting shot had a way of making a person realize their deficiencies in that area – but she was getting better.

 _But its about defending myself. Defending other people._ Skye wanted to be a field agent, like AC – she didn't want her job to be to kill or to eliminate the threat, like May and Grant's jobs were. She wanted to save people, help people, protect people. The way Coulson and the rest of the team had done for her.

 _S.H.I.E.L.D. might be gone, but that doesn't mean we can't save lives._ Innocent lives, and even not-innocent lives. Mike Peterson wasn't 'innocent' – he'd made mistakes under the influence of the Extremis, he'd been forced into making even more after they put a bomb in his head. But he still deserved to be saved. His son deserved it even more. And who knew who else Garrett and Hydra were using, holding captive, experimenting on. Somehow, she doubted that all those Centipede soldiers agreed to have bombs put into their skulls.

She had to be better in a fight, but she knew that no matter how much she trained, no matter how good she got, she'd never be the kind of 'warrior-zen-ninja-badass' that May was, or the 'Seal Team 6 Superspy' that Grant was. She didn't want to be.

She wanted to protect people. Save people.

But before she could do all that, be what she wanted to be, she had to get better. Which meant training and sparring.

 _And actually knocking Grant to the floor at least once!_


	9. Life is Complicated

**Disclaimer:** I don't own. Nope. Nope. Nope.

 **Note:** There are some partial nods (of sorts) to FitzSimmons in this chapter, but all from Skye's POV. Whatever your ship for those two, for my money, at this point in the show, Skye is a FitzSimmons shipper. Where this fic or its sequels will go, if anywhere, for those two relationship-wise remains largely up in the air.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 9: Life is Complicated

 **Briefing Room, The Bus, Outside Havana**

 **D Plus Seven**

"Skye managed to trace that call that Garrett made to somewhere in this area." A Google Earth map of Havana was on the view-screen, and with the tap of a few buttons, Coulson brought it zooming in on a five-block area of the city. A section Ward knew fairly well, because it contained a certain barbershop.

"Obviously, that's a lot of ground to cover. But with any luck, someone will have seen Garrett, or Kaminsky or Raina." Coulson continued.

"Not just that." May pointed out. "We can rule out certain places we can be more or less certain there's no secret Hydra base – too much traffic in and out that can't be vetted or easily controlled, or too exposed, for example. Buildings we won't need to check because we can rule out the possibility of a base inside it."

"Under it." Ward cut in. John's base in Havana wasn't _in_ anything. It was _under_ Ernesto's barbershop. They needed to know to look under, to look for buildings that could hold entrances to underground complexes.

"Under? A secret underground base beneath the streets of a major city that belongs to a crazy villain trying to take over the world? Isn't that a little cliché?" Skye asked, looking over at Ward.

"It's a classic." Ward corrected, shaking his head. "And Garrett always loved the classics."

"That's definitely true." Trip agreed. "And underground bases are a common thing for a reason. They have advantages – they're harder to find, for one thing."

"Harder." Coulson agreed. "But not impossible." He looked at everyone. "The best way to do this is to split up and search for any clue as to where the base is. Even underground, you don't run an 'evil lair' without people noticing something off. Trip and May, you're with me. We'll head to this area," he gestured to the five-block radius on the screen again, "and fan out. I want contact every few minutes – if someone doesn't report in when they should, the other two converge on the last known location."

Coulson looked over to Skye. "You're here on the Bus. I want you on the comms and scanning frequencies. Maybe you'll find something. FitzSimmons, Ward you're here as well."

"We're not going with you?" Fitz cut in. "But you what if something comes up that you need us for?" Before he could continue, Skye chimed in in agreement.

"I can scan frequencies on the way there and you're only putting me on the comms because you want me to stay here. There's nothing staying on the comms will actually _do._ I don't need to stay behind on the Bus."

 _Yes, actually, you do Skye,_ Ward disagreed. But Coulson managed to beat him on saying anything.

"You do, Skye. You're the one Garrett wants. We might be walking into a trap – okay, we're _almost certainly_ walking into a trap – and I'm not going to just hand you over to him on a silver platter. Moreover, having someone on comms _is_ important. I can't count the number of ops where having someone on communications was critical to the success of the mission – or where _not_ having someone running backend led to problems. This isn't _just_ about keeping you on the Bus and away from Garrett. It's just part of it."

Ward suspected that for Coulson, it really was _just_ about keeping Skye safe, which it most definitely was for him, but Coulson was right about the value of having someone on communications.

"I can take care of myself – at least enough that I don't need to stay behind!" Skye protested. And it was true that Skye was better able to defend herself now. On a 'normal' mission – whatever it was that 'normal' meant in this new world where the entire agency was a pile of ash – he'd have no problem taking her in with him as backup. But against Centipede soldiers? Trained Hydra operatives? Sure, they were little more than level 5 and 6 foot-soldiers, but they were well trained, honed foot-soldiers. And Deathlok might be there. Not a chance he was going to bring Skye into that if there was any choice in the matter. Especially not when she was the one that John was after.

Although, Ward suspected that the cyborg would be wherever John was. Probably another Cybertek facility, overseeing the expansion of the Deathlok program.

"You can take care of yourself," Ward agreed. "But Garrett's going to have Centipede soldiers, maybe even Deathlok in the trap." He told her. "There's no point in putting yourself at risk." Anticipating her next objection, "If they come across something that they need you for, you can get to it once any threat's been dealt with." Ward was _not_ going to let Skye put herself at risk like this.

"Grant, I'm not helpless!" She protested, "I don't need to stay on the Bus."

"You do and you will." Coulson disagreed, a firm tone of finality in his voice. Ward saw Skye bite back whatever it was that she'd been about to say in response and nod stiffly. Ward felt a flash of gratitude to Coulson for his insistence. He was still annoyed at the man for limiting him to an ICER until further notice _and_ for coming to Cuba at all.

From a purely tactical perspective, Coulson's choice was the right one, but only if the primary objective was defeating John. The objective, for Ward, _wasn't_ defeating John. The point was to protect Skye. Defeating John was part of that – _killing_ – John was part of that. But it wasn't the primary objective.

Those who repeated the old saying 'the best defense is a good offense' had clearly never held a secure defensive position while holding a significant qualitative edge over the bulk of the enemy forces. Yes, John had a lot of Hydra foot-soldiers to work with and the Centipede soldiers, but man for man, Trip and May and himself were better – a lot better – than any one or two or even three of them. The Centipede soldiers had strength, but they didn't have anywhere _near_ the level of skill trained S.H.I.E.L.D. specialists had to work with. Combine that edge with a secure defensive position – Ward was thinking close quarters, traps and lots of hallways for the enemy to get lost in, just as a start – and Ward's inside intelligence on the way John and his men thought tactically, and they could hold off anything John threw at them. They could capture a prisoner that way, thus dealing with the goal of finding out more intelligence on John and his operation.

Because sooner or later, John would have to die for Skye to be safe. Either because they kept her out of his hands for long enough to have him die when his systems failed completely -

Ward flinched at the thought. The thought of John dying like that. He'd been there when John's systems had shut down and needed a jolt, a restart. He'd seen what it did to the man who was all but his second father. After everything John had done for him – Ward couldn't bear that thought.

Although, he had to admit, having John die all by himself would make everything _a lot_ easier.

His breath caught in his throat, and Ward took a step back, one hand on his temple. He forced himself to inhale a deeply for a moment, then looked back to Coulson.

"Anything else, sir?"

"No. Get ready everyone. We leave in fifteen."

 **The Lab, The Bus, Outside Havana**

 **D Plus Seven**

In a perfect world, Skye thought to herself, her relationship with Grant would be the most complicated part of her life. The only complicated part of her life, really.

 _Well, no. In a perfect world, I'd know who my parents were, I'd have my life completely sorted out, I'd know exactly what me being a 0-8-4 meant, I'd never have been shot twice in the stomach and then injected with a drug made from alien DNA because it was the only way to save my life. I wouldn't have a crazy cyborg trying to drain my blood so he can find a way to be a real boy again. The organization were I've found a home for the first time, where I've made a family wouldn't have been destroyed by its original arch-nemesis that was_ _ **supposed**_ _to have been eradicated seventy years ago. In a perfect world_ _my relationship with Grant wouldn't_ _ **need**_ _be complicated, because wouldn't have this whole 'killing people because at the end of the day he's a professional killer' thing and he'd accept that he is a good man because he_ _ **is**_ _a good man!_

Of course, when she put it like that, Skye realized just how crazily complicated her life really was. And it reminded her why she was missing normal so damn much right now.

But given that she _didn't_ live in a perfect world, and given that there was so many crazy complications in her life right now, she really couldn't spend all her time thinking about Grant and their relationship.

Skye kept an earpiece in as she scanned for unexplained or strange frequencies on her laptop, picking nothing out of the ordinary up. She'd tried – on the off chance the secret base was plugged into the local grid – to track unusually high and unaccountable power usage. So far, she'd found nothing of note in the area she'd traced Garrett's call to. It was unsurprising, but disappointing that her efforts yielded so little – that is to say nothing at all – in the way of leads. This was Hydra. They'd been S.H.I.E.L.D. So they knew how S.H.I.E.L.D. worked, and they were just as good at hiding their tracks as the agency they'd just torn down.

So, she'd didn't really have much to work with or much to do besides listen to Trip, May and AC report in on their radios every few minutes as they trawled through Havana, finding nothing.

Skye looked over at Fitz and Simmons. It was possible the two of them might be able to uncomplicate one of the complications in her life. At least a little bit. Or, she supposed, they could make it more complicated. Either way, they might have a few answers – answers she wanted, answers she _needed_ about the G.H. 325, given that they'd been analyzing her blood at the Hub against Coulson's orders, which had been the whole reason Simmons had been at the Hub at all when Hydra rose.

In the confusion of everything that had happened, there hadn't been time to ask Simmons what, if anything she'd found out. Or for Coulson to reprimand either of them for doing exactly what he told them not to do. And then there had been Providence, the US Air Force, Garrett, Cybertek and everything else. It had happened and the whole 'what did Simmons find out' thing had really fallen by the wayside.

"Hey Simmons." Skye got her attention easily enough. The Englishwoman looked up from her own computer and away from the screen, which showed some kind of diagram or something. Skye had no idea what it was or what it was called.

"Something happen with the mission?" Simmons asked. As she asked the question, Fitz looked up from the worktable, where he'd been tinkering with one of the D.W.A.R.F.s, clearly wanting to know the answer as well.

"No, nothing happened with the mission yet." Skye answered. "I was just wondering if you found anything else about the G.H. 325 while you were at the Hub."

Simmons looked away for a moment, "Ah. Yes. That. When I did something that not only Coulson told me to not do, but that _you_ also told me to not do.

Skye shrugged. "I get why you did it. The drug did stuff that's beyond even our level of abnormal and you're right, it could save lives if we knew more about it. Besides," she added, "you're scientists. Trying to figure things out is basically what you do. Being upset at you trying to figure out how that drug worked would be like being upset with Grant being all robot-y and stuff." Not that she could really call him 'robot' anymore. The nickname hadn't applied for a while, but it _really_ hadn't fit since Providence Base. Besides, no robot could kiss like that, or make her feel so safe and warm and yes, tingly too.

Skye shook her head a little bit before her brain could jump on that train of thought and ride away.

"You've been calling him that more often recently." Fitz said after a moment, looking at her curiously.

 _I've been calling Grant 'robot' practically since we met._ Okay, first she'd called him 'T-1000', but that was the same thing. Confused, Skye looked over at Fitz.

"I always call him 'robot'. Or something like that. There's nothing new about that."

"No, I mean you've been calling him 'Grant' more often recently." Fitz clarified.

 _Crap._ She had. She'd been calling him 'Grant' in her mind, calling him 'Grant' to his face, for obvious reasons. It was what you did when you were dating someone, which is exactly what she and Grant were doing. Yes, it wasn't progressing normally, and maybe 'dating' wasn't _exactly_ the right word, since they hadn't gone on a date yet, but they _were_ in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

But she hadn't really realized how easily she'd started calling him 'Grant' around everyone else, or referring to him as 'Grant' around everyone else. It had just sort of happened.

 _And now I need to explain to them why I'm calling him by his first name when I always used to call him 'Ward'._

To buy time to think of what she might be able to say, Skye provided an answer she knew that they wouldn't accept:

"Well, 'Grant' is his name. Is it so strange that I'd call him by his first name? We're friends, after all."

"It's a little bit strange." Simmons told her, a slight smirk on her face. If she was trying to hide it at all, she was doing a very bad job of it. "We're friends, and you still call me 'Simmons'. You still call Fitz 'Fitz'."

"So do you." Skye countered, ignoring the first point. "And that's because Fitz hates his first name." The engineer half-nodded/half-shrugged in acknowledgment of the truth of her point, and Simmons nodded in agreement as well.

"Okay, so granting that for a moment, that still doesn't explain why you're calling Ward 'Grant' now. The 'we're friends' explanation doesn't work, given that, as I said, we're friends," she gestured to herself and Skye, "and I'm still just 'Simmons'." Skye had known that they wouldn't just take that explanation, but she'd been hoping for it to buy a little more time. Before she could say anything more, Simmons continued: "I'm not entirely sure why you're trying to hide the reason. It's rather obvious."

 _Okay, wait, does the entire plane know?_ Skye tensed just a little, even though she knew she shouldn't. Even if they did know about her relationship with Grant, there was nothing she actually had to be ashamed of about it. They were two consenting adults, damnit! But there was no guarantee that FitzSimmons knew. They could just be like Trip and noticed the way the two of them had feelings for each other.

"If it's so obvious, then tell me what you think it is." Skye replied. FitzSimmons' rolled their eyes nearly in unison. _Jeez, they really do share one brain._

"You've obviously decided to stop pretending that you don't have feelings for him." Simmons explained. "The two of you have been pretending for months, it's been fairly transparent to the rest of us for most of that time."

"Bloody obvious, more like it." Fitz agreed. "But we were starting to think that neither of you would get it unless it came up and whacked you both on the head."

Skye suppressed the urge to giggle at the irony – was it irony? - at the idea of FitzSimmons trying to lecture her about not noticing her own feelings for someone or that someone else's feeling for her. As much as it sometimes seemed longer, Skye had only known Grant for just over half a year. During that time, against all evidence, FitzSimmons had _completely_ failed to notice their own feelings for each-other and vice-versa. They were the textbook example, the dictionary definition of obliviousness. They'd known each-other for what, five years, and still nothing? They shared a brain, they even seemed to be just the one person to the point where people just called the pair by a single name, and they _still_ didn't see it. Now _that_ wasn't seeing something without it coming up to whack you on the head.

 _Not that that isn't sort of what happened with me and Grant..._

After another moment, Skye decided that there was no point in pretending that much. Why bother, really? It was entirely true that she had feelings for Grant – more than true – and it was, in part why she was calling him 'Grant'. Well, an indirect cause – her feelings for him led to the dating and the dating was why she was calling him 'Grant'. Instead, she just nodded.

"Alright, yeah fine." she looked from one scientist to the other, a finger held out. "But it wasn't 'fairly transparent' or 'bloody obvious', whatever you say." As she reused their words, she deliberately mangled their accents. "And Grant didn't actually get that I had feelings for him until I kissed him." It was only when she saw the wide-eyed looks of shock on FitzSimmons' faces that she realized what she'd just said.

 _Double crap._ She hadn't meant to say that much. She wasn't sure if it was entirely true that Grant hadn't at least suspected or believed she had feelings for him – he had, more or less, asked her out on a date (even if it hadn't actually been one, amidst everything that had happened after the Hub, just a drink) – but he couldn't have known for certain until she'd kissed him. Which she'd done because she hadn't been willing to risk him dying without making clear to him that she did have feelings for him too.

"You kissed him!?" Simmons was the first to speak. "When? And you're just telling us this now?"

"It was back at the Hub, right before he went off and did something incredibly heroic and stupidly, suicidally brave." Entirely true. She hadn't meant to reveal this much, but if she told them more or less the truth about the first kiss, then maybe she could keep them at bay. They'd have the answers they wanted. "I thought – I thought he might die. I didn't want -" she paused a moment, remembering the sick, scared feeling in her stomach at the thought of Ward dying. "I didn't want to risk...risk him dying without letting him know...letting him know..."

It wasn't absolutely vital that her relationship with Grant be kept from the rest of the team. It was just... like she'd told Grant, and then Trip, she just didn't think the team needed a fresh complication added to its dynamic along with all the other crap they had to deal with. Hell, if she'd had a little more patience and a _lot_ more self-control, she'd have pushed for waiting completely. But she really, _really_ hadn't wanted to wait completely. She didn't want to wait with Grant.

But she still wanted the relationship kept under wraps, for now. In some ways, Trip knowing was helpful – he could run interference, maybe. She hadn't asked him if he would, but she doubted he wouldn't be willing, depending on what they needed him to do at any given time. But what it meant was that she had to tell FitzSimmons half-truths and partial truths and incomplete truths for now, cover up that she and Grant were in a relationship.

She didn't want to lie outright to them. She wouldn't have to either, she was fairly sure.

"Alright, so yes, I do have feelings for him, okay?" _A big mass of warm and tingly feelings at that._ "So I kissed him before he went out and fought the twelve guys between us and the mainframe room."

"Well, he clearly survived, so what happened then?" Simmons asked eagerly. "I mean, it's all rather romantic that it happened that way after all, and he made it through the whole thing. So – what did you do then?"

"We kissed. That's all." Skye replied. "This isn't really the time to be starting a relationship. We're on the run from the government – _every_ government – and all the stuff with Hydra... It's not like we've really had a chance to go on a date or _do_ anything.

"Skye!" Simmons exclaimed, shock dominant in her tone. "What _are_ you doing? That man obviously adores you and his other very real virtues aside he is very – well, ahm, he's very...symmetrical." Simmons flushed and Skye saw Fitz look over at the biochemist with a sort of 'what?!' expression at her words.

"You should hardly just leave things with him at that kiss is my point. You're just leaving him hanging!" Simmons finished.

"I'm not going to-" Skye started, then took a breath and went on. "We've both kinda agreed that it was best to put anything happening between us on hold for now. With everything going on right-"

"Skye, that's just an excuse." Simmons countered. "And not a very good one at that When have things ever been 'normal' around here? We've been labeled as terrorist organization! I don't think governments are going to stop being after us anytime soon. This is hardly the time to wait and 'put things on hold!'"

Simmons had a point – a really good point. Which was why Skye wasn't having things with Grant be completely on hold, whatever she was telling the two scientists. But -

Skye narrowed her eyes a little and looked from Fitz to Simmons again. "You guys have money riding on this, don't you?" She looked intently at Simmons. While neither of the two were especially good liars, Simmons was even worse at it than Fitz.

After a long moment, the biochemist folded. "Yes, alright, we do!" Simmons continued on: "But that doesn't mean that what I said is untrue. Agent Ward really does adore you."

Skye wasn't sure that she'd use the words 'Adore' and 'Agent Ward' (or 'Grant') in the same sentence, but she got the point Simmons was making.

"So what exactly were the terms of the bet?" Skye asked the two of them, making a quick frequency check on her laptop as she spoke. No dice. Not that she'd expected to find anything this time either.

Fitz was about to answer, but before he could, Skye held up a hand to stop him as Trip started to speak on the coms with something other than a check in.

"This barbershop – a group of people that _weren't_ locals cleared the place out two days ago. Cost me a hundred bucks, but one of the locals recognized Kaminsky as one of them from the picture I showed him." Trip provided the location andaddress.

"Stay there and keep a watch on the place Trip. We're coming to you. Skye, dig into that building – the owner, the previous employee, layout, everything." Coulson replied over the lines.

Glad to finally have _something_ to do, Skye picked up the radio. "Got it AC." She looked over to the very obviously curious FitzSimmons. "Trip found a barbershop that was recently cleaned out by, among others, that Kaminsky guy." She told them "I'm looking into the place now.

Skye entered in the information Trip had given and started hacking into the city's records – blueprints, tax reports, everything. The business itself was a quick process and on the surface seemed entirely clean. But that was why she was here. Because very few things really were so clean on the surface.

The place was owned by a guy named Ernesto, who also seemed clean on the surface. But a bit of digging proved that he very much wasn't. The identity seemed real enough but the man had an account – under an assumed name – in the Caymans. And over the last decade, twice a year, the account had received large, five-figure payments from a company called 'Blackridge Technical Solutions, Inc.' The money looked like it was some sort of regular payment, a disbursement of profits to a man who owned a large chunk of the company, but when Skye looked into this company she found out that it was a shell. Which was not surprising.

A series of subsidiaries – each one more absurdly named than the last it seemed – and a dozen 'damn good' firewalls later, she'd connected Blackridge to Cybertek. Which meant that Ernesto was getting his money from a company that more or less worked for Hydra. All too easy.

 _Well, those firewalls_ _ **were**_ _damn good by anyone else's definition._ Skye admitted to herself. But for someone who had hacked into the NSA without a trace inside of an hour, this job was much, much easier. As she'd told Ian Quinn on Malta, she tried to stay humble but failed. And really what was the point of false modesty? When it came to computers, she'd yet to meet her equal, except perhaps the entire collective cybersecurity wing of S.H.I.E.L.D. But even then, no one person there had been enough to stop her.

She hadn't actually gotten around to hacking Stark Industries or any information that the man who was also known as Ironman had designed the security systems for. So she had no idea firsthand how good he was. Everyone said Stark Industries was basically uncrackable from the 'd been planning on taking a go at it after working on Centipede, but well, then she got pulled out of her van and had a bag stuffed over her head.

Despite everything, Skye made a mental note to see if she could hack inside. She really did need to test her mettle against the best, after all.

But as far as the here and now was concerned, she had concrete proof that connected Cybertek (and thus Garrett/Hydra) to this 'Ernesto'. She told Coulson as much over the radio.

"But I can't find even the slightest hint of something underneath the place – not even a basement. Which, frankly, is kind of a big red flag to me. But I've got nothing for you. You'll be going in in the dark."

Coulson sighed, "That's what I expected, unfortunately. Alright. We'll stay in contact with you whatever we find.

Before Skye could say anything more, Grant rushed into the Lab from where he'd been in the cargo hold. "We've got company. Two quinjets are on their way and I'm willing to be that they're not piloted by S.H.I.E.L.D. Grab onto something. We're taking off _now._ "

 **The Lab and the Cockpit, The Bus, Outside Havana**

 **D Plus Seven**

Ward didn't really expect that that taking off would solve the problem. But it was possible that it could – those quinjets had to be John's, and that meant they wouldn't just blow the plane up. They needed Skye alive and intact. If they could get into the air quickly enough, and get high enough, then there was no way the jets could just hit the engines and still be guaranteed Skye wouldn't get hurt badly in the crash. Or die. If they were still on the ground, or too close to the ground... it was a risk the Hydra operatives could take.

Ward had options because John needed Skye alive long enough for Raina to get at her 't _that_ ironic.

"Wait!" Skye protested, "We can't just take off and leave-" Ward picked up the radio from next to her and spoke into it.

"Sir, we have two quinjets incoming. They'll be here in minutes, and I doubt they're friendly." Ward heard a barely suppressed curse from Trip and a wholly unsuppressed growl of anger from May.

"This- this has to be their plan. And we fell for it." Coulson replied, sounding like he was about to hit himself, "Get in the air now. Come back for us when you can."

Ward handed the radio back to Skye. "You three, stay in the Lab and lock it down." Then he continued out of the lab, running to the cockpit. This was not exactly his forte – especially not with a plane this big – but getting into the air quickly was possible, if you were willing to ignore safety and good sense, and didn't care if you chopped quite a few months or more off your engine life.

Firing up the engines, he turned them so that were prepped for vertical takeoff, then flipped more switches. He couldn't keep the Bus at hard burn for long, but he could do it for long enough. He hoped. If he'd been a pilot of May's caliber, he'd feel far more confident about taking the risks he was taking, but he wasn't. But he also had little choice.

A minute and a half after he got to the cockpit, the plane was in the air, starting to rise above the ground far too slowly for his comfort.

A radio signal came into the cockpit from one of the Quinjets. Ward recognized Kaminsky's voice on the other end.

"Since Trip and the Cavalry are in Havana with Coulson, I'm going to guess that's you in there Ward." The true-believing Hydra operative said.

"Don't call her that." Ward replied. More because he knew that Kaminsky hated being corrected than because he understood – or cared about – May's problem with that nickname.

"Oh right. I forgot. You've gone and gotten soft. How was she in bed anyway?" Kaminksy snarked, then he was back to being all business. "Land the plane and hand over Skye and I promise I'll kill you quickly rather than let Garrett get his hands on you. He's mighty pissed at you."

Despite everything, the mention of John's displeasure made Ward flinch just a little, teeth gritted against the spike of self-loathing that ran through him. His betrayal of the man he owed so much to – Ward realized he'd been biting the inside of his cheek when he started tasting a bit of blood. He forced himself to unclench his jaw then responded to Kamnisky.

"How about no? It's not as if you can just shoot the plane down if I don't land it." He was still climbing the plane up into the sky. "Garrett wants Skye intact, so there's not much you can do, unless you think you can dock with the plane." The quinjets were almost in missile range, but again, there wasn't much risk of them attacking, "This plane might not be the most maneuverable thing in the world, but it can still stop you from being in a position to dock if I keep it moving."

Ward spared a moment of hatred for Hand's idiocy – if she hadn't taken out the Bus' weapons, he might have been able to shoot down one or maybe even both of the quinjets, or at least drive them off. But he couldn't, because the redheaded bitch had come to the absurd conclusion that Coulson was the Clairvoyant, was Hydra, and taken the guns out once they'd landed in the Hub.

 _How stupid can someone be?_ The idea of Coulson being Hydra – it was utterly laughable. No one that self-righteous could ever be Hydra.

"So given that you can't shoot me down, can't force me to land, and can't dock with the plane, I think you're out of options. Why don't you go find somewhere else to be?"

"I don't think so." Kaminsky replied. "You had your warning." The two quinjets flew closer to the Bus, and Ward turned the stick hard, giving it a sharp turn, trying to evade them so they couldn't dock. But even as he did that, he saw a third plane show up on his radar. A plane that was _right_ on top of the Bus. A plane that had come out of seeming nowhere.

 _Fuck! They've got cloaking?_ He knew some quinjets had cloaks, but he hadn't realized John would have had access to any of those – they were a limited asset that Hydra wouldn't hand out lightly. Ward tried to make another hard turn, but it was no use. The plane was docking – whoever they had piloting that third jet was better than he was, better than Kaminsky was. Maybe as good as May was. It aligned itself with the docking port and clamped onto the plane. Ward hit a few keys on one of the touch-screens to keep the hatch from opening, but that would only keep them at bay for however long it took to burn through the thing.

"Told you that you should have landed Ward." Kaminsky mocked from his quinjet.

Ward clicked the button for the plane's intercom: "We're about to have company. _Stay in the lab and lock it down,_ " he repeated. He had to head off whoever it was that was on that plane before they got get to the Lab. Get to Skye. That was the mission. He'd screwed up, hadn't realized they'd have a cloak, hadn't gotten away from their ambush. But he could still fight them off. He'd have to.

It would have been better if they hadn't gotten onto the Bus at all. But it would be enough that he stopped them from getting to Skye.

 **Uppermost Level, The Bus, Skies near Havana**

 **D Plus Seven**

The Hydra Soldier came out of the quinjet onto the Bus shooting – Ward dove down, out of the line of fire. Without looking up and over the railing, the specialist fired three shots from an ICER at the soldier. One must have connected because the shooting stopped and the soldier was on the floor even as more enemies – Centipede soldiers this time – came out of the quinjet. They didn't have any guns – they weren't armed at all, as far as he could tell.

Not that they really needed to be. Ward stood and fired at them. Tripled stopping power or not, one ICER round wasn't proving to be enough to take down a Centipede soldier. Three seemed to do it though, and two more of his opponents were on the ground before a third Centipede soldier closed in on him and threw a punch at his face. Ward barely managed to move enough for it to hit his shoulder, and when it did, it hit _hard._ Spinning a half step under the force of the blow and gritting his teeth against the pain, Ward tossed the empty ICER away and pulled out a knife. He punched at the inside of the super-soldier's elbow, then dug his knife into the man's other arm. Not giving his opponent a moment to breathe, Ward grabbed the arm with the knife in it and used the soldier's own weight against him to flip him over the railing and down onto the bottom of the stairs. He heard a sickening crack at the man's landing, and along the way he'd earned himself a punch to the uninjured side of his ribs that sent pain spiking all over.

 _Those are going to fracture too._ Unless Ward missed his guess, anyway.

Ward didn't – couldn't – stand around and watch the fallen soldier to make sure he didn't get up, because another – no, two – Centipede soldiers were on him. It was all he could do to keep them at bay long enough to draw his other ICER. He stuck one into the stomach of one soldier as he grabbed at Ward's arm, firing twice. The soldier's grip loosened and he staggered back, his motions suddenly sluggish. Before he could fire again, or hit other one, he felt a vice-grip on his hand as the gun was wrenched from his grip and tossed aside, the motion so powerful that it almost broke his fingers.

Now it was Ward's turn to staggered back, his eyes on the two Centipede soldiers as he moved for the stairs. The one he shot was still struggling to stay on firm footing, but the other one was coming at him again. Ward started to duck under a punch from the man, but the blow never made it that far.

Ward heard the sound of an ICER being fired from behind him and the soldier fell to the ground as Skye fired into him repeatedly. Three, four, five rounds. The soldier was down, thoroughly unconscious.

Ward was _not_ happy that Skye had left the Lab, but knowing her, it was hardly surprising. With one more enemy still standing, Ward didn't have time to reprimand her. Yet. He grabbed the guy's head by the ears and brought his face down onto his knee once, twice, three times, ignoring the crunch of the man's nose and the blood that got onto his pants. He finished the action with a brutal punch to the guy's throat, letting him slump to the ground. Before the man could actually die – if he was going to – Ward saw one eye roll into the back of his head as a milky-red mistlike substance spread over the surface of his eye. The bomb in his head had been activated. He was dead. And Ward could guess the other Centipede soldiers had been killed as soon as they were taken out of play. He would check in a moment. Right now -

He turned to look at Skye, who was breathing heavily and shaking just a touch. They'd trained with guns extensively, regular ones and ICERs, but this was the first time she'd really fired one in anger at an opponent, at a live target. After a moment, Skye lowered her ICER and took one hand off of it, but she kept it ready to bring back up at a moment's notice. She'd taken his lessons to heart, gotten the form down well.

Skye took two deep breaths, then, "He's dead, isn't he? The one I shot?"

Ward crouched by that soldier and pried open his eyes. Sure enough, one of them had the same red milky mist. He looked over at her and nodded, watching Skye take another deep breath and close her eyes for a moment. He approached her.

"You didn't kill him." He told her, placing one hand on her shoulder. "Whoever it was that was behind that camera is the one that killed him. And Garrett is responsible for putting cameras in these people's heads to begin with. Actually, as far as Ward knew, the 'Eye Spy' Program – and wasn't that a stupid name – had neither been invented by John or overseen by him. John had been given access to a supply of the cameras and the ability to have Cybertek make more a few years ago, but technology that useful wasn't going to be left to one branch of Hydra. He might be the only one on the North American continent that used it though. The other major Hydra official in the region, Whitehall, had a reputation for preferring brainwashing as a method of control. Ward didn't know how true it was, but what he did know is that Akela Amador didn't actually work for Garrett. Whatever it those strange writings that she'd been trying to get into the Todorov Building to get at, it had nothing to do with what John wanted.

Skye moved closer to him and embraced him, resting her head on his chest for a moment before pulling back, looking up at him. "I know...but it feels like I did." Skye admitted after a long moment She bit her lip and looked away from him.

"You didn't." Ward repeated, gently tilting her head a little so he could look her in the eyes. It wasn't surprising that Skye felt guilty about the death regardless. She was too good a person not to.

Skye nodded after another long moment. "Alright." She looked at the fallen soldiers, all dead save for the Hydra operative at the far end of the hallway. They'd have to put him in the Cage to make sure he could be interrogated. Of course... any interrogation ran the risks of his discovery... Ward didn't recognize the man, so he had never met him personally, but that didn't mean that the man didn't know about Ward's past...allegiances. But he couldn't kill the man out of hand unless he had no other choice – Coulson and Skye's reactions...

It was a fine line he had to walk, but walk it he had to.

"Is that all of them?" Skye asked.

"All the ones that left the quinjet, yes." Ward confirmed. "I don't know how many more are left. Can't be many apart from the pilot, but there could be a few more." He looked at her and finally let his annoyance show. "I told you to lock down the lab and stay there."

Unsurprisingly, Skye's response was indignant. "If I had stayed in the lab I wouldn't have been able to take that guy like I did, and then what would he have done to you? You're not invincible, Grant! And I don't need to be protected like I'm some fragile china doll. I don't need to stay back from _every_ fight!"

 _You need to be protected. You need to be protected because you're all I have._ He couldn't tell her that. He couldn't tell her that she was all he had now that he had turned his back on fifteen years in service to John because then he'd have to _tell_ her about John, and that couldn't happen.

If Skye was hurt again – Ward shut down that line of thought before he could follow through it. That was the one thing he could _never_ let himself linger on. There could never – would never – be a future he'd have to face with Skye. Never. He wouldn't allow it.

Now it was Ward's turn to take a breath. "When I give you an order in a crisis situation, I need to know you'll follow it Skye. What if someone had gotten past me and made it to the lab without you being there to cover FitzSimmons? One of the reasons I had you stay there was to protect them." Which was true, even if it was a distinctly tertiary reason. "There is a time to question the plan, a time to question orders and a time to improvise, yes, but there is also a time to follow-"

The specialist cut himself off as he heard a heavy metallic thud, then another coming down into the plane from the Quinjet. Ward grabbed the ICER he'd been forced to drop – it still had bullets left – and held it with his opposite hand. He gestured to Skye: "Get down!"

Thankfully, this time, Skye listened to orders and dropped down into a crouch. Ward went behind the corner then peered into the hallway.

Deathlok.

Deathlok was here, _on the plane_.

Ward's throat clenched. He'd been so sure that John would keep his pet cyborg close to hand, but now he was here. And Ward had nothing to counter him with. All those other soldiers hadn't even be necessary, not if Deathlok was here. Ward could just imagine Garrett's amusement as he arranged this entire thing. He knew Ward could take out the foot soldiers, and it would give him time to think that everything was going to be okay... and then there was Deathlok, ready to crush that hope beneath his cybernetic foot. How like John, to want to hurt him as much as possible.

 _After what I did to him –_

Ward couldn't think about that. "Skye! Run!" Skye looked like she was about to protest his order, but Ward didn't have time to watch her. Ward immediately emptied his ICER at Deathlok, trying to make the man pause, but each round just bounced off of him without any apparent effect. Deathlok was advancing slowly and methodically and there was nothing Ward had that could stop him.

Skye at least took the hint and was down the stairs immediately, but Deathlok was having none of that apparently. He leapt forward, landing in front of her on the stairs with a heavy thud that probably very nearly broke them.

"Mike! Mike! I know you. You're a good person. You don't have to do this!" Skye protested, trying to get away from him even as he grabbed her arm in what had to be a crushing grip. Ward too leapt over the railing and landed on Deathlok, who hadn't replied to Skye at all.

Ward tried to yank the cyborg away from Skye and was rewarded with a casual shove that sent him sprawling. Deathlok hadn't even looked at him, wasn't interested in him. Of course not, John would want to leave Ward alive so that he knew that not only had he lost Skye, but all he efforts to save her had amounted to precisely nothing. Ward tried to get up, and he was just in time to see electricity zap out of Deathlok's hand and into Skye. With a pained cry that sent panic through every fiber of Ward's being, Skye collapsed – Deathlok gathered her into his arms and was running up the stairs, Ward back on his feet and right behind him -

It was no good.

"Skye! Skye!" Ward tried to call out to her as the quinjet pulled away from the hole in the surface of the plane. Ward had no choice but to hold onto the ladder as tightly as he could – locking the hatch hadn't bought him enough time to do what mattered, and now the plane had a hole in it that had no closing.

But that didn't matter. It didn't matter if his grip slipped and he flew out of the plane and to his death. It didn't matter if he died now.

He'd failed Skye. He'd failed her again.


	10. Terrifying Truths

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. I have a number of creative differences with the writers, and not just about Ward Redemption or Skyeward. If I owned it, several things would be different.

Thanks to EnergyBeing, my beta-reader

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 10: Terrifying Truths

 **Uppermost Level, the Bus, Skies near Havana**

 **D Plus Seven**

Ward may not have felt like it really mattered if he lost his grip and flew out of the plane, but his survival instincts had a bit of a life of their own. Even during the lowest points of his life, he had still clung stubbornly to existence. It was literally all he had, and he wasn't going to let it slip through his fingers. That much he could control. Even if he couldn't control anything else. He'd survived in those woods for a long time, even during the worst moments of his life. And now those bad times had come again.

But those instincts were making sure he kept a grip as hard as he could, his knuckles starting to go pale from how hard he was holding on.

Even this tightly however, there was a limit to how hard he could hold on. He couldn't hold on forever either. And the plane was still moving on the autopilot trajectory he'd put in place to get them away from Havana as quickly as possible, which only added to the force of the wind trying to tug him out of the plane. It was going to be a long time before they landed – it was supposed to get them far, far away from John's trap. And now, all it was doing was taking him further away from Skye while he was literally holding on for dear life.

However, Ward was barely noticing this instinctive battle for survival. He was lost in his thoughts – lost in his failures.

His failure to kill John when he had the chance. His failure to protect Skye from Quinn. His failure to deal with John after Skye was shot. His failure to protect Skye this time, to stop Deathlok from getting his hands on her. His failure to protect Skye, full stop.

He'd failed Skye. He'd failed her. He'd failed the only mission that had ever _truly_ mattered. He'd failed. He'd failed. He'd failed -

Ward was so mired in despair that he didn't notice the new quinjet flying towards the plane, docking with it and neatly covering up the hole in the roof – and ending the wind that had been trying to pull him out. With an unceremonious thud, Ward landed firmly back onto the ground – well, on top of the ICER'd Hydra agent, anyway. That was what brought him back to the world.

It only took him a second upon seeing the quinjet to get what was going on. One of the other two planes – probably the one that Kaminsky had been on – had docked. And Kaminsky was going to capture the Bus. Capture FitzSimmons – capture him. John had always liked the Bus, and from what Coulson had said, John had wanted to 'recruit' Fitz for Hydra's tech division. _And if you want him to work for you, the solution is simple: Threaten Simmons._

Grant grabbed the unconscious Hydra operative's assault rifle and moved to the back of the hallway. He could kill them – he didn't have an ICER to work with now, so whatever the hell Coulson wanted was useless anyway – and force Kaminsky to tell him where Skye was. Where John was. Then he could take the quinjet, pickup Coulson, May and Trip and they could save her. He begrudged the time it would take to pick up the other three agents, but Ward also knew he would need their backup. On a mission where he was forced to go in more or less blind, you needed a team.

As a specialist, he'd almost always gone in on missions where you _weren't_ blind. Where the variables were known and you knew what to expect. With the Team, he'd handled the _other_ kind of mission. The ones that either became legendary stories of success and victory that grew in the telling each time they were told around S.H.I.E.L.D. bars... or legendary fuckups, textbook examples of why the system existed, why S.H.I.E.L.D. made sure to meticulously plan everything as much as possible.

Right now, this mission – _the_ mission balanced precariously between the two.

Ward felt the Hydra plane finishing it's docking with a jolt that rocked the plane, then heard the hatch at the bottom of the quinjet open.

 _Kaminsky is an idiot. But John isn't. The question, then, is who designed the plan this time around?_ Ward's first thought was to stand in the hallway and shoot them down. But that had been what he'd done before – and John would know that. John knew how he thought, and was using that against him – _had –_ used that against him.

Ward gathered all his fury, put it into a box and buried it in the deepest part of his mind. He couldn't be angry now. He couldn't afford that. Angry men made mistakes. He needed to be cold, calm and methodical. Ironically, in order to save Skye, he needed to act like the same robot that she had so often accused him of being.

And he would save Skye. He had to.

Thoughts, strategies and tactical analyses ran through his head – when the hatch finished opening and pair of smoke grenades came through, Ward knew the score. He dropped the rifle and moved into the oncoming smoke, letting himself inhale a small amount – but deliberately coughing more than he really needed to, making it look like he'd inhaled more than he had.

Less than a minute after tossing the grenades, they came down into the plane – Ward heard them coming down the ladder, saw their blurred outlines through the smoke. He staggered out of the hallway, continuing to cough and rubbing at his eyes, making a show of the smoking affecting him more than it had – it _had_ affected him, but only for a few seconds, and he'd been careful.

He was followed out of the hallway by Kaminsky, who wore a gas mask over what had to be a smug smirk on his face. The man threw a punch at Ward's jaw, but the specialist blocked it – Ward couldn't just be a pushover, because then Kaminsky would _know_ something was up. But he let the man get a hit with his second punch, to his stomach, which had Ward staggering back.

 _Useless and idiotic, and a true believer, sure, but no one said Kaminsky couldn't throw a punch._ Expecting the punch hadn't made it hurt any less. Two more men came out of the hallway, also wearing masks, and came at him. _Really? Only two more?_ Ward fought them back, but was careful to keep coughing just a touch, seeming winded, and let the two grab ahold of his arms after about a minute. He didn't have to pretend to struggle – Kaminsky had a pistol out and pointed at Ward's face. Then he punched Ward in that same face.

Ward felt his head snap back under the pain and tasted blood in his mouth – he'd bit his cheek – and his lip was cut. Ward spat the blood out onto Kaminsky's tactical gear – Kaminsky just laughed scornfully.

"When Garrett told me that Grant Ward had turned on him, I wasn't sure I believed it. You, the loyal little puppy turning on your master?" Kaminsky shook his head, "I never thought I'd see the day." The man smirked nastily. "And then I got a look at that hacker of yours. Kinda makes sense to me now. Though, I have to ask: is she really _that_ good in bed?"

Rage came surging up, an endless wave that just kept on coming. Rather than being swept away, Ward decided to use it. At a time like this, it was either hit something or burst.

He drove his elbow back and up into the face of one of the guards, pulling his arm free and then spinning to punch the other guard in the throat, _hard_. Both staggered back, one bleeding from a broken nose, the other grasping at his neck, finding it difficult to breathe.

The whole motion had happened so quickly that Kaminksy was only firing his gun at the tail end of it. Ward felt the bullet pass across the top of his shoulder opening what Ward could tell would be a very nasty injury and then Ward was grappling the gun from his hands. Two more men were coming down the hallway from the quinjet, and Ward struggled to turn the Kaminsky's gun hand at them – at the very least, they couldn't shoot for fear of hitting Kaminsky.

"Don't fire, idiots!" Kaminsky ordered them as they raised their guns. _Kaminsky would have to have men dumber than him_. Ward didn't manage to turn the gun – Kaminsky let go of the weapon and used his other hand to punch Ward in his shot shoulder.

Ward was used to pain – and when he was expecting it, he could handle it. He'd expected to get shot, and moved such that the bullet was very likely to graze his shoulder. He hadn't had even a moment to prepare for the white-hot pain that blasted across his nerves from the punch. Ward reeled back, nearly falling backwards, but it was enough – the men in the hallway opened with their guns – Ward dove and rolled, barely staying ahead of the spray – a few connected at angles with the tactical gear he'd been wearing, none getting to his body, for which Ward counted himself lucky – even if his blood was continuing to stain his shirt.

Letting himself drop through the opening, Ward landed on the stairs, managing to catch himself on both legs and one hand.

 _Forgot to grab a gun!_ Ward spared a moment's cursing for his own stupid move. But he was on the main level of the plane now, including where the 'rooms' were. And unless Coulson had found it – which was unlikely – the spare gun Ward kept in the compartment he'd cut into the underframe of his bunk should still be there. He was moving by the time Kaminksy and the others were halfway down the stairs, just missing another spray of bullets that knocked even more of the glass out of the window around the control room.

Coulson wasn't going to be happy about that. It had _just_ gotten fixed after that whole Lorelei mess. Not that Ward had time to care about that. He was in his bunk and opening the compartment quickly. The gun was still there – he only had the one clip. It was deliberately a different caliber than the gun he usually carried, the pistol S.H.I.E.L.D. usually issued to specialists. But that meant he didn't have quite as easy access to reloads.

The door was closed behind him – the only question remained if Kaminsky and the others had seen which room he'd ended up in. It was an open question, but a gamble he had to take. He couldn't just let his shoulder continue to bleed without making _some_ effort to staunch the flow. It was bleeding worse than he'd expected – he'd had grazing shots plenty of times before...

Had Ward had any real mental capacity for anything but the mission – which right now he didn't -, he'd have been dreading what would happen when the adrenaline went away. He had cracked ribs – potentially on both sides now – and cuts and bruises and a grazing shot injury he did _not_ need. He would be in no fit condition to fight if things continued as they were.

But Ward didn't have the time to think about that. Right now the mission was clear – eliminate the enemy, keep one of them alive for interrogation long enough to figure out where Deathlok, had taken, Skye, and get Coulson, Trip and May. Keeping FitzSimmons alive was also a component of the mission – He didn't think he had to worry too much. It was only Kaminksy.

If John had ordered Kaminsky to take the scientists alive, then that's what Kaminsky, unimaginative and loyal Hydra soldier that he was, wouldn't kill them. Rough them up, yes, threaten them, yes. Kill them? No.

He would use them as human shields if he had to, though.

Ward was opening the first aid kit he also kept in his bunk, which hadn't been concealed, when he heard Kaminsky's voice through the door.

"Find him. Check the pods – don't just spray through the doors to get him. Garrett wants him alive. You kill him, I'll make sure that you're the next in line for Eye Spy implantation. And that's if Garrett decides to be merciful and leave you alive after he's done with you. We all know how unlikely that is."

"Yes sir. Hail Hydra." The other two said in near unison.

"I'm going to the lab. Garrett wants the scientists. Incapacitate Ward and get him into the cell." _Incapacitate me? In your dreams, Kaminsky._ Then again, the man probably wasn't creative enough to have dreams. Kaminksy was good at killing things, good at breaking things, and good at following orders. Not as good at Ward was at any of them, but passably competent nonetheless.

Nobody had ever recruited Kaminsky for his brainpower, his imagination, or his personality. Skye would probably compare it to wet cardboard or something equally incomprehensible. Sometimes he just did _not_ understand or get what she was saying.

Oh, he wanted to hear her say something, anything, even if he wouldn't have a chance of knowing what she was talking about. He wanted her back so fiercely that it hurt.

Ward's breathing was very, very quiet and slow as he heard the two men open one of the other pods. As they started to move to another one – the one next to his – Ward pressed gauze to his injury and tapped it down. It was a bad shortcut fix, but the best he could do.

Ward heard them walking towards his door just as he finished up. Even as it opened, he was firing. The bullets connected with each enemy in the legs. One in the right kneecap, the other, some distance below his left one – he'd misjudged the height on that one. But the kneecapped one fell over completely, and the other staggered, kneeling on one leg – Ward shot both of them in the head without a second thought. He had the one he'd elbowed in the nose – and the unconscious one from the start that he hadn't killed yet. And likely the one he'd punched in the throat. Either the first one or the third one could still be in play as a threat, soon, if not already.

Idly, it occurred to Ward that they'd need to clean the dead bodies out of the plane at some point.

The possibility of more opponents than Kaminsky still on the plane saw Ward move slowly, moving from potential cover to potential cover as he made his way to the lab.

The question running through his mind, though, was not one of the tactical aspects of the mission. It was the question of it Kaminsky would tell – or if he already had told – FitzSimmons about Ward's previous loyalties, to John and to Hydra.

If anyone on the team found out – especially if they found out from someone _in_ Hydra...

It could ruin everything. No one could ever find out.

But just as John knew how he thought, and had arranged things with the Centipede soldiers and Deathlok, Ward knew how John thought. He knew how much John preferred for things to be...hands on, especially when it came to payback against people he felt had wronged him to one degree or another.

John would want to be there. He'd want to be the one to reveal... everything. He'd want to _revel_ in it. He'd want to see the looks on the Team's faces...

He'd want Ward to be there and see it too.

It was a gamble – a gamble that could cost him everything – but it was a gamble based on what he knew about John, and he knew a lot about the man. And John hadn't revealed the truth during the call he'd made to the team after they'd left Providence. Which was further proof for Ward's theory.

Ward didn't have time to linger on it as he drew near the lab – and unsurprisingly, Kaminsky was inside. Simmons was handcuffed to a chair, her mouth covered in tape, and Fitz too was cuffed, standing. And behind the engineer was Kaminsky. Kaminsky had his assault rifle pointed at Fitz's head.

"Stand down, Ward." Kaminksy barked. _Never going to happen._ FitzSimmons weren't worth failing at his mission. Keeping them alive was important, but saving them, or saving Skye? It was no choice.

"Or Fitz gets it?" Ward pointed his gun at Kaminsky. "Not likely. Garrett wants him alive. He wants both of them alive. You said it yourself to your men, who, by the way are dead. You're alone. Deathlok has what Garrett wants. You were sent to face _me_. Do you really think that Garret expects you back? I wonder what you did to tick him off. Of course, knowing you, there's such a wide variety of things to get ticked off by."

Make him angry. Angry men didn't think clearly. Angry men made mistakes. When they had a gun pointed at a friend, mistakes were just about the only thing you wanted them to make.

Not that Kaminsky seemed bothered. "You underestimate just how...annoyed Garrett is with you, Ward." Kaminksy smirked, and Ward tightened his finger on the trigger – if Kaminksy even _seemed_ like he was starting to tell the two scientists the details – the details no one could know – he would have to die before he could get the words out. "Yea, he wants the scientists, alive and intact. Best way to control the one is with the other. But he wants you more. Much, much, more. So. Stand down."

Ward could see the desperate look in Simmons' eyes. It was easy to tell that she was conflicted – but that she desperately wanted him to stand down, to make sure that Fitz lived – and Ward could guess the scientist would have been rather there, the gun pointed at her, than have it pointed at Fitz.

Whereas Fitz, of course, preferred that he be the one at risk.

"Don't do it Ward" Fitz said softly, managing to get the words out without his voice shaking. "Just don't let him hurt-" Kaminsky kicked Fitz in the shins, shutting the engineer up. Simmons' eyes widened and she struggled against the cuffs, trying to get words out, but the tape wasn't letting her talk.

"Shut up you." Kaminksy ordered Fitz, then he was back to Ward. "You didn't kill the two on the upper level yet. You can't stall for long. And you're not going to let Coulson's precious engineer die."

Ward, if he had no other choice, would take the chance now, kill Kaminsky and then deal with the other two. But the question was if this was his only choice. Kaminsky's finger was on the trigger. One shot and Fitz was dead before the bullet connected with him. He needed to get the gun away from Fitz's head.

 _He'll kill them if he has to, but kill one and you render the other one unusable to Hydra – no way to keep them in line._

"How attached are you to your pinky?" Ward asked Fitz. The engineer tensed up a little at the question – well, insofar as he could get even _more_ tense than he already was, given that someone literally had a gun to his head.

After a long moment, Fitz gave a barely perceptible nod of his head. He remembered the mission in South Ossetia – but Ward had no way to know if he got the intended meaning behind the reference. Because the odds were more or less certain that Fitz was going to get shot somewhere in the next minute or so. Ward could fire fast, but Kaminsky could fire before Ward's bullet connected with him. All Ward could do was make sure that the bullet didn't hit any vital organs.

Which would be the case.

He hoped.

"What kind of dumbass question is that?" Kaminsky demanded. "Put your gun down, Ward." He tapped his gun against Fitz's head.

"You're not going to shoot him **just** because I haven't dropped my gun. He's your bargaining chip." In a way, Ward was already bored with this exchange. He'd played it out – he knew how it would go. Mostly. To make this work, he needed to make sure Kaminsky got certain things through his skull. Or got annoyed enough that it didn't matter. Either would suit his purposes.

"Kill him," Ward continued, "And there's nothing else stopping me from killing you." Simmons, by now, had stopped struggling against the cuffs, her eyes glued to Fitz. She was willing to trust that Ward had a plan.

The work he'd put into making the team trust him, accept him as one of their own had done more than just make his infiltration easier. And really, he was one of the team now. As long as Skye was.

"There are two scientists in this room, Ward. That means two bargaining chips."

Ward took a half step towards Kaminksy and Fitz. "Do you really think you're that good? That you can kill Fitz, and then get your gun on Simmons before you get spattered on the wall? You can't beat me. You know that, I know that. Garrett knows that. This time, you're just going to end up in a body bag." Ward wasn't boasting. Oh, he was definitely trying to rattle the other man, but he wasn't boasting. Kaminsky was, in his own limited way, capable. But he'd never been able to stand up to Ward in a fight or a contest of any skill – hand to hand, guns, stealth, strategy, tactics, demolitions, whatever. Not up to Trip either, from what he knew. Kaminsky wasn't a specialist. He stood no chance at a trained one. Especially when he utterly lacked imagination.

"Shut up! Just shit up!" Kaminsky snarled, shifting his feet a little, glaring furiously at Ward. _There we go._ Now Ward had him. "Yes, you were always Garret's golden boy, but that doesn't mean you can -" As he started his rant, Ward squeezed the trigger on the pistol and sent a bullet flying into Kaminsky's forehead. But, just as Ward had expected would happen, Kaminsky fired. But he'd been so distracted by his rant, and his shift in position had lowered his gun just a touch without him having a moment to correct it – and he wasn't prepared for the recoil.

Before Kaminsky was dead, a spray of bullets had passed along Fitz's left side. Several missed, but several more dug into or passed through Fitz's arm. And two grazed his side.

Ward didn't have time to linger. Even as Fitz was falling to the ground, shock overtaking him as he started to bleed profusely, the specialist was pulling the cuff keys out of Kaminsy's pocket and unlocking Simmons from the cuffs, pulling the tape from her mouth.

"Fitz!" Simmons ran over to her partner. Though he could see the panic in her eyes, the concern in everything about the way she crouched by him, she was also all business. It was just another scientific issue to solve – she'd come a long way with the team. The way she'd remained almost entirely calm under the pressure of keeping Skye alive – at least when she was there in the room with her – after she'd been shot was proof enough of that.

"Help me get him onto the table," she ordered, and Ward complied. He did most of the heavy lifting. Simmons rattled off a number of tools and things she needed Ward to grab from around the lab, which he also did without question or complaint. He had limited experience in field treatment of bullet wounds – starting all the way back to those days in the woods – but this was far beyond his expertise. But he would help Simmons keep Fitz from bleeding out, help her get the bullets out of him, as best as he could.

Even as he helped, he stayed aware of his surroundings. There were two more Hydra Soldiers on the bus, and who knew how many more on the quinjet – not to mention the other quinjet.

 _Do they have orders to shoot if Kaminsky doesn't report back?_

Ward doubted it, but regardless, something needed to be done about the last Hydra plane. Fortunately, he had an armed quinjet just waiting to be commandeered and used for that end.

But first the immediate survival of Fitz. That was the objective of the moment. Fortunately, Ward didn't see any way not saving Fitz would speed up the achievement of the ultimate objective, and he didn't _need_ to not help the engineer for any reason. Which was good. He liked Fitz – even if he could be annoying at times, and Ward still only understood one word in three or four when he started getting real technical – one word in five or six if he really got going with Simmons – and he preferred the Scotsman alive.

Save Fitz. Secure the plane. Eliminate the other quinjet. Figure out where Deathlok had taken Skye. Pick up Coulson and the others. Save Skye.

 _Kill John._

Ward tensed just a moment as that one came to his mind. And even as he returned to helping Simmons, his mind was staying on that thought, and its ramifications. It was true – it was what had to be done. The capture of Skye proved it. John needed to die. No- more than that. John _had_ to die. He was too much of a threat to Skye to be allowed to remain among the living. He needed Skye's blood as a way to figure out the GH 3.2.5. One way or the other -

One way or the other, the man that Ward owed his life to, his sanity to, _everything_ to, had to die. Ward had to kill his savior himself, or make sure Coulson or May or Trip did it.

 _Trip would be the best bet._ May wanted John dead too, and Coulson – Coulson had resigned himself to the inevitability of the man's death, yes, but still. Coulson was an agent, not a specialist. As for May – well... he really had no objection to May being the one to go after John. But Trip had a deep well of anger and unresolved rage to work through on John.

But Ward – Ward wanted to be the one to do it. Because it was for Skye. To keep her safe.

He just wasn't sure if he could. Which he hated. He'd told her he would do anything to keep her safe, and killing John fell under the category of 'anything' and it would help keep her safe. But he couldn't do it.

Skye was everything to him. The only person who really mattered. For Skye to return his feelings for her had been the first thing he'd wanted for himself – the _one_ thing he'd wanted for himself – and now he had it. He'd have protected her with his life, done anything to keep her safe, even if she hadn't returned his feelings, but she did.

She was all that mattered – he had to be willing to do anything for her. What use was he otherwise? And yet, here...

Here was something he wasn't sure he'd be willing to do for her. He wanted – no, he _needed_ – to be able to do whatever Skye needed or wanted, whatever she wanted done, whatever would keep her safe,

And he couldn't do this. Couldn't do this for her. How could he not hate himself?

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

When Skye opened her eyes, she immediately closed them, the sudden light a painful assault on her retinas. She tried to move her hand to cover her eyes – only to realize that it wasn't moving. She was restrained.

This wasn't her bed – not that the restraints hadn't more or less proven that. But it didn't even feel like her bed. It felt – it felt like the hospital bed she'd been in while she'd been stuck in the medpod.

It all came back to her as she forced herself to open her eyes again. The Bus. The attacking quinjets – getting boarded. The Centipede Soldiers. Grant.

Deathlok. The last memory she had was that thing coming out of his arm and then -

Skye had, thankfully, never had the experience of being tased. She'd tased a guy outside a bar once – and it had _not_ been an experience that looked the slightest bit fun. And now she'd gotten to feel the other end.

And she'd been captured. Skye kept her eyes open at a squint, turning her head to get a look at her hands.

She was lying in what looked – from what little she could see – like a hospital bed, so she'd been right about that. Her arms were held down by heavy straps over her wrists, and from her attempts to move her legs, around her ankles too. At least she wasn't spread eagle or something. And she still had her clothes on.

Skye forced the thought from her head. She didn't need to be – God, she didn't need to worry about _that_ , on top of the possibility of having all her blood drained by Raina, then taken apart just so the bitch could figure out how she worked – how the GH 325 had saved her life, how it had worked while doing that. All so Garrett could ditch his mechanical components and...what, live forever? What exactly was his endgame? Beyond using the GH 325. Did he want to try and mass produce it for the Centipede Soldiers?

Even as she contemplated this fate, and what it meant, a familiar face came into view above her bed. Raina.

She'd never actually met the woman before, but she'd seen pictures and video-camera footage of her, seen her from a distance on that fateful bridge, seen her taken away to prison after the team had rescued Coulson.

"Finally here to dissect me, so you can save your Hydra boss? The one that's not actually clairvoyant?" Skye demanded, her voice stronger than she'd expected it would be after being out for – however long it had been.

"Actually, I don't need to do that. Honestly, I'm not sure why Garrett thought that was necessary. I have more than enough samples of your blood to figure what it is about the GH 325 that made it work when the other variations on the drug didn't." As Raina smirked, Skye scrunched her forehead a little – in a way she often did that Grant found a little cute, though she didn't know that – and turned to look at her left arm again – sure enough, right there on the inside of her elbow, was a band-aide holding a piece of gauze over what was presumably a spot where she'd had a – where she'd had _yet another_ needle pulling blood out of her.

"I'm here to talk." Raina continued.

"You want to talk? How about you undo these restraints and we'll _talk._ " Skye spat at the woman.

"Well, no." Raina replied calmly. She stepped away from the hospital bed and out of Skye's view. "I worked for the Clairvoyant because I believed in his gift. Because I believed in his vision of changing the world."

 _And it turns out you got fooled – badly._ Not that the Team was entirely without fault there – even Coulson had been willing to accept the possibility at the end, though he'd also been the first to accept that the Clairvoyant was an Agent as well.

"If you're looking for sympathy that you got fooled, you're in the wrong place." Skye replied coldly. "After what you did to Mike – and kidnapping his son -"

"Ace Peterson is in the basement of a Cybertek manufacturing facility in New Mexico." Raina interrupted as she came back into view, then rattled off a list of co-ordinates. Despite herself, Skye committed them to memory.

"Like I can believe a word that comes out of your mouth." What Skye really wanted to do was panic just a little – not just for herself, but for what might have happened to Grant and – to FitzSimmons once Mike took her off the plane. In a way, she was grateful to Raina for being here to give her something else to focus on – being sarcastic and defensive. "Why would you tell me this?"

"So you can tell Agent Coulson." Raina replied. "John Garrett lied to me – and now that I have your blood. I have the financial resources Garrett made available to me in fresh accounts he doesn't control. I don't need him any longer. And I most certainly don't need _Hydra_." There was something about the way she spat out the name 'Hydra' – there was a note of venom in it that almost made Skye wince just a little.

"So what, you've suddenly got standards, so you're going to let me out?" Skye didn't believe it. Garrett wouldn't exactly take her just walking about from whatever Hydra base they were in lightly. Especially not if she'd actually stolen from him.

"Of course not. Garrett has guards outside this room and all over this warehouse. And he's on his way – he'll be here in about four hours. But with any luck, your team will be here in about the same amount of time." Skye watched Raina saw her take out a phone – _her_ phone! - and then call someone.

It rang once, then she heard AC's voice on the other end of the line.

"Skye! Are you-" She heard him start, but then Raina took the phone up to her ear.

"It's not Skye – I mean, she's right here, but she's not the one making the call." A pause, and Raina smirked. "She's fine. I've got enough of her blood for my needs. She's alive. You can even talk to her, if you want. But first -" Another pause, and she heard Coulson's voice raised on the other end of the line, but Skye couldn't make out the words.

"No, there is a but first. Because John Garrett will be here at this warehouse in four hours or so. He plans to take Skye with him – all of us – when he leaves. If you want to rescue Skye, you'd best move quickly." Raina gave an address. Was it actually the right one, or not? Was it all some elaborate trap, or not? Skye could hardly trust her and she knew Coulson would know not to trust her either, but... there had been something about the disgust and venom directed at Hydra and Garrett, now that she knew he wasn't a psychic...

 _I think she's pissed she got duped._ But if Raina got away, she'd still – she might still be able to perfect the G.H. 325. Skye did _not_ want to think about what might happen with something that powerful in a woman like Raina's hands. It had brought a guy back from the dead very quickly, and even more quickly, it had healed all the damage of the bullets to her stomach. And it was made from **alien DNA** _._ God only knew what else it could do.

Especially in the hands of someone who clearly had no medical or scientific scruples. Or any scruples really – she was (maybe) betraying her own side. Just because her side were the bad guys didn't mean she could be trusted. She wasn't showing any qualms about what she'd done -

"It's your choice. But if you want to save your hacker..." Raina shrugged. Then she held up the phone to Skye's face. "I did say he could talk to you."

"Coulson!" Skye said.

"Skye? Are you- Did they-"

"I'm fine. I think. But – what about – Grant, FitzSimmons-" The start of the question spilled out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop it.

"They're...alive. Fitz – he got hurt pretty badly, but Simmons says he'll recover. Ward's – he's not handling any of this well-"

Raina took the phone away from her, ignoring Skye's protest, and brought it back to her ear. "Four hours, Agent Coulson." She hung up and set the phone on a metal medical table. That included...scalpels and... Skye looked away from it, shuddering. "I'm not going to use any of them on you. I want you alive when all this is done." Raina smirked. "In fact, I hope you'll look me up once all this is done and sorted out."

"Why the _hell_ would I do that?"

Raina's smirk broadened, then she turned around, walking out of view.

"Because, Skye. I know who your father is."


	11. Secrets Always Come to Light

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I own the laptop I write this on, which I desperately hope will remain functional for well into the future, as I have no money for a replacement any time soon.

 **Note:** This chapter is brought to you by Caffeine. Readers of some of my Buffyverse fics are familiar with Caffeine's longtime sponsorship of my fanfiction writing, but fortunately, this wonderful chemical has decided to sponsor my AoS fics as well. :p

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading this fic.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 11: Secrets Always Come to Light

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

There were no windows or clocks in this sterile, bland, boring 'medical' room. And Skye still hadn't been released – even a little – from the straps holding her to the gurney. So... in addition to being held prisoner by a bunch of Nazis working for a crazy psychopath, she was bored. Bored out of her skull. She'd had nothing to do for the last who knew how long but think. Think and think and think. She imagined that an evil neo-Nazi probably hadn't gone to such lengths just so she could be bored, but after the first… indeterminate length of time spent lying there, the boredom had overcome even her fear of imminent death and torture.

Initially, she'd tried – and failed – to resist the temptation of the Raina's parting words. The woman was evil and was betraying her own side in an apparent fit of picque. Skye couldn't exactly trust the woman, or anything she said.

 _Besides, how on earth could she know my father?_ Skye couldn't believe that after years of searching, after finding out that S.H.I.E.L.D. knew far less than she'd thought, that Raina knew something, and that this information could just sort of... fall out of the sky and into her lap via the other woman.

 _She got a look at my blood though, didn't she?_ A part of Skye rationalized. Maybe there was something in it that had allowed Raina to make some sort of connection. She could have run her DNA, or something, maybe?

But for that to be the case, Raina would have had to get a look at the DNA of her father, right? And how and when would that have happened? And why would she just so happen to recognize, right of the bat, that she had the same genetic markers as her father? In any case, Raina = Evil Liar. Yes with capital letters.

She'd come to no conclusions on the subject, but she'd thought about more than just that as she laid there. She'd also thought on what Coulson had said, about Fitz and Grant. _What happened to Fitz?_ He was hurt, but how badly? Was it permanent damage of some sort? Was it really serious or just sort of short-term serious, but ultimately superficial? Skye couldn't handle knowing that Fitz had gotten hurt, but not knowing the details.

And Grant – what exactly was 'not handling it well'? She knew Grant, she knew that he would be blaming himself over her capture, beating himself up. Grant... he was a protector. When he _couldn't_ protect the people he cared about, he... he didn't have an easy way to handle that. She remembered what he'd said during those awful hours while Simmons had been infected with the Chitauri virus.

 _I wanted it to be a person, some super-powered psychopath ... someone I could hurt, someone I could... punish. That I could do. What I can't do is protect you guys from stuff I can't even see... or understand._

Grant had promised that he wouldn't let Garrett hurt her, that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. And he'd done everything he could on that front. He'd done everything he could to keep that promise. If she'd just stayed in the lab...

 _Well, no. Deathlok – no, Mike - was still on that Jet. He would have still come looking for me._ And if Grant had gotten in his way when she wasn't in sight – that was a possibility she didn't want to think about. Or what Mike could have done to FitzSimmons...

But still, if she hadn't left the lab – Grant had told her to stay for a reason. And now Fitz was hurt and even if he was going to recover, Simmons couldn't be handling that well on top of everything else.

 _I can't beat myself up over it. Not right now. Right now I need to focus on getting out of here._ Not that she could get out of the straps – she had nothing to work with, and she'd struggled with the bonds already to no avail. Grant had taught her a number of techniques for escaping various kinds of restraints – and had mentioned that breaking one's own thumb to get out of cuffs was very useful, but hadn't had her practice that at all, thank god – but none of them were applicable here.

 _Just one more reason I need to work harder on my training._

But Skye also _knew_ that the rest of the team would come for her. Raina may be an untrustworthy snake, but Skye also believed that the woman was genuine in her desire to ditch Garrett, take the blood samples and the money and perfect GH-325 on her own. Which was a very different problem that the Team would have to deal with next, but Raina had probably been honest about where she was when talking to AC – if only because she would need the distraction of an attack to get out of there with the blood and whatever else she wanted to take.

 _My blood._ Really creepy to think about her blood being used for experiments.

Skye believed in her team. She believed that all of them would move heaven and earth to rescue her. _We did the same for Simmons and Trip when they were at the Hub when we thought Hand was the Clairvoyant_. Skye was confident, even if -

Well, she would be lying if she said she wasn't also a little bit scared. She was being held prisoner by a psychopath that wanted to 'take her apart' to find a way to save his life. She almost couldn't fault him his desire to stay alive – _almost_ – but that desire meant that he... well, he was desperate. And Skye knew enough to know that desperate people were dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous. _I got desperate in the search for my family. So I got dangerous with computers._

 _Getting dangerous with an army of supersoldier cyborgs took that to a whole other level, though._

The team would come for her. _If only they could just come here faster. There's only so much white ceiling and walls I can stare at._

She had no idea how long she'd stayed there – she'd gotten to the point where she was starting to write code for a new hacking program in her head. It was actually a good program, as far she could tell, and she would have to write it up as soon as she got to a compu-

She was jarred from her thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Her blood chilled and her mind froze for a second when she heard the voice of John Garrett:

"Well, well. Mr. Peterson really did come through." Garrett stepped into view, pulling a chair into place to sit next to the bed. He had one of those smirks on his face that might have been vaguely charming before she knew he was evil, but now just looked creepy.

"You're really proud of being such an evil bastard, aren't you?" Skye asked through gritted teeth. Even as she said the words, she knew they were a bad idea. She just couldn't help herself when it came to snark sometimes.

Garrett chuckled a little. It was kind of creepy. "Well, I think everyone should take pride in their work. But what I really am is a proud survivor. I gave S.H.I.E.L.D. years of my life and they left me to die. Since they didn't value my loyalty, I went somewhere that valued my loyalty more – Hydra knows how to repay loyalty, and they know the importance of survival. They'd know how to repay your loyalty too."

Skye couldn't believe what she was hearing. _Is he really trying to offer me a job with Evil Unlimited™?_ She was his prisoner!

Okay, so she'd taken a job from people who had captured her against her will (sort of, she had wanted to get inside a S.H.I.E.L.D. base, but she hadn't expected to get manhandled and have a bag stuck over her head) before, but the situation and group was very different here.

"What happened to taking me apart?" Skye spat the words out. Garrett chuckled. Again, creepy. _Is there nothing he does that isn't creepy?_

"I can really get why Ward liked you – you've got spunk, kid. And if Flowers doesn't need to take you apart to make it work, then I see no reason to do that. You've got skills Hydra could use. And I'm sure if we stuck a camera in your skull, you'd be just as co-operative as Mr. Peterson."

 _No. No. That's not happening!_ Skye's throat clenched in genuine terror. She forced herself to think of the team, of Grant. They would come for her – and soon. They'd been told when Garrett was coming, when he was leaving. They had known how much time they had...

"I'd rather die than work for Hydra." Skye managed to get out, sounding much more firm and confident than the fear she was currently feeling at the prospect of having one of those things stuck into her eye was actually making her.

Garrett nodded as though he had expected nothing less. "Well, that can also be arranged, if that's the way it goes. Of course, we have ways of making you… comply." Garrett smirked again and leaned in towards her. "But of course, you're probably thinking that Ward and Coulson and the rest of your little friends are going to come and rescue you before we get that far."

Skye swallowed carefully before answering. "Of course they are. They're gonna find you and beat you. They'll come for me, and they're coming for you." All of which was true, but Skye still really needed to learn to control herself around people who were fully kill her without a moment's hesitation. She just couldn't help herself.

 _Of all the traits I had to share with Harry Dresden, it had to be his big mouth. Why couldn't it have been his magic powers or something?!_

"I've got a newsflash for you, kid. They're not coming. For one, they've got no idea where you are – and for another..." He smiled – actually _smiled_ – and it was even more disturbing than his smirk. "Well, there's something else you should know. Not that you'd believe me even if I told you. No. You're too busy being wrapped up in your naïve little universe to see it even though it's been staring you in the face for months." Garret paused, seemingly to savor the moment. "So I won't. I'll leave it to Ward to tell you, right before I put a bullet through his brain and a bomb in yours."

He's lying. He's lying. There was no reason for her to believe him. Garrett was just trying to get to her. Of course Garrett would threaten the people she cared about – that was what evil people _did_. The fact that it was John Garrett, the man who had trained Ward to be the exemplary specialist that he no doubt was and _still_ managed to hide that he was Hydra from him didn't mean that the threat was any more credible.

Although, of course, she couldn't help but wonder what it was that she would only believe if Ward told her. She couldn't help think that it was something about her father, but that didn't make sense because there was no way she was had been staring _anything_ related to her father in the face for months.

Well, whatever it was, Skye knew one thing. If Garrett went away and left her here, she wasn't going to be bored. Not when she had puzzle like that to work on.

"Are you really going to try that?" Skye shook her head, "I've heard plenty of threats before, and I'm still here. Do your worst." Oh God, the things that came out of her mouth…"

Garrett kept smiling. "My worst? I've already done it, little girl. You were just too blind to see it. But don't worry about that. I'm sure I can… _convince_ Ward to take the blinkers off that pretty head of yours."

"He _threw you out of a plane!_ Do you really think that he's not going to shoot you on sight?" Skye replied.

"And I miraculously survived." Garrett replied smugly. "A few broken bones, but nothing a dose or five of the Centipede serum couldn't cure." He gestured to his face, which was still vaguely reminiscent of hamburger. "Ward had a gun on me, could have ended me right then and there, but instead he threw me out of the plane. One of the bonuses of being part machine is that I can take a lot of punishment. But that's besides the point. Ward could have killed me, but he didn't. I'm right here. Still alive. And im going to leave you to wonder…why is that?" Garrett stood to leave."

"You're part machine but no parts human." Skye spat at his retreating back.

Garrett didn't turn around. "I am human, Skye. I just wanted to survive. If you're looking for a _real_ monster… there's one closer than you might think." He continued walking – when Skye heard the sound of shouting and gunfire... somewhere. Not nearby maybe, be definitely had to be near-ish, right?

"What the hell-?!" Garret was on his feet, grabbing a hand-held radio from his belt. "Report!"

The team was coming for her. Coulson, May, Trip, Fitz, Simmons – they were all coming for her.

Grant was coming for her.

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

Ward hadn't wanted to even wait to make a plan. Well, no. He had – but a part of him hadn't. The part of him that was compromised. Skye had compromised him and he didn't care – but in this case, he had to. He had to get there and save her. As soon as he could.

 _Stop John from telling her._ Ward still believed that John would want him there as well... but he couldn't risk it. Not when it came to Skye.

But he couldn't charge in half-cocked. And so he'd been forced to wait while Coulson and May and Trip made a plan – under any other circumstances, he'd have been helping them, but it was all Ward could do to just stand still while they planned.

It was a plan – not a complex one, and not a perfect one. They had no idea how many men were inside it. Ward suspected it was less than twenty – John didn't have limitless manpower, and he'd spent a lot of the men he'd have had in Cuba just getting Skye and trying to get the plane. _And the one Hydra soldier I left alive, the one I Iced, didn't know about me._ Ward could only count that to either luck, or Garrett's maliciousness. The man hadn't been interested in talking about where Skye was though.

Ward wasn't sure he even knew. _Kaminsky might not have even known._

But limited men in Cuba or not, John could have brought more with him. And four against twenty was still not odds he counted as 'good'. Especially not with Deathlok in the mix. And speaking of the cyborg...

Grant looked around the corner of the shipping crate he was standing behind and fired another shot at the Hydra soldiers who were in turn behind similar cover. He fired off three shots from his pistol – given the circumstances, Coulson hadn't forced him to use just an ICER – and then looked over at Trip, who was standing behind another crate less then a dozen feet away. He nodded to the handheld EMP device in his hand.

"Are we sure that still works?" Simmons – Fitz was still under, after his injuries... Ward had only been able to spare a little of his fevered mind for concern for the engineer – had explained that everything she could figure out about the implants done into Mike Peterson said that he'd survive his mechanical parts being shut down for a time – but if they weren't reactivated within twenty four hours – on the outside – permanent damage was likely.

 _We can't reactivate anything until the eye is taken out or there's no one on the other end of it. Until then..._ Either the man was dead, or the man would follow his orders to stay alive and protect his son. _It's a safe assumption John has the kid._

It's exactly the way he'd operate. John used technology, but he was an old school sort of man. Personal 'incentives' were always the best kind. You could trust people to act like people. You couldn't trust machines – which was ironic, in a way, since John relied on machines to keep him alive.

 _And look how that's turned out? They're failing._ Once again Ward spared a moment of hate for the idiots at Cybertek. What had Hydra paying them for if not to actually make a product that works? If Cybertek had just done its fucking job -

 _No._

Even if Cybertek had done it's job, John was still Hydra – even if had no more loyalty to the organization than Ward did. And Hydra would have still come out of the shadows and John would have still expected Ward to be his man.

 _And if I stayed with John and Hydra, I'd still be giving up Skye for him. And Skye is the choice – the only choice._

It had to be that way. Ward couldn't accept making any other choice. Skye was what mattered. She was the first bright thing in his world, and he would do anything for her.

 _Except kill John. You don't know if you could do that for her._ Ward ignored that dark little voice in the back of his mind.

"I don't tell you how to disarm nuclear bombs, you don't tell me how to use my grandfather's stuff." Trip replied. "We just need to get close enough to the guy." The other specialist lifted his pistol with his other hand and fired a few more shots ahead. "And down he goes." Trip noted, watching one of the Hydra soldiers take a hit in the shoulder and fall – fall _away_ from cover. Ward took advantage of the opening before it passed and fired two into the man's chest.

Trip looked over at him. "Okay, we're not telling Coulson that's how that happened. And besides, we should've given him a chance to surrender." Not that the black man sounded especially aggrieved. _He's personable enough one could almost forget he's a specialist – except at these points._

"He wasn't hurt enough to not be able to shoot and if -" Ward ducked back even further behind the crate as a hail of automatic fire skated by where his head had been a moment before - "and if I _hadn't_ take him out, he'd have gotten behind cover again."

Trip let out a low sigh, "Why is it the bad guys always gotta outnumber the good guys?" He peeked around the edge of his crate, then went back behind the crate fully. "Coulson and May had better be having an easier time making sure Garrett's quinjet doesn't leave the roof."

Ward looked ahead at the four remaining Hydra soldiers in the room. "Cover me." Ward said after a moment. Without saying anything else, he gestured to a shipping crate halfway across the room. "Soon as I'm back in sight." He then added. Ward was going to be going around, not taking the direct route.

"Ward, that's the kind of stupid risk you really shouldn't be taking." Trip muttered. Before Ward could say anything though, Trip nodded, "But short of shooting you, I'm not gonna be able to stop you. Just make it count. You're not the only one who wants to rescue Skye."

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

Getting around hadn't been easy – the crates were arranged in a way that was more haphazard than practical, which made sense really. This warehouse probably didn't really handle anything – it just existed to _be_ a warehouse, not to be a warehouse than served as a warehouse, as it were.

Coulson had ordered him to stay with Trip, and Trip to stay with him, but Ward didn't have any time for that. Once the four Hydra soldiers were out, Ward was already moving out of the room, not waiting for Trip.

Two hallway turns later, and he could see around the corner another Hydra soldier, standing outside of a door. Unless Ward had completely miscounted, he had one round left in his pistol – the one in the chamber. Silently, he ejected the clip, catching it, the loading another one into the gun.

 _No matter how good a shot you think you are, never go in with just one bullet._ One of many things John had taught him that Ward had no problem living by. He was good at his job, but chancy risks were stupid. And right now he couldn't afford stupid.

 _I also can't afford Trip catching up to me._ Ward had questions for the guard. He had no intention of asking _nicely._

Ward was around the corner and firing in seconds – he watched the bullet pass through the man's right hand and scrap along his ribs. Before he could recover, Ward was on him, a punch to the face and a kick to the left hand leaving him disoriented and unarmed – and Ward was forced to block out the white-hot lances of pain from his ribs and his shoulder. He was good at blocking out pain – which didn't mean he didn't feel it. Just that it didn't stop him.

Simmons hadn't even _tried_ to stop him from going on the mission, even in his injured state. Not only did they need all the manpower they could get, but Simmons had known that trying to stop him would have been futile. She had made it clear that once Skye was rescued, he was going to be confined to inactive duty until she personally gave him leave to go on missions again.

 _And I will make that stick, Agent Ward. Even if I have to use the largest needle I can find to deliver the strongest sedative I have._

Who knew that Simmons could actually be a little scary when she wanted to be?

Ward had long since figured out that Fitz and Simmons were far more – and had become far more – than the deadweight in the field civilian/scientists he'd first assumed they were. But still, he would never have pegged Simmons for being able to do intimidating, but she did. Just a touch of it, anyway. She could get better with practice, but he hadn't even realized she had it in her.

So he'd be taking the inactive duty, as much as he had always hated it. But only when Skye was safe. Her safety, her life, mattered more than just some pain on his part – mattered more than he did in general.

Ward pinned the man's left arm against the wall and drove his knife – which he had managed to dig out of that Centipede soldier's arm – into the bullet hole in the Hydra soldier's right hand. "If I twist this right," Ward said over the man's cry of pain, "then you'll never be able to use this hand again – at least not without a lot of very painful and very expensive physical therapy. Months of it at least. So, I think you want to consider your answers to the question I'm about to ask you very carefully."

"I'll never tell you or S.H.I.E.L.D. anything." The man spat the words out, teeth gritted against the pain. "Hail Hydra." _Let's see how much of a true_ _believer_ _you really are._ Ward twisted the knife – not enough to do that permanent damage he mentioned, but enough to hurt like a hell and a half. "Agh! Fuck-" The man cried out in pain again. "Ask your questions!"

" _Question."_ Ward corrected. "Where is Skye?"

"Who?"

"Skye – the woman Deathlok brought back with him." Ward watched as the man jerked his head towards the door he'd been guarding. "Through there. Behind the door that doesn't have a number on it."

"You've been a great help." Ward drove the knife into the wall, through the man's hand – but he didn't give it that twist – and hit him on the head, _hard._ Only when the man was safely slumping over did Ward retrieved his knife and moved for the door – it was unlocked. Ward saw no guards – just two frightened civilians wearing lab coats. Both of them raised their hands, babbling -

"Quiet!" Ward hissed the words, but it cut through their desperate pleas regardless. He gestured to the ground. "Get on the ground, and stay there." He watched the two drop to the ground, more or less prostrate and then ignored them, moving ahead into a small hallway flanked by doors. Seven of which had numbers, going from one to seven, one of which didn't have a number at all.

 _A little obvious, don't you think, John?_ Then again, it wasn't about keeping anything secret in this little suite of office space. You saved your efforts for hiding things that needed it.

The door opened slowly as he turned the knob, and Ward peered around the corner into the door. It was empty – save for a gurney, a metal table with a number of surgical chairs, and a metal chair that had a bound and gagged Skye on it.

 _He's not in here-_ Ward didn't actually breathe the sigh of relief, but it echoed through his mind. Someone else would have to be the one to kill John. He wouldn't have to be the one-

 _You **need** to be the one to do it. For Skye-_

 _No. What I **need** to do is save her._ Ward lowered his gun and moved towards Skye – the hacker's eyes widened when she saw him, and she started to shake her head quickly and violently- Ward pulled up short less then a second before he heard a gun click behind him.

"Hey kid." For the first time in – in years – Ward felt his blood chill at the deadly note in John's voice. "I guess we have some things to talk about." Ward's throat tightened – this was it.

It was going to happen. Ward felt the world close in around him – Skye was going to find out. She was going to find out everything. Without realizing what he was doing, he lowered his pistol, letting it point at the ground. Game over.

 _I'm going to lose her._ Ward – he couldn't put what it was he was feeling to words – he had no idea what exactly he was to call it.

"What, no words of defiance? I thought you told me we were through. That all 'debts were paid'." He heard John step around him, the gun still pointed at his head, saw John step into view, step behind the chair Skye was in, press the gun to _her_ head. "I told you then – I _own_ you. And now I've got the girl – the girl you turned on me for."

Ward felt like an observer, as if he was watching this through a security feed – he wasn't here. He wasn't -

He couldn't move. He could just stand there as John held Skye at gunpoint.

John watched him. "I taught you from the start that attachment was a weakness. But I suppose I should have known it was a lost cause. You're weak. Always have been." Ward was hearing the words – but – again, as if at a remove. He wasn't in the room, hearing them – it was... everything felt like as it it was coming farther away, and only growing more faint. "I taught you – trained you, made you into a man. I _saved_ you, and you turn on me for what? A little candy crush?" John gestured at Skye with his free hand, ignoring her efforts to get out of the restraints or be heard through the gag.

Skye was staring at Ward as though she was wondering what was going on, even though Garrett had a gun trained on them and most definitely had the upper hand, even Ward could see the light in her eyes, the light that was there just because _he_ was. And he couldn't bear to put it out, couldn't bear to crush it so hard that she might never come back. But Garrett was going to make him. He was going to make Ward tell her everything. If it wasn't for the fact that Garrett needed Skye's blood in the first place, he could almost have believed that the other man had set up this entire situation just for this moment. "She's going to know what you are now, kid. Because you're going to tell her." John placed his other hand on Skye's shoulder, clamping down tight, holding her in place.

"You're going to tell her what you are, or I'm going to kill her. Right here, right now." John smirked even wider. "We both know that she wouldn't believe me. But you? Well, you she'll believe. She'll believe you when you tell her, and then she won't believe a single word you say ever again. Not that you'll be saying much with a bullet in your brain, of course." He tapped the pistol against Skye's skull ever so lightly, calling attention to the weapon and its target, as if Ward needed the reminder.

Everything remained at that distant remove for him, sight and sound, but -

"I'm waiting, Ward." John said. "Ten. Nine. Eight."

"He-" Ward started, but his words choked off for a long moment.

"Seven." John started the count again. "Six."

"I was put on the Bus by John." Ward said, his voice blank and hollow. As with everything else, it didn't feel like _him_ saying it, even as he knew he made a conscious choice. He believed John – the alternative to the truth, the alternate to him losing Skye completely was her death. Skye couldn't die. Even at the cost-

"I was put on the bus by John." He said again, "To find out how Coulson came back from the dead. To monitor the team and report back." Ward began the recitation of his crimes to Skye. He didn't look her, even now, unable to bear her inevitable reaction

"Good start. Keep going." John ordered. "You don't want my trigger finger to start getting itchy."

"I knew from the start that John was the Clairvoyant. That he was behind Centipede." _I didn't know the details. I didn't know he would kidnap Coulson, didn't know he would have you shot._ Ward wanted to say all that to her, and when Skye was safe, he would tell her, if she would listen. If she didn't listen... she had every right to not. But he needed her to know – that he hadn't had anything to do with her shooting, that seeing her bleeding out like that had been the worst experience of his life, rivalled only by the well, and by... the reaction Skye was going to have to these revelations.

"Keep it up." John told him. Ward started to speak, but the words didn't come out of his mouth. "Tell her. Tell her the rest. Tell her everything." John demanded. "Tell her all the ways you lied to her." John was starting to let the sound of his own voice get away from him. "Tell her why you became her S.O. Tell her that the man she 'knew', the good little S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent is just one big lie. Tell her about how you're Hydra. How you always have been, always will be."

Something in Ward... it was as if a damn broke and– everything came rushing back, and suddenly he was no longer at the distant remove. "I was never Hydra. My loyalties were only ever to you. Like you, I was Hydra in name only." Ward refused to look at Skye, refused to see what he knew would be hate and rejection in her eyes. It was too late.

 _I've lost her. But I can still save her._ As long as she was in danger, he still had a mission – she needed to stay safe, stay alive. But once that was done...

 _There's nothing else left._ Once Skye was safe, he wouldn't be able to avoid seeing what he knew he'd see in her eyes. Wouldn't be able to avoid -

 _Without her, - without her, without John... what does my life amount to? She was everything – she **is**_ _everything..._

"I suppose there's that. I've never really been a true believer myself." _I know that John._ As long as John was talking, Skye was alive. John would never interrupt the sound of his own voice with a gunshot. "But that doesn't really change the important details – you've been lying to her the entire time. You've been working against S.H.I.E.L.D. for more than a decade. You've killed… how many people, kid? Did you even keep count? I guess it must have been hard. And all of them for me. You killed Nash for me, even if I was kind of hoping Phil would do that one. She's never gonna give a damn about you now. You've still a got a place by my side. With me. You're still loyal to me – you had your chance to shoot me and you didn't take it. She's a weakness – and you know how I feel about weaknesses."

"Yes. She is a weakness." Ward said softly. "She's a weakness," he repeated, raising his voice a little. "And I don't care. I love her." The words came out of his lips unbidden, unplanned, but Ward knew they were true. He'd never felt it before, never planned on it, never even really _wanted_ it before it had suddenly happened – but the word, a word he'd never really used before, it had to be what he felt for her. "My loyalty to you ended the day you ordered Quinn to shoot her."

Garrett chuckled darkly. "But it didn't, did it kid? You still followed me for a while after that. You followed the man who ordered to woman you love-" he spat the last word as though it was some kind of curse "-shot. Bet you didn't tell her that. I bet, while you busy whispering sweet nothings to her you didn't once tell her that you were mine, that you knew full well that I had her shot and you stood by and did nothing."

It was true. He hadn't turned on John then. Hadn't done what he _should_ have done. But if that act hadn't happened -

Before, back in the main area of the Warehouse Ward had _known_ that he would have turned on John anyway, not come out of the shadows with the rest of Hydra, for Skye. But seeing him now, again, remembering everything he owed this man, everything this man had done for him...

As – as horrible as it had been, Skye being shot – it had given him the... impetus. The first time in ten years he'd ever really even _wanted_ to disobey John. The first time in ten years he'd ever really _wanted_ to go against him. He hadn't had the strength then – it had only been a flash, a moment, but it was when it had begun.

"If I'd known you had a thing for her, I'd have asked for your blessing," John smirked. "I mean, I get it, she's cute, but really – you're nothing but an ungrateful little snot. You're still that whiny kid, blaming other people for your problems." John pressed the muzzle of his gun against Skye's head harder.

"I am _not_ that scared kid anymore." Ward told him firmly, and for the first time since this conversation had started he was actually able to look at John.. "Yes, you saved me – and I owe you my life. You took me away from my family, made me Hydra, made me strong… I owe you _everything_ – but I don't owe you _her_. I will never owe you Skye. Fifteen years – since the day we met, I've done everything you've asked-"

"I'm not sure we can say everything." John replied harshly. Ward knew exactly what John was referring to. He'd never let it go, always bringing it up to hammer him – and Ward had always let him beat him with it. "And after all – well, now look at the situation we're in."

"We're here because I'm _done_ choosing you, John." Ward raised his pistol, pointing it at John. Even now, he didn't know, couldn't tell. _I just need to keep him talking – Skye already knows... I've lost her – it doesn't matter if someone else comes in and finds out. It's all over either way._

Ward couldn't kill John. Ward **had** to kill John.

John laughed. "Can you hear yourself? Can you really hear how pathetic you are, how pathetic you sound? Just stop pretending. I gave you a mission kid. It's time we finish it up. Put the gun down. You had your chance to shoot me. Do you think killing me is going to fix things with her, Romeo? Now that she knows what you are? You think Phil's gonna just embrace you with open arms? The Cavalry will rip your fucking throat out, we all know that."

 _No._ Ward held no illusions. No illusions about what Skye felt now. His only chance – his only lifeline was gone. Skye could never love him, could never feel anything for him – he'd tried... he'd tried so hard, but it wasn't enough.

 _I have to save her – it isn't enough. But it needs to be done._

But even as he thought that...

 _John's right. He's the only man – the only man who has ever given a shit – he's all I have left... I can do this. I can fix things with him..._

"Put the gun down, kid." John said again. "Put it down and we can pretend this whole unpleasant episode never happened."

Ward stood there, a repeat of that moment that had stretched forever on the jump jet, just eight days before.

 _Eight days. Eight days is all it took – I got her, I lost her..._

It was full circle. But now...

 _He'll take me back – I can still save him. I can_ -

Ward's own thoughts were cut off by a gunshot. He looked at Skye directly for the first time since John's ultimatum, all life leaving his vision – John had...

It wasn't John's gun that was smoking. It wasn't Skye's body on the ground, lifeless, a bullet right through the head.

It was John. John was dead. He'd killed him.

Ward barely noticed Skye finally managing to spit the gag out of her mouth enough to be heard, didn't really hear her calling his name. He didn't register anything.

John was dead. Ward had killed him.

 _John is dead._

Nervelessly, the pistol dropped from Ward's hand, the entire universe once again – gone... he was barely aware of anything happening around him as he fell to his knees.

 _John is dead._

Ward felt his stomach roiling –

 _I killed him. I killed the man who pulled me out of hell._

Ward was so far gone he barley even registered the sensation and experience of emptying his stomach onto the floor.


	12. Why?

**Disclaimer:** I think at this point we can all agree that I don't own it.

 **Note:** This chapter has been sponsored by caffeine. It's also been sponsored by Ward Haters, in a roundabout fashion – seeing Ward Hate usually makes me want to write more of this and my other AoS fics because I want to annoy them by putting out more pro-Ward/Skyeward/Ward Redemption content. So let's have a round of sarcastic applause for Ward Haters everyone! :p

 **Note 2:** I'm going with fandom convention and having Ward's sister's name be Rose. Until such time as we know for sure from the show, that's _probably_ what I'm going to go with as a general rule across fics.

Thanks to EnergyBeing for beta-reading

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 12: _Why!?_

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

To say that Skye was confused would be the understatement of the century. To say that she was horrified would merely qualify for the decade title. _Grant is Hydra? He – he was spying for us? For Garrett? He_ _ **knew**_ _?_ That didn't make any sense. It was like some badly written plot twist in the story of her life. But here – Grant had been... he'd confirmed it.

That the hacker had a gun to her head barely mattered in the face of the revelations barreling into her. _Grant loves me?_ Love was a pretty strong word, but – and how could she believe a word coming out of his mouth? He was a liar. He'd been lying about _everything –_ but... but... if he was Hydra, why had he turned on Garrett? Did that mean – had it been for her? If it really was for her, then couldn't she believe at least that much from him?

The hopelessly romantic idealist in Skye thought the whole idea was... well, terribly romantic. The bad guy fighting to become a better person for love and all that. The rest of her – the greater part of her right now – was still dealing with Grant, _no, Ward,_ being an evil lying Hydra Bastard. He'd known Garrett was the Clairvoyant and done nothing when she was shot. _Had he known that was going to happen?!_

From what Garrett had said, it didn't sound like it – and then he said that that moment was when his loyalty to Garrett ended... but he didn't do or say anything then, right? Skye really had no idea what the hell was going on, what the truth was.

Grant – _Ward_ – couldn't still be Hydra if he had turned on Garrett and was pointing a gun at him. Garrett seemed genuinely pissed at Ward. But – but if he'd been Hydra for the last fifteen years, then he could have – should have – warned someone a long time, or even... or even after his loyalty to Garrett ended... and if he had, then the agency where she'd found a home, a family wouldn't have fallen from within.

 _Wait. Fifteen years?_ That didn't make any sense either.

 _None of this does!_

She'd read Ward's file – most of it. Parts of it had been digitally 'blacked out' pretty well and she hadn't made the effort to get at those parts. But the important thing here was that he'd only been in S.H.I.E.L.D. for ten years, and three of those years had been him at the Academy. So how the hell had he known Garrett for fifteen years? That – that would mean that Grant had known him since he was sixteen! What the fuck?

Before Skye could continue to try to process this, before Skye could finish working the gag out of her mouth before she could even mentally react to Garrett trying to offer Ward a place at his side again, she heard the gunshot – and then some, given just how close she was to it. She felt the gun at her temple slip away as she heard Garrett fall to the ground – and with no sound of him getting up, no words... she could only assume he was dead.

 _Is he dead – did Grant –_ Skye didn't even try to correct herself this time. What to call him now was as confusing as everything else. _Is his name really Grant Ward?_ Skye couldn't imagine _that_ was a lie to. The Ward family of Massachusetts – Christian and Thomas and his father... Skye had read up on big brother Christian. He hadn't seemed to have grown out of being kind of a terrible person, though now it was as a jackass politician, rather than as a jackass older brother. So he _was_ Grant Ward, right?

 _Did he lie about – was that all just for sympathy?_ Skye hated the fact that the thought even crossed her mind – how many times had he been ignored as an abuse victim? How many times were abuse victims ignored, painted as the abusers...

But if he'd really being lying about so much...

Skye had no earthly clue what the goddamn truth was, and that was a problem.

As the hacker tried to process this latest development – Grant shooting Garrett – and all the other thoughts swirling around in her head – she watched Grant fall to his knees and drop his gun... _He's not Hydra now, right?_

As Grant threw up, she could see it in his eyes – well, no, she couldn't see it, because there was _nothing_ to see. There was a blank, barren emptiness in his eyes that she'd never seen. As if all light and life was gone from him completely. A literal robot without working batteries.

Finally Skye's efforts to get the gag out of her mouth succeeded and she spat it out, letting it land on the ground. "Grant!" She shouted, trying to get through to him. Despite all the revelations, even though it was probably naive as hell, Skye felt like she could trust him – trust him enough, at least, to get her out of here, to help her get back to the rest of the team. He wouldn't hurt her. He'd just killed a man he'd said he owned 'everything' to save her... that meant something, right? Of course it did. The question was what it meant.

 _And what the hell do I tell everyone else?_ What was there to tell? Skye had no idea if up was still up at this point, when it came to Grant, to Ward... She had little snippets of information that had come out just now, a whole history months long with Grant Ward that was apparently lies... and enough questions to fill a book. She couldn't take that to the team, right?

 _But they – they'd given him a chance too, right? A chance to explain – they'd want answers to. But I – I_ _ **need**_ _answers._

And that was what it came down to. Skye needed answers – she **needed** to understand this. Needed to understand if she'd fallen for a complete lie, if everything Grant had said about how he felt towards her was a lie or if...

If it had been... true, at least in part. She needed to know if -

She **needed** to know everything there was to know about what the hell it was that had just happened, what the hell there was between Grant and Garrett. What the late, totally unlamented psychopath behind her had done to 'save' Grant, to make Ward feel like he owed him everything...

She needed those answers for herself before she could tell the rest of the team anything.

"Grant!" She called again. "We need to – we need to get out of here." The emptiness didn't leave his eyes, but Ward looked up and looked at her. She watched him stand and move quickly, almost mechanically towards her, untying the ropes holding her to the chair. For the first time, Skye actually thought the term robot could really describe him, not just be a joking nickname that she said to get under his skin. With her hands free, Skye stood and looked at Ward – he was standing over there, doing nothing at all – Skye walked around the puddle of vomit and picked up Grant's dropped gun. It still felt like it had bullets left, and -

She wanted to be the one with the gun right now. She – she wasn't -

Skye didn't really know – everything was so confusing. She needed to figure it out, and the only way to do that was to get out of here.

 **Hydra Warehouse, Santiago de Cuba, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

They hadn't gotten far out of the backroom office area she'd turned out to have been held in before they ran into Trip. They'd passed an unconscious Hydra soldier with what Skye would only guess was a knife wound in his hand, slumped along the wall – _Did Grant do that?_ There was a small hole in the wall above him... as if someone had pinned the man's hand there. The hacker let out a small sigh of relief when she saw the other specialist. But despite herself, also a flash of fear – if _Grant_ could be a traitor, couldn't Trip? He'd been Garrett's specialist too...

 _He was pissed off at Garrett. Too pissed off._

 _Grant was too. Grant_ _ **was**_ _pissed off – he –_ Skye shoved the thoughts away. She couldn't worry about all this, couldn't think about it right now. Grant remained completely unresponsive. She had to more or less _tell_ him to do things, otherwise, he just... didn't do them.

"Should've figured he'd have found you first." Trip nodded at Grant, "Coulson and May took out the guys guarding Garrett's quinjet on the roof. It's got cloaking – We're taking it back to the bus. Did you find Gar-"

"Garrett's dead." Skye interrupted. "Grant shot him in the head." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the slightest flinch from Grant, the first reaction of any kind he'd shown. Skye shoved the angry flash of desperation for answers she was feeling right now and looked back to Trip. "Did you find Raina?" That woman really couldn't – she couldn't be allowed to escape with what might be the key to the G.H. 325. Not to mention the creep-out factor of the woman having some of her blood.

 _And if she really does know who my father is..._

Trip shook his head, "No sign of her," he answered with a frown. "She must have run off as soon as we got here."

"She said she was going to." A part of her immediately wanted to – she wanted to tell _someone_. But still – she still didn't know what to tell. She didn't know the story. She knew the outline – Ward worked for Garrett, had spied on them for him – had _lied_ to them for him... but he'd also saved all their lives more than once, he'd – and he _had_ turned on Garrett... he'd just **killed** him!

The words started to rise out of her throat, but she managed to clamp down on them. If she was going to tell _anyone_ before she could get answers out of Grant, it would have to be AC.

"We should get out of here." Skye added, "I wouldn't put it past Garrett to have some kind of a bomb set to go off once he's dead."

Trip shook his head, "Probably not. But let's you to the jet. We can worry about everything else." He looked back at Ward, and Skye guessed he was wondering why the specialist had been so silent. Trip seemed to be about to say something, but then turned away. He – he'd seen the blankness in there too. _What does he think all that means?_ Skye shoved the thought aside and followed Trip – Grant right by her side.

Getting out of here was a good idea right now.

 **Quinjet, On the Way to the Bus, Cuba**

 **D Plus Eight**

With May and Trip in the cockpit – not that May really needed the help flying the plane – that left her and AC and Grant in the passenger seats, buckled in as the cloaked plane flew towards where they'd landed the bus, a short (comparatively) distance out of Santiago de Cuba. That and an unconscious, de-activated Mike Peterson. Carrying him onto the quinjet had taken all five of them, and it had still been hard. But Coulson had refused to even consider leaving behind. And no one had actually suggested it. Knocking out all the mechanical parts that kept him going with the minature EMP had knocked him out. Which was probably for the best at the moment.

Grant was still barely responding. He provided a few monosyllabic responses to Coulson though – and Skye could tell that Coulson wanted to know what was up with the specialist as well. _He cares about all of us._

She'd given Coulson a hug when they'd gotten to the jet, glad to see him again. It was a quick thing, and the somewhat amused, 'I'm not 100% sure what to do here' look on the senior agent's face was funny – but it wasn't enough to actually lighten the mood.

"Did Raina tell you anything about this Cybertek facility that Ace is being held in?"

"Just the co-ordinates." She'd already given those to Coulson. "Can we actually get there in time? If they think that Mike is useless to them-" Her throat tightened a little – not that it wasn't plenty tight as it was – at the thought of Ace being killed because his father wasn't useful to Hydra anymore.

Coulson shook his head, "Without orders from Garrett? Not yet. They wouldn't want to risk losing Mr. Peterson completely if they kill his son when there might be other reasons he's stopped transmitting. But we will have to move quickly. We as in the team. You'll be staying on the-" Skye was about to interrupt him there – there was no _way_ she was staying on the Bus this time around – when Coulson cut himself off.

"No, I suppose leaving you on the Bus won't work any better. That's what led to having to rescue you." He smiled, "I don't think we need a repeat performance of that."

Skye knew what Coulson meant. But all she could think about was what Garrett and Grant had said. _No, I really don't need a repeat performance of that._

"No, we don't." She looked over to Ward, then back to Coulson. He was still...gone. Completely checked out.

Coulson followed her gaze, then looked back at her. "What happened?" His voice was soft – not that Grant couldn't probably make his words out if he was even paying attention.

Skye shrugged and shook her head, keeping down the immediate answer. She didn't like keeping things from AC. And she wouldn't keep it from him, or the rest of the team. Not forever. But she needed to hear the truth first. If there even was any truth to be had.

 _How can I know if I'm hearing the truth? Can I trust a word that ever comes out of his mouth?_ Skye wracked her mind, trying to think back, trying to remember all the times they'd spoken or been around each other – which was a hell of a lot of time over the last several months... but she couldn't think of anything. No hints. No clues. No tells. Nothing. He'd covered everything up so _perfectly._

 _If he's that good – if he's always been that good... how I can trust him? How can I ever accept any explanation he gives as anything close to truth? He passed the super lie-detector test, for God's sake!_

But she knew now that... but she didn't know if...

All she could do was ask and do her best. Her best to try and parse truth from fiction with him.

"I...I don't entirely know." Skye answered, a statement which was technically truthful. She felt herself tense just a little, wondering if AC would catch her in what was still largely a lie. If he did notice, he didn't say anything. "Well, I mean, I was there. He – he shot Garrett in the head. But... I don't know – he said he hadn't been able to bring himself to shoot Garrett on the plane..." Skye swallowed. "Maybe it's that."

"But he did shoot him this time." Coulson pointed out. The agent sighed just a touch, "A bullet really is too quick but..." He shook his head.

"Garrett had a gun on me." Skye said softly. "And he was gonna use it." Skye swallowed again, remembering the terrifying feeling of the gun's muzzle pressed up against her temple. "As far as he was concerned, the other option was putting a camera in my head." She bit her lip. "This is one death I'm not going to have any problems with." And that was true too. She didn't really like thinking that, but... John Garrett... after everything he'd done.

He needed to die. There really wasn't another option.

Skye bit her lip again, then changed the subject. "How – what happened to Fitz? You said he got hurt bad-"

"But he's going to recover. Kaminsky just about filled Fitz's arm with bullets, a few even got into the bone. When we left the Bus, Simmons had him drugged up to his eyeballs against the pain, but she says he'll recover full use of his arm, more or less. He'll need physical therapy, but he'll be okay. He lost a lot of blood too – Simmons had to use the little bit of Fitz's blood type the Bus had in stock, and he's still going to need time."

 _Wait, we keep_ _ **blood**_ _on the Bus?_ Okay, it made some sense – they weren't a fully operational hospital, but Simmons had proven she could do quite a bit in the lab, medically speaking – even without a medical doctorate. Blood transfers were something you had to do at times... Still, it was kind of weird to think about.

"Bullets in his arm? How did-"

"Kaminsky was holding Fitz at gunpoint too. Hydra likes that kind of thing, I guess. I suppose it's often effective. Grant took him out, but right before, Kaminsky did fire – we can all be thankful Fitz only got shot in the arm. From what Simmons said, Ward distracted Kaminsky to make his grip slip a little, so the shots didn't kill Fitz."

"How is she holding up?" Skye asked quietly.

"She was actually doing better while she was still focused on treating Fitz – but she's managed to keep it together so far." It made sense to Skye that Simmons would actually manage better right after – Simmons was very good at her job. And she was good at focusing on the task at hand and ignoring everything else, when it was really important and in her field. Fitz was more excitable, but that was one of the things that made them such a good team, from everything Skye had seen.

"Do you think he'll be with it when we get to the Bus?"

Coulson shrugged, "I don't know. But we'll find out. Simmons had him put in the medpod once he was stabilized enough to move. You can check after Simmons gives you a quick check. I want to know if Raina did anything to you other than take your blood."

Despite herself, Skye cringed at the thought. That possibility hadn't occurred to her. But she'd been unconscious the entire time – god only knew what that woman could have done to her.

"Thanks for that thought AC." Skye muttered.

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

Skye had essentially sent Ward to his room once they were on the Bus – a decision that Simmons had endorsed after quickly looking him over to make sure Ward 'hadn't somehow managed hurt [himself] even more' and mentioning something about finding her biggest needle if he _didn't_ go to his bunk. Ward, unsurprisingly, showed no visible reaction to the threat.

Skye had hugged the biochemist when she saw her, happy to be back with her friends, and then gone through and endured the quick check up the woman gave her. Simmons found nothing wrong with her, but had insisted on taking a blood sample to test if Raina had injected her with anything. Skye had been far from happy about that, but she endured that too. She wanted to know the answer to that question too, even she was getting pretty fond of keeping her blood inside of her body.

Fitz was asleep in the medpod – he wasn't drugged up to his eyeballs anymore, but Simmons had insisted he get rest, and despite his desire to be there when Skye returned, he'd fallen asleep anyway, his body going through a lot of strain and stress from the bullets.

"He is going to be fine." Simmons said with confidence. It hadn't sound like she was trying to convince herself – well, maybe a little. "It's just going to take some time." They'd stood there for a short time, but finally, she could put it off no longer. She needed to talk to Ward. To Grant. Hell, she needed to figure out what the hell it was she was going to call him for that matter.

 _I can't keep calling him Grant._ Not when she'd started calling him that because they were dating. But that was... that was before she'd found out that he worked for Garrett – and then killed Garrett to save her.

Which raised the question of why Ward threw Garrett out of the plane. Had Ward known that Garrett would survive? Or had he really not been able to kill the man, a man that he owed 'everything' to. It was an important question.

But for her, there was an even more important question. She knew that her priorities weren't, strictly speaking, straight here, but still. She didn't care. She needed an answer to the question.

Skye opened the door to Ward's bunk and stepped inside. There really wasn't room for two people in here, and part of her wanted to do this in the cage. But there was no way to do that without... well, bringing all this to everyone else's attention. The cage was monitored, for one.

Skye knew she should tell Coulson at least, but she wanted to know the full truth before she told anyone else. Or at least... at least try to figure it out. _Now would be a great time to know if S.H.I.E.L.D. really does have a truth serum._

Back when she'd been with the Rising Tide – she'd always done her best to make sure she had the full truth before releasing information. And to be clear about what she knew and what she didn't. She wouldn't make suppositions, or run on rumor or unsupported claims. A lot of other hacktivists would, but she didn't. She'd chase those rumors, but she'd not publish them without trying to find out more, without finding out more.

Skye still believed in Freedom of Information, in the public's right to know. Those views had been tempered by her time with S.H.I.E.L.D. She'd gotten to understand _why_ S.H.I.E.L.D. kept information hidden – she didn't agree in all the cases, but she understood now. And now all that information – some of which probably shouldn't be out there on the internet – was out there.

Skye put her mind back to the matter at hand. Ward was sitting on his bed, staring ahead. Just as 'walking coma'-like as before. She saw the slightest glimmer of life in his eyes when she walked in, but it was only there for a moment.

Skye locked the door behind her and spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "These walls aren't exactly thick, so we're going to have to talk pretty quietly." Skye said, her voice low, barely above a whisper.

Ward looked up at her, the glimmer back – but it was staying there. She couldn't read what it meant, he almost seemed... afraid? But at least he wasn't checked out anymore. "Skye..." He started, his voice as quiet as hers.

Skye interrupted him. "Let's get one thing clear. I have no way of knowing if _**anything**_ you're about to tell me is true." Skye's breath caught in her throat. "I want to believe that there's an explanation here. I want to believe in you. But I can't. Not right now. Not at this moment. I can't know if I can trust you." She wanted to trust him. She wanted so badly to trust him. Not just because of her feelings for him, but because she so desperately wanted to believe that she couldn't just be so wrong about anyone. That she could trust the people on the Team, if nothing else. That there was a rational explanation for all this. One that wasn't just 'he's evil'. She knew evil existed. But was that Ward? She didn't want to believe that. But she couldn't know.

What she _really_ wanted was for Ward to tell her that what she'd heard had been the product of a deranged imagination, or a hallucination, or Ward's idea of a joke. He did need some work on his humor. She'd already known that.

"I'm going to ask questions. I want answers. I want the truth." Skye swallowed. "And if I don't believe you-" She shook her head. If she really didn't believe him – she'd have to go to AC. She'd have no other choice.

"I know there's no-" Ward started, "There's no way that you could ever dream of..." His words caught in his throat, and then he spoke again. His tone was... well, it was empty. Hopeless, really. "But...I won't ever lie to you Skye." He looked up at her, and she could see the pain, the despair in his eyes. _Is that all some act_? _Is he just trying to get my sympathy..._ Because it was working... she didn't want to see that expression on him.

 _God! I'm jumping at everything here. I -_

"Not again." Ward finished. "I've done that... I've done that enough. I can't do that you anymore. It won't-" He looked away. "It won't ever be enough. But..."

Skye's throat tightened, but she closed her eyes and forced herself under control. She couldn't just take this on face value. He seemed – he seemed so... lost. Almost broken. But... if he'd really been lying to them for so long, then he was a good liar, a good actor. How could she know this wasn't an act?

"Did you mean what you told Garrett?" She asked him. "Do you- do you really... do you really love me?" Love was a strong feeling to have even if Ward hadn't been Hydra. It had only been just under six months since they'd first met. She felt strongly for him, stronger than seemed really possible after such a short time, but she wouldn't say she loved him. Not yet anyway. She wouldn't have said that yesterday, and she definitely couldn't say that right now.

Yes, her priorities were a little screwy if this was the most important question to her, but she was accepting that and moving on. Because she needed to know the answer to this question.

Ward looked at her again. "Yes." He told her simply.

"But you were... you were working for Garrett. You knew he was the Clairvoyant. You knew he was going to have Quinn shoot-" Skye started, but Ward interrupted.

"No. I didn't know he was going to have you shot..." Ward told her. "I... seeing you like that. Knowing that you were dying... I would never have let you get shot if I had known."

"But you didn't tell anyone. You didn't stop... you didn't stop working for him." Skye pointed out. "Why? Why didn't you-? Why did you... why were you working for him? How do you- why? Why, Grant?" Skye wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him violently. Wanted to rage and scream and demand answers. She wanted her life to go back to making sense, and she wanted...

 _I don't even know._

"Just... _Why?_ "

Ward looked away again. "I owed him. I owed him my life – my – he saved me. Saved me from myself. Pulled me out of hell. I owed – I _owe_ him everything. Just... just not you. I... I should have killed him then, when he got onto the plane, after you were shot. I should-" Ward closed his eyes. "It doesn't matter. I didn't. I – I couldn't turn on him."

 _That's not an answer!_ Well no. It was. It was an incomplete answer. It was an answer that didn't make any sense. It was -

Skye looked at Ward. _Reall_ _y_ looked at him. She could hear it in his voice. See it in his face. She had no idea if she could trust it, trust him, but... it seemed so real. The way he talked about owing Garrett, about not being able to turn on him...

Still being careful to keep her voice low, and trying to refrain from just... exploding at him, Skye clenched her hands into fists. "See! You're going to have to explain that to me! I don't – how can you owe him everything? You say he saved you, pulled you out of hell... what does that even mean? How – How does that even _work?_ Garrett's a fucking psychopath! And – and fifteen years?! How have you known him since before you were part of S.H.I.E.L.D. How have you known him since you were sixteen? Make this make sense to me, Ward! Please." She didn't meant to add that pleading note at the end. It was just... there.

She watched Ward. She watched him look at his hands, then back at her.

"Fifteen years ago, I got a phone call at Military School from Rose – my sister. Christian – he'd... He'd put Thomas in the hospital. Convinced our parents it was just an accident – he couldn't make me hurt him anymore... so he did it himself, and worse." Skye bit her lip to stop an interruption. She had to give him a chance to get to a point. "I – I couldn't let Christian get away with that. I... I stole a car, drove back to Massachusetts... I burned our house down to the ground, with Christian in it." Skye's breath caught in her throat.

 _It was that bad – and no one ever noticed?_ Assuming any of it was true – some things she might be able to verify. Hospital records for Thomas Ward maybe, any kind of report on a burned down Ward residence... But those alone didn't mean he was telling the truth...

She hated to even consider that he could have been lying about what he suffered at the hands of Christian and his parents. That he could _be_ lying. Too many real abuse victims were assumed to be lying – and she didn't want to believe that that was true believed he was telling the truth – but was that because she wanted to, or because...

"It was... stupid." Ward said. _A bit of an understatement! Attempted murder at sixteen?_ But – people could be pushed until they broke. He shouldn't have done that but... if he was really telling the truth about his family – and she really did believe he was... "I got caught... I ended up in Juvenile Hall... that's when I met John."

Skye didn't mean to interrupt, but she did – the words just sprung out of her mouth. "So what, he sprung you out of Juvie and you feel like you owe him everything? Just for that?"

"Christian was petitioning to have me tried as an adult. My parents were friends with the prosecutor, the judge... I knew what was going to happen." _Tried as an adult?_ That was-

Christian just couldn't _not_ be a terrible terrible person, apparently. Putting a sixteen year old into prison for what could be...decades, maybe? If you're friends with the Judge and the Prosecutor... Skye wasn't naive enough not know just how bad things could get in the criminal justice system when the politically connected were involved.

"John offered me a choice. I could spend years of my life there, in a cage, 'blaming mommy and daddy and mean older brother' for my problems. Or I could let him get me out of there. Let him teach me how to be a man. To make sure no one would ever screw with me again." _Well, that was a lie._ Skye had no idea how their interactions had been outside that one conversation, but it was pretty damn clear that Garrett was screwing with Ward then. Always had if he had fostered such complete loyalty. _Had he?_

If there was one thing Skye felt like she could be pretty sure of it, was that. The way Ward had just... shut down.

He'd killed a man who had apparently... somehow made Ward... Grant... _whatever!_ feel like he had to always pick Garrett. That he had to become a member of an evil organization, lie to everyone he knew... god knows what else he had been expected to do... what he _had_ done. That had to be... that had to take a toll on anyone. As it had on Grant.

"He didn't tell me I would be joining 'Hydra'. He... he just... he gave me ten seconds to decide."

 _Ten seconds to decide between prison for who knew how long and a promise no one would ever screw with you? After a lifetime of his family?_ Assuming Ward was telling the truth... which she believed... even thought part of her said she shouldn't... _some of this I might be able to check..._

If that's what happened... she'd spoke one on one to Garrett, before knowing what scum he was. He'd been very charismatic. He had a way of drawing your attention when he spoke.

 _Would I have chosen any different?_ At that moment, she didn't think so. She might not have made all the other choices that followed... but that one... the one that started the process...

"John saved me from my family. I know what I am, Skye. I know I'm a monster... that..." He trailed off for a moment, then, "but my brother. My parents. They're worse."

"You were sixteen when Garrett took you out of Juvie." Skye asked, not thinking about the way he called himself a monster. She had no way to think about that. She needed – she needed to understand. And then she needed time away from Ward to think about it, and then... and then she...

 _And I need to talk to someone? Coulson? But..._ How would Coulson react to the news that Ward had been spying on them all along? He'd listen, right? And he might be better able to tell if something was wrong...

"But you didn't join the Ops Academy until you were 21. What happened in those five years, if you weren't actually at military school like your S.H.I.E.L.D. file says?"

"The middle of the woods in Wyoming." Ward told her simply. "That's where John trained me."

"For five years? In the middle of what I'm guessing was probably nowhere? Was it just you and him or-?" Five years with Garrett? Skye – she felt like she needed to know everything about that time. It was the only way for her to... for her to be able to draw any sort of conclusion. But she couldn't learn that everything right now. She could only ask a few more questions before... before her head exploded, or she at the very least had to go away some, sort all this out in her own head. Check some of the things he'd told her that she could.

She hated that she couldn't trust Ward to be telling the truth about _anything_ , but...

But she couldn't. Not right at this moment.

"Just me and his dog, most of the time." Grant said. "He'd come by every few months, check on me, stay for a few days, train me, monitor my progress."

 _Leave a kid in the woods alone for months on end?!_ Skye cringed mentally, moving her mental estimation of Garrett's sheer level of evil up a few notches. But if this was the truth – Garrett would have been his only human contact for five years.

 _God, five years alone with only occasional visits from a manipulating psychopath for company. No wonder he was so screwed up._

"I need- I need to know more about that. I need to understand, Grant." She'd meant to call him Ward, but... she didn't. "But I need to know other things too. I need to know... I... I believe you when you say... when you say you love me." _Maybe I shouldn't. God knows I'd have good reason to._ And she wasn't sure what that statement really meant in the broader context. "I – I'm willing to believe that you're not Hydra anymore-"

"I'm not." Ward said. "Hydra was always a means to help save John. That's all that mattered. He's dead – I have no reason to support them." He swallowed, started to say something, then cut himself off.

"I..." Skye looked into his eyes, searching for any kind of hint. His eyes were pained, dark... he still looked, sounded, seemed in every sense like a man... well, like a man slowly drowning in hopelessness. Lost and despairing. She couldn't believe it was just all an act – Grant had killed Garrett to save her, had protected the team from Hydra since he... what, chose her? When exactly had that been?

"I believe you. But... Grant..." She force herself past the tightness in her throat. "Would you have ever told me? If Garrett didn't force you to? Didn't...didn't hold me at gunpoint to make you tell me. Would you have ever told me?" What Garrett wanted out of forcing that moment was obvious. The man was a sick bastard who got off on ruining everything around him – and he'd probably believed he really could talk Grant into coming back to his side. Skye doubted the man would have let Grant live for long after that... but he would have used him for a while.

 _I don't know everything. I don't know if I can ever get past this. But I know Garrett used Ward._ The way Garrett had spoken to the specialist, as if he was a misbehaving dog, or a broken piece of machinery...

Grant looked at her – she saw him open his mouth, then heard his breath catch in his throat. "I..." He started, "I...don't know." He admittedly softly. "You're... you _were_ , all I had left. Without John... I... knowing what I am... what I did... I'm a monster Skye. There's no way you could ever care about a monster. I..." He looked away from her. "If I'd told you, I'd have lost you... like I've lost you now. I don't know. I should have, one way or the other... you... you're so... so good. You deserve someone worth you. Someone who-" He looked way. "Someone who isn't me. You don't need to pretend. I know there's no forgiving, no making up... you should hate-"

"You don't get to tell me what I should feel, Grant." Skye cut off his self-loathing. He hadn't really given her an answer, but it wasn't evasion. Skye knew evasion. She'd seen Ward evade at times. That wasn't this. Grant didn't have an answer.

 _He betrayed the man that had been in charge of his life for the last fifteen years for me... and now he thinks I hate him? That I could never care about him?_ Maybe she should hate him. Maybe she should – but she didn't. And...

She didn't know what, if anything, he'd done for Hydra before the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. But their team had probably done things for Hydra, given that it went all the way to the top. AC, May, Fitz, Simmons... Trip definitely had, working for Garrett, on his team. It didn't excuse what Ward might have done, but that -

Ward had made a choice. Whatever else, he'd made a choice to do the right thing, to turn on Garrett. That counted for something for her. He'd saved her life, protected her time and again. He'd put his life on the line to save every member of the team. That couldn't all be a lie.

She needed to know more, she needed to think on it all. But...

She did care. Maybe she shouldn't. She still had her feelings for Grant. And she refused to believe that the man she'd known was a complete lie. She didn't know if her feelings for Grant were enough. She didn't know what to think at this point. She needed to leave, but she wasn't going to let him think she hated him right now, when she didn't.

"I don't hate you Grant." Skye told him softly. She reached over and took his hand in hers gently. "I still care about you – care for you. I don't know what I'm supposed to think about all this. I need time – I need... I need to understand more. You haven't lost me. Not yet." He could, depending on... all sorts of things. But it hadn't happened yet. "I just – I just need some time. I need to think about all this." She leaned in and pressed a light kiss to his forehead – only possible because he was sitting and she was standing. She let of his hand and started to unlock the door.

Ward looked up at her. She could see something other than despair. She might call it hope, but it seemed more like it was hope's... pessimistic cousin, if that made any sense (It didn't.). "You – how can – I haven't lost you?"

Skye shook her head. "No. I can't promise anything, but I want to hear you out more. I want to believe in you. I want to keep believing you." _I want to know if I really can keep believing you._ "But I don't hate you." She held his hand for one more moment, squeezed it, and then left Ward's bunk.

 _I wish I could talk this over – talk it over with someone. Anyone._


	13. Going Forward

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

 **Note 1:** When we're inside Skye's head, her thoughts get a little repetitive, I'll grant you, but I think it really would be the way she'd try and handle all that's happened – thoughts would be repetitive, when you're trying to work your way through a difficult problem.

 **Note 2:** My info on Sodium Thiopental/Truth Serum/Etc, derives entirely from some cursory research here on the web. I will accept that I could have gotten some things wrong.

 **Note 3:** A lot of Skye POV here and in the last chapter. The main reason for so much Skye POV here is because the important developments in the story right now are Skye coming to terms with everything she's just found out. We know where Ward's at, and where he goes from here is pretty contingent on Skye, so it's pretty important to show the development of the way that Skye's thinking, so it isn't just 'Skye is magically forgiving him and embracing his past!'

 **Note 4:** You might have noticed we have some new (and very cool) cover-art for this fic. The cover has been made by evieoh, and her tumblr is evieoh . tumblr . com . Many thanks to her ^^

Thanks to EnergyBeing, for beta-reading this chapter.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 13: Going Forward

 **Skye's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

Finding hospital records for Thomas Ward had proven to be impossible. What she _had_ found was a period of two months when he was absent from his middle school for 'medical reasons', and that right happened right around the time there was a police report about a car stolen from Ward's military school, the Ward family home being burned to the ground...

And a petition by Christian to have his brother tried as an adult. That last one had been the hardest to dig up, but eventually she'd found a record of that. There were no actual records of Grant Ward being in Juvenile Hall, but there was a newspaper report of the Juvenile Hall Grant would almost certainly have been in being broken into by 'armed men still unidentified' and several 'unnamed inmates' escaping. It wasn't much to go on, but it did corroborate Grant's story.

She'd also dug into John Garrett's file more – unlike Grant's, it hadn't been wiped, and it was included in the files that had been dumped onto the internet. Starting fifteen years ago, for a period of five years, she found a regular period of four to five day periods of 'time off for personal reasons' every few months. It didn't mean Grant was telling the truth, but...

Skye didn't know what to think. She still didn't. She believed Ward – but was it because she really believed him, or because she _wanted_ to believe him.

Skye needed to understand more – she needed to know everything she could about those years that Garrett had kept Ward alone in the woods, serving as his only human contact.

Skye tried to understand what that would have been like – pulled away from your abusive, monstrous family, from potentially decades in prison because of said family... promised that no one would ever 'screw with you' again...

And then spending five years, isolated from everything else.

She really couldn't imagine it – she knew it had to be...

But...

God, was anything about him real? He was Grant Ward, but... anything about his personality? Did he even fucking like board games?

Skye couldn't imagine why anyone would lie about that, but...

 _I'm jumping at every little thing here._ Finding out that someone on your team – someone you trusted with your _life_ , someone you had feelings for... finding out that that person had been a plant, working for the bad guys all along.

She believed him when he said he loved her, and that he had only been loyal to Garrett rather than to Hydra.

But that was about it, really. She wasn't sure if she could believe anything else. God, she'd even doubted his name.

But she didn't think he would lie to her again. Not because she believed him, but because she had seen his face when he had shot Garrett. A man who looked like that would hardly be capable of stringing a sentence together, let alone lying. Let alone lying to her.

Maybe she was being naive, though. He had been lying to everyone for months. What if all of this was a lie, too? Maybe it was some super-secret deep cover and Hydra had sacrificed Garrett so they'd still have a man on the Team. But that didn't make any sense. S.H.I.E.L.D. had fallen. What use was a person on their team set against Garrett and an army of cybernetic super-soldiers?

But... even if his loyalty wasn't to Hydra anymore... he'd still been lying to them all – to all of S.H.I.E.L.D. - about his ultimate loyalties for years. Over a decade.

 _Sure, it wasn't like anyone would have asked him if he secretly worked for a Nazi Death Cult. But..._

Skye wanted an answer. An easy answer to the question of if she could trust Grant. If she should believe that there really was anything in him apart from lies and Hydra-ness.

 _Even if he really does love me, that can't make up for lying so long, right? It can't make up for being Hydra. Not on its own._

But...

 _Get a hold of yourself Skye._

Yes, she had feelings for him. And she so desperately wanted to believe in him.

But she also had to look at this as objectively as possible. She couldn't let her emotions get the better of her. She had to be objective. She had to think like an agent.

Coulson had given her a second chance, when she lied about Miles, come on the plane on false pretenses. If Grant... if Grant really was trying to do better...

 _I still need to know more. About what Garrett did to him._

But... if Garrett really had taken a kid facing so much, after that family... five years in the woods...

Skye would like to think she'd have told someone, but she couldn't know. God only knew what five years could do to a person. Five years alone with only John Garrett for human contact.

Grant had told her repeatedly that he wasn't a good man. She should have listened harder. But...

 _I told you that I'm not a good man. I'm not. You – you're a good person, Skye. More than that... you – you make me want to be a good man. Somehow, you see good man when you look at me. You make me want to – to be that good man you see._

She'd seen a good man because that's the front he'd been putting up, right? But... Ward had never pretended to be a good man. Not really. He'd pretended to be a good agent. Which... well, in a lot of ways, he was.

 _Am I just rationalizing, or is there really something to this? Does he really want to be a better person? I got a second chance. Doesn't he deserve another?_

Of course, Ward... he hadn't supported her second chance, initially. For a little while, he'd been nothing but hostile to her. For 'betraying' the team, while he was betraying them the whole time. _So what the hell was that?_ How did he get off being like that?

There were so many things she needed to talk with him about. Did he mean any of it, when he told her she'd earned being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, when he'd told her that earning the title of S.H.I.E.L.D., even for one day, meant something? When he'd told her that all someone needed to become a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent was a devotion to the greater good? Obviously that wasn't true, given how many people in the agency had turned out to be Hydra.

And then there was the practical aspect, of course – if he'd been Hydra, wouldn't he have intel? Intel that the Team, that what was left of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be able to use. She needed to talk to him about that. _I have to think like an agent._ She couldn't just let her feelings for him get the better of her.

And those feelings – even if he really did deserve a second chance, could she really just move past the fact that he'd been lying to her for so many months? Or at least, hiding the truth from her. Could she keep those feelings? Could she really have a relationship with someone that, right now, she couldn't really trust, however much she wanted to?

For that matter, could she really have a relationship with someone who'd been in Hydra? How many people had he killed for them? The lying was hardly the only problem here.

 _You didn't have much of a problem with him killing people for S.H.I.E.L.D... and as it turns out, Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. were kind of one in the same._ A little voice pointed out in the back of her head as she thought about that. Skye shoved both thoughts away.

He said he would never lie to her again, and she didn't know if she believed that. He said he loved her, and she _did_ believe that. But... she couldn't be sure. Not yet. He was clearly an even better liar than she'd ever thought if he kept being Hydra secret. Yes, sure, it was almost a refuge in audacity, for all of Hydra, but still. His ability to lie...

 _This is one of those times when I really, really need to know if S.H.I.E.L.D. has a truth serum._ She was, at this point, willing to accept that the 'truth serum', Ward had been given the first time they'd met was fake. She was pretty sure that if it had worked, his answers wouldn't have been quite what he'd said, even if she hadn't thought to ask if he was a member of a secret cabal within S.H.I.E.L.D. or whatever. But that didn't mean S.H.I.E.L.D. might not actually have a truth serum.

 _I could ask Coulson. But I'm not sure if he'd actually tell me._ Back when she'd brought it up the first time, when Ward had told her S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't have a truth serum, he'd evaded the question. He might not evade it now, but then she'd have to explain why she wanted to know.

But Simmons... she was a biochemist. She'd worked in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s science division, in the labs. She'd be able to know for sure if there was a Truth Serum – hell, she might have even been involved in the producing of one. And with Simmons, she could easily pass it off as idle curiosity – until she had her answers from Grant, she didn't want to let the rest of the team know about... well, Ward being Hydra.

 _Okay. First step then. Talking to Simmons._ If there really was a Truth Serum, she would find a way to get ahold of it, and then she'd use it. That way she could be sure Grant was telling the truth.

 _I can't just put it into him against his will though_ ,That was... she didn't want to just inject him without him saying it was okay. _That would be too much like an interrogation – which, okay, it kind of was. But still._ She couldn't trust him right now. She could trust him not to hurt her, trust that he loved her, but not much more. She was pretty sure she could trust him to not turn on team, to not secretly be Hydra, but that was only 'pretty sure', not completely sure. There were too many unanswered questions with him.

If she could get the answers to the important questions out of the way, under truth serum, then...

 _It'll have to be that he agrees to take it or I tell Coulson._ She didn't really want to give him that ultimatum, since she still would tell AC eventually, right? But there was a difference between just dropping it all in Coulson's lap and coming to Coulson with this information, supporting Ward, if he really deserved her support.

Skye closed her laptop, which had gone to screen-saver while she'd been ignoring it, focusing on her own thoughts. If there was a Truth Serum, hopefully Simmons would know. _Maybe Trip?_

 **The Lab, The Bus, En Route to New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

She'd checked the medpod for Simmons first, but she hadn't found her there, just a still sleeping Fitz. She'd stayed with him for a few minutes, willing her friend to wake up and be better, but then she'd moved on to the lab, where she found the biochemis leaning over a microscope, analyzing what looked like blood samples, judging from the big display on the screen behind her.

"Is that my blood?" Skye asked, gesturing to the slowly moving red blood cells.

Simmons looked up and blinked. "Yes. I-" She looked away, "I just – I'm checking your blood for anything Raina may have put into you, as I said, as well as..." Simmons trailed off awkwardly.

"Running it for anything on the G.H. 325?" Skye asked.

Simmons nodded. "Yes. It's just – we can't let Raina be the one to figure this out, if at all possible. God only knows what she'd do with it-"

Skye interrupted her, nodding. "No. No. You're right. I don't even want to think about what she'd do with it if she had it." The whole thing of Simmons running all kinds of tests on her blood to figure out the serum that had saved her life still weird-ed her out some, but not as much aa Raina doing the same did, and... well, it was information worth knowing. If something that could save lives could come out of it...

"I was down in the medpod-" Skye started, and Simmons looked away for a moment, then back to her.

"I was there, with him... But I couldn't just stand there, watching him. I know he's going to be fine, but I kept thinking about what could have happened if Ward hadn't been able to stop that Hydra soldier, hadn't been able to throw his aim off or whatever it was... he saved Fitz's life."

 _He saved Fitz's life, he's saved yours. He helped rescue Coulson – he's protected all of us, risked his life for each and every one of us. That counts for something, right?_

She wondered what would happen to the rest of the Team, when the truth came out – Fitz and Simmons both counted Ward as a friend. Would they be willing to hear him out, or just condemn him? What about May, or Trip? If Trip found out someone else close to him was – well, had been – Hydra... he'd said he had a lot of anger at Garrett built up. Would he turn it on Ward?

 _AC – he'd give Grant a second chance. I know it. That's what he does._ If Ward deserved one, then Coulson would give him one. But she didn't know for sure if he did.

 _I miss my van._

"I just – I need something else to do. As long as I focus on my work..." Simmons voice trailed off. "Unfortunately, I'm not making any progress."

"Nothing?" Skye didn't want to just shoe-horn the conversation around to Truth Serum – then Simmons might get suspicious. Besides, she did want to know if the Englishwoman found anything out about G.H. 325.

"Nothing." The biochemist confirmed. "If I had better tools, I might be able to make some sort of progress, but as it is, I really don't have enough of an idea of what I'm even looking for. There wasn't enough to work from in terms of left over serum in the vial that saved your life." She held up a hand, "not that I'm saying we shouldn't have used the whole vial. It was the only reasonable option – we couldn't know how much it would take to heal-"

Skye nodded. "I didn't think you were saying that." She frowned, "In some ways, I'm glad there was just the one vial. I mean, if there was more than one, then Garrett might have been able to get one and used it to turn himself into a real boy again." Of course, then she wouldn't have been captured either, since Garrett wouldn't have needed to figure out how to make it work to save his life.

"Well, he's gone either way." Simmons said softly. "I don't like to say this about anyone, but good riddance to him, after everything he did."

Skye nodded. "No. With him I think it is okay to just say 'good riddance'. I just – I still have trouble getting how he managed to hide that he was a freaking psychopath for so long. That so many people turned out to be Hydra." _That Ward turned out to have been Hydra._ "I just keep thinking... someone should have noticed, right?" Skye shook her head. "I guess... well, everyone can be fooled." _Maybe they want to be fooled?_ Skye wished she could be a hundred percent sure of her own judgement on Ward. And the thing was, she thought she was... but she knew it was possible she wasn't. She didn't _think_ she was letting the fact that she had feelings for Ward color her opinion of him, of the revelations she'd just been hit with about him, but at the same time...

Well, she could hardly know for _sure_ that they weren't coloring her opinion, could she?

Simmons nodded. "I'm trying not to think about that either right now. There are people I went to the Academy with that turned out to be Hydra. People I worked with. I can only be thankful none of us turned out to be Hydra." Skye saw her give a small sigh of relief. "Imagine what could have happened..."

Skye's chest and throat clenched. _I really don't want to think about what would have happened if Grant stayed on Garrett's side._ She really, really didn't. He would have been in a perfect position to kill all of them, deliver her right to Garrett, all trussed up and wrapped like a present. It was...

Well, it was a fucking terrifying thought, is what it was.

"No thanks." Skye managed to say after a minute of silence. "I really don't want to think about what would have happened then." _Really. Really._ She was silent for another moment, "I was thinking about all this – Hydra, and Garrett and how they stayed hidden... I mean... does S.H.I.E.L.D. have like, a truth serum or something?"

Simmons shook her head. "Nothing of the sort. There really isn't anything that actually serves as a real truth serum. Sodium Thiopental – the most common form of so-called truth drug, doesn't actually work like that. It will make someone more compliant, if they're refusing to answer questions at all, but there's no guarantee they'll say the truth. There's no good scientific evidence that supports it being truly effective." Simmons frowned. "It would make life much easier if it existed, I suppose, but unfortunately not. The theory is that because it can help to suppress higher brain operations, and since lying takes more mental effort... but the tests remain inconclusive. It might be harder for someone to be untruthful, but no guarantees."

She smiled and shrugged, "But we all passed Koenig's lie detector – given how many indicators it covers, it would have to be nearly impossible to beat that. So we don't have to worry." She took a breath. "Which frankly, is very relieving."

Skye nodded. "Yea, there's that." She agreed. Externally, she seemed calm, reasonable, but internally, she felt at Simmons's words – words which made perfect sense. _How the hell did he beat that magic lie detector anyway?_ Then again... if Koenig just asked him the same questions he'd asked her...

 _It's possible he didn't know about Project Insight – and also possible that he'd never met Pierce. And at that point it wasn't like he was there for Hydra._

One more thing she'd have to ask him, Skye supposed.

But the real issue was that Simmons was _so sure_ that Ward wasn't a traitor – hadn't been a traitor – which made the hard point for her – he'd been so good at convincing everyone around him, for so long, that he was Grant Ward, loyal Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. that a part of her couldn't possibly understand how she was supposed to trust anything he said. It was pretty clear that he was way too good of a liar for her to trust what he said for sure.

Could she really afford to give him a chance to prove she could trust him, if it turned out she couldn't?

 _Well, how exactly would it turn out that I can't? I... after what he's done, I_ _ **know**_ _he won't do anything to me, and he's not Hydra anymore... the real question is... what on earth... what on earth do I do with that knowledge._

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

Ward hadn't really moved from his position since Skye left. What was the point?

He wanted to believe that Skye hadn't given up on him. That there was a chance she could... what, forgive him? How could she possibly forgive her? He'd lied to her for months, been a member of the organization that brought down S.H.I.E.L.D., the first place she'd really belonged, and he was a killer. When he'd been a killer for S.H.I.E.L.D... well, that was one thing. Skye was on the side of S.H.I.E.L.D. but he was Hydra, and she knew it.

 _The fact that Hydra never had my loyalty isn't the point. I worked for them._ It didn't matter that Ward only knew for sure about a handful of missions that were Hydra. How could Skye forgive that he'd known about Hydra for years and done nothing?

Ward hadn't said anything because... well, for the longest time, S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn't seemed any different – maybe a little more moralizing and self-righteous, maybe a little less willing to follow through on their ideas to the logical conclusion, but they were the same. And they were the people who had left John out to dry, left him to die after that explosion.

He hadn't said anything because he hadn't trusted anyone. He'd trusted John, trusted John to be the only person who would ever care about him. And that had been true – no one in S.H.I.E.L.D. had ever cared about _him_. Just Agent Ward. Why would he pick the agency over John? It wasn't about Hydra. It was about John. If revealing all the information about Hydra would have helped save John, he'd have done it in a heartbeat.

But it wouldn't have. It would only have landed himself and John in prison. And he would have been turning on the one man who'd ever cared about him. Who'd ever helped him.

The idea of turning on John – it had never occurred to him. Not really. Not until Skye was shot. Not until he was faced with the prospect of losing her – at John's hands.

He hadn't intended to care about her. She'd just been there, part of the mission. First because they needed to get information from her, and then as an unplanned complication to the Team. Thanks to John's advance notice and access to the Team's psych profiles, Ward had already made plans on how to work the team, how to make sure he could get them to trust him, to not suspect him, make sure he could achieve his mission without a hitch. Sleeping with May had only been a part of the plans with her, and doing it that first night in Dublin had had been less about keeping her off balance and more about putting the images the Staff had brought back up to rest, even for a while. A small part of him had been consciously aware of the opening he was taking, the opening he did need to take, but at the time... the plan hadn't been at the forefront of his mind.

Continuing his 'arrangement' with May had been about keeping her off balance, about John's plan, John's needs.

But Skye – there hadn't been a plan for her. He'd become her S.O. because it was the best way to see how she thought, to work her. But also – well, her out of the box thinking _had_ proven useful, and it _had_ saved his life, when she released the life-raft to cover the gap in the Bus. She had proven herself as useful to the team. Still, caring about her... coming to _love_ her... he'd never expected that. Never planned on it, or even anything close.

Before John, no one had ever really cared about him apart from Rose. Thomas hated him as much as Christian did, because... because Ward was the one who'd beaten him up, over and over and over again. But John had cared. Had helped him. Had taught him how to make sure no one ever screwed with him again. And so Ward had helped John back, risen in S.H.I.E.L.D., joined Coulson's team...

But then Skye.

She was the first person since John to care about him. She treated him like a human being. She'd... wanted to get to know him. She hadn't been driven off by his usual efforts to keep people at a distance – the people he couldn't trust, because he couldn't trust anyone but John...

But as it turned out, Skye was someone he could trust. She was...

She'd cared about him, treated him like a human being, had gotten to him, gotten under his skin, shown him what he'd given up for John. Yes, John deserved his loyalty, he owed John that and more, but still...

And then...

And then Skye had been shot. And he'd realized, for the first time, what it was like to want something other than to help John... and to have it ripped away. When he realized that because of John, he might never hear Skye's voice or her laugh, or even her idealism - that he might never see her smile, see the way her eyes widened with delight at things that were common place for him, but so new to her...

He'd gotten so close to telling Coulson the truth then. So close to turning on John. He'd felt...

The very idea had made him feel- how could he turn on John like?

 _But how could I let him get away with hurting Skye?_

Neither option had... and so he'd done nothing, all the way until John came...

And now John was dead. And Skye... she said he hadn't lost her. He'd clung to her words like a lifeline. She was all he had left. If she... if she did what he'd always feared she would, and do what would make sense for someone as _good_ as her... why would someone so good want to care about him at all? He wasn't Grant Ward, the loyal Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. she'd thought she'd known. He wasn't the man she actually cared about.

 _And I'm not Grant Ward, loyal man to John Garrett. I'm not Grant Ward, Hydra Operative. I'm nothing. I'm no one._

 _Who am I?_

Ward... there were things he knew for sure weren't just covers, just part of the masks he'd had to wear for years, but... only a few things. He did like board games, he did care about Skye, loved her – and he did care about the rest of the team. He did like to read. He even actually liked most of the books John had assigned him. He did like dogs – he always had, even from a young age.

But the rest of it... he didn't know what was him, and what was just a mask.

All he did know is that when he was around Skye, when he was the person he was around her... he was happy. With her, he could pretend he knew for sure who he was. Because he liked who he was around her. He'd never _liked_ who he was around John. It just was. And he'd always been whatever John wanted, whatever John needed, because that's what he owed John.

He had owed John everything. He still did. But Skye... that was the only thing he didn't owe him. Skye was... too good. She was everything good. What mattered most of all was that Skye was safe. That John couldn't hurt her again.

 _Even if I lose her... as long as I can keep her safe..._

Ward didn't know if that was enough. He didn't know if that was enough to hold onto, but it was all he was likely to have. Skye was going to give up on him. She wasn't going to care. Return his feelings. Not know. Not know that she knew. He didn't deserve any of that. He didn't deserve her. He never had, but now...

Now she knew.

But keeping her safe. He could do that. Because he knew Skye. She wasn't going to turn away from S.H.I.E.L.D., from the team. And as long as she was with the Team, she was going to be in danger – she was going to be part of the fight against Hydra, and who knew what else she might have to deal with – the US government coming after them, or any of the other threats that S.H.I.E.L.D. dealt with.

Because he also knew Coulson. The man wouldn't be content with them all going their separate ways – he wouldn't force anyone to stay, but he also wasn't going to just do nothing. To men like Coulson – and to Skye now – S.H.I.E.L.D. really was an idea. Not just an agency. Not just an acronym.

This is where Ward needed to be – with this team, on the Bus. It was the only way he could keep Skye safe.

He was cut off from any other thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and Skye there, closing and locking the door behind her, as before.

Rather than standing and talking to him as she had before, she sat down on the bed next to him. There wasn't much room for the two of them, but she could fit without scrunching into him. She was making no special effort to avoid contact with him as she sat down either.

"I..." She started, then she cleared her throat a little and started again. "I'm still not sure what I'm 'supposed' to believe, Ward. I'm not sure what I'm 'supposed' to do. I know... I know that I want to believe you. Believe in you." Ward's throat tightened at her words. "I believe you when you say that you love me. I believe you when you say that you're not still Hydra, but... I don't know if I can really believe you when you say you won't ever lie to me again." Skye bit her lip for a moment, as if searching for the right words, and Ward kept quiet. He wanted – he wanted to defend himself to her, try to make her understand, make her believe him...

But he didn't. And he wasn't sure how. How could he defend himself? He could explain, yes, but...

Ward had never had illusions about the morality of what he'd done for John. It was just... before Skye, he hadn't really cared. He'd known it was 'wrong', even if he didn't entirely grasp the whys and wherefores...

"You lied to me... to all of us... to all of S.H.I.E.L.D. - you kept it hidden for years." She shook her head. "You lied about – god, I don't even know for sure what you've lied about, because... I can't know when you're telling the truth or not." She laughed a brief, hollow, empty laugh. "I... I can't trust a word that comes out of your mouth..."

Ward looked down, knowing what was coming. The threat that he'd held onto was slipping away, and so was Skye.

 _I deserve this._

"I want to trust you. I want to believe in you. But I don't know if I can." Skye reached over and pushed his chin up, forcing him to look her in the eye. "But I _do_ care about you, Grant. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do." She let of his chin, but kept looking him in the eye as her hands fell into her lap. "If you're telling the truth about what Garrett did to you... leaving you alone in the woods for five years. He _used_ you, Grant... I just..."

"He helped me." Ward cut in. "I made my choice. I chose to go with him... I owed- I _owe_ him. He helped me. Made me better. Showed me- showed me how I was letting my family destroy me. He built me back up. He – for years, he was the only one that ever cared about me."

Skye looked at him with such wide-eyed incredulity Ward wondered if she didn't believe him. Thought he was lying about the fact that John had helped him. John had. Without John, he'd still be in prison. Without John... without John, he'd still be that scared little kid. He'd still be blaming his parents and Christian for all his problems. Yes, they used him and hollowed him out and tore him down. But he'd _let_ them do it. _Let_ them destroy him, fill his head with lies. John had been strict, harsh and demanding, but it was only because the older man had cared about him. He'd done it to help him.

Skye shook her head. "God. You actually believe that. You actually think that – that he cared about you. That he helped you." She reached over and took his hand. Ward knew better than to hope, but even just feeling her hand on his... "Grant... Garrett _used_ you. Did you even listen to him? He wasn't talking to you like someone who gave one shit about you." _I turned on him. He was upset. That's all. I deserved what he said._

"I – I don't even know everything that sick bastard did to you, Grant, but what you've said. God... what I _heard_ from him, heard there... Garrett didn't care about you. He was talking to you like you were a misbehaving dog. Some kind of broken toy." She squeezed his hand. "He... God, he really did a number on you, didn't he?"

Ward shook his head. "He didn't 'do' anything to me. He did things for me. He was like that because I'd betrayed him. After all he did for me – he had every right to be angry with me." He didn't get how she couldn't understand. It was – he needed to explain to her. He needed to tell her everything. She needed to understand what John had done for him. She needed to understand why he owed the man so much. Why he'd done what he'd done. He'd told her he'd never lie to her again – and that meant... that meant he couldn't let her lie to herself.

"I made my choices, Skye. I turned on him. For you. But after everything he did for me -"

"No. Grant." Skye cut in. "Not for you. _To_ you. You said he told you that if you went with him that no one was ever going to screw with you again. Well, he fucking lied to you, Grant. He screwed with you. He... He fucking just left you in the woods for _five years –_ he was the only person you talked to, had any interaction with that entire time, right? How can you _not_ see that he -" Skye cut herself off, as if at a total loss for words. After a short span, she found some: "Grant, you were sixteen. You've been doing everything he asked for fifteen years – that kind of loyalty... it's not normal. That's not – if Garrett cared about you, he wouldn't have... he wouldn't have made you give up everything else, to always choose him. If he cared, he wouldn't have put a fucking _gun_ to my head, knowing how you felt about me."

 _Of course he would. To show me that you're a weakness... I already knew that._ Skye was a weakness. But it was one he didn't care about. Skye was worth it. For even the smallest smile, the briefest touch, she was worth it. Skye was everything good in this world and she was a weakness he'd gladly have.

"He saved me, Skye. He saved me from hell. From myself." Ward told her.

"If all he did was help you, save you from yourself, then how the hell did you end up in a walking coma after you killed him? You killed him to save me – if you love me, that would be a good thing, right?" _Saving you is always the right thing. Always the good thing._ "There's being upset about killing a guy who helped you a lot and then there's going catatonic!"

Ward had nothing to say to that. He barely registered the time after he'd killed John. He'd been there, been aware... but he... he didn't really remember it as himself. And... he didn't recall much in the way of conscious thought. Just playing it over and over again – he'd killed John, and Skye knew the truth. John was gone and Skye would be soon. He had nothing else. Nothing to live for. What was the point?

It wasn't until Skye had come into his bunk before that he'd... that he really remembered being consciously aware of the world around him again, of something other than the same cycle of thoughts running through his head over and over and over and over and over and over.

"I – I thought I'd lost you, Skye. And with John dead...I..." Ward started. "You're all there is." His life had been John. Now it was Skye. He could almost see the lifeline again, almost hold it... but...

 _She shouldn't hold it out to me. I don't deserve her – I don't deserve anything from her._ She should hate him. She was – how could she not? He didn't want her to, but sooner or later, she'd come to her senses.

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

"You're all there is."

Skye looked at Ward. There was – there was something... something about the way he looked at her when he said that. The way he said that, the way he'd told her, back by that Hotel pool, that he wanted to be the good man she had seen in him...

He... he looked at her like she was his entire world. His entire reason for being.

Skye would be lying if she said she wasn't... unnerved by that. Maybe she should have been worried, but she wasn't. But it was...

Skye had a pretty high opinion of herself, all things said and done. She knew what she was good at, she believed in herself, in her own abilities, and she was of the opinion that she was a pretty damn great person, at the end of the day. Like she'd told Quinn, she tried to stay humble, but failed. And not just about her computer skills.

Skye didn't think she was arrogant or egotistical, but she did value herself and her worth highly. But – she wasn't good enough to be someone's entire world. Their reason. She wasn't that good of a person. She wasn't that awesome. But for Grant...

Apparently she was.

A small part of her was still wondering if he was trying to play for sympathy... but it didn't make sense. If he'd wanted her sympathy, there were so many other things he could be saying and doing.

Skye still wasn't one hundred percent sure she could trust him. But the way... the way he'd said that Garrett _cared_ about him, that the sick psychopathic son of a bitch had _helped_ him...

Grant actually believed that shit. Skye didn't know everything – not yet – but she knew enough to know that that was a bunch of crap.

It had used to be that she wondered just how bad his family had been to make Ward the way he was. Now she understood it wasn't even just his family. Garrett – between them, his parents, his older brother and Garrett... they had fucked him up.

Whatever else he was, Grant wasn't the enemy. He was a victim – a victim of his family. A victim of Garrett. _Hell, a victim of S.H.I.E.L.D. How did no one notice what Garrett was doing? What Garrett did?_ The same way they hadn't noticed Hydra – hiding in plain sight. Convincing everyone that they were good little agents.

But if Garrett hadn't been _in_ S.H.I.E.L.D. he wouldn't have been able to just break Grant out of juvie, wouldn't have been able to conceal an arrest record. Because there had been no sign of any of that in Grant's S.H.I.E.L.D. file. She'd read enough of it, before she'd wiped it. _Though I'm really wishing I'd made a backup beforehand_.

Grant needed her help. She had feelings for him, yes, but even more than that – more importantly than that – Grant needed help, and he thought she was the one to be able to give it.

Skye didn't think she was ever going to get really used to the concept, and part of her expected that she'd freak at some point soon, like, really have a good freak out. She'd had a bit of one when Garrett had forced Grant to tell her the truth, but she'd been a little distracted by the gun and cut short by Garrett's death and the need to get out of there and...

So she'd had some. But the rest was probably coming.

"You haven't lost me, Grant. Not by a long shot." She squeezed his hand again. "I... I'm not going to sit here and just say that I'm suddenly okay with you having been... having been Hydra, having lied to everyone, to the team, to _me."_ She watched Grant's expression, and hurried ahead, before he got the wrong idea. "But – I still care about you. A lot. And... you don't seem to believe it, but Garrett didn't help you. I want to help you – and I want to be here for you." She moved in a little closer to him – there wasn't much distance to close, here on these bunks.

"I can't just forgive it, or forget it... but you made the right decision, Grant. You saved my life – you saved Fitz's life. You've saved all our lives, and you've picked your side... our side. The good guys." Skye really didn't like the way that the hopeless romantic in her was totally cheering her on. This wasn't about her feelings for Grant, or even the fact that he loved her. Did it make it easier? Yes. But – Grant needed help regardless.

Though... she did have feelings for him, so there was that. But... they weren't the deciding factor. She knew that.

Grant had been right, it turned out. He wasn't a good man. But he could be. And she wanted to help him be that good man. The idea of another human being as broken as Grant so evidently was – how could she _not_ want to help him?

"There's... god, there's a hell of a lot we need to talk about, the two of us." Skye said to him, her voice even quieter than it had been the entire conversation. "But right now... right now there's a few things I need to know." They had to be almost to the New Mexico facility at this point. "I need the truth."

"I promised I'd never lie to you again. Anything you want to know." Grant said softly.

"How did you beat Koenig's lie-detector? Did you beat it?" If he didn't beat it – admittedly, assuming he was about to tell the truth here – then... well, it was something. Didn't mean much, but it would tell her if she could... find a way to be one hundred percent sure?

She didn't know.

"I didn't. I never had to try to lie." Grant admitted. "I didn't know about Project Insight. I never did have contact with Pierce. And I told him the truth about why I was there."

"Why?" Skye could guess the answer from what he'd already said.

"You." Grant told her simply.

 _I can't be your reason for everything._ Replacing Garrett with her as the center of his apparent universe, as the only thing he had was not any better. But fixing that – god, she wasn't equipped for this. Who the fuck was?

"Could you have beaten it?"

Grant looked at her, "I don't know." He said after a moment. "If I don't know the variables it measures..."

 _Well, that's something at least._ Maybe she'd hit Eric up for more info on how the chair worked, what it measured. It wasn't like they could go back to Providence, but maybe they could... make another? Or something? Maybe? She didn't even know.

"Alright." She squeezed his hand again, then, on impulse, leaned in and kissed his lips lightly. She felt his other hand start to lift, then he let it drop. _Good._ Skye pulled away. It wasn't that she didn't want to have a deeper kiss with him – she did – but... she knew it wasn't a good idea. Not yet. Not right now.

Before she could say or do anything else, she felt the plane lurch a little under her – they were starting their descent, apparently. And then Coulson's voice was on the intercom. "Everyone to the briefing room." Skye stood up, but she put a hand on Grant's shoulder, keeping him on his bunk.

"Simmons told you to rest, Grant. And you need to. Just... take it easy. Stay here. Rest. I'll be back, I promise."

Grant nodded slowly in acceptance, and Skye unlocked and opened the door, giving Grant a long look before she closed it behind her.

 _Right now, we need to rescue Ace and shut down what's left of Cybertek and Centipede._


	14. Secrets

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Not mine. I've formed an incredibly elaborate and pointlessly intricate plan to steal ownership of AoS from Jeff, Jed and Mo, not to mention the other people involved, but I've still got to

finish putting everything in place for it to work. Wish me luck. :P

 **Note:** This has shades of what could be called Coulson-bashing here. That's not the intent, and we have to remember the perspective of the viewpoint character and everything they're dealing with. Stick with this fic, and especially the sequel, and we'll see that its a lot more complicated than that. As life and fandom usually is.

 **Note 2:** I have very little idea how hacking, computer science, computer viruses, etc work. I know enough to run my virus scanner and whatnot, but that's about it. However, I'm basically taking the same liberties with computers and hacking that the AoS writers, and most movies and TV shows do, in the interests of both time and the story.

 **Note 3:** This is the penultimate chapter of A Different Choice. Chapter 15 will be the end of it the story.

Thanks to Energy Being, my beta-reader. Thanks to all my reviewers, followers and readers. You're the reason I still have the inspiration to keep writing this. Thank you all. ^^

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 14: Secrets

 **Briefing Room, The Bus, Near the New Mexico Cybertek Facility**

 **D Plus Eight**

Skye was the last one to arrive. Apart from Fitz, of course. May, Trip, Coulson, Koenig and Simmons – they were all arrayed around the table.

"Where's Ward?" Coulson asked as she walked into the briefing room.

"Still in his bunk." Skye replied. And for now, that's where he needed to stay. Bringing him on any missions – Skye still couldn't say that she trusted him with perfect confidence, no matter how much it was pretty clear he needed help, and that she could accept that he meant it when he said he wasn't Hydra...

 _I need to tell Coulson. I can't keep this from him forever. But not right now. Right now we need to rescue Ace... and then figure out what the hell else we're supposed to do._ With S.H.I.E.L.D. gone, what _were_ they supposed to do? They couldn't take on all of S.H.I.E.L.D's responsibilities. They were just one team.

 _Make contact with other parts of the agency?_ She couldn't believe that their team were the only former agents that were free from prison, weren't Hydra and hadn't given up or moved on. Other people still had to believe in S.H.I.E.L.D., the way Coulson did. If enough of them could get together, co-ordinate their efforts... _The Avengers are still floating around out there._ Then again, they still thought Coulson was dead, so maybe not the best of ideas.

They had to figure something out. They'd gone after Garrett and his people because they had leads on him, because he was still a threat... but now? _Grant might know._ It would make sense if he did. Sure, Hydra almost certainly operated like terrorists, with cells and all that – _compartmentalization of information works both ways –_ but any specific lead... Something they could go after. Hydra had to be stopped, and the team... they were one of few groups of people who could really handle it. That's what S.H.I.E.L.D. did.

"And he'll be staying there if I have to sedate him, sir." Simmons added. "Given his injuries, he really shouldn't have gone on the mission to rescue Skye, and if I thought it would have worked, I'd have forced him to stay behind on that one." She looked over at Skye a little sheepishly, as if apologizing, but Skye got the point. Medically speaking, Grant _shouldn't_ have come along. She got that.

 _If he hadn't come along... well, would I have found out?_ Garrett probably would have said something, though. And... while it was not something she'd wanted to learn, the truth... the truth was important. She would pick knowing the truth about Grant over not knowing, no matter how upsetting that truth was.

 _Maybe he's_ _ **not**_ _actually a good man. But he wants to be one. Doesn't he deserve a chance at that?_ Hell, Tony Stark used to be a weapons manufacturer, the so-called 'Merchant of Death', the kind of profiteering, death-dealing monster she'd used to hate. But then he changed. When you tallied up deaths caused by his weapons, Stark was responsible for a lot of people dying. But he was a superhero now. Iron Man. He'd helped save the world from aliens, dismantled his weapons manufacturing division, destroyed the weapons he still had floating around out there...

Tony Stark and Grant Ward weren't in the same situation, but... didn't everyone deserve a second chance? A chance to be good, if they wanted to take it?

The truth was upsetting, yes, but it was the truth. And it didn't mean that Grant was some kind of inhuman monster. He wasn't. And she was going to let him have that second chance.

"I'm not going to be sorry he was on the mission, but she's right. He shouldn't be going on a mission right now." Skye said. "He's not the only one on the team who can kick ass and take names though." She added, looking at May and Trip first. They were specialists too.

"That's a valid point. I'll bow to your medical opinion, Simmons." Coulson brought an image up onto the table's computer monitor. It was a fairly normal looking structure, but that's where Ace was. "This is the building at the co-ordinates Raina gave Skye." He said. "Its owned by Cybertek, but I couldn't get any information on what it is for or what's inside. And this time, given that it's in the middle of nowhere, there's nothing on file blue-print wise with the city-planner's office."

"Raina said it was some kind of manufacturing facility." Skye supplied. "The only question is what they're making there."

"At a guess," Coulson said, nodding to Koenig, "the Deathlok parts."

"I've been going through the rest of the files you and Agent Ward ah... liberated from Cybertek's headqurters, and while there's not much in the way of details about the facility, it does mention that a lot of the parts they used in Mike Peterson and their previous subjects were made there. And that they've ordered more." He handed Coulson a thick file folder, open to a particular pair of documents. Coulson looked them over and handed the whole thing to May. Eventually, it was passed around to all of them.

"There's no indication they actually have any more of their cybernetic super-soldiers on hand, but we can guess they'll have regular Hydra soldiers as well as Centipede soldiers. And its very likely that this is the place where they monitor the eye-implants. Or at least one of them." Coulson picked up from Koenig. Skye made a mental note to ask Ward. "The mission is three-fold: Rescue Ace Peterson, and any other prisoners, if they have any, stop Cybertek from being able to make more Deathlok soldiers, and make sure they can't detonate any eye-cameras in the future."

"Does that mean we're going to split up?" May asked, her tone matter of fact and professional, but Skye got the impression that the older woman wasn't in favor of the 'splitting up' idea.

"Not unless we have to." Coulson answered. "It's probably going to happen eventually, but we'll be going in. ICERs for the Centipede Soldiers, and regular firearms for the Hydra soldiers. If they're shooting at you, shoot with what you have. If they aren't, ICE them and more on."

 _Just shoot them and move on?_ It made sense – if someone was shooting at you, it was kind of hard to not just shoot them back to make them stop, she got that. But still...

 _What if some of them went through the same thing Grant went through?_ She hadn't even thought about that possibility, but...

But it certainly would explain things. Explain how people who joined S.H.I.E.L.D. would end up joining Hydra – the antithesis of the organization they signed up for. _I mean, sure, there are going to be genuinely evil people, like Garrett, but... are they all like that?_ She didn't think these thoughts would be crossing her mind if it hadn't been for the conversations she'd had with Grants. If she hadn't been face to face with a member of Hydra who Skye firmly believed was many things, but 'evil' was _not_ one of them...

But she had been, and that was apparently going to make her raise questions that made things complicated. Skye _liked_ simple. She knew the world wasn't simple, but it was always fun to wish for it to be, once in a while.

Skye didn't know if she'd be prepared to just shoot whoever, with real bullets. Even if they were shooting at her. Grant had trained her with a gun, but... using a gun and using it on real people – not the same thing. She was fairly confident in her ability to ICE whoever, but still...

"Why not just ICE everyone?" She interrupted.

"That would be ideal, but we don't exactly have a limitless supply of rounds for ICERs." Coulson looked over at Simmons. "Can you and Fitz make more?"

Simmons nodded. "We can, yes, but we don't have the tools to make a lot of them, or quickly. And the materials do tend to be rather expensive, and we don't exactly have S.H.I.E.L.D.'s budget to work with anymore."

"I was worried you'd say something like that." Coulson replied. "As long as we only have a limited supply of rounds for the ICERs, we should generally reserve them for people that don't have a choice – like the Centipede Soldiers – or people that aren't the enemy, who are just doing their job – like if the US Air Force comes after us again. Hydra isn't either one of those. They picked their side. Incapacitating them so we can interrogate them is an option, but there's lives at stake here. If they realize what we're there for, they could flip all the camera kill switches in one go, or kill Ace Peterson. Probably both." He looked her in the eye. "If you aren't ready to use real bullets on the enemy, I'm not going to force you to. Killing another human being is a line you can only cross once."

 _I'm not just worried about me..._ But he had a point. Still... she nodded wordlessly, acknowledging what he'd just said.

"Is there anything we _do_ know about the facility?" Trip asked after a moment. "Anything that'll help us get in there?"

"Nothing." Coulson answered. "Raina wasn't forthcoming, and, surprise surprise, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s information on the facility is nonexistent. Our records show that its there, but that's it. For all the agency knew, it could have been a parking garage."

"Just when you thought one death was enough for Garrett." Trip muttered. As far as Skye was concerned, no, that probably wasn't enough. Between everything he'd done to Ward, to Mike, to Coulson, and whoever the heck else he'd hurt. There just wasn't enough disgust in the world for what Garrett elicited in her.

Skye closed her eyes a moment, flinching at a surge of hate for the main burned through her. _He's dead. He's gone. I can't bring him back to kill him again, and even if I could – that's just … no. Not a good thing._ The idea sounded very appealing to a very basic part of her, but... She opened her eyes.

"I think not putting the right information into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s database ranks pretty low on the list of Garrett's crimes." Coulson countered. "But I take your point." He added in agreement.

"Without accurate records, there's no way S.H.I.E.L.D. could know there was anything to be concerned about. Manipulation of our records was probably one of the best ways Hydra stayed hidden as long as they did." Koenig said, his expression and tone sounding a little angry. _Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned?_

"I think we can all agree that Garrett was evil and move on, yes?" Simmons cut in. She was answered with a chorus of nods.

 **Cybertek Facility, New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

There hadn't been any guards at the front gate, when May had driven right into to get them through, or any guards on the grounds. That should have been the first clue that something was up, but Skye had rationalized it – insides of buildings have defensive positions and choke points and all that stuff after all, right?

 _I still have a lot to learn from Grant, that's for sure._

But the real sign that something was up was when the front door had no guards. The words trap were starting to scream through her head.

"So was Raina lying to you, or no?" Trip asked her in a quiet murmur, as the four of them – May, Coulson, Trip and herself – checked their surroundings. If this was a trap... "Or just setting us up?"

"I don't think she'd be setting us up for Hydra... she seemed pretty damn _pissed_ at Garret for lying to her about being Clairvoyant." Of course, it was possible... but this seemed too obvious, right? Wouldn't a trap not look like a trap?

"But she could be setting us up for something else. And Raina is a good liar." Coulson commented. "Anything?"

May shook her head. "Nothing. No sign of any-"

The front doors opened and a black man wearing a knit cap and sunglasses, wearing a black coat and carrying a ridiculously oversized gun was standing there, flanked by two people in full tactical gear, complete with helmets that blocked out their faces.

Skye took a step back, hand going to her ICER, but Trip, May and Coulson didn't react the same way. _Guys? Guys with guns – and good God, that gun belongs in a video game, not the real world!_

"Director Fury?" Trip did a double take, sounding like someone had just told him pigs were flying or something equally unbelievable. _Wait? This is Director Fury? But he's dead. And- doesn't he have an eyepatch or something?_ She'd never seen him, but she'd heard about him. Hard not to. He was the Director.

"You're supposed to be dead." May said flatly. Coulson was the only one who didn't look surprised or-

"I hate to disappoint." Fury replied in a bit of a deadpan. "I got tired of waiting for you to open the door." _Oh, so that's why you came all the way back from the dead then?_

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd gone off-grid." Coulson said after moment.

"You knew about this?" May turned to Coulson, glaring daggers at him for a second.

Couslon looked at May. "Koenig told me. Said Fury was still alive – but as far as the world is concerned, he's dead. It's information that can't get out." Coulson replied. "Which is why I'm surprised he's here." He turned back to Fury. "Which would be why, sir?"

Fury shook his head. "There's no need to call me sir. The agency's gone." He held out the gun. "Speaking of, I think this is yours." Coulson accepted the weapon. "Still packs as much of a punch as when you used it on Loki." _Coulson used that thing against Loki – the guy -_ Skye had a dozen and more questions in her head.

"Good to know," Coulson lowered the gun, keeping it pointed at the ground. "Nick."

Skye saw what she thought might have been a bit of a smile on the black man's face. "As for why I'm here – well, I figured you'd end up here sooner or later, once Hill told me Garrett was still alive and kicking. I assume you've gotten that part fixed? He wasn't here."

Coulson nodded. "Garrett isn't a problem anymore. Ward took him out." Involuntarily, Skye's mind went back to that moment when Grant shot Garrett. The look on his face...

"A bullet in the head." Skye added.

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer person." Fury drawled, looking at her. "So you're Skye? Well, I guess she really was worth bring aboard, Coulson. I knew there was a reason I let you take her on."

"Well, I did die. Counts for a lot of favors from the Director."

"That and I've learned to trust your judgment." Fury added.

Skye raised a hand, but spoke before anyone could 'call on her'. "I – I hate to interrupt, but we did come here for a reason-"

"Hydra's prisoners are free." Fury confirmed.

"Prisoners? Plural?" Coulson wasn't facing her, so she couldn't see if he was raising an eyebrow, but his voice certainly sounded like it.

"You don't think Peterson was the only guy that Cybertek kept in line with a hostage?" Fury shook his head. "They have a whole 'incentives' program. Basement was filled with them – half the people in the building were there for the 'incentives', not because they were really Hydra."

"They were still working for Hydra." May said without sympathy. "They were on the other side of those centipede soldiers."

"They didn't have much of a choice." Coulson pointed out. "They aren't the people who chose Hydra. They can be allowed to go free, I think. The people who chose Hydra though... there's not much those people deserve that's more than a cell in the Fridge." There was a hard, angry tone in Coulson's voice that Skye didn't like. It was... it was like when he'd been talking about Garrett – how happy he'd be to hear that Garrett was settling into his cell. Skye understood being pissed at Garrett – it wasn't hard to be, and she was plenty pissed off at the bastard but...

She shook her head. She doubted the Hydra operatives in this building had anything like what had happened to Ward happen to them, but...

What Coulson had just said – it didn't sound like the guy who'd given a second chance to her, to Mike, to Akela Amador...

 _I'm jumping to conclusions. He's just – it is different. The people who had their families taken – it isn't the same as anyone who chose Hydra, whatever the reason they chose it..._

Skye put that worry out of her mind. She had to tell him about Grant at some point, some point soon, but right now, they did have other things to worry about. She needed to find Ace. She liked the kid, and – she wanted to be personally sure he was alright, to take him back to his dad.

As if reading her mind _,_ Fury nodded to one of the men next to him. "Take these three to the Peterson kid. You've got his dad on your plane, I'm guessing, Phil?" Coulson nodded, "Take the kid to his dad then."

"I don't think it takes all three of us-" May started.

"Maybe not, but I need a private word with _Director_ Coulson. Clear?" Fury looked over at May. Skye brought one hand to her ear and resisted the urge to check it. She couldn't have heard that right. She looked at everyone else, who looked just as 'wtf did I just hear' as she felt. Including AC.

"Sir?" It looked to her like Coulson was blinking and doing a double take.

"I thought I told you not to call me sir anymore." Fury said. "That would be you now."

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, New Mexico**

 **D Plus Eight**

Ward hadn't exactly gotten any sleep. He hadn't wanted to sleep. He could only imagine what his nightmares might be. If he slept, not only that but -

If he slept, he might wake up and find out that _this_ was the dream... or he'd wake up to find that Skye had come to her senses and turned away from him. He didn't deserve her, and she had to know that.

 _Garrett helped me. And I helped him back. Because I owe him..._ Yes, he'd been a kid. He'd been stupid, agreeing to go with Garrett but – he hadn't exactly had any other good options. The stupidity had been trying to kill Christian, burning their house to get at him.

 _But that's the thing – I made that choice because that's what I am. A killer. A murderer..._

Ward had done what he could to keep those thoughts at bay, but he couldn't keep his mind occupied on anything else. He'd tried translating lines he'd memorized from _Matterhorn_ into Russian. That didn't work. He tried disassembling a pistol in his head, hoping that would work, even if it wasn't the same as having one to take a part physically. That didn't work. He'd tried picking _Matterhorn_ up and reading it – though he'd liked many of the books Garret had told him to read... this one wasn't one of them, but it was the only book he'd had on hand and... anything was better than thinking that at any moment Skye was going to hate him, for what he'd done and for what he was.

But the book hadn't worked either. And so he'd chased the same thoughts around his head, over and over and over and over – all centered on losing Skye. Which he knew was going to happen. The very thought made his heart ache, his mind race with terror, concern, pain...

 _But she said – she – she_... a small part of him latched onto what she'd said before she'd left. About believing that he loved her. About giving him a chance. About accepting that he wasn't Hydra... that he'd never really _been_ Hydra...

She told him that, she'd kissed him... she wasn't going to – he wasn't...

 _She just hasn't had time to really think about it. As soon as she does, she'll realize...realize I'm not worth anything. That I'm a monster. That there's no way... no way she could ever feel anything but hate and disgust... She'll hand me over to Coulson. And that will be it._

Ward fought that thought with as much energy as he could. He held onto that thin, small lifeline that Skye had thrown him. It was all that he had.

 **Coulson's Office, The Bus, En Route to the Playground**

 **D Plus Eight**

Reactivating Mike's electronic parts hadn't been as easy as Skye would have imagined, and Simmons had mentioned it would have been easier with Fitz on hand to help her, but they managed it. With no risk of anyone detonating the bomb in his head, with Ace rescued...

Skye had gotten to see the reunion between father and son, the way Ace had greeted his dad happily, the smile on his face, the look of relief and happiness on Mike's... it had brought a smile to her lips and made her eyes water just a little. After a minute though, she'd let them have their privacy.

She needed to talk to Coulson. She needed to tell him about Grant. She needed to tell him, and convince him to give Grant a second chance. She'd tell him, and she'd make him talk to Grant. If he just _heard_ Grant talking about owing Garrett, about the bastard 'helping' him... there was no way he could draw any other conclusion, right?

Skye knocked on the door into Coulson's office. "Can I come in?" She asked. Skye heard the sound of a drawer closing, then Coulson told her to come on. Skye opened the door and walked in – Coulson was behind his desk, looking almost like he felt out of place, even though this was his desk, his office, his plane.

"Hey AC." She started. "Or – or do I call you DC now, since Fury made you Director and all?"

"AC works for now. Still getting used to the idea." Coulson admitted. "Wasn't really something I ever wanted, but... if the responsibilities in my hands, I can't just ignore it."

"For what it's worth, I think Fury could have done a hell of a lot worse." Skye said. "You're – you're Phil Coulson. You died facing down Loki. You've been all over S.H.I.E.L.D. You're the guy who gave me a chance, helped me find out about my parents... you're a good guy. Qualifies you to be Director in my book." And she meant every word. Coulson really was like the father she'd never known. And he was a good person - a great person, really.

Coulson smiled for a moment. "It does help." He looked at his desk a moment and then over at her.

Skye sat down in one of the chairs. "So what's next? I mean... Garrett's gone, and we've rescued Ace... Raina still out there..."

"Raina can wait. The rest of Hydra is still out there, but we aren't in any shape to keep going after them yet. Ward's still out for the count, and Fitz is going to need time to recover. And we all... we all need a rest. S.H.I.E.L.D. may have fallen, but that doesn't mean we can't rebuild it, or that we can't build it right this time." Coulson gestured in the direction of the cockpit. "I gave May the co-ordinates of a S.H.I.E.L.D. base that Fury put off books, like Providence."

"One that the Air Force won't try to take over?" Skye offered with a smile and a small laugh.

"One the Air Force won't try and take over." Coulson confirmed. "It'll be a place where we can... regroup. Rest. Until Fitz is recovered, there's not even a chance we can connect the cloak generator from the quinjet into the Bus, and this is a pretty conspicuous plane."

 _Rest sounds good._ "Well, I can't say... after everything that's happened the last few days, that the idea of staying in one place for a rest is one that doesn't appeal." _Get back on topic Skye. You need to tell him about Grant._ She didn't want to keep secrets from Coulson.

"So what's going to happen to all those people who were only helping Garrett because he had their families and loved ones hostage? I mean... they're not the bad guys, right?"

"They're not." Coulson agreed. "I suppose a court of law would argue that it isn't an excuse, but they were under duress. They didn't have a choice. I'm not going to hold it against them. Besides, none of them were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that turned on the agency, joined Hydra. They weren't traitors. The Hydra members that survived Fury's attack – Fury said he'd drop them off at the Fridge before going off-grid again." Skye wondered how long the Fridge was going to stay untouched by the governments of the world. It was an illegal detention center, after all, as long as S.H.I.E.L.D. was a terrorist , no one wanted to touch it with a fifty-foot pole, but still. _Someone_ would get it into their heads to go after it, right?

Before she could think about that, question, or anything, really, before she could even tell Coulson about Grant... the entire plane jolted just a little, and the lights in the office flickered.

Then it happened again.

"What the hell?" Skye stood up. "Are we hitting turbulence?"

"We shouldn't be. May would warn us if we were." Coulson was on his feet as well. He grabbed onto his desk as the plane shook again. It wasn't much, but it was almost as if May wasn't in control of the plane anymore. Not full control anyway. The lights flickered again.

May's voice came into the office through the plane's intercom. The words came through , but it sounded scratchy, as though the speakers were on the verge of failing. . "Something's wrong with the navigational systems. I need Agent Tripplet up here immediately. And I think Skye needs to have a look at our systems." The plane jolted, dipped downward for a second and then righted itself, the light's flickering for even longer this time.

Coulson pressed the button to reply to the cockpit. "Skye's on it, May." He nodded to her, and Skye nodded back, wishing she'd brought her laptop with her into the office, though she'd had no reason to. "I'll be in the briefing room."

 **Briefing Room, the Bus, En Route to the Playground... Technically**

Getting to her bunk and grabbing her laptop and then hooking it into the plane's computer systems in the briefing room proved to be harder than it should have been, because the plane kept shaking at erratic intervals the entire time she was moving, and the lights kept flickering and she kept having to grab onto something to avoid falling. But she managed it, eventually. Now if only her laptop would stop sliding around on the table...

Once hooked into the Bus' system's, Skye found the source of the problem. There was a computer virus inside the plane. A really cleverly written one, as far as she could tell. What she couldn't tell was how it got onto the plane. But she supposed that would have to wait.

Skye's fingers fairly flew across the keyboard as she upgraded the plane's cyber-defenses like she'd been begging AC to let her do on and off ever since she'd gotten onto the plane. S.H.I.E.L.D. had some pretty good defenses, but if she could break them, and Miles could break them, then other people could – and once in a while, they did.

Like now, by the looks of it.

Coulson at first hadn't _entirely_ trusted her, then the whole 'electronic nanny' thing because she'd lied to the team about Miles and then... well, things got a little too busy for her to really put any effort into it. And she got the impression that AC didn't like the idea of changes to his plane. He liked it the way it was. No changes.

 _Well, now we need those changes._ Whoever wrote this virus was a fucking genius. She wanted to meet this person, shake their hand, then punch them in the face and hold them at ICER-point until they told her how to unravel it. She just wouldn't let them know the gun on their forehead was non-lethal.

 _Life is easier when you're the smartest one in the room, literal or virtual._

The virus seemed to be infecting every part of the plane, rapidly. It was tricking the plane into essentially reversing its internal logic. Crashing was flying properly – and wasn't that a scary way to focus the mind on fixing this...

The upgrades weren't working. It seemed to be slowing the progress of the computer virus down – the plane was shaking a little less, ten minutes in, but that could just be because Trip was in the cockpit, helping May keep the plane stable.

For the first time since they'd left Havana, Skye's mind _wasn't_ on Ward, and Garrett and what that bastard put Grant through and on telling Coulson about Grant's past, about getting Grant a second chance. Her mind was entirely on stopping this computer virus from killing them all.

 _I can beat this thing._ Skye started going on the attack, trying to isolate the virus out of certain systems – there was no danger of it coming back and infecting her laptop, thankfully, but so far, all she could do was stop the cargo hold from opening or venting the Cage. Good start, given that Mike and Ace were in the Cage...

The lights kept flickering, and even went dark for a few seconds, but they weren't exactly the priority. Frantically, Skye barely stopped to blink, adding lines of code here and there, creating a program that she _hoped_ would help her get a handle on this thing.

In five more minutes, she hadn't locked it out of the navigation yet, but she had stopped it from shutting the plane's engine's off, locking the virus out of another system along the way. It seemed to be focused on the navigational systems, making rooting out of there nearly impossible...

 _Wait a minute..._

If it was targeting the navigational systems...

Maybe that's just what she needed to stop this.

Skye left her laptop on the table for a moment, running back to her bunk and grabbing one of her several external hard-drives. She checked the label. This one was empty. Good. She was back to the table _just_ in time to hold onto her laptop and stop it from sliding off as the plane shook, even more violently than before.

She didn't have much time.

Copying the plane's navigation systems and putting complete mimic of them onto the hard-drive was a quick process. Change a few dozen lines of code in a program she already had written, let that program loose onto the Bus's network and watch it happen. Then she overlayed the copy onto the actual one. As far as the virus could tell, there were two navigational systems, and one was entirely uninfected. If she did this right, and was understanding the programming logic of this virus...

Sure enough, the virus was starting to move into the drive, and was faced with the layers of security she'd put together on her own laptop over the course of years, on and off. Importing them directly to the Bus's systems was going to take time that she didn't have right now. No one had it.

Now that she could really see the virus in action – and how to beat it... Skye felt a very slight soreness in her fingers as she kept her fingers moving quickly, but she'd had enough experience typing quickly for an extended length of time that it wasn't going to bother her for a while. Either she'd fix this before then, or they'd crash.

Skye added lines of code to the plane's systems, as the virus continued to infect the 'second' navigational system. The plane continued to shake on and off, and the lights went out completely for nearly a minute as she worked, but finally she managed it, purging the virus entirely from the Bus' systems, before manually restarting them. Skye sighed, sagging backwards a little, flexing her fingers a moment.

 _Damn, I'm good._ But this virus...

It had already been on the Bus. It wasn't transmitted. It was... activated. _Hydra?_ It would make sense. Hydra had been in S.H.I.E.L.D. since the founding. God only knew what surprises could be hidden on S.H.I.E.L.D. equipment everywhere.

At the sound of a beeping, she looked back to her laptop and saw the virus activating something inside the fake navigational system. A... video file?

Making sure her computer was secure, she clicked on it, letting the file play. Why would a virus have an embedded video file in it?

She got her answer when she heard the voice of John Garrett. "Well, kid, since you're going to live, I wonder what Coulson will think of the real you. You've had a wolf in the herd the entire time Phil." The black screen turned into what was obviously security camera footage. Skye watched as a much younger John Garrett spoke with a kid. Had to be mid-teens.

It was fairly quickly that she realized what it was. Footage of Garrett recruiting Grant. _He saved this the entire time..._ Skye watched Garrett talking to Grant, about 'blaming mommy and daddy and mean older brother'... she couldn't help but cringe just a little at what Garrett was saying...

That footage ended – it was, as Grant had said, a quick meeting... and then there was more footage...

It was Grant – still younger than he was today, but not as much as before... he was recognizably himself here...

Grant pointing a gun someone... she didn't know who, but they had S.H.I.E.L.D. tactical vest on, the eagle-patch on his shoulder. There was a black bag over his head...

"Shoot him." Garret's voice came from off screen. Skye saw Grant hesitate for a moment, and Skye's heart seemed to catch in her throat... "It's the next step kid. He's got to die." She saw Grant flinch a little, start to close his eyes...

Skye closed her laptop before the gun went off. She didn't want to see Grant killing anyone execution style.

The hacker let out a slow, shuddering breath, then sucked it back in. She grabbed onto the table, forcing herself to take deep breaths.

 _Garrett must have planted the virus when he was on the Bus... some kind of last 'taking you with me' back up plan... and in case it didn't kill everyone..._

It was only because she'd diverted the virus to her laptop and the external hard-drive rather than just getting rid of it some other way that this wasn't playing on every screen on the Bus...

She didn't need to see whatever other 'evidence' that Garrett was going to give them. He'd pick the most damning videos he could. _He saved those videos in case Grant ever turned on him. To make sure Grant got punished._

Still, seeing what she knew was going to be Grant killing someone in cold blood...

Skye pushed the thought out of her mind. She didn't want to think about that. She didn't have to. What he did before mattered, yes, but... second chance. He hadn't leapt at the opportunity. He hadn't wanted to kill whoever that was. And god -seeing Garrett recruit Grant, hearing him...

How much could one person fuck up another human being? And how had anything made it out of Garrett's efforts to turn Grant into a weapon?

 _I can't tell Coulson. Why did I even think that was a good idea? He'll – all of them... Coulson won't just accept that Grant deserves a second chance. If this had played... god..._ If Grant was lucky, he'd have been stuck in the fridge... if he wasn't'...

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of footsteps. It was Trip, though Coulson wasn't far behind him.

Trip held out a hand, and catching on, Skye high-fived him, though any real sense of triumph had been destroyed at the dread coiling in her. _I don't want to keep this from AC, but I have to. And that means from the rest of the team too..._

"It was tense going for a bit, but you pulled our asses out of the fire." Trip offered with a smile.

"Good work." Coulson told her, nodding. "What was it?"

"A present Garrett left behind on the plane. Some kind of 'If I die, you're dead too' thing, apparently." Skye managed after a moment.

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, En Route to the Playground**

 **D Plus Eight**

The door opened, and Skye was on the other side. Ward had tried to rest. Tried to sleep, but it hadn't worked. He'd felt the plane take off underneath him, felt it shake and seen the lights flicker – he'd heard May's message over the intercoms. He hadn't doubted Skye for a moment, and after what had stretched on for longer than it could actually be, the plane stopped, the lights were working again. It seemed to be fixed, whatever had been wrong. They were resuming their course, but he didn't know where they were going. Skye had told him to stay, try to rest, and so he had...

As she entered, Skye closed the door behind her quickly, and then she was by his side on the bed, wrapping his arms around his chest tightly and holding him. She rested her head on his shoulder a little, and without meaning too, one hand went up to her hair and started to stroke it. He couldn't help himself. Her hair was... well, it was as beautiful as the rest of her. He didn't care how it sounded, but he could run his fingers through it for hours and not grow tired of it.

"What – what happened to the plane?" He asked softly after a moment, and listened to Skye explain about the virus... and the message left by Garrett.

Skye pulled back after she was done explaining. "I believe in you, Grant. You deserve a chance. I'm going to give it to you." She bit her lip. "But... we can't tell Coulson about... about Garrett. Hydra. Can't tell anyone, in case... Coulson finds out."

Ward blinked. That didn't make – _Skye... why would she want to keep it from Coulson..._ "Why... I don't – I don't understand." He swallowed.

"Don't you get it? If I hadn't – if I'd stopped the virus any other way, Garrett's video would have played. Coulson would have seen it. It made me realize – Coulson... he won't give you a chance. You betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D... the agency is his life. Has always been his life... he won't listen. He won't give you a chance." Skye looked down a moment, then back at him. "You deserve that chance, and if he won't give it to you... I will." She closed eyes a moment. "It's not exactly something I know how to do." She admitted, opening her eyes. She gave a small, self-deprecating laugh. "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. But... I want to help you." She leaned in and gave him a small, soft kiss. Her words – They made sense... Coulson wasn't going to give him a chance. He didn't deserve one. That Skye was willing to give him one was a miracle all in itself...

"I care about you, Grant. I can't say I love you. Not yet. But... I want an 'us'." She hugged him again.

"I love you." Ward said softly. He looked at her. "It's..." He choked on the words a little. "It's... if you don't, you don't. But I do love you. That's not going to change. I don't deserve... I don't deserve a chance. But... but I do..." He swallowed. "I do want to – want to be better." _For you. So I can be something... resembling the man you deserve. Never good enough, but maybe close?_

"You _do_ deserve a chance." Skye insisted softly. She pulled back a little, letting her hands slide down his arms to hold his hands. "The fact that you deserve a chance is separate from the fact that we're together. That there's an us." She looked at him, seeming to search his gaze, silent for nearly a minute, but it felt like an age. "God, Grant. You need – you need to rest. You need to sleep. When was the last time you slept? Like actually slept?"

Ward blinked a little at the abrupt topic change. "I..." _I can't sleep. I don't want to see you die. I don't want to see you hating me._ His voice trailed off wordlessly.

"Pretty much answers my question, doesn't it?" She stood up, moving towards the door. _No. Skye, please-_

Ward held onto her hand. "Stay... please?" He asked softly, look up at her.

Skye turned back to look at him. "Grant – I can't exactly stay... I mean, there's not really room for two people and... you need to sleep."

"I will." Ward promised. "I just – I can't..." Ward knew how pathetic what he was about to say would sound, could almost feel Garrett's disapproval at his weakness, but he didn't care. He _needed_ Skye. He needed to be sure that she wouldn't leave. That she wasn't just... going to come to her senses. It didn't make any sense. There was no reason for her to give him a chance.

"I need to know that if I go to sleep, you'll still be there..." Ward admitted softly. "That you'll still care..." _Maybe if you stay, I won't see you dying, or hating me, in my dreams... maybe..._ He looked away, _She's – its too much. She's not going to be willing to-_

Skye came back towards him and leaned in, giving him another soft kiss. "Alright." She squeezed his hand. "I'll stay."


	15. I'm Still Here

**Disclaimer:** Look at the Season 3 Premire. Now look at my fic. Do I look like I own the show? This fic, like all others, is written by a fan for the enjoyment of other fans. I make no money off of this (but boy would it be nice to :P ).

 **Note 1:** Welcome to the last chapter of A Different Choice. This will conclude the alternate Season 1 storyline. We will pick up the story in an alternate 2a with 'Out of the Shadows and Into the Light'. Obviously, the big difference will be the fact that Ward didn't turn on the team and isn't in a cell now. But there will be obvious smaller ones as well – without Ward's betrayal, the team isn't quite as hardened as they were in the real S2. Fitz won't have the disability he did in the show because there was no poddrop (though I did contemplate Kaminsky podropping them, I decided against it ultimately), et cetera. Like with all my close-in divergence stories, the drift will accumulate until we reach a certain degree of 'critical mass' of change, which will see the entire course of the story veer off from the direction canon did.

 **Note 2:** I will say this – I'm aware that most conversations Ward and Skye have with other people that are 'onscreen' in this fic end up being about Ward or Skye (whoever isn't present). That's not to say that's all these characters talk about. It's just that, before it's anything else, A Different Choice is about Skyeward. In a way unlike any other fic I've done, it's a pairing fic. It doesn't have a story with a pairing as part of it. It has a pairing with a story as part of it. So my focus, the point of most scenes, was to advance the relationship between Skye and Ward, as much as advancing any plot distinct from that. The sequel will be a little broader in scope and scale, though the main focus will still be Skyeward.

A Different Choice

By Alkeni

Chapter 15: I'm Still Here

 **Ward's Bunk, The Bus, The Playground**

 **D Plus Nine**

When Skye awoke to the feeling of the plane descending, she noticed two things immediately. One, she felt completely safe and utterly content. Even knowing, that Hydra was still out there and that the United States government was after their heads and everything else, Skye _still_ felt safe.

Two, there was an arm wrapped around her stomach and it was holding her against a firm body on the small bed behind her. A flash of panicked 'where the hell am I' was replaced almost immediately when she remembered where she was, and who it was that was behind her on the bed – a bed that really couldn't fit two people, as evidence by the fact that her leg and arm were hanging off of it, and her arm in particular had gone entirely numb.

Taking a moment to lift her arm and move it around some slowly, Skye considered how best to get out of the bed without waking Grant up.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep next to him, in his bed. Entirely clothed or not, that was a pretty big step forward, especially given that as much as she wanted – and planned to have – a real relationship with him, this probably wasn't the best time to make those big forward steps. But... she'd been as exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically as he was. And being there with him...

Maybe she shouldn't, but she felt safe around him. Grant would never hurt her, she was sure. Admittedly, she wasn't sure about… well, most things these days, but she was sure of that.

So apparently she'd gone and fallen asleep. And Grant was apparently a cuddler in bed. _Well, not that there's much room in these beds to be anything else._ Skye could only hope that this base, which was where she was guessing they were landing, had bigger beds. Even for one person, these beds were small.

Unfortunately, Grant had her in a bit of a tight grip. She was pretty sure she could get out without having to tell him to move his arm, but she didn't think she could do it without waking him up. He was a light sleeper.

Grant probably needed more rest – they all did – but they'd landed. Time to say hello to the new base. Skye started to sit up, not bothering to try to do so slowly or carefully, and sure enough, she heard Grant stir, then wake up.

"Skye." He said softly, opening his eyes and looking at her. "You're still here."

"I'm still here." Skye confirmed. "I told you I would be." She looked down at his arm, which was still holding her against him. "Though if you could move your arm..."

Grant moves his arm immediately. "Sorry." He murmured, looking away from her for a moment.

Skye reached under his chin and tilted his head so he was looking at her. "It's fine." She let go of his face. "It's nice to know that the Robot is a cuddler." She gave him a small smile. "I think we've landed."

"Doesn't feel like we're still flying." Grant confirmed. He swallowed. He didn't look a thing like the self-assured, confident agent Skye knew. Of course, Grant was anything _but_ confident and self-assured, when you got right down to it.

"You're going to have to act mostly normal around everyone else, you know." Skye said softly. "We can't – they can't know." If they knew... she didn't know what Fitz and Simmons would be like, but she didn't think for a second that May or AC would be willing to give him a chance. Not after she'd seen Garrett's message – or at least, what she had of it. Garrett knew Coulson, had known him for years. Which meant that Garrett would have to know what would make Coulson turn on Grant, right?

Grant nodded slowly. "I can..." He could. Which really still bothered Skye, just a little. She- she believed him about the really important things – that he loved her, that he had turned his back on Hydra, that he wanted to be a better person. But she had trouble believing everything else one hundred percent – she wanted to, and she believed him mostly but...

Grant was clearly the best liar she'd ever met. He'd lied to nearly everyone around him for years. She needed a way to be sure.

As far as she could tell, the only way she could be 100% sure about everything when it came to Grant was the lie-detector chair that Eric had used. Unfortunately, unless there was one at this base, that wasn't exactly an option now was it?

 _Time can tell as well, I suppose..._

Skye didn't want to be keeping this secret from the rest of the team, from Coulson. He was the guy who had given her a second chance, who had trusted her, who had believed in her. But – she didn't have a choice, right? _I don't._ Maybe at some point down the line she could tell them, once Grant had done enough that no one would be able to question his loyalty, but until then...

Skye was cut off by the sound of her phone buzzing in her pocket. She was getting a text. Skye reached into, curious, and saw that it was from Simmons. _Fitz is awake!_ Skye showed the phone to Grant, who managed a small smile at the news.

"That's good to hear." Grant said. "I wish I could have... could have stopped Kaminsky without him getting hurt. That's what I was trying for, but..." He let out a breath.

"Simmons told me about it. You did the best you could, Grant." Skye put her phone back in her pocket and took her hand.

"I know." Grant replied. He took a breath. "We should go see him."

"Definitely."

 **The Lab, The Bus, The Playground  
D Plus Nine**

Ward did know that he'd done his best. He wasn't beating himself up over the fact that Fitz got hurt. He didn't like it, and he wished that it hadn't happened, but... he had done his best.

He was only thankful that it hadn't been worse. He liked Fitz. He liked Simmons. He hadn't expected to grow to like them, anymore than he'd expected to fall in love with Skye. But he had. And he was... he was very glad that he hadn't had to turn on them. That he hadn't had to hurt them. That he wouldn't have to hurt them or turn on them. That he could keep their friendship.

 _But if they found out... they'd turn on you, wouldn't they? They'd hate you-_

Ward closes his eyes for a second before following Skye into the Lab, clamping down on that thought. He'd been terrified Skye would turn on him, that Skye would hate him. And she hadn't. She hadn't even remotely. She'd believed in him. And Fitz and Simmons – they were good people. Nearly as good as Skye.

If Skye thought that telling everyone else was something they shouldn't do, he'd go with that. FitzSimmons, as much as he liked them, couldn't keep a secret or lie worth a damn. Not at the moment, anyway. _They might have to learn how now that S.H.I.E.L.D. is gone._ And while he... he at least _wanted_ to believe that FitzSimmons would be like Skye and give him a second chance, and thought it we possible... he agreed with Skye. Coulson and May... no. They wouldn't. Coulson's entire life had been and was S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Coulson would never accept that a man who had betrayed the agency so completely could have a second chance.

 _I don't really deserve that chance._ Ward didn't. He knew that. But Skye was giving it to him... and he was taking it. Ward wasn't going to just toss aside this chance, especially not since Skye was the one who, despite knowing what he'd done, what he was, was giving it to him.

Ward pulled his mind back into the present, in the lab. Simmons and Fitz were standing next to each other. Fitz looked like his usual self, expect for the way he was standing – a little more gingerly, carefully – and the fact that his arm was in a cast and sling still.

"Fitz! You're better!" Skye hugged the engineer firmly, but was careful to avoid his arm and his side. She pulled back. "You are better, right?"

"You don't think Jemma would let me out of the pod I I wasn't, do you?" Fitz pointed out, smiling a little.

"Good point. She kept me in there for _days_." Skye laughed.

"Because you were shot in the stomach and nearly _died_ , Skye." Simmons countered. "And I only kept you in the medical pod as long as was necessary. But yes Fitz is better. He's going to need some physical therapy for his arm – one of the bullets tore into his bicep – but he's better now." She smiled.

"I'll take physical therapy over being dead any day." Fitz said. He looked over at Ward. "Thank you for that." He held out his good hand, and Ward shook it, glad that Fitz knew him well enough to not expect a hug. A few months ago, maybe he wouldn't have, but a lot had happened in the last few months, for all of them.

"It is my fault you got the bullets in you at all." Ward pointed out.

"No, that would be that Hydra guy's fault – whatshisname?" Fitz disagreed.

"Kaminsky." Ward supplied.

"Right. Kaminsky's fault." Fitz finished. "I have you to thank for the bullets just getting in my arm and grazing my side, not going into my head." He smiled. "So thank you."

Ward nodded. "Alright."

"It's good to see you rescued, Skye." Fitz added, looking to her. "Jemma filled me in on what happened while I was out. Garrett's dead then?"

"Deader than a doornail, yes." Skye supplied. "And good riddance to him."

"Most definitely." Fitz agreed, Simmons nodding in agreement as well. He looked over at Ward again. "Thank you for that as well – rescuing Skye and killing Garrett."

Ward felt his throat tighten and his head feel light for a moment at the discussion of John's death at his hands... _It had to be done. For Skye. For the team. But still..._ He'd killed the man who had done so much for him. That was never going to be okay. Just thinking about it -

Ward buried the thought, shoving it deep into a box, closing the lid. If he wanted to function, he couldn't think about that. There were a lot of things he couldn't think about if he wanted to function. And it was getting harder and harder to not think about those things. But he was going to keep at it. It was his only option.

"I did what I had to do then." Grant answered after a moment. "I don't regret it – he had a gun to Skye's head – but... I wish it hadn't come to that." Not that arresting John would have worked, really... but he wished...

 _I wish there'd been a way to not kill John and keep Skye safe._ He couldn't help it. Skye wouldn't like that idea at all, he knew. She was wrong about John though – John had helped him. Done so much for him. In the end, he'd had Ward do bad things, a lot of them, that Ward wished he hadn't had to do, especially now, but...

John hadn't been like Skye had said he was. He'd owed John.

Grant forced it all back into the box. He couldn't do this. Couldn't think about this.

After a moment, Fitz nodded. "I suppose you're right. And... we really shouldn't be celebrating anyone's death."

"No, we shouldn't." Simmons agreed, looking down at the ground for a moment. Out of the corner of his eyes, Ward saw Skye about to speak, but then she looked at him and seemed to think better of it.

"Did AC tell you about him being 'Director Coulson now?" Skye asked Simmons, and Ward couldn't help but blink. Skye pursed her lips a moment. "I suppose that means I should call him 'DC' now, right?"

Director of what? S.H.I.E.L.D. was gone.

"No. I've been busy here in the lab." Simmons answered. "He's Director? Did Fury make him the Director or something? What about Commander Hill? Wouldn't she be the -" Simmons started, the speed of her speech increasing by the word, then she flushed. "Sorry. Should let you explain all that."

 _Fury – but – he's dead?_ Apparently not. Either Koenig had lied to them, or the former Director had lied to him. Ward wasn't surprised either way – if he'd been Nick Fury and had come out of the whole mess surrounding the Fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. alive, he'd have wanted to keep that survival under wraps, at least for now. As the – now former, apparently – Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be a high-value target for Hydra to go after.

"Hill went to Stark Industries, remember?" Ward pointed out. "But – well, isn't Fury supposed to be dead?" Fitz nodded in agreement, clearly as confused as Ward was, though Ward did a better job of not showing it.

"That's what I thought." Skye agreed. "But apparently he's not. He made Coulson the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D." If Hill wasn't an option, it made about as much sense as any other choice, Ward supposed. Whatever else, Coulson was a good man, with his heart in the right place. A bit naive at times, and far from perfect in Ward's eyes, but a good man.

 _And he'd die before letting Skye get hurt._ For Ward, that was the most important thing. Skye was the most important thing overall, and the fact that Coulson valued Skye like his own daughter meant that the man would be almost as interested in keeping her safe as Ward was.

For the benefit of both himself and Fitz, Skye explained what had happened when they went to Cybertek, how they'd reunited Ace and Mike Peterson. She also told Fitz about the virus John had left to try and bring down the plane. Of course she didn't mention the full details of the message included in the virus, just that the virus had been a parting gift from the man.

"And so I'm guessing we've landed at or near our new secret base." Skye laughed. "Assuming this one stays secret too."

"We can only hope." Fitz agreed with humor in his tone as well. "Though I think I won't unpack everything just yet."

 **Orientation Room, The Playground**

 **D Plus Nine**

The new base – the 'Playground' apparently was _big_. Bigger than Providence, she was pretty sure, though she'd hardly been all over either. The hanger in this one was bigger though, that was for sure.

Getting off the ramp to see a clone – or twin brother, as it turned out – of Eric Koenig had been a bit of a surprise. When Trip had seen Billy and then looked back over to Eric, his 'there are two of you?' had been answered with an 'actually, there are thirteen of us' by the two brothers in unison. Skye suspected they were just messing with Trip, but she couldn't be sure. And putting one of them into the lie-detector chair wasn't exactly likely, since they were the ones who had administered everyone's.

 _Billy likes lanyards as much as Eric does, apparently._ But since this was a new base, their old lanyards didn't count, apparently, and everyone but Coulson and Eric needed to go through orientation. Again. Unlike Eric, who had let people volunteer, Billy had come up with an arbitrary order, that had ended up with her coming fourth, right before Grant, who went last.

When Grant walked into the room, Skye didn't leave. Billy looked over at her, "Agent Skye, your orientation is done."

"I wanted to watch Grant's." Skye answered, her tone casual, effecting a shrug. What she wanted was to see the chair in action. She wanted to understand how it worked, and if she could use it to be one hundred percent sure on the things she wasn't sure about.

The big things – Skye believed Grant completely on those. But the rest... she believed him, she _wanted_ to believe him, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure. He was such a good liar – had lied to nearly everyone around him for years. She needed to be sure, and if he really couldn't beat the lie detector chair, if it really was as good as Eric Koenig had boasted back at Providence...

... already, Skye's mind was on how best to bypass the security for this room so that she could break into the room and give Grant a test, one where she asked the questions she needed answered. The only issue was finding out how to read the test, which was why she wanted to stay in the room and watch.

"That's not exactly proto-" Billy started, but Grant interrupted as he seated himself in the chair.

"If Skye wants to stay and watch, she can."

Billy shrugged. "Alright." He walked over to Grant and fitted the pulse monitor thing onto his finger, then went back to the other part of the detector, the part that read the results. Skye watched that out of the corner of her eyes.

"Eric told me about the injuries you suffered at the Hub, and you've gotten hurt more since. You might skew the results if you move too much, so try to stay as still as possible." Grant nodded. "Let's start with the test questions. What is your full name?"

"Grant Douglas Ward." The machine didn't change at all, and Skye knew that answer was the truth, so no surprise there.

"Have you ever been married?"

"No." Grant replied.

"Director Coulson tells me you recently shot and killed John Garrett, the traitor and murderer also known as the Clairvoyant. Is this correct?" Billy asked the question without any realization of context, of course. But Skye saw the way Grant sucked in a sharp breath, his entire body going tense.

"Yes." Grant answered. Skye watched the display change a little, which made no sense. Grant was telling the truth. She'd seen. But she then – of course.

"Can you repeat the answer?" Billy said, confused. "We're getting some mixed signals."

"Yes." Grant said, sounding more firm. The display went back to what it had been before.

"Alright. Better." Billy replied. "I was wondering for a second – was pretty sure Coulson hadn't lied about that." He laughed.

"How can you tell a lie from not a lie on that?" Skye asked. "Doesn't look very user-friendly."

"It's more user-friendly than you might think." Billy explained, looking back at her. He nodded towards Ward. "Agent Ward, if you could tell us a lie please? And do your best to trick the machine."

"I've never fired a gun before." Grant said after a moment's contemplation. His words seemed completely in earnest, and if Skye didn't know much, much better than that, she might actually have believed it. But she saw the readout change.

Billy, apparently enjoying the chance to show off his toy, pointed to the display and how that told him Ward had lied. "Very good Agent Ward. You did manage to get past most of the parameters, but this chair is unbeatable." He smiled broadly, sounding proud, as if he'd been the one to make the chair. "Anyway, let's move on: Have you ever had any contact with Alexander Pierce?"

"No."

"Before the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., had you ever heard of Project Insight?"

"Never." Grant replied.

"When I say the word 'knife', what comes to your mind?" For Skye, it had been 'Fork'.

"A KA-BAR Combat Knife." Skye wasn't that surprised Grant's mind had gone to weapons. For a moment, her mind flashed back to the conversation she'd had with him about the ICER, by that hotel pool. But then she brought herself back to the now.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen. The agency has been declared a terrorist organization. So why are _you_ here?" For Skye, the answer to that question was the same as the one she'd given to Eric at Providence Base. That S.H.I.E.L.D. was the only family she had ever known.

"Mostly Skye." Grant answered softly. "As long as she's here, I'm here." He looked over at her for a moment, before looking back ahead, staying in position for the chair. Billy looked from Grant to her, then back to Grant.

Skye felt her throat tighten a little. She shouldn't be surprised by the answer, and in a lot of ways she wasn't, but still. Confirmation that she was basically his entire reason for... everything right now. The way he'd said her name, looked at her, and said straight out that if she turned her back on S.H.I.E.L.D. for some reason, he'd turn right with her.

 _There's no way on earth that's a completely healthy thing_. Being Grant's entire reason – beyond _anyone's_ entire reason – was a hell of a burden, and it wasn't one she especially relished. She wasn't equipped to handle that.

She was equipped to help him, as best she could, and that's what she was going to do. Because he needed help, and she was the only one who could give it. Even if it meant keeping secrets from AC. From May. From the rest of the team. But she had to make him realize there was more than just her. That she couldn't be the entire center of his universe. _And I can do that. I think. I hope._

"You said mostly Skye. What else is there then?" Billy asked, his eyes going from Grant to the display now.

"I...I did a lot of questionable things, as a specialist. And some things that were... a lot more than just 'questionable'. I always told myself that it was for a good cause, a good reason. Turns out, what with everything that's happened recently... I'm not so sure it really was. Not always, anyway. Staying here, with S.H.I.E.L.D., helping to take do what we can to stop Hydra... might be a way to make up for the things I've done that I.. that I shouldn't have." Grant finished speaking.

The entire time Grant had spoken, the read-out hadn't changed at all. That – that was good. Grant had told the truth. That he did want to be a better person. To make up for what he'd done before. Of course, he'd told her as much already. But the confirmation... that was important. _He'd thought he was helping Garrett. Thought Garrett deserved all of it, that helping that sick bastard was worth doing all kinds of..._

Well, Skye didn't know what Grant had done for Garrett and Hydra. Those were things she wanted to find out... but not right now. She didn't need all the dirty little details. There were some questions she would be asking him once she got him in here. She would just need to make sure to loop the security footage. Or something. Might take her an hour to figure out just what she needed to do. Somehow, Skye doubted it would be any harder than hacking the NSA, which she'd done in an hour more than once.

 _Then again, this is a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, so maybe it'll take me two hours?_

"Alright." Billy said after a quiet moment. "Well, you certainly passed." He smiled. "Let's get you your lanyard and then you'll be all set. Welcome to the Playground, Agent Ward."

 **Dining Room, Playground**

 **D Plus Nine**

Grant and Trip were unloading the plane, May and Coulson were holed up in AC's new office, Eric was with his brother, and Simmons was organizing the Base's medical facilities – such as they were – to her tastes. That left her and Fitz without much to do, at the moment. Fitz was munching on a bowl of pretzels, the act mostly occupying his working hand. Occasionally, he would start to try to move his other hand to turn the page of the magazine – some kind of engineering thing, Skye had guessed from the cover.

"Going to take some getting used to?" Skye asked, nodding to his sling and cast.

"Some." Fitz agreed. "Most of what – well, you really need two hands when you're making things." He frowned. "It's not really going to be that easy to be that useful until I can get this thing off."

"Arm in a sling or not, you're still a rocket scientist. I'm sure you can figure it out. Make someone hold things for you." Skye suggested. "If you need a hand, I'll certainly give you one." She gave him a light smile.

"I appreciate it." Fitz replied, but shrugged. "Dunno if that'll work as well. But it could do for now." He gestured to the cast with his other hand. "This isn't permanent, after all. Thankfully. And I owe it to Ward, which means I have to save his life again. It's got to stay balanced out."

Skye laughed a little, "Really? It has to stay balanced out?"

"Of course. Ward and I came out of the South Ossetia mission even, so I need to even things out again." Fitz smiled a little. "The fact that the team is still together is the best thing we have to hold onto, everything falling apart around us the way it has."

Skye nodded in agreement. For a split-second, Skye wondered what would have happened if Grant hadn't turned on Garrett. If Grant had stayed with that sick son of a bitch...

But the second passed. It wasn't what had happened.

"You know, if you really want to repay Grant, just make him an ICER he can disassemble." Skye suggested.

"Why would he want to disassemble an ICER? It never jams, doesn't need to be cleaned – nothing catches." Fitz's confusion probably mirrored her own, but there was a defensive indignation as well – Fitz was just about in love with his design for the ICERs, and very proud of them. As he should be, but that wasn't the issue.

She couldn't help but smirk at Fitz's reaction. "There's nothing wrong with it. Grant just... he likes to be able to disassemble his guns." She briefly explained the conversation – the part about the ICER, anyway – that she'd had with Grant by the hotel pool.

When she was done, Fitz chuckled. "That does sound just like Ward." He put his good hand on his hip and lowered his voice, letting it get all gravely. "I'm Agent Grant Ward, and I can take any gun apart, with both hands tied behind my back."

Despite herself, Skye giggled. Fitz and Simmons imitating Ward was always going to be funny. "You know, speaking of Grant." She added, "You never did get a chance to tell me about the bet you and FitzSimmons made about us."

Fitz cleared his throat and looked away, a slight flush to his cheeks. "Ah, yes, that."

Skye leaned in, resting her arms on the table. "So?"

"Well, actually, we made a couple bets on you two – who would make the first move, when you'd actually start dating..." Fitz said, still looking embarrassed.

"Who did you think was going to make the first move?" Skye asked, genuinely curious.

"I figured it would be you." Fitz answered. "I mean, let's face it, Ward isn't exactly the most -" Fitz searched for the right word, "emotionally expressive guy." Fitz wasn't that great at it either, but he at least showed his emotions.

 _And really, you have no idea how right you are, Fitz._

"And that's why Simmons was pushing so hard for me to start the relationship full on?" Skye asked, "Because you'd already won the first bet?" Fitz nodded. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but actually, I didn't _exactly_ make the first move..." After all, if Grant hadn't asked about getting a drink...

 **Coulson's Office, The Playground  
D Plus Nine**

"... And the Armory is well stocked." Ward told Coulson, and listed off the contents he and Trip had gone over after they were done unloading the plane. "No ICERs, but that's not surprising." Ward had volunteered to fill Coulson in on what the pair of them had found in the Armory, as well as other details they'd learned about the new base. Not so much because he'd really wanted to, but because Ward suspected Coulson had something he wanted to say to him...

Slipping back into the role he'd played for months, before coming clean to Skye, wasn't as easy as he'd thought it would be. But it was still easy. He didn't want to completely be that guy – he wanted to be who he was, who Skye deserved, but he couldn't just change the outward display completely. Not overnight.

"We'll have to make do with what we can." Coulson said. "Is there anything else?"

"No." Ward answered.

"Good." Coulson nodded and put his hands flat on the desk. "So. Skye."

Ward had expected this. "Sir, if you're going to try to tell me to stop-"

Coulson shook his head. "Skye's a grown woman and she can make her own choices about who she wants to have a relationship with. And in a lot of ways, the two of you complement each other. A long as it doesn't cause any problems in the field, as Director, I have no issues with the two of you."

Ward had guessed that much was going to be the case, from what Coulson had said several days before, the last time they'd talked – briefly – about Skye and his feelings for her, but it was good to know for sure. Not having to keep more hidden from Coulson than they had to... Skye would be happy about that, and it would be one less variable and complication to worry about.

"No issues as Director?" Ward asked the question, knowing this was the real point.

"You seem to make Skye happy, and Skye seems to make you happy." Coulson stated.

"She does." Ward added softly. Everything about her did – her smile, her voice, the way she _cared_ , the enthusiasm she brought to so many things that had long since been business as usual...

"As long as that remains the case, then there's no issues at all. But... if you hurt Skye, I will find ways to make your life unpleasant." The threat may not have been the usual words you might expect, but the tone that carried them got them across was enough.

Ward _did_ resent the threat just a little. The idea that he'd ever do anything to hurt her, emotionally or physically – it was unthinkable. So he didn't like Coulson's accusation. But Coulson was saying it because he was concerned for Skye, and Ward couldn't fault that.

"I would never hurt Skye, sir." Ward told him. "You can put me back in that chair and have me say that again, if you'd like." He was deadly serious.

"No. I believe you. I just want to make sure you understand my position." Coulson smiled. "Looking back to when you first pulled Skye out of her van – well, who would have imagined the two of us would end up talking about her in this context?"

"Would never have crossed my mind sir." Ward admitted. "I suppose I should thank you for bringing her onto the plane." He added with a soft, mostly unconscious smile. He meant it. If it hadn't been for Skye, he wouldn't have had to turn on John, yes, but... Skye... the way she brightened his existence, the way she cared... the way he loved her – he would never regret her entering into his life.

"Mine either. It's good to see that you have more than the job." Coulson had a distant look in his eyes for a moment, "We'll all need more than the job, with the Agency in tatters."

 **Orientation Room, The Playground  
D Plus Nine**

It wasn't until late that night that they could get into the orientation room. As Skye had suspected, it had taken her nearly two hours to figure out the best way to deal with all the security, loop the cameras, etc. But she'd figured it out, and now here they were.

"I trust you Grant." Skye told him softly. "I want you to understand that. I believe you – but... I just... I have to be sure. You lied to us for months. Lied to the entire agency for years." She took his hand and squeezed it. "I just – I just want to be completely sure. About everything." She didn't want Grant to feel like – like she wasn't trusting him. Like she was turning away from him. She just...

She just needed to be sure.

Grant nodded. "If this is what need to be done, Skye, I'll do it." He got himself into the chair. Skye went over to the monitor, hoping she could do this right. She'd hit Billy up with more questions after Grant's orientation, trying to understand the device, figure out how to read it.

She was pretty sure she had enough of a handle to do this.

 _I'd better have_.

Skye looked at him, making sure he was in the chair right, which, from what she could tell, he was. "Let's uhm – let's test it. Truth and a lie. Truth first: Do you love me?" She knew this. She believed him that much without any doubt.

"Yes." Grant said without any change in the read out.

"Okay. And... lie on this one: Have you ever killed anyone before?"

"No." Grant replied. Again, he said it with such clarity and firmness, she might have believed him. But even before she'd known about his past Hydra-ness, she'd known he'd killed people. And sure enough, the display changed, showing some indication of a lie. It was what she had to go on, at least.

"Okay." Skye had prepared a mental list of questions. Things she needed to be sure of. Things she needed to know. "What you told me, about how you met Garrett. About what he did, the woods. That was all the truth?"

"Yes." Grant replied. No change. Skye took a deep breath. Okay. Good. A part of her had been – she'd believed Grant, but she hadn't been sure. She'd known that if it was true – Garrett had totally fucked Grant up, with what he'd done. One of the things she needed to find more about was more details, exactly what happened in the woods. But that could be later.

"Did you know Garrett was going to have Quinn shoot me? Any warning at all?"

"No. God no." Grant said, and Skye could hear the desperation in his voice, his pleading for her to believe him. "I had no idea. I would never have let him, if I'd known." The machine read that as true. Skye let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't – but a small part of her... "You have to-"

"I believe you." Skye said softly. She watched Grant let out a breath, watched the terror leave his eyes. That was something she'd once thought she'd never see in Grant's eyes... but... well, maybe that should have tipped her off. Fear was normal. But what Grant had gone through was anything but.

"You have information on Hydra. Information that can help us beat them?"

"Some. Names. A few accounts. Safe houses. Most of what I know will be – obsolete, now that Garrett's out of the picture. His branch of Hydra is gone. He didn't tell me much about the other sections. But I'll tell you everything I know." It came up as true.

"That can wait." And now the big one. The one question that was really important that she wasn't... wasn't absolutely sure about.

She knew for sure that Grant loved her. She knew – believed him completely when he said he'd turned his back on Hydra, that he was on the good side now – even if it was because that was _her_ side. She believed him when he said he'd never hurt her, and that he'd do anything to keep her safe – and she was going to have to work on narrowing that 'anything' down some...

But the one thing she wasn't sure on, that was really important...

"What you did. For Garrett. Do you... do you regret it? Morally, I mean?" Did he... did he feel bad about the things Garrett had had him do? Killing that guy – the first guy, that she'd seen in the recording... "I don't know what exactly you did for Garrett... I'm not sure I want to know all the details, but... you said you got that some of the things you did before, were wrong, when Billy was asking... but... do you – do you really regret them? Really get why they were-" She wasn't even sure what she was asking now.

"I..." Grant trailed off. "I..." He started again, "I'm not sure... I'm not really sure I really _understand_ right and wrong anymore. I've spent so long convincing myself everything was for a good cause..." The machine read everything Grant was saying as true. "I understand the... but-" He closed his eyes and took a breath. "The first few times I actually killed for John, I... I remember feeling – like a monster. I remember... I remember throwing up, being disgusted with myself... but... every time... it got a little easier. I convinced myself that what I was feeling was... just weakness. That they did need to die. For John..."

"I wish I could undo what I've done. I... There are a lot of things that I've done that I regret." Grant said softly. "Lying to you, the team, not stopping Garrett sooner... those are some of the worst. I told you that you make me want to be a better man, a good man... but I'm not sure- I'm not sure what a good man is." The machine continued to read it as true.

Skye had no idea what to think in response to that. It was... okay, it was a little frightening, to hear that Grant wasn't really sure what was right and what was wrong. He did know that some of the things that he'd done were bad. Were wrong. He just...

 _Am I just rationalizing here?_ No, she wasn't. The machine read as truth. And Grant couldn't beat it, so...

 _He's not just a morality-less machine that's transferred his loyalty to me._ He wasn't a 'robot'. He wanted to be better, because he understood that what he'd done was wrong.

But – still. He didn't regret everything...

 _Then again,_ _ **I**_ _don't regret everything I've done that was probably not the most 'moral' thing in the world._ A lot of her hacking did tread into some morally gray territory. Sure, good cause, free information, but...

 _And Grant was trying to help the guy he thought he owed everything to_.

At the end of the day, what was important was that Grant wasn't some evil, soulless monster. He knew that he'd done bad things, he wanted to do better, be better. Be a good man.

Skye took a step back from the display. She needed – she needed to not think about all this for a little bit. And...

Now that she knew for sure that she could, at the end of the day, trust Grant completely. She approached the chair and unstrapped at him from it. Placing her hand on his chest and leaned in, pressing her lips to his.

Grant loved her, and she... she wasn't sure if she'd use the word love just yet, but... she cared about him. A lot. And she had feelings for him. Strong ones.

After everything that had happened, S.H.I.E.L.D. falling, being chased by the US Government, being kidnapped by Garrett. Fitz getting shot... the whole world falling apart around her. She wanted something... something normal. Something she could hold onto.

Skye pulled back from his lips. "I trust you Grant."

 **Skye's Bedroom, The Playground**

 **D Plus Nine**

They were inside her bedroom, her lips on Grant's again, all but pushing him against the wall as she stood on her toes to kiss him.

Was this maybe the best of ideas? Right now? Maybe not. But she wanted Grant. She wanted to be with Grant. For all that he'd done, he mattered to her. She didn't want to imagine him out of her life. And she wanted to let him understand that. That she did trust him, completely. That she accepted him.

 _Maybe love is the right word._ Skye wasn't sure. But they had time for her to figure that out. They had time now. She was giving herself that time.

Skye pulled back for a breath, then grabbed onto Grant's hand, pulling him towards the bed. Grant pulled up short.

"Skye – are you sure?" Grant asked softly. "I don't want you to feel like-"

Skye smirked. "I'm sure." She lowered her voice a little, adding a sultry note. She tugged on his hand and pulled him to the bed, pushing him down onto it, then straddling him, leaning down over him to press her lips to his again. She pulled back for again again after another minute, and started to run her hands down his clothed chest, moving towards the bottom of his T-Shirt.

"I love you Skye." Grant said softly.

 **Skye's Bedroom, The Playground  
D Plus Nine**

"I love you Skye." Grant told her, his voice soft. For years, he'd made no choices, done nothing that wasn't ultimately for John. He'd always chosen John. But finally, now that he'd met Skye, that he had her in his life – he had love, he had her... he'd finally made a choice.

He'd finally made a different choice.

 **Note 3:** And there we go. That's the end of A Different Choice. The sequel, "Out of the Shadows, and Into the Light" will be coming at some point, but I give no estimates. I will leave you with the summary for that fic, however.

"For his whole life, Ward has lived his life in shadows - cast first by his family, and then by Garrett. But with Garrett dead and the remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D. rising to the challenge of Hydra and Daniel Whitehall, Ward will finally step into the light - the light cast by Skye."

Look forward to seeing you all again when it comes out!


End file.
